In your family changed the relationship after the birth of the firstborn? Many will answer this question definitely: "Yes." Indeed, the appearance of a child cannot do not affect the family of a family, a psychological atmosphere, relationship between husband and wife, other relatives.
After a survey among women who recently became moms, I found out that most of them say that relations with the advent of the child in their family changed for the worse (55% of respondents), a little less of opinion for improving relationships (35%) and a small part The respondents said that the relationship did not change in any way (10%). The survey among young fathers showed about the same picture: for the worse - 70%, in the better - 25%, did not change - 5%.
Do not rush to sadness, the third little man in the family is not superfluous! This state of affairs is a completely normal picture. We will understand the problem in order and start with good.
Hooray! Now we are family
We gave birth together to our artemka, "says Anna. - I immediately noticed in the postpartum ward, how my husband changed! We are tired, but we cried as happy ... I and my husband love each other even more. The baby gave the right to us to be called family! Somewhere I read: if after birth, you did not divorce, then love settled in your house.
We have a little better relationship, "says Julia. - We in the child see each other's reflection. When I see how the husband does with the child, I love it even more. Although it seems that there is no more now.
Girls are absolutely right, the real family is when there is a child. Baby, in which both mother and father's features are reflected in the mirror. "How your baby is like dad!" - will say the observation neighbor. "And beautiful as mom!" - Confirm the passerby. There is no more pleasant words, because our children are the continuation of us.
Life does not pass in vain if someone in this world will tell you "Mom"! This opinion is also adhered to modern psychologists. They note that Maternity is in many ways a beneficial effect on a woman. We become confident in yourself, as they achieved self-realization in life; Attitude towards life becomes more positive.
The article is good, but if everything was so simple. My husband does not want to be attracted to family matters. He believes that he earns money - and this is his whole contribution. Child 1.5 years. The most difficult behind. But nothing left of our relationship with her husband. He does not want to help me. "Caring for a child is a female thing," he believes. I say help me, I have a breakdown of the time that I can give you. But he does not want. Says, let's hire the nanny. But it sounds like a threat. Because "Nanyu" he would hire for himself. (We had a dispute, how much I can hold out and not to request a nanny). Yes, and I do not want someone else's man in the house. My husband never loved me (but did not change, as it seems to me), I got used to it and perceived as proper. Now I feel sorry for myself. I live for myself and the child. I care about my husband. But I would like to have a man in the house, and not a small child "Hanging all evening on the Hope", which would share my concerns and allow it to split it.
He wrote to figure out their lives to be. And it's not easier for me that someone has the same problems.
11/21/2006 10:39:58, GulchataiYou know, I read the reviews here and realized that everything was about me. With one difference only: I do not know why, but I had enough strength not to give up, but to fight on.
After childbirth, I'm just all, to their shame, threw, slept on 2 hours a day for two months. Everybody did: washing, ironing, diapers, cooking, feeding, cleaning, walking, bathing, dressing, washing dishes, washing floors ... The list can be continued endlessly! I really wanted to divorce. The first insight was the words of the husband: "Stop portray my heroine from himself!". I remember that it was offended and did not talk to him for several days. And then I realized that my exploits were not needed by anyone. If there was no strength to wash the dishes, I was not soap, and the mountain remained in the sink until the morning - my husband had to wash her all the same. Could not hang underwear, did not hang, could not wash - did not wash. And the husband himself began to delve into eclipses - it is necessary to live. If you have nothing to wear - you need to wash, hang underwear. I began to actively pass a husband to care about the child, even if I didn't work out something, I praised him, despite the fact that I wanted to overheat with something heavy and shout. He began to bathe the baby, walk with him, change diapers. To helping the house: first to be a little, then more. I began to talk to him calmly, and not shouting as before, I spoke to a flat voice that it was hard for me to do something, please! The struggle was not easy and still periodically behaved, sometimes I wanted to lower my hands and throw everything!
And now we have all deeds in half, and not for purely female and men.
And you want to believe, you want no, I almost defeated a very demanding child (waking up at least 6 times per night) and a husband, who after the birth of the baby began without exaggeration just an egoist in a square!
The simplest problem is simply not to decide: divorce, depict the sacrifice of your home, walking a sense of duty and so on. And you can take the will in a fist, and slowly (let the millimeter per hour), but it is right to move to its goal - the creation of a real family, where everyone supports each other, love and enjoyed being close to each other, and not from watching TV Alone while the wife is inspisted.
And yet, no one says that with the child you have to sit at home in the four walls, but to leave only in the next park. I began to feel like a man after we started riding a child to visit, walking in a cafe, shops. After all, now a lot is equipped for strollers, there are children's chairs in the cafe, in the seats stores in the catalogs, in the subway it is not forbidden to drive with a carriage. And about any infection: we instill with kids, feed breast milk (immunnet from the mother), you can not ride with children when the special pussy of people. Live and rejoice in life, fight and you will succeed!
And at the end, I would like my feedback not to be perceived as boasting - like everything is super. This is not so. Everyone has problems. But it is necessary to decide and not give up. It is named women and given motherhood, because they are more attentive, patient and enduring than men (just do not be offended).
Total 11 messages
Marriage after the birth of the child. Please tell me, we live together with the Father of the Future, we plan a great future, we are waiting for a baby together. But we have no opportunity to register our relationship yet. The child is very waiting ...
After the birth of the baby, my second husband has changed his attitude towards my older, a child's unfortunate to him. Before the birth of the baby, they were with him better friends, spent a lot of time together, played, in short, very close trusting relationships.
Crisis kids. Whim. A child from birth to one year. Care and child education up to year: nutrition, diseases, development. If the crisis has come. According to statistics, many couples disintegrate in the first two or three years after the birth of a child.
The crisis of family life after the birth of a child. We have worsened. The cause of the family crisis after the birth of the child. View of a specialist at the problem. Recommendations for conflict solving.
survey - whether husbands return?. Divorce. Family relationships. They broke up to "live separately." The husband says he himself does not understand what happens to him, does not pull home and all, she decided to decide this decision half a year, although the location began with the birth of a child ... I know ...
The crisis of family life after the birth of a child. I have already change my haircut for 3 times, although my boy is 5 months .. always loved to go to the hairdresser. And tomorrow I have a relationship changed after childbirth, the appearance of a child to me.
The fact is that after the birth of my daughter (by the way, for 6 months), I have disastrously started to deter relationship with my close friends. Friendly, what is called, from childhood: with someone from the first class, with someone from the 6th ...
Family crisis after the birth of the baby. All for a newborn: before or after birth? Do not buy anything baby in advance, because it's bad sign! I heard such yes? The crisis of family life after the birth of a child. Conference "Child from birth to ...
Family crisis after the birth of the baby. Externally, this hidden feeling manifests itself in irritability towards his wife, in the desire to spend evenings with buddies outside the house, I told my husband that I need these 3-4 hours a week and but the attitude ...
Mom's condition. A child from birth to one year. Care and child education up to year: nutrition, diseases, development. After sad topics about massive childhood diseases, sad topics about family problems went. On this occasion, the question is, as changed (or not) your ...
State after birth. Baby care. A child from birth to one year. Everyone will succeed, but you need to, in my opinion, change your philosophy, attitude towards your child. Shortly after the birth of a child, when all the alarms seem to be behind, on you suddenly ...
Apparently, before the birth of a child, you could not find a replacement of passion in your relationship with your husband. Have you blinked it to pregnancy or after the birth of a child? And then you can go to the child up to a year - and see our discussions about postpartum dipresses.
A child from birth to one year. Care and child education up to year: nutrition, diseases, development. I didn't think that I would open such a topic! Diet 1.5 months, but I was treated as it). The crisis of family life after the birth of a child.
Family crisis after the birth of the baby. Section: Sex (Sex Bi Family Couple Forum). Joint farm after divorce. Discussion of family issues: love and jealousy, marriage and treason, divorce and alimony, relations between relatives.
You will need
- Patience
- Moral Readiness for Changes
- Positive attitude to what is happening
- Understanding that all couples pass through it
- Support partner
Instruction
Distribution of duties. Agree immediately - who is responsible for what. Anyway, as it will not be earlier and the faster, you talk about who is now washing the dishes, it is preparing, earns money, cares for the child ..., the less discontent and claims to each other will be saved. On the one hand, it seems that everything is clear - but not. For example, mom needs help in care of the baby and the time that she needs for himself - a beauty salon, a gym, meeting with girlfriends, etc. And the spouse may seem that mom with a child sitting at home, especially in his time does not need - and so all the time it. Also, on the contrary, it seems to each spouse that another is easier during this period and all the severity of the new position lies only on his shoulders. And instead of mutual assistance, the spouses begin to compete - who is heavier.
Speak as much as possible. Discuss everything with each other - you have so much now new, advise, tell. If something goes wrong, as you would like - do not silent. The accumulated insults are like water that the stone sharpens ... A female organism at that time operates on a special and emotional sphere is very vulnerable. Talk about your feelings, the partner's change, and if you need support - ask, few people know how to guess the desires of the other.
Remember you are a couple! Remember the period when there were only you two - your acquaintance, dating, joint holidays ... A look at each other with time it becomes through the prism of parental roles, but you continue to be for each other by the only, unique, desirable ... . Leave the place and time when you are two person loving each other. A trip to the movies, the restaurant together - will help refresh the feelings and fill them with a special warmth. Remember, what did you like to do together? Return some joint time of pastime if possible, modify. Or maybe with time and the baby will join you in your hobbies.
Joint time. Young mothers often seem like dads are awkward in handling the child. Help them learn to help you care for your child. Sometimes it happens that mom is absorbed by the baby and the spouse cannot find a place in this duet. Thoughts come that this is when the baby is growing, then the dad will be able to play with him, spend time .... turn on the dad to this process from the very birth of a child - joint emotions will help you feel the support of each other and get closer. And confidence and heat will fasten your family.
Video on the topic
note
There are difficulties with which it is difficult to cope with ourselves - after all, you are in the very thick of events and not going anywhere from emotions that sometimes shook. If the feeling appears that you do not hear or return to the same problem once again - contact a psychologist for help. Several meetings can change your relationship for the better. You can always come to a consultation with a partner or without someone as convenient. Practice shows that many divorces could have been avoided and many relationships could be preserved if he was assisted in living in the family of crisis.
Anna BaseA happy strong family is what couples strive for, creating a separate cozy world for two. They are getting used to those who have established polls, the traditions of their relations and pay each other to the maximum of time. Partly therefore the birth of the first child, so favorite and long-awaited, becomes a heavy test, and sometimes the cause of the collapse of the family. According to statistics, 90% of the pairs after the appearance of the baby are discontent with each other and their own marriage in general. - Serious exam inspection of young people on strength. In this case, it is logical to wonder: how to keep the family after the birth of the first child? After all, the difficulties overcome together are able to save relationships, strengthen the love and confidence of people.
Birth of the first child: Why arise problems in marriage?
A young couple in love without children is not burdened with additional household worries, has not been tied to anything. People are free to spend time as a soul: visit guests, having fun in clubs, travel, work a lot, to pay a maximum of time to hobbies and each other. This period contributes to the close to communicate and finding new joint interests. With this approach, the marriage turns into a fascinating life, colorful and positive, not overshought by ordinary and routine. However, relations still require development, and young want to see the continuation of their love in tiny creating, to feel Himself happy dad and mom. But the change in the usual lifestyle affects the pair. Therefore, it is better to prepare in advance and find answers, why problems arise in marriage after the birth of the first child.
Reincarnation from a couple in the family is simultaneously great, tedious and nervously, because the preservation of the previous relationship at this stage requires a lot of time and forces - what is just not. Because with the birth of the firstborn in a young family, a lot is changing:
Doubt household worries and troubles, because Kroch becomes the third person in the family, besides, babies require constant and cautious care. Due to this, it is reduced to a minimum of classes for previously loved things. Often, women after childbirth launch themselves, not having time to wash their head on time or go to the beauty salon, which affects appearance. And the husband for her husband loses its former attractiveness and sexuality. Because of this, the passion and novelty disappears in the relationship, they roll to the level of "how things at work", "I will bring garbage", "do not forget to buy food."
All the attention of women, as a rule, focuses on the child, the husband goes into the background. The child becomes the center of the Mother Universe, but family psychologists and esoteric teachings consider this approach in the root of incorrect. In their opinion, the relationship between a man and a woman is no less value than the appearance of a child, and require as much attention and care. The stronger and happier marriage, the better it will affect the children's children, their character, worldview and fate as a whole.
