Why your weakness is the soil in which your strength grows

In these difficult and strange times, I meet many people who are having trouble believing in themselves. How to believe in yourself when it seems like the world is trying to bring you down at every turn? Is this possible?

Most of us approach the question of believing in ourselves from the outside. There is a goal that we are told we must achieve - getting the perfect job, going on the perfect date, developing the perfect relationship, having the perfect career, living the perfect life, etc. - and then we grit our teeth and begin to move towards its realization. .

What should you be like to live an ideal life? Ