Every year it becomes more and more difficult for parents to find mutual understanding with their growing children. And not only with teenagers. Child of four or five

years are also often far from a gift. Parents often complain that their children do not listen to them at all, do not respond to comments, and ignore requests.

Everything that goes wrong - screaming, crying, hysterics. And there is no need to talk about respect for parents. There is no smell of parental authority. How should you raise your children so that they grow up loving, attentive and caring?

In this article we will discuss this issue.

Let's start “by planting potatoes”... Finally, our long-awaited baby was born. The whole family is delighted. Blows away dust particles. Fulfills all wishes, as soon as the baby frowns his eyebrows. The baby never refuses anything. Everyone is in service: not only mom and dad, but grandparents. The baby is growing... He is already six or seven years old. And you can often see the following picture on public transport: a grandmother and her grandson entered; the grandmother grabbed the handrail, but still throws it from side to side - weak arms and legs; the man gives way. What do you think grandma is doing? She sits her granddaughter down, and she sits down next to him, covering him with her weak body, as if someone would push her beloved child.

I don’t know about anyone, but it disgusts me to look at such a picture. And I don’t feel sorry for grandma at all. I see that the boy is completely healthy - he has roller skates in his hands. The poor guy was probably tired from roller skating. And when they come home, they will rush to kick the ball on the court. I would like to ask my grandmother: what kind of person does she think her grandson will grow up to be? And not only his relatives, but also the people around him will suffer from such an upbringing. It is unlikely that this boy, having become a grown man, will give up his place to a woman or an old man, not to mention more significant help to his neighbor. But I’m silent. I understand that you can’t rehabilitate such a grandmother, you’ll only run into a scandal.

I hope this article will be read by young parents who want to raise a worthy person who will surround them with love and attention in old age.

And in order for this to happen, you need to remember a simple rule: the child must know what discipline is. From a very early age.

I'll tell you a parable. Not verbatim, maybe something is not entirely accurate, but the meaning will not change from this.

One day young parents asked the sage:

– At what age should you start raising a child?

The sage answered with a question:

– How old is your baby?

“Nine months,” the parents answered.

“You are nine months late,” the sage surprised them with his answer.

So a child should know the word “discipline” from the first day of birth. If you don’t know, then feel.

Do not think that I am encouraging you to be cruel to your child. Not at all.

How to instill respect for parents in a child

Disciplining does not mean keeping a child under tight control. Your child must learn that life is about a certain order. And a child will be able to learn this rule only if you personally strictly follow it. You are his idol. You are a role model. After all, children are very observant and literally copy their parents. So, if you yourself are not disciplined, then you are unlikely to be able to discipline your child. Improve, develop, do good deeds.

So, the first rule: become a role model for your little man in everything.

Watch the animals: how little kittens, puppies, ducklings and other “yata” copy their mothers. The same thing happens with people. Be disciplined yourself, and your children will not let you down.

Just as important as discipline is communication. Many people believe that a baby does not understand speech, so there is no point in talking to him. And they are deeply mistaken. From the very first day, the baby may not understand literally what is said to him, but he deeply feels the emotional mood of the person who speaks to him. Therefore, it is very important to constantly speak tender, kind words to your little one, sing calm, melodic songs, and touch him more often. In the first days of his life, the baby begins to become aware of himself and his presence in this world.

As the child grows and develops, communication with parents becomes more and more important for the child. And if you want your child to consult with you during adolescence, to share his experiences and joys, devote as much time as possible to daily communication with him. You will have to patiently answer endless questions at the age of 2-5 years. We'll have to read books together, watch cartoons, and then share our impressions. You will have to remember your childhood and play with your child the games that he likes. And then learn lessons and so on, and so on.

Some mothers may now be indignant: when should they do housework? Believe me, it's not difficult. If you show imagination and patience, you can communicate with your child and do the work. You can also attract a child by entrusting him with some task - and small children are very willing to help their parents - and at the same time communicate. There would be a desire. And there must be a desire if you want your child to respect you.