The first months after the birth of the child
In the first days of the house, parents do not have the opportunity to use free time as before. They are fully tied to the baby, performing the same responsibilities daily for several months until the crumb will grow up. On a woman, previously leading an active lifestyle, having interesting operation and fascinating hobbies, such a monotony acts in the oppressive way. It becomes nervous, irritable, capricious. And sometimes in the first months after the birth of a child, the postpartum depression can even begin. To avoid this, it is better to study the issue in advance how to preserve family relationships.
The man also affects when he returns home and sees instead of a joyful and attractive wife who is tired, neglected and a grumpy woman who does not want anything and constantly unhappy. In such a situation, most young people need a lot of effort to endure this difficult period and constantly support the beloved. Well, if a family has a solid financial situation and does not arise a quarrel on the basis of money, otherwise the problems are aggravated by a constant lack of means of life.
The cause of additional quarrels serve different views on. If a woman spends a lot of effort to teach the baby to the right nutrition and the routine of the day, and, coming home, sees the sleeping husband on the floor with a child, while it's time to eat, then disputes and clarifying relationships cannot be avoided.
Tips how to keep a happy family after the appearance of the firstborn
Despite all the troubles, difficulties and greater physical and moral burden, the appearance of a child is an amazing and amazing event. It brings in the family happiness capable of strengthening feelings, respect and mutual understanding in a pair. So that with dignity to withstand this difficult period and keep marriage after the birth of the first child, the following tips will help:
Control emotions. Constant hysterics, screams and aggression is unlikely to improve family relationships, rather, on the contrary. Therefore, at the first signs of growing discontent, it is better to stop, look into yourself, calmly express claims. Try to find a solution that will arrange both sides. And even better - to come up with a way to remove stress: run around the house, visit the gym or talk to souls with friends.
Keep a positive mood and look for positive parties. Baby Boy - Isn't it a miracle?! Little Crocha gives so many experiences and pleasant sensations. And the time will pass, and the child will grow into a full-fledged adult person, will become another, assistant and support of parents. Isn't it for the sake of it for this not to survive sleepless nights and household difficulties of the first months, thereby retaining a happy family after the birth of the firstborn?
A clear distribution of responsibilities is an important factor for preserving friendly relations after the birth of a child. Men sometimes think that the female decree is comparable to rest and lure, so the husband also needs to be attached to the care and care of the firstborn. But also to influence the stick harmful, handing the baby man, who has just returned from work. It is advisable to draw up a plan of responsibilities: who, what and when does, and help in this friend. With such a situation, each family member will have time to do personal affairs, which will help distract from everyday problems.
Preservation of marriage or child education?
Do not forget that, even becoming parents, the couple first of all remain a man and a woman. No need to put a child on a pedestal and worship him, forgetting about myself. This is especially true of girls who, with the appearance of children, her husband is removed into the background. A man at such moments feels unnecessary and deprived of attention. No wonder that he has a desire to become a necessary other woman.
Proper time planning will allow to give more attention to each other, communicate on previously fascinating themes, find out something new together. Let it be just a game of checkers or watching a favorite film - even 20 minutes, spent only together, will allow you to get closer, resume interest and attraction to each other. This will help preserve a happy marriage when children appear. For the implementation of such a scenario, you need courage, because the sources of the mass media constantly faster messages that you should be good parents. But you should not refuse your own interests in the name of children. This will help save the relationship now and protect a couple of "empty nest syndrome" in the future. In addition, parental sacrifice, the positioning of its desires as unnecessary and unimportant formed in children a selfish and self-limiting nature with exorbitant needs.
Relations between spouses: what to strive for
You need to learn to listen and hear each other. Happy families - those where a man and a woman are constantly talking about everything, including what is not satisfied with the relationship. And these are not template phrases that every day accompany the married life: "Good morning," "You scattered my socks again," I "wash the dishes, I'm tired." It is better to share deep emotions, experiences, dreams, doubts and fears. Together discuss this, look for a way out and be sure to listen to the partner, take into account your wishes. Only so build support and mutual understanding. Little baby is not a hindrance to sincerely conversations after a tiring day.
Also preserving a strong marriage after the birth of the first child, such moments help:
The ability to maintain and praise each other. It costs so little effort and brings so much benefit. Over time, people are so absorbed by routine concerns that they cease to give positive emotions to each other. But it is easy: praise, to say a pleasant compliment, admire. Such little things will contribute to the usual rhythm of relations notching brightness and positive, raise the mood, and everyday problems will seem not so complex.
Without positive emotions, marriage is doomed. Save the family will help the ability to make a variety of relationships, even without having much time and being young parents. You can give the baby to grandmother or nanny, and by yourself to make a tour of the memorable and favorite places, aimlessly walking through the streets, holding hands and recalling interesting moments from living together. It will help to revive the relationship after the birth of the first child and the resumption of previous family traditions: romantic dinners on Fridays, outdoor activities, meetings with friends, watching wedding photos and videos.
Caring for your appearance. No matter how he says a man that he still loves his woman, external beauty and attractiveness are one of the main components of female confidence. And what young man will like, coming home, see the exhausted creature in blurred and stretched clothes "Unisex". No wonder so many poems, songs and diffirases are dedicated to the beauty of weak gender. Each man is proud when there is a well-groomed seductive beauty with him, to which everyone throws admiring glances. Therefore, no matter how difficult and impracticable is the task of caring for itself and maintaining the body in good physical form, it is necessary to find half an hour. No lack of time and fatigue should interfere.
Building a strong friendly family is a difficult work, including over himself, and the birth of the first child requires an increase in effort many times, taking a dream, strength and energy. But with a deeper consideration and the right approach, the problems that arise do not seem insoluble. Cases to preserve marriage when the baby appears under the power even with young and inexperienced spouses. If it is not possible to come to a compromise, it is worth listening to the advice of a family psychologist who will tell the way out of a difficult situation. In addition, relationships proven by difficulties become only stronger. Let the tips and recommendations help in this, because the family and the appearance of the child is the most important part of human life.
March 14, 2014, 16:26Is marriage after the birth of a child?
(The article is written on research materials)
How do the relationship change after the birth of a child? It is known that the relationship of spouses after the birth of a child is often experiencing a crisis, new problems arise, to which young parents are still psychologically ready. They do not ask their unpleasant questions in advance. How do relationships change after the birth of a child? Why after birth, the child is often spoiled?
Statistics of divorces in Russia for 2016 shows that the number of broken marriages is an average of 50 - 65% of the number of prisoners. By the way, in other European countries, things are in a similar way. And if you consider that from the preserved marriages are not all harmonious, then the picture is completely unhappy.
Statistics show that signs of postpartum depression are observed on average in 20% of women and 10% of men. The main way to combat her are harmonious relations of spouses.
If you want to save the relationship after the birth of the child, then read this article to the end. She is long.An article for people who do not have to understand their relationship with a partner and make them more conscious.
Very often, when applying for advice to a psychologist from women, the question sounds:
After the birth of the child, a relationship with my husband had spoiled. What to do?
Men ask a similar question regarding wives. But it does not mean at all that "children kill the family."
How do the relationship of her husband and wife change after the birth of a child? And is it possible to predict the crisis in the family after the birth of a child? How to cope with him? Let's deal with.
Let's start with research results:
In the scientific journal "Psychological research", 2017, 10 (51) Published article: Savonicheva S.S. "Factors of marriage satisfaction in the period after the birth of a child: Analysis of foreign research."
Below is a brief summary of this article. Stressthat these are the results of studies conducted in different countries with different researchers. Only consistent results are included.
Definitely there is a tendency to reduce satisfaction with the marriage after the birth of a child, and it manifests itself most in the period immediately after the birth of the child.
This does not mean that this is characteristic of absolutely for all married couples, we are talking about the trend. Approximately a third of the spouses to reduce satisfaction with the marriage after the birth of a child do not experience and even feels improved in relationships.
What affects the satisfaction of the relationship in the family after the birth of a child?
The most studied and most significant factor affecting the change in satisfaction with the marriage after the birth of a child is relationships of her husband and wife before the birth of a child.
Numerous studies of married couples have shown that the greater the conflict of spouses during pregnancy, these are the lower level of satisfaction with the relationship after the birth of the child.
Family after the birth of the child will experience significant increase and aggravation of problems in relationships, if The spouses had considerable difficulties in resolving conflicts before the birth of a child.
Recall that often the hopes for improving relations in the family are associated with the birth of a child. Alas, it is not.
If spouses have had serious conflicts before the birth of a child, then we can expect the relationship after the birth of a child can worse.
Other studies have shown that if the husband demonstrates love, affection, awareness of relations during the first year of marriage, then his wife has not changed satisfaction after the birth of the first child or even rises.
