Where does this attitude come from? What lies behind the negative perception of your birthday?

Ancient people believed that coming into this world is a holiday and that on a person's birthday, the Magi come. They make gifts - at the beginning of life for life, on birthday for a year. And every new year they come and see how we disposed of their gifts, what we used for good, what we didn’t. Like it or not, we do not know for sure, but, most likely, in our deep memory there is a vague feeling of waiting for something magical.

Also, a birthday symbolizes one's own birth, coming into this world, rebirth, the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. It turns out that this is a very important day.

Consider what can be hidden behind a negative attitude towards your birthday.

1. Deep self-loathing.

Symbolically, a negative attitude towards one's birthday can mean a corresponding attitude towards oneself, towards one's appearance in this world, and the expectation of rejection of oneself by the world, by the closest people. This attitude is usually not realized, but in its own way affects many areas of life. Such a person has experienced a lack of self-love and is like a small offended child who constantly hopes that someday he will finally be loved and accepted.

As a rule, the basic acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself is laid down depending on the feelings that the parents experienced for the child. How desirable was he? What feelings accompanied? How was the birth of the child? Was it a holiday or one big nuisance? All these moments affect the basic acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself.

2. Resentment against loved ones.

The second possible reason for disliking your birthday follows logically from the first. If a child, and then a person, has a strong resentment towards his parents, especially his mother, then this can also emotionally connect with the moment of his birth. After all, a mother gives birth, and if there is a strong resentment towards her, the corresponding attitude can go to the very perception of birth. And further down the chain, it can influence the attitude towards our birthday, whether we understand the source of such an attitude or not.

3. Fear of change.

Since a birthday symbolizes the end of one cycle and the beginning of a new one, as well as rebirth, it would be logical to assume that a person who does not love his birthday may have difficulty updating many aspects of his life. It is difficult for him to finish one thing and start another, he will constantly try to endlessly drag on something old, it is difficult to make a decision, change something in life, make an important act. Keeping the old, it is impossible to accept the new, to change.

4. Emotional blocking.

The attribute of any holiday is bright and strong emotions and feelings. In our case, a person, for some reason, blocks the manifestation of these emotions. Perhaps, in some situations, strong emotions will still break through, but not to the extent, and not in the way that it could be in more favorable conditions.
We looked at the main reasons for the negative perception of birthday celebrations. In this case, awareness of your “reason” will allow you to change your attitude towards this event.

More than once on my way I met women who, wrinkling their noses, declared that they did not celebrate their birthday, did not consider it a holiday, but rather even hated the approaching date that marked their birth.

To be honest, I was always at least surprised by such an attitude towards this, in my opinion, a wonderful holiday, like the New Year, which annually brings back memories of childhood.
Every time a logical question arose: do women really not understand that in fact the age indicated in the passport does not play a role; if a person is young at heart, then no one will look at the number of years.

One of those girls was my best friend. We have been friends since school years, but I was only at her birthday celebration once, because in the summer she constantly went to visit her grandmother and celebrated the holiday there, and for my small years I could not come alone, unaccompanied. And every time I asked about how she spent this, in my opinion, a wonderful day, she answered that nothing special happened, they gave a gift, ate a cake and that's it ...

I listened to such stories every year, each time marveling at such an attitude towards myself, and, it should be noted, in all other matters, my friend is a rather proud, if not self-centered person. Even to my traditional question about what she would like to receive as a gift, she answered that she didn’t even want to think about it, she didn’t want Her Birthday to come so much.

What is birthday for me? These are jokes, fun, laughter, a bunch of friends, classmates, and later classmates. Be sure to dress up in all the best, do your hair, in general, look so that even if someone has forgotten what day it is, one glance at me would be enough to understand who today is worthy of all admiring glances and universal attention!!!

With a friend, the story of an unwanted birthday continued until she got a job, and people, as you know, also go to work in the summer. It was then that she felt all the charms of the birthday holiday - it seems like you usually don’t come to work anymore, you want to emphasize your festive mood, and even bother about treats for colleagues, and don’t get tired of accepting congratulations ...
As she later admitted to me, according to her feelings, it was the first real birthday.

And today is my birthday, I'm sitting at home alone, because. only I have a day off, and all other family members, friends, girlfriends are at work. I sit and wait for everyone to come home, and I will be glad that I am not alone on this holiday. And so it’s unusual for me not to share joy with anyone, except to answer calls, and messages on the network and on the phone ...
I sit and understand what my friend has been like for the last 22 years ...

As children, we looked forward to this holiday every year, and then with delight we added more and more candles on the cake: five are very easy to blow out, ten are already more difficult, and the coveted fifteen were already awkwardly crowded on the cake and made the task almost impossible. Why was it so easy back then?

