To understand the reasons for husbands cheating on their pregnant wives, first of all you should pay attention to the psychological aspect of this problem. The main factors that contribute to cheating on wives during pregnancy are a feeling of jealousy, uselessness to one’s partner, prejudices regarding the harm of sex during pregnancy, as well as the physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman. Let's look at all this in more detail.
Why men cheat on women and, in particular, pregnant wives - psychologists answer that it’s all about physiology. The reasons for cheating are related to the fact that already in the initial stages of pregnancy (especially if the child is the first), relationships and the microclimate in the family change radically. Excerpts from scientific works of psychologists and psychoanalysts are unlikely to help an unprepared person. Therefore, in order not to miss the moment when men begin to think about cheating, let’s try to understand their psychology by giving them the opportunity to express their opinion.
Jealousy
Fedor K.:“Our child was planned and desired - and, by the way, my wife was able to get pregnant only after two years of unsuccessful attempts. After that, we were bombarded with an endless stream of questions: “Who do you want more - a girl or a boy? What will you call him/her? Are you happy together? etc. All this entered our lives almost immediately, from the first days after confirmation of pregnancy.
As a result, the future child and wife became the main topic of discussion for our friends and acquaintances. It was as if they stopped paying attention to me. Everyone was talking about who was not there yet, but there was not enough attention on me, who was already there. The home environment began to depress me - and I began to stay at work longer. There I became close to Tatyana, an employee of our company. I was not in love, but what is important, she was interested in my thoughts, my concerns, and was fascinated by my views on life. My daughter is now one and a half years old, and everything seems to have returned to its previous places, but my colleague helped me overcome that difficult period - she was the one who understood me.”
We see that Fedor, like many other men, did not set out to leave his family, and his affair with Tatyana is most likely already a thing of the past. It's simple: a man does not want to be ignored, knowing that all the love is given to the child. What kind of man would like to be the center of the earth, and then suddenly turn into an “empty place”?
The feeling that no one needs you
Kostya N.:“I remember how I was waiting for a new addition to the family, and I shudder at the memories that rolled in. It seemed to me then that I was mentally ready, like a rock! But my wife plunged headlong into her worries, and somehow they quietly began to use me as an ATM: they suddenly remembered me on payday or when the refrigerator was empty. They also remembered me when they needed to move a closet - that’s what family life is all about. I only felt normal when I was with friends outside of my family circle. At home there was a debriefing and a list of unfulfilled tasks.”
The husband, of course, did not rush to the all-understanding nymphs for support, but a step away from his family—distance from his wife—was taken. Not every man is capable and ready to easily adapt to the growing needs of a young family.
Sometimes a wife may want something salty or sweet in the middle of the night, or suddenly throw out her emotions, or she urgently, here and now, needs to remodel the apartment in anticipation of the birth of a child. A husband is needed as a guarantor of all needs, but he is not needed spiritually. “We’re going to have a baby, which means you have to...” The following is the list.
Belief that sex is harmful during pregnancy
Anton P.:“My wife and I were worried that our intimacy could harm the unborn child and our sex life came to naught. They lived like this for some time, but gradually male nature began to take its toll. And even though I didn’t have a permanent mistress, several meetings with different women helped me get a little distracted. It goes without saying that my wife had no need to know about this, because I was worried about the well-being of both her and the unborn child.”
For many men, sex with a pregnant woman seems unnatural and appears to be a dangerous and harmful activity, even in the absence of obvious contraindications. Only a woman’s imagination and wisdom in intimate matters can help here - so that “the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe.”
It happens that a pregnant woman, on the contrary, becomes insatiable in her sexual desires. Remember that such behavior can also confuse your spouse and he himself may take time out from your sexual relationship.
Physical unattractiveness of a pregnant woman
Zhenya L.:“I can’t explain why, but sex with a pregnant wife turned out to be something difficult for me. It didn’t turn me on, absolutely. It seemed better and easier to go left and come back, or even postpone everything until better times, especially since the wait for the birth of a child is not so long.”
Even if your health allows you to indulge in love pleasures, you yourself want this, but... a woman with a belly is a priori not perceived by a man as a sexual object - which quite often leads to husbands cheating on their pregnant wives.
It is important not to drive a man into a corner, not to reproach him for not loving you, for not caring about you. It will be better if you play along with him a little, promising to catch up after the birth of the child (“yes, dear, for me this is also not the most important thing yet, we will catch up later”). Your husband will regard you as an ally, get rid of feelings of guilt and stop avoiding your company.
It is quite possible that a man is cheating not because his wife is pregnant, but simply because his family’s boat has long since leaked. The main thing is to remember that not only women, but also their men are vulnerable during pregnancy. Husbands also, to some extent, become pregnant along with their wives, and some even experience toxicosis, “infected” from their spouse!
Pregnancy is a special and exciting period associated with the anticipation of the beginning of a new stage in life and family relationships. There are many hopes and expectations, anxieties and doubts associated with it. And during these months, when a pregnant woman carries herself like a fairy, feeling the beauty of the world around her, she may be faced with terrible news - her husband is cheating on her. How is this even possible? Let's figure out why husbands cheat on their pregnant wives, what could push them to take such a vile step?
Jealousy
At first glance, this reason is doubtful. How can you be jealous of a pregnant woman? What normal man would want someone who can be seen with the naked eye from tens of meters away that she is not free?
But this feeling of jealousy does not arise in relation to other men, but towards the child. A woman receives a lot of attention, she becomes the center of her family. Everyone is interested in her well-being, the sex of the child, his behavior in her belly, whether the parents have come up with a name. And the husband seems to become just an annex to this child.
Women in such a situation usually do not share their husband’s feelings. They don’t feel like they’re an incubator at all; they appreciate the attention they get from their family and friends.
It’s paradoxical, but even the most desired and planned pregnancy can cause such conflicting feelings in a man.
How to notice and prevent
Take a break from your inner world for a moment. During pregnancy, many women seem to become encapsulated: their gaze is directed inward, activity decreases, and the need for new experiences disappears. It’s as if the eternal movement of the planets stops around them and time stands still. If this sounds like you, then remind yourself to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Find out what worries, bothers or irritates him.
And during get-togethers with relatives, talk not only about your excellent condition, be sure to discuss other topics that are interesting to everyone, so that your husband does not feel out of place.
Fear
Men by nature prefer to control everything. But their wife’s pregnancy is beyond their control. This is a woman’s area of control and responsibility. And they are afraid of harming her. And somewhere he heard that sex during pregnancy is harmful and dangerous.
Or he is basically worried about his wife and unborn child. According to statistics, approximately 20% of pregnancies end in early miscarriage or miscarriage. There are pathologies at longer periods, but they are less common. So my husband is worried and nervous.
And then he looks outside for something that he doesn’t find at home. Calm sex without fears and worries.
How to notice and prevent
If you notice that your husband constantly makes excuses not to have sex with you, talk to him. Evaluate the flimsy nature of the reasons for refusal. If there are no medical reasons for abstinence, then go together to your gynecologist, let him tell your husband how safe it really is for you to have sex and what positions are acceptable during this period.
If he still cannot overcome his fears, oral sex will help you out. Even if this is not the best replacement for the usual caresses, it can become your salvation for some time.
He's no longer needed
While the wife is focused on her feelings, sensations and experiences related to pregnancy, her husband may feel that she needs him more. She turns to him when she needs to do physically demanding work, such as putting a box of books on a cabinet. Or now he feels only the guarantor of the family’s financial well-being, only money is needed from him.
And he understands that when the baby is born, expenses will increase, and the young mother will have absolutely no time left for him. Such prospects make him even sadder.
And his wife now often changes her mood, she wakes him up at night because she suddenly wanted herring and a fur coat, scandals have become more frequent.
And although the woman understands the vulnerability of her position during this period, she still behaves as if she is trying to get rid of her husband.
And what is the way out? Find solace in the arms of a sweet girl, unencumbered by problems. Let him have the illusion that she needs him.