On the other hand, spouses, more satisfied with their relationship at the time of the birth of the child, demonstrated a stronger decline in satisfaction after his birth, and the spouses with a lower level of satisfaction - on the contrary.
This can be explained by the fact that the highest level of satisfaction with the relationship is usually observed at their first stage - the period of romanticization and love, non-critical perception of each other. And the crisis period after the birth of a child associated with a large physical and emotional burden, there is a previously hidden disagreement, and marriage satisfaction is significantly reduced.
Another significant factor affecting satisfaction with married relations after the birth of a child was the participation of a spouse in the housework. It also turned out that conflicts due to the distribution of domestic responsibilities are more often associated with dissatisfaction with marriage in women. The closer the distribution of duties for the traditional (a woman performs duties around the house), the stronger in women a decrease in worship satisfaction.
And who is inclined to reduce marriage satisfaction? Men or women?
Many studies show that the greatest decline in wretch's satisfaction after the birth of a child is observed in women. Explain it is simple enough. Basically, it is for them a considerable part of the care of the child, as well as on housekeeping. If a woman retains professional activity, then she has role-playing overload and fatigue that provoke conflicts or resentment on the spouse due to the lack of help.
But in the studies of 2014, there was a lack of sexual differences on the European sample, and even a little greater decline in marriage satisfaction with men than in women. Researchers explain this with a modern trend in European countries to the greater inclusion of men in parenthood and the emergence of the same problems that in women.
And how do personal features affect the satisfaction of the marriage?
It was significantly established that such personal qualities of spouses, as a low level of depression, adequate self-esteem, sensitivity and ability to constructively solve conflicts even before the birth of a child, as well as a model of positive relationships in the parent family give a favorable forecast of the dynamics of satisfaction with marriage after the birth of a child.
These factors include: a fair distribution of responsibilities after the child's birth and the sufficiency of the time spent with the spouses together.
Full text of the article Savinichye S.S. You can read by reference:
http://psystudy.ru/index.php/num/2017v10n51/1381-savenysheva51.html#e3.
Recall that all of the foregoing is the results of research.
So, the relationship of her husband and wife after the birth of the child often deteriorates.
This deterioration can be predicted if:
1. Before the birth of a child, the level of conflict of spouses was high.
2. The birth of a child occurs immediately or during a period of romantic relationships, when disagreements are not yet fully manifested, but the perception of the partner is non-critical.
3. In both or one of the spouses, the low ability to constructively solve conflicts, a tendency to depressive mood.
4. Inadequate self-esteem in both or one of the spouses.
5. The parent family had a negative model of relationships.
6. The main burden on domestic duties falls on a woman.
The relationship of spouses after the birth of a child is subject to strength testing also due to the fact that with the advent of the child there may be a competition of married and parental roles.
Women threaten to take on the role of a parent than men. This can lead to an increase in the distance between her husband and his wife. And then women are perplexed: why after the birth of a child the relationship with her husband worsened.
But men tend to take longer on the restructuring and the adoption of the father's role. And it must be considered, especially, in the period immediately after the birth of the child.
It is very useful for a relationship after the birth of a child when the Father is involved in care for education, informed in the needs of the child. It is important to withelags did not experience dissatisfaction with each other's contribution to the child's care, and their parental installations more or less coincided, did not contradict each other.
Main conclusions:
1. The birth of a child must be conscious when the stage of romantic love has already ended.
2. The birth of a child to strengthen or rescue marriage is unreasonable, because often leads to the opposite result.
3. Partner relations of spouses before and after the birth of the child, in particular, in the distribution of domestic responsibilities, improve the satisfaction of the marriage after the birth of the child.
4. Conducting joint leisure a positive effect on the relationship after the birth of the child.
5. The common system of marital values \u200b\u200bhelps to overcome the crisis period after the birth of the child. In this case, the problem will be perceived as common, which generates general efforts to overcome them.
Marriage after the birth of the child varies significantly. And it is desirable to think about it, and not after the birth of a child. Unfortunately, very often begin to think about how to preserve the relationship after its appearance. It happens that the birth of a child is associated with the hope of strengthening the marriage, most often women. It has already been noted that these hopes are often not justified, and after the birth of a child, the relationship of her husband and wives deteriorate.
But what if the child has already been born and there is a deterioration in the family in the family?