So, the second rule: communication. Communication always and everywhere: at home, on the road, doing work together, playing, traveling, going to bed.

How to instill respect for parents in a child

Remember, by communicating, you lay down the basic character traits of your child. And the more love you give him when communicating, the more you will receive from him not only at the moment, but also in the future. Show your love openly. The child should not only feel your love, he should constantly hear that you love him. The more attention and love you surround your child with, the more obedient he will be, because it is through your attentiveness and love that the child perceives caring for himself. And later he himself will take care of you with love and respect. But under no circumstances think that toys or expensive things can replace communication, using the excuse of lack of time. Such “parental love” is unlikely to turn into respect for you. Children feel very subtly whether this is sincere love or purchased, and it is impossible to compensate for the true love of their parents with anything. Remember this once and for all.

The remaining rules, which I will write about below, directly follow from those already described. The basis: love, care and respect.

In order for your child to respect you, remember the saying: “As it comes around, so it will respond.” Never yell at a child.

Try not to scold him if he did something wrong or got into trouble. Children do not yet know how to think about their actions and their consequences, so you must remember that experience and skill come with time. He who does nothing makes no mistakes. Children may not be able to assess the possible consequences of their actions for a long time. Be patient, explain what will happen after this or that action.

How to instill respect for parents in a child

Reasonable control is also one of the helpers in raising children to respect their parents. But not the kind of control that one would like to call “under the escort of care.” Monitor your child unobtrusively. It is advisable that he does not notice that you are controlling him. If you have managed to establish a trusting relationship, then you should not have problems with control. The child himself will share with you everything that happens in his life.

Don't rely on school: the main function of school is to teach. The main function of parents is to educate. No other person's aunt can influence a child's personality as much as mom and dad.

Show interest in what your child is interested in. And don’t forbid him even if you don’t like his hobby. Try to delve into his hobby and understand what attracts the child so much in this. This makes it much easier to achieve mutual understanding with the child and his respect. If the child trusts you, there will be a respectful attitude.

And one more thing. When loving your child and trying to instill in him a respectful attitude towards you, do not be afraid to refuse. If you have firmly established trust and mutual understanding, if the child knows and feels that you sincerely love him, he will perceive your refusal correctly and with due understanding. He will not respect you less, especially if you thoroughly justify your refusal. But don’t be stubborn, give in to the child yourself. This will encourage him to give in to you.

And lastly: respect the child. Let him see you as a friend. Remember that he is, first of all, a person, and only then - your child. Respect your husband, and let your husband respect you. As a rule, if family members are happy, if harmony and tranquility reign in the house, it is much easier to instill respect for parents in a child.

Good luck to you in building trusting relationships with your children, and then the respect and love of your child will delight you all your life.

Natalia Brodskaya
Cultivating respect and love for parents

IN education It is very important for a child to lay the foundation of humanity in him,

sense of duty, responsibility for parents, the ability to live among people.

The current child is the future parent, and it is very difficult to imagine that the bad son

will become a worthy father of his children, husband and simply a loyal friend.

Necessary educate prepare the child for his future life, educate

a person with high and humane ideals in relationships with loved ones is

important task for parents. And the sooner they start thinking about it

By asking adults, the more successful the result will be. During the preschool years

basic personality traits are formed, the role of both parents are great in this, A

also the participation of relatives such as grandparents.

The teacher helps in solving this problem; he strengthens the child’s attachment to

mothers, educates sensitive attitude towards her, respect, expressed in

behavior of the baby - the ability to protect her peace, provide her with assistance, show

taking care of her respect her work. Love and affection for I shouldn't owe my parents

be reduced only to words, but must be expressed in deeds.

It happens that a son or daughter suddenly stops listening to adults and starts

to be insolent, to command them. Parents they themselves often do not notice that their relationship

with a child it is not true that the child grows up selfish, a spoiled child -

this prevents the formation in him of such human values ​​as kindness,

family. It is important to recognize and correct shortcomings in relationships in a timely manner.

adults and children, a teacher can help with this.