When we were little, the sense of time dragged on endlessly, and therefore the significance of each event was multiplied many times over. Also, as children, we lived with a sense of preparation for adulthood—we studied to “get hired,” ate soup and porridge to “grow up.” That is why the addition of a year to the age was experienced as a kind of personal achievement, behind which there are new peaks - "I am now seven, in the fall I will go to first grade!"

And of course, in childhood, a birthday meant that our wishes would come true without any effort on our part, because parents would organize a holiday and finally give a dog or a bicycle ....

However, as adults, at some point we suddenly find that the feeling of a holiday is slowly disappearing. At first, we try to drive away these disturbing thoughts and have noisy parties, but as the years go by, the unsettling sensations become more and more pronounced.

Many people note that a week before the celebration they become especially depressed, start to get sick or mope for no reason. Well, on the holiday itself, the stream of congratulations seems to be some kind of avalanche inevitably rushing towards us, which we want to turn off immediately ....

The fact is that at a certain period of life (and each has its own) birthday begins to be perceived by us, unconsciously or consciously, as a certain stage, a slice of life. And looking back at what we are in our 25s, 30s or 45s, we are experiencing a kind of existential crisis.

It is on our birthday that we, more than ever, realize that life passes and it moves, sadly, towards death. The sense of time is no longer the same as in childhood. Adult life is streamlined, sorted into categories, experience and knowledge, and therefore the years fly by at breakneck speed. And the older we get, the faster the speed.

And when the next birthday comes, we inevitably begin to overestimate everything that we spent our 20, 30, 40 years of our lives on, what we worried about, was it worth it and what we eventually achieved .... And of course, how our holiday is passing, with whom we celebrate it - alone or with loved ones, who exactly congratulated us - all this becomes painfully important.

And sometimes, left alone with ourselves on our birthday, we feel especially unhappy, perceiving this as a kind of life sign. In some cases, a person, on the contrary, feels annoyed by the fact that he is forced to fuss and organize a holiday on this day, invite guests - after all, others will not do all this for you, as in childhood. Someone ceases to enjoy gifts, realizing, for example, that they still cannot afford what they dream of, or that this thing simply cannot be bought for money ...

Some people, strange as it may sound, take congratulations hard. It seems to some that birthday wishes and compliments sound formal and insincere, while others feel deep down that they did not deserve all these honors. There are those for whom a birthday is the only opportunity to snatch a piece of attention from loved ones.

In fact, the moment of congratulations is our meeting with our own "I". And the way we treat words about us speaks volumes about our relationship with ourselves. Am I accepting myself? Am I self-sufficient or do I need the support of others? Do I love myself and do I let others do it? By listening to your feelings about congratulations, you will always discover something interesting about yourself.

In women, the anxious feelings of the finiteness of life are especially acute, as they are accompanied by worries about the slowly disappearing youth, beauty and the ability to reproduce a new life .... Negative feelings are greatly amplified by social pressure with stereotypes about how a successful life should look like in 25, 40 or 60. We look back at our peers and involuntarily compare their life “trophies” and our own: “Masha has a handsome husband and five children”, “Lena has her own business”, and I ....”.

What to do if your birthday is sad?

Yes, we cannot turn back time or freeze it at some stage. We cannot stop the ongoing changes in our body. But we can avoid negative experiences on our holiday by stopping hiding from them, finally accepting our age and ... having managed to live the rest of the time as we would like.

Listen to the feelings that overcome you about your birthday. How would you like to spend it? What do you regret looking back? What would your “ideal age” look like right now? With whom and how would you like to experience it?

After answering the unpleasant part of the questions, look around and think: What am I proud of in my life? Are there people in it that I cherish? What do I like about myself today, the real one? What do I want now and what do I need to make it happen? Perhaps after that you will have new goals and internal resources for their implementation, and a year later you will celebrate your birthday with different feelings.

Our life does not always go as we planned, precisely because it is difficult for us to realize its finiteness, and with it, our goals and values. But negative experiences on a birthday are a useful wake-up call that reminds us that it's time to “reset” and finally fill our existence with personal meaning.

There are people who do not like their birthdays, not only in connection with the costs of celebrating it, but in general, do not experience the necessary positive emotions on such an unusual occasion. They can gladly take part in the celebration of someone else's birthday, but they do not perceive their personal birthday very joyfully.