How to notice and prevent
You can notice changes in your husband's behavior. He will become more aloof and will avoid showing affection and signs of attention. He will immediately interrupt your stories about something with the question: “How much do you need?” He already expects in advance that the story will end with a request for money.
Therefore, in this situation, it is important to talk with your husband, take an interest in his affairs and plans at work. Pay attention to him. Discuss how you will spend time with your baby, walk with the whole family in the park, or slide down the slides on a cheesecake or ice skate in winter. Explain that your life will not end with the birth of your child. Of course, at first your schedule will adjust to the needs of the new person, but over time your life will return to normal.
Control yourself. If you want to say something offensive, it is better to remain silent. Think about it, is it your hormones and emotions talking to you or do you really need to say it? If necessary, speak calmly, without insults, assault or humiliation.
Changes in the wife's body
Today in glossy magazines you can find photographs of pregnant celebrities even in underwear. And they are so gentle and spiritual. The skin glows amazingly, the figure has not changed, except that a cute tummy has appeared.
And when we return to the real world, we are faced with stretch marks on the skin, which sometimes look disgusting and ugly, a couple of dozen kilograms gained, swelling and apathy. Where does spirituality come from when you can’t get out of bed without a good reason?
And heartburn, constipation, nausea or something else accompanies the entire pregnancy for some. Would you want yourself?
There are so many young beauties in the world who wouldn’t mind sleeping with your husband. They are still thin and sonorous, their skin is elastic and delicate.
How to notice and prevent
Don’t flatter yourself with the hope that your husband won’t go anywhere. Take care of yourself. Especially if it is important for your husband to get aesthetic pleasure from looking at a naked female body. Don't allow yourself to overeat on unhealthy foods. Don't hide behind your child, he is not the one who demands that you eat pizza, chips and sausage.
Of course, there are situations when the kilograms gained are the result of changes in hormonal levels. In this case, you should definitely consult with an endocrinologist, and not console yourself with the hope that after giving birth they will go back to where they came from.
Force yourself to play sports if there is no prohibition from doctors. Now there are special programs in fitness clubs for expectant mothers. Remain attractive to your husband so that he doesn’t even think that someone is better than you.
My husband is basically cheating
There is a type of man who is constantly in search of new sensations and impressions. Such husbands regularly cheat on their wives, regardless of their condition.
As a rule, they do not have long-term affairs; they love and idolize their wife. After betrayal, they shower her with compliments and gifts, and experience the deepest feeling of guilt.
But after a while they meet another girl who seems to fill their life with meaning. And then these illusions are destroyed, usually this happens quite quickly. The man breaks off the relationship. But very soon he meets his muse and inspiration again. You can't change a man like that.
How to notice and prevent
Maybe you've caught your husband cheating on you before. And now you notice that he sometimes becomes secretive, talks on the phone in another room, hides the phone from you. Or you find more significant evidence.
People do not change. Therefore, you need to either leave such a person or come to terms with his addictions. You must make this choice once and never return to this issue and not torment yourself with doubts and suspicions.
Reasons for cheating are not related to pregnancy
It happens that the reason for a husband’s infidelity is completely unrelated to his wife’s pregnancy. Perhaps the stress associated with her condition became a catalyst or the last straw that overflowed the cup of family well-being. There are many reasons why men cheat on their wives.
If family relationships between spouses are not going well, then it is better to postpone the birth of a child. The appearance of a new family member will not save it from collapse. And it will be difficult to keep your husband through pregnancy. Yes, from the point of view of the law, a woman can refuse to divorce her husband while the child is very small. But what will actually happen? The husband can leave and officially remain the legal spouse. But he will live with someone else.
Perhaps in such a situation it is better not to persist and let your husband go, maintaining as smooth a relationship with him as possible. You won’t keep him by force and you definitely won’t return love using such methods.
How to notice and prevent
Try to make your life with your husband harmonious. Be patient and forgiving, try not to create scandals. In general, create a warm and cozy atmosphere at home.
Treason is the worst betrayal. As you know, men cheat many times more often than women. Often the reasons lie in the relationship itself - the system malfunctions and instead of troubleshooting, that is, resolving the conflict that has arisen, a man prefers to run away and hide in the arms of another woman. What is the lowest and most vile type of betrayal? This is the kind of betrayal that happens during a woman’s pregnancy. What could be worse than being betrayed and deceived by your husband during pregnancy? It's hard to imagine. However, such situations often happen, as evidenced by the multiple requests of pregnant women to psychologists with the question: “How to behave with your husband, how to survive betrayal?” Let's figure it out.
First, let's briefly explain why husbands generally cheat on their pregnant wives. Perhaps this will help someone avoid this problem in life, taking into account certain factors. Of course, there can be many reasons, but there are three main factors that relate specifically to female pregnancy:
- Jealousy. Previously, all the wife's attention was focused on her husband. Now she is pregnant and takes special care of herself, while devoting less time to her husband. In addition, the husband understands that his wife is now pregnant, but with the birth of the child there will be even less time for him. Only absolutely self-sufficient men will not be bothered by this fact. But there are not many of them. The rest will prefer to find a mistress in order to continue to bathe in female love, care and affection to the fullest.
- Constant stress. Also, during pregnancy, women’s hormones go crazy, and this also often affects their relationship with their spouse. His wrinkled trousers, for example, may irritate a woman more than usual. She pulls away. Often there are constant hysterics and dissatisfaction over trifles. There is an atmosphere of conflict and stress at home, the man is not ready to enter into the difficult position of his wife, and he runs away. Cheating on your pregnant wife is a search for peace and stability in the arms of another woman.
- Thirst for sex. For many pregnant women, sex turns into some difficulty; often even doctors prohibit making love during a certain period. Men, as you know, often do not think with their heads. And it can be difficult for them to survive long-term abstinence. Weak-willed husbands give up and, to satisfy their needs, go to bed with someone on the side.
I'm pregnant, so I can't leave him...or can I?
It’s just that husbands don’t start relationships on the side during their wife’s pregnancy: either the reasons for the betrayal must be compelling, or the husband’s character is too weak, unable to withstand such a difficult period with dignity. As we have found out, there are no compelling reasons for cheating related to a woman’s pregnancy. Everything, one way or another, can be survived. But the absence of a core in a man’s character can develop into serious troubles in life. So, what to do if you are pregnant and your husband cheated on you? How to survive the pain of betrayal?
Firstly, it must be remembered that only the husband should bear responsibility for infidelity. This is not your fault or the child’s fault. You want to be a good mother, right? Therefore, your increased attention to yourself and your unborn child is obvious. Outbursts of emotions are also justified (unless, of course, you went too far). This way, you haven't done anything wrong that could cause the relationship to fail. You need to clearly understand that the responsibility is not on your shoulders, and it was not you who ruined everything. In general, try to keep your psychological state as stable as possible. Don't harm yourself or your baby.
Secondly, weigh the pros and cons as objectively as possible. There is no need to remain silent and sob into your pillow, continuing to live with an unfaithful man just because raising a child alone is not easy. Angelina Jolie and Keanu Reeves grew up without fathers, and now billions of people around the world recognize their faces on TV. Growing up without a father, Barack Obama was able to take the presidency of the United States. Children raised by mothers grow up to be worthy people and also achieve success in life. It all depends on you, what you are willing to do for the sake of your own baby. And trying to grab onto an unfaithful husband in the hope of help and support in raising a child is stupid. He could not be a support for you, and he cannot be one for a child either. However, if a man admits a mistake and sincerely repents of his betrayal, you can think about forgiving him. It all depends on how much you love him, whether you are ready to give him a second chance, forever forgetting about this terrible incident. If you are ready, go ahead, no one will judge you, this is your life and you decide what to do with it. Moreover, there are no identical or even similar relationships; each situation is special and requires a special approach.
Thirdly, if the decision to end the relationship is made, do not become depressed. First of all, when you separate from your husband, control yourself as much as possible. Save face and self-esteem, make it clear that you are so strong that you can cope with raising a child without his support. In addition, you need to resolve all formalities. Find out whether your husband wants to communicate with the unborn child, whether he plans to help you financially. If a man wants to see his child, do not prohibit or limit him. Be that as it may, the man betrayed only you, and the baby deserves to have both a mom and a dad. If the husband does not want to know the child or help financially, you can always demand that he fulfill his paternal responsibilities through the court and apply for alimony. But when you are alone, don't panic. The situation is truly stressful, but you must cope with it so as not to harm either yourself or the baby. Believe in the best, you can still find your happiness. Yes, not all, but many men are ready to raise other people’s children as their own, especially if they sincerely love the woman. The most interesting time is ahead - the time of motherhood. And there is no need to drive yourself into depression because of a single mistake in choosing a man.
When a man betrays his pregnant wife, she may not take him by surprise right away. And then the question arises: leave everything a secret or confess? The point is that it depends on your intentions. Firstly, you must remember that with your betrayal you are destroying your family. When a third person interferes in a relationship, it does not lead to good things. Therefore, it would be correct not to cheat on your wife in principle, and if an incident has occurred, not to repeat such a mistake again. By the way, remember that a woman will not have a child from a man who is unreliable and unworthy in her opinion. She will take this important step only if she is confident in you, loves you with all her heart and wants to build common happiness with you. By cheating, you, at a minimum, are not meeting her expectations.
So, if your intentions are to save your family, should you confess to your wife or not? The fact is that pregnancy is a difficult period. Hormones go crazy, mood fluctuates. Any information should be presented to a woman carefully, because the reaction can be anything. And even more so for such shocking information. A woman may be completely inappropriately hit with some kind of hormone in her head, she will blame herself for what happened, and worse, the child. She will fall into depression, or, in extreme cases, she will want to get rid of the baby, because it was allegedly he who made her unhappy. In general, the list of possible unpleasant consequences is long. It is better to allow the wife to carry the child to term without any emotional outbursts.
And after the birth of the baby, think about whether to tell the truth or not. It's up to you to decide here. Are you ready to live with your wife, knowing that you cruelly deceived her? Or would it be better to confess, sincerely repent and start all over again? Or maybe repentance will only destroy the family? It all depends on you and your relationship. Weigh the pros and cons and make the right decision. However, repentance is still necessary to calm the feeling of guilt. If you can’t cope with the problem yourself, you need to contact a specialist. A psychologist will help you sort your thoughts into categories, find the root of the problem and tell you how to get rid of it and continue to live a happy life with your wife.
If the relationship between a man and a woman becomes cracked, and they do not repair it, cheating may begin. Sometimes betrayal happens during pregnancy and there may be several reasons for this.
He is jealous. His wife loved him, spoiled him in bed, gave him almost 100% attention, and suddenly something changed - pregnancy occurred. During this period, many women do not think at all about male infidelity. The condition of the unborn child is important to them. If a man is strong, patient and independent, he can survive lack of attention. If he is weak and addicted by nature, he will find another woman who will satisfy and amuse his ego during this period.
How to prevent. Continue to pay attention to him as before - before pregnancy. It may be difficult to concentrate on your husband when all your thoughts are on your child. But you don’t want to face male infidelity. If a man is not approved and praised, then, willy-nilly, he will want to complete the missing puzzle somewhere on the side.
They brush him off. Why does a husband cheat on his pregnant wife? Often the reason is hidden in female hormones. During pregnancy, a woman’s psyche receives a powerful hormonal shock. Not only tastes change temporarily, but the entire body as a whole changes. Literally everything can be repulsive, for example, the smell of a man.
How to prevent. Try to express love, if not physical, then at least with verbal affection. Talk openly with your husband and tell him that this or that is unpleasant for you. Perhaps he will think more about personal hygiene or stop buying products that you suddenly suddenly hate.
He's tired of hysterics. Pregnancy makes some women calm, while others become real furies. During such a period, you are sure that you are right in everything and your hysterics are completely justified. For example, your loved one took up masculine affairs - he went to a barbecue with friends and does not answer the phone, and you begin to suspect him of. Moreover, because of hormones, your feelings become aggravated and you are sure that he no longer loves you. A couple of times the husband will tolerate this, hug and prove his love. But endless hysterics will drive anyone crazy, and then the husband will begin to cheat on his pregnant wife.
How to prevent. Talk to your gynecologist about taking sedatives. Natural medicines such as Sedasen and Motherwort Forte are completely harmless, but will quickly bring you to an adequate state. You will save not only your nerves, but also your husband’s nerves. Pamper him with a delicious dinner or freshly brewed coffee. Perhaps now you will begin to protest: “But it’s he who has to please me, the pregnant woman.” Believe me, he is already doing what he can - he works for you, provides for you. It’s no less difficult for him than it is for you. No man would like a secondary role in the family. Therefore, be not a capricious girl, but a wise woman. Such a person himself will want to show more love and affection.
He was limited in sex. Some women during pregnancy are so worried about themselves and the child that they completely refuse sex. That’s why the husband cheats on his pregnant wife – he can’t live without physical intimacy, but he’s embarrassed to tell you.
How to prevent. If you're in your 2nd trimester, sex won't be a problem. On the contrary, it will relieve you of depression and bring you closer to the man you love. In the 1st and 3rd trimesters, if the doctor has forbidden you to make love, give your husband oral sex more often, and bring in the romance yourself. Then you definitely won’t encounter male infidelity. But don’t turn into a nymphomaniac just to keep him from taking a careless step. Moderation is good in everything.
He himself is afraid of hurting you. This is a serious psychological problem that can push a man to cheat on his pregnant wife. Some representatives of the stronger sex find it really difficult to approach their woman who is expecting a child. After this, an incredible feeling of guilt arises, but they can’t help themselves.
How to prevent. To relieve the man of guilt, tell him that you yourself fear for the health of the child. If the problem is really only fear, make do with mutual affection, say more tender words to each other, and then the flame of love will not go out.
If the husband has already cheated on his pregnant wife
What could be worse than hearing about betrayal? If you can read this article, it means that you have already recovered from the shock and are ready to take action to return to yourself, your beloved.
- Do not look for someone to blame in yourself or your child. And especially do not try to terminate the pregnancy. If a person did it, then so be it. Let him go home and think about how to improve your life after a man’s betrayal and give birth to a healthy baby.
- Men rarely leave their pregnant wives and cheat on them. However, if this happens, decide for yourself whether you are ready to forgive the unfaithful person. If you love him so much that you want to give him a second chance, discuss this issue. But before that, give yourself a week to cool down and think through the conversation. If you do not forgive betrayals, then before breaking up, make sure that betrayal really happened, and that it was not your “good” friends who told you about your husband.
- If a husband cheated on his pregnant wife and leaves, do everything possible and impossible to silently kick him out the door. Don't show your pain and weakness. This behavior, if it doesn’t bring him back, will at least preserve your self-esteem.
- Believe in the best, even if it is very difficult. First, you can file for alimony. Secondly, an unmarried mother with a small baby is no less charming, and there will always be a man who is alien to male infidelity. With this you can have a great family.
What do psychologists say?
Your appearance. A husband can cheat on his pregnant wife if she has given up on her appearance. Try not to forget about yourself and remember that men are visual people. Getting up in the morning, neatly styling your hair, putting on a tight sexy suit (even for pregnant women) and tinting your eyelashes is something that won’t take more than 20 minutes. But a man will be pleased to see a flower with him, and not a shaggy weed.
His behavior. Some men are naturally apathetic and phlegmatic. Others are very active and sociable. If your husband, who belongs to the second type, suddenly suddenly becomes silent and thoughtful, walks like this for days on end and does not want to talk, find out the reason. Sometimes an open conversation is the best way to prevent a man from cheating.
Communication between families. Meet married couples who are also expecting a baby. This can be done in courses for young parents. Then your man will understand that he is not the only one and will be able to discuss all the issues that concern him.
Rapprochement. Don't distance yourself from your husband during pregnancy. Try to cook dinners together, go for walks, and go to the theater in your free time. All this brings you closer and makes you feel needed by each other.
Remember that a man does not cheat on his pregnant wife just like that. There is always a significant reason here. Discuss any issues with your husband, talk about your family and future child, and try to satisfy each other as before.