It is important for the teacher to reveal the significance and show how important active

the child’s position as a member of the family, the child must understand that he is not only

object of attention of loved ones, but he himself must show care and attention to

family members.

Unfortunately, there are such relationships when the child is removed from

general family affairs (“He’s still small, he’ll have time to work when he becomes an adult,” he

in the spotlight and all the best goes only to him. Parents think, What

their child's childhood is overshadowed by errands and responsibilities, and their love

is expressed in the fact that they do not place demands on them. So

Thus, an egoist grows out of a child, and he cannot develop

sense of responsibility and respect for your parents.

While the child is small, until his relationships with loved ones become

rooted, one should patiently and persistently carry out explanatory

work with parents about the need to establish such

relationships that would form in him a sense of duty and responsibility towards

his parents. The child must have his own specific work and

moral obligations to relatives, it is necessary to form reasonable

peace of elders and their interests, carry out orders and respond adequately

on parental requests and instructions.

Parents Sometimes it’s difficult not to react to children’s hysterics, but if they can resist their “no”, then the manipulation will gradually fade away. And all adult family members must adhere to the same line of behavior in raising their child. It happens that a mother, taking care of her baby, is ready to sacrifice everything, but he declares to her: “You are bad. I don't love you!. There is no need to react aggressively in this situation; there is no need to scold the baby or use physical force. This behavior shows that he is offended that you forbade him something or scolded him for something. The main thing is not to make concessions to the child in order to be "good mom" and follow your tactics education.

Remember that the attitude of adults is an example for the little ones. Should

Creating a family climate based on humane relationships between loved ones is the task parents, it is in such conditions that the child will grow up responsive, empathetic, and react correctly to family events. Words parents for children should be the law.

The teacher is also in the process educational work helps children see in their parents authoritative personalities. The teacher also explains parents how to react correctly in certain “difficult” situations. However, no matter how raised teacher of children in the garden, in question education and respect for love to the mother and other loved ones, the final word remains with them parents, their ability to build relationships with their children on reasonable demands on them means a lot.

Publications on the topic:

Consultation for educators “Cultivating love for the Motherland, for the native land” Already at the junior preschool level, we begin to instill in children a love for the Motherland. This is expressed in interest in what surrounds them, in kindness.

Booklet “Advice for parents. Education with kindness" To be kind at all, It is not at all easy, Kindness does not depend on growth, Kindness does not depend on light, Kindness is not a gingerbread, not a candy. Kindness.

Raising children to respect human rights Solving the problem of developing the value of non-violence in the younger generation is an important social and pedagogical task in the conditions.

Spiritual and moral education. It all starts with love An article about the spiritual and moral development of children through the integration of all types of artistic and aesthetic development of children. In a preschool.

Consultation “Raising a child’s respect and love for his mother” Teaching a child to treat people close to him with respect means planting the seed of humanity in him. sense of duty and responsibility, ability.

Recently I watched a scene in transport. A mother of about 35-38 years old was talking to her teenage daughter. More precisely, she tried to talk, but in response from her dear blood she received only irritation and very unpleasant attacks.

“Yeah, tell me that you would wear this yourself and walk around in it!” “Oh, I should have shut up already.” “Stop messing with my brain already!”

Respect equals safety

To be honest, as I listened to this young schoolgirl insult her mother, several times I wanted to intervene in the conversation and put her in her place. I could barely contain myself. After all, this is someone else’s relationship, and my intervention would not have changed anything. Such things take years to form; you can’t fix them in a minute.

We often talk about love between children and parents, but it seems to me that an equally important component of our relationships in the family is mutual respect.

It is out of respect for the parents that the child will not allow too frivolous treatment of them, will not be rude or rude, even if he does not agree with their opinion, will not put them in an awkward position in front of strangers, and most importantly, will not offend them with his words and behavior.