In ancient times, people believed that the birth is a great holiday. The birthday of a person, as well as his name, was treated with considerable reverence. Sometimes, on a person's birthday, sorcerers (astrologers, wise men) came to follow the calendar and presented gifts. Today, from early childhood, "wizards" who give us gifts on a personal birthday are replaced by parents and relatives. It is quite possible that this is why deep in our memory there is a vague feeling of expecting special attention to ourselves on this day, something magical. Above all, a birthday symbolizes one's own coming into this world, the end of one cycle and the beginning of another, rebirth.
It turns out that this is a very important day in the life of any of us. However, there are those who do not like their birthday or do not feel special joy about it. What are the roots of a negative attitude towards your birthday?

Why is birthday not happy?

One of the reasons is the psychological rejection of oneself, which is deeply rooted and originates from a person’s childhood. Symbolically, a negative perception of one's birthday can be a corresponding reaction to the attitude towards oneself, to one's appearance in this world, on the part of close people and the expectation of rejection, rejection of oneself by the world. Usually this is not a conscious reaction, but in its own way it affects many areas of life.
A person who, in childhood, experienced a lack of love for himself by his parents, his inner circle, having matured, becomes like a small offended child, constantly hoping that sooner or later the moment will come when he will finally be accepted and loved.

Often, the psychological basis for non-acceptance or self-acceptance is laid in direct proportion to the emotions and feelings that the child received from his parents. To what extent was he dear and desirable to them? What did the mother experience during pregnancy? How did the parents react to the birth of the child? Was it a holiday or, on the contrary, a big nuisance?

All these points have a serious impact on the basic acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself. Very common reasons for dislike for one's birthday are: some kind of psychological trauma received on one of the birthdays, resentment against loved ones arising from the attitude of relatives and friends towards a person, some unpleasant circumstances that arose on that day
Everything is very simple. Some people have post-traumatic psychological syndrome as a result of a single or repeated traumatic situation that coincided with their birthday. For example, the holiday was spoiled by someone close or coincided with a negative event that deeply affected the person.
In addition, over the years, the luggage of various disappointments experienced on the birthday of unpleasant emotions and difficulties accumulates. These can be: disappointments from unnecessary gifts received instead of desired ones, unfulfilled desires, resentment against people, their false attention, flattery, regret about the funds and efforts spent on organizing a festive feast, after which an unpleasant aftertaste remained, and other moments. This cumulative negative effect is due to the fact that we tend to better remember, first of all, those events that we perceive painfully. All good things are quickly forgotten or remembered not so clearly.
As a result, there comes a moment when all the accumulated negative experience, a load of disappointments, leads to emotional blocking. A person ceases to rejoice on his birthday and celebrate it. To the companies of relatives and friends, he prefers spending time with himself, and when there are no those with whom he would like to celebrate his birthday, there is no feeling of an unusual holiday in his soul.
Fear of change for the worse and death are also significant reasons why people stop enjoying this day. A birthday is the same New Year, only an individual one, symbolizing the time (the end of the annual cycle and the beginning of a new one) and the changes associated with it on a personal scale. If a person is young, healthy and full of energy, then he is not so acutely afraid of a potential unfavorable future, but with age ... The older we get, the more we begin to think about the life span measured to us. With each birthday, our “counter” increases the number that measures the years we have lived.

Many women are horrified by the growing figure, because youth, beauty, health are leaving with it, and old age is approaching with accompanying age-related problems. That is, a critical phase begins in a person's life, when every new year he becomes more and more afraid of possible changes for the worse. For this reason, a birthday is rather depressing than delivering positive emotions. Very few people know how to calmly look approaching death in the eyes and enjoy life on their birthday, even when they realize that there is less and less to live.
According to the author, the above reasons for dislike for his birthday are the main ones. Perhaps this article will help you realize your personal “reason” and allow you to change your attitude towards your birthday.

Once upon a time, I was married in a sample marriage. My partner in mutual torment, in spite of everything, periodically wished me well. She also had a mother named Lucy. She was my mother-in-law and also wished well. How she could. And she did a lot. Until now, I have not met such an energetic and versatile person, capable of creating a storm even with his mouth clamped around him.

Once, just on my birthday, I languidly received congratulations on the phone, clicked my tongue at any uttered stupidity and marveled at the bounty I desired, trying to imagine what would become of me if all this came true. Everything seemed to indicate that I was destined for the fate of an immortal healthy man, exuding money and stuffed with personal happiness. The rest was less prominent.
So, I did not want to arrange any violent celebrations about this serious holiday. Just like I felt.

But then the mother-in-law called. Upon learning that I was sitting unformed properly, she immediately offered to come to visit her and celebrate the date in a narrow family circle. With their daughter, they decided everything instantly. As usual, they forgot to ask me. And the wheel of festive joys and pleasures began to spin.

Arriving at Lucy's home, I immediately felt some kind of artificiality - no pancakes with pies for you, which Lucy did not know how to cook so nicely and with which she stained me for any reason, no other pickles - in short, silence and the dead with braids. Yes, and Lucy moves around the house with some jerks.

What is the matter, I ask. Wrinkled, but split. We, he says, do not need to think about ourselves now. We need to save your wife, my daughter. From what, I ask - I hope, from me? No, he says, from bandits. They will come tomorrow morning to take away the apartment for debts - I took money from them for commerce and accidentally spent it somewhere. And they are so evil and all completely fools. Basically, they can kill you. Therefore, my daughter and I will go to your house to hide, and you meet them here with a man and tell them how we hate them. Don't give up the apartment.
Let them kill you.

Nowhere to go, behind the ass. Yes, and ahead, as I understand it, too. Okay, I say, I'll wait for the bandits, I won't give up the apartment. If you're lucky enough to die, don't bother me anymore.
My mother-in-law rushed to get dressed and falsely extol my benefactors.

Then the grandmother came out of the room - an old deaf political worker with unclear meanings. Grandmother suffered from constipation and could not let go of the genie. Having passed us like a duck robot, she sighed sadly and said hopefully: “I’ll go and try it?”
I didn't mind. The old woman goes to the holy cause, after all.

My mother-in-law ordered me to treat my grandmother with pills and in no case feed the missing food. And she also reported the news marked "by the way." The bottom line is that a young refugee from Tajikistan was temporarily accommodated at her house - the daughter of a friend of a friend of a classmate either from an institute or from a kindergarten. In short, a very close person, almost relatives. But that's not all. A poor but very proud Armenian professor settled in the room opposite the refugee, who came to Russia to give lectures, but forgot to save up for a hotel. And since he is also very busy, it would be better for me not to interfere under his feet, but to sit somewhere in the corner and do something quiet. For example, pray. Or celebrate. But also not too loud. And the professor will be offended.

At that time, neither the refugee nor the professor was at home - they had to come later and I had a little time to enjoy life alone. Not counting the petrified grandmother in the restroom.
I decided to realize the moment anyway - I called a friend and invited him and his wife to pass the evening at my mother-in-law's house. Since it's such a thing.

The first to enter the house was a refugee. I don’t know how anyone, but for me the word “refugee” is associated with something modest, quiet and unhappy. As usual, I was wrong. The refugee turned out to be a slut with the appearance of actress Tatyana Drubich and an irresistible desire to flirt to the point of obscene.
The Armenian professor did not come alone. He brought a bottle of champagne and a friend. Also from academia, also poor and proud. The professor was so busy that he inadvertently promised his friend an overnight stay at his mother-in-law's house and now he had to keep his word.
The situation was consolidated, you know, by the grandmother with the philosophical question “I’ll go and try?”

My friend came as usual with a gift and congratulations. It was very interesting to answer his naive questions.
Why here? Because tomorrow the bandits will come to take away the apartment for the mother-in-law's debts, and I'd rather die than give them away. Ah...
Where is your spouse? She was safely hidden by her mother-in-law. Ah...
Where is Drubich from? From Tajikistan. She is a refugee, but she wants love. Ah...
What is this nosy man? This is an Armenian professor, he came here for the scientific part and he has nowhere to live. Ah...
Why are there two of them? Because the professor has already promised his friend a place to sleep, and he keeps his word. Ah...
What does grandma always ask to try? Grandmother asks for strength to increase internal pressure. Wow, yep...

At first, the comrade neighed like an ill-mannered horse. Then he furrowed his brow in puzzlement. At the end of the disposition report, the comrade silently hugged me and patted me on the back.

The night was still the same. The professor decided to celebrate my birthday with his bottle of champagne. I refused. Drubich rushed to the mirror. Grandmother asked to go and try, and the Armenian friend began to rub his hands quickly, quickly.
Settled down all far after midnight. I ended the holiday with the words “Yopvashumat”. Prior to this, the celebration had grown into an endless drunken running around the house. The professor and his friend predictably hunted for Drubich, but in the end they got their grandmother - in a dark corridor, an Armenian friend squeezed her by mistake.
Drubich was saddened, the professor and a friend were a little embarrassed, I neighed, and my grandmother asked for an audition.

The bandits came in the morning. I'll tell you how it is - the nicest people. They inquired about the presence of Lucy and money. I refused both. But they weren't offended. They offered to take the apartment. But then, like ghouls after the Sabbath, our friendly team began to wake up and crawl out into the light of day. With each subsequent tenant, the bandits became more and more helpless and defenseless. I finally broke them with a false message that all these people are registered here, live now and plan to harvest in the future.

When the sad bandits were leaving, a joyful cry “Half-be-chilled!” came from the restroom ...