Recall the famous phrase from Anna Karenina:
"All happy families are similar to each other, every unhappy family is incomprehensible in its own way."
Therefore, universal recipes are not here. You can only give general recommendations. But their observance will help to give a new impetus to family relationships and improve marriage satisfaction.
1. Join your partner your problems. Do not hold in yourself. Anyway, sooner or later, they will manifest. But do it not in the form of complaints and, especially in conflict form. Just share, discuss. Generate a general solution, negotiate if you are interested in preserving relationships in your family.
2. Do not wait for your partner to guess something, do not expect that he will read your thoughts. " Life shows that people, often expecting a "understanding without words", only strengthen mutual misunderstanding and irritation.
3. Try not to focus only on the child. Look for opportunities to do something else, do not lose and maintain interest in other parties to life. It often happens that the relationship of her husband and wife after the birth of a child is being built only around him because of the hassle and duties and the development of the new role of parents. It is often characteristic of women because of what often their relationship with her husband after the birth of a child.
Men can be recommended to help a woman that she had the opportunity to do something else, except for the child, not to see only a mother and a housewife in it.
4. Discuss with a partner questions about child care. If there are disagreements, try to find a compromise solution (mutual concessions). By the way, the joint discussion of this topic can be quite creative, uniting spouses.
5. Try to critically approach your own experience of the parent family. Rules: "But I have ....", "But my parents ...", "but in my childhood ...", "but my mother ....", etc. Do not work, all families are different.
It can especially adversely affect the relationship in the family after the birth of a child of grandparents, when they begin to actively interfere, impose their rules and the vision "as it should" and "how correctly." Spouses must be taken that they have their own family, and not the continuation of families of their parents. Grandparents can greatly play an auxiliary role in concerns about the child, but they should not displace someone from the spouses.
From women who applied for consultation to a psychologist, often have to hear complaints that after the birth of the child, relations with her husband were spoiled. And then it turns out that the wife is trying to realize the model of his parent family, while ignoring the views and opinions of her husband. Similarly observed in men, but women are more often.
6. A special topic is a sexual relationship of her husband and wife after the birth of a child. As a rule, there is a decrease in their significance due to child concerns, saturation is lost, they can turn into boring execution of "married duties." Someone from partners (or both both) may have dissatisfaction in this regard, which negatively affects the common relationship in the family. If such a problem arose, then it must be checked with a partner, do not be afraid to experiment, make sexual relationships more diverse.
Usually, abstaining from sexual intercourse is recommended by 6-8 weeks, although, of course, everything is individually. But physical Proximity can be supported without it. Active petting or oral sex after childbirth is not contraindicated. By the way, after childbirth, women often increase sexual attraction. Although it also happens inverse, especially if the childbirth was heavy, and a woman has a psychological barrier before sexual proximity.
The main thing is to remember that physical proximity, sex is a very important factor in the preservation of relationships after the birth of a child. And if problems arose with him, then it is necessary to solve them, together with the partner, do not keep them with you.
7. If your relationship with a partner has deteriorated after the birth of a child, then do not expect that they will applied by themselves. Relationships can and need to build. Changes in relationships after the birth of a child are inevitable, but not necessarily for the worse. They just become different, more mature. And from both spouses depends on what they will be.
What is the most difficult? Practice shows that both spouses or one of them are difficult to revise and change their emerging ideas about family life. The emergence of a child in the family often shows disagreements in the ideas of spouses about the family model and parent. Look for the general and negotiate with disagreement. Do not consider your opinion the only right.
Often, the consultation of the psychologist is helped in establishing relationships and best understanding of each other.
THE MAIN THING! The birth of a child can give a new impetus to relationships, make them more rich and uniting.
And to prove that the relationship in the family primarily affects a small child does not make sense. Who doubts this?
Used sources.
Kuftryak E.V. "The study of family sustainability when influencing difficulties", 2010.
Savonicheva S.S. "Factors of marriage satisfaction in the period after the birth of a child: Analysis of foreign research", 2017
Puchko E.V. "The relationship of the style of education of children and wretch satisfaction of the spouses", 2016.
The birth of the first child is a happy and excellent event for the family. However, parents do not have time to bring a child from the maternity hospital, as a replacement, pleasant, but difficult troubles come to replace. Fatigue and constant excitement lead to irritability. Conflicts appear on scratch and mutual claims. And gradually the relationship in the family may worsen.
The first year or even a few years after the birth of the child becomes a serious test for spouses. After all, they were morally preparing for inclusion, a round-the-clock crying, cutting teeth, but not to problems in relations and disclaimers in the family. Therefore, quarrels can easily lead to the parting of the spouses.
Why after the birth of a welcome and beloved child's husband and wife are moving away from each other? How to avoid serious conflicts and save the family? We will try to find answers to these and other questions with the popular MedaBoutMe Medical Portal.
A minute when the family finds out that they will have a kid, for many couples becomes the happiest in life. Loving spouses try to spend more time together, travel, take care of each other and are looking forward to the appearance of the firstborn. It seems that beautiful euphoria will never disappear, and the child will bring even more happiness in the family. In fact, the birth of a baby becomes a test for a family relationship and raises all unresolved conflicts and problems of spouses to the surface.
The point is not that the child makes a break, just with his advent of the whole system of family changes. Now you are not just a husband and wife, but parents. A family Diabe becomes tripa. New social roles, new responsibilities, the new responsibility falls as snow on the head of unprepared parents, influencing the psychology of a woman and a man. All this complements stress, lack of sleep and anxiety for the kid. Of course, it is impossible to exclude the happiness and joy that young parents experience. Difficulties, conflicts and unwillingness to compromise say that love has left, but that spouses need to pay time to family relationships and jointly understand problems.
A child and care for him will take most of the time of parents and the personal relationship is simply no strength. Spouses cease to feel the proximity that was before. We can say that they have to get acquainted again, because in the face of parenthood each of them is revealed from the new side. Husband and wife have to adapt to new conditions, otherwise it is not avoiding the final distance and gap.
Young parents are still hard to realize that the child is forever. And if the spouses want to continue conscative life, you need to work on our relationship, and not to surrender to the whole and fully upbringing the child. In the end, a favorable atmosphere in the family is extremely important for the health and normal development of the kid.
Of course, the appearance of the baby imposes a serious imprint on the life of young parents. Hormonal restructuring, changing roles, a new life: All this affects the father's man and a woman. It is important to understand what is happening, and to soften the inevitable changes, surviving them together, supporting each other.
- Psychology of a young mother.
During pregnancy and after the birth of a child, a woman in the body occurs global restructuring. She is experiencing a serious hormonal shock. This is definitely reflected on the behavior of the mother, her physical and mental condition. Fortunately, in recent times, the special attention of the postpartum depression was given, as a rather dangerous phenomenon. This phenomenon can influence not only the well-being of a woman, but also on the health of the child and, of course, on the relationship with her husband. A woman who experiences contradictory feelings after the birth of the baby, begins to edit herself, closes and try to get angry from others. Therefore, the psychology of a woman who gave birth to a child is very fragile and vulnerable.
- Psychology of a young father.
Often, the father does not understand the psychology of a woman and feels a mother-child separated from the couple. He can feel herself in the "Third Emless" position and try to go on rapprochement with his wife all possible ways. Men at such moments begin to compete with the baby for the attention of the spouses. This can lead to irritability, dissatisfaction, depression and search for a new partner out of marriage.
Often, the couples describe their relationship after the birth of a child, like terrible and unbearable. The spouses disappears mutual understanding. A woman can be capricious and cry, and a man at the same time demand attention and care.
As a result, both earn emotional breakdowns. But the psychology of a woman who gave birth to a child, and a young father, requires special attention.
The main difficulty is associated with the lack of time and the absence of unanimity in matters of child care. Parents can throw attitudes in the family and focus only on the child. But sooner or later, children grow up, and the spouses discover that they do not bind anything else.
However, the refusal to his own life and self-sacrifice negatively affects the psychological development of the child. It turns out that in the end, the spouses remain at the broken trough. That is why reluctance to work on family relationships leads to more serious consequences in the long term.
Of course, it all depends on the individual characteristics of a man and a woman. But it was precisely in the early period of parenting that the long-standing internal conflicts that her husband and wife were made from relationships in their own families. Spouses should go through all the tests and overcome the crisis.
How to preserve health and relationships with young parents?
All conflicts and difficulties can be overcome if the spouses have a desire to continue to live and raise the child together.
- Prepare in advance.
- Learn everything about pregnancy and childbirth.
- Relax.
- Spend time together.