In a family where everyone treats each other with respect, you feel comfortable and safe. You can really say about such a family: “my home is my fortress.”

And vice versa, there is no respect - and there seems to be some kind of threat hanging in the air. Everyone is forced to be on guard in order to be able to react “with dignity” in the event of another attack.

What about love?

Can a person love but not respect? It’s a paradox, but this happens, and it is increasingly becoming a distinctive feature of our time.

Daughters and sons can hug and kiss you in one minute, saying how much they love you and what a good mother you are. And the next minute - they will snap back, call you names, or simply mockingly and disrespectfully speak about your views or principles.

I think that love is also under a big question mark. This is love with signs of selfishness and consumerism. It’s good to love when people indulge you in everything and agree with you in everything. Well, as soon as one of the parents makes a remark, it seems that love is hiding behind the wall.

“It’s all television’s fault!”

Someone might say: how can there not be a disrespectful attitude when there are a lot of stories and films all around, both on television and on the Internet, where children are smart, and mom and dad are fools? Will you really respect such parents?

I can't completely agree with this. I know several wonderful families where they have both a TV and a computer with a connection to the World Wide Web, but the children in them are very respectful of their parents. And the media couldn’t spoil them.

So, then, you can’t blame everything on “pernicious influence”?

“But we didn’t teach them bad things!”

Words, words, words... Look how much and often we say something to our children. We teach, read morals, “educate” - and hope that sooner or later this will bring results. But why are there still no results?

In relation to lessons, this means that until the student learns to solve the problems in his notebook, no teacher’s explanations on how to solve them will help him.

And in relation to the family, this means that we can talk about respect from morning to night, but if we don’t do it ourselves, then our children won’t learn it either.

As always, just a personal example

Yes, it turns out that we again come to a truth that has been known to us for a long time: set an example, and the children will follow it.

If we come home from work and angrily tell how we were unfairly offended, the child hears this and learns not to respect his bosses.

If we come home from the store and are indignant at how we have been bullied once again, the child learns not to respect the sellers.

If we are pushed on the bus and we grumble or swear with displeasure in front of our child, our child receives another lesson in disrespect.

If a child comes home from school and starts complaining about his teacher, and we support him and assent, “yes, they are all like that, these teachers,” then we are teaching the child not only to disrespect the school teacher, but also ourselves.

We can teach forgiveness and respect

But you can think, feel and speak completely differently. You can use your words to show that we forgive others for their mistakes or shortcomings, thereby demonstrating respect for them.

If you step on your foot, smile and say in response: “It’s okay! It’s hard not to step in such a crowd!”

They weighed it in the store, and you noticed - with a smile and without superiority, you softly say: “Oh, I sympathize, you have to work with such old scales! After all, you can involuntarily weigh someone down.”

And say to the child about the teacher: “But you know how difficult it is for her to manage all of you!” She’s already great for agreeing to work with you. If I were her, I would have run away from you slackers a long time ago!”


“Do you respect me?”

And one last thing. If we are to be completely frank, will each of us say with a clear conscience that we ourselves have never committed actions or spoken words that showed our disrespect for children?

“You, lazy person (boob, lazybones, klutz) always scatter everything (break it, drop it), and then I’ll go clean it up (fix it, buy a new one) after you!” “Where do your hands grow from?” “Well, yes, where can I get good grades with your intelligence?”

So we get what we threw into the air as a boomerang. Our disrespect for children is their disrespect for us.

I think many of us have something to think about and something to change in our relationships with children, with others, and in general in our attitude towards this world. Then children will respect both us and other adults.

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Good afternoon, our dear visitors!

The behavior of our children is a reflection of our spiritual life. “By their fruits you will know them. Do they gather grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” (Matt. 7:16). If children show disobedience towards their parents, it means that the parents themselves, at one time, did not listen to their parents.

Children see us every day, hear how we talk, how we communicate with the people around us, how we experience adversity, how we rejoice, how we are sad - children see all this and become the same as us.

If we don’t have a drop of patience, then our children will be impatient; if we shout for any reason, then the children will scream to get their way; if we do not care about our neighbor, then our children will be indifferent to us.

Nothing educates children better than our personal example. We can teach them the right actions and good manners as much as we want, but if we ourselves do not follow our words, then it would be better for us not to say them, otherwise the children will not only not follow our instructions, but will also lose all respect for us as hypocrites and idle talkers.

Words that are not confirmed by deeds are an empty phrase; just like raising children with words alone is a waste of time. If a mother loses her son's respect, he will never listen to her. If a father does not combine his actions with his instructions, then the daughter will never obey such a father.

When parents are saddened by the bad behavior of their children, then first of all, they should not strive to change their children - but to change themselves, to change their lives. We must live up to our moral teachings and instructions that we present to our children, otherwise the children will never listen to us, and we will forever lose contact with them.

It should be remembered that children initially have a very high standard for the behavior of their parents; in other words, children tend to idealize the behavior of their parents. For every child, his dad or his mother is initially the best in the world, and if parents want to see their children obedient, then they should always strive to be an ideal in everything for their children. So it turns out that we raise children - and children raise us!

Let us remember the mother of St. John Chrysostom. His father, Secundus, died shortly after the birth of his son. All worries about raising John fell on his mother, Anfusa. Having lost her husband at a very young age (she was then about twenty years old), she did not marry again and devoted all her strength to raising John.

As we see from the saint’s biography, his mother, having become a widow at such a young age, devoted all her strength to raising John. This great woman did not think about herself, did not rush around in search of her personal happiness - but devoted all her strength to raising her only son! And what is the result!

When our whole life is in the constant field of view of our children, then, willy-nilly, we have to live the way our children expect from us. And if parents want to see their children decent, obedient and well-mannered, then such parents must, first of all, always live up to their own words, and also try to always live up to the high standard of moral perfection set for them by their own children.

Coherence and solidarity of all family members are important, since unity of opinions and harmony of relationships unites the family into a strong, inextricable union in which both adults and children feel comfortable.

Raising respect for parents in children does not mean that children should learn to be hypocritical, that is, in the presence of their parents, behave decently and well-mannered, and when their parents are not around, they should immediately change and behave cheekily and indecently.

It is easiest to raise children's respect for their parents in a cultural environment where the family does not yell at each other, does not swear, and often says “thank you” and “please.” And if they make any comments, then only in a tactful form.

Children do not always feel the boundaries of what is permitted, so it is necessary to set clear and understandable restrictions on what children are allowed and what is not.

Rudeness and rudeness towards adults cannot go unnoticed, and it is necessary to immediately make it clear to the child that such behavior towards adults, including one’s own parents, is absolutely unacceptable.

You should avoid using jargon, rude words and obscene expressions in your speech, especially in the presence of your children; Children should also be taught to call other people’s adults “you” and not to get involved in adult conversations.

It is necessary to ensure that the child is always polite with adults, with teachers, with grandparents, who often spoil their grandchildren so much that they allow them to sit on their necks.

Parents should teach their children to show gratitude, mercy, responsiveness, sacrifice and compassion. It is important to teach boys from childhood to give up their seat for their mother, help carry packages, open and hold the door to the entrance, letting their mother go first, give their mother a hand when getting off the bus, and help put on a coat. Dad should say something good to mom more often in front of the children, make pleasant surprises for mom with them, and give gifts.
Mom needs to tell her children more about herself, about her childhood, about her school, about her friends. We must strive to spend as much free time as possible with our children, read with them poems, fairy tales, legends, stories and tales that glorify maternal love, and after reading, be sure to discuss moments that are incomprehensible to children.

And the most important thing that parents should do so that their children grow up well-mannered, obedient and decent, and make their parents happy - they must always pray to God for them, because what is impossible for man is possible for God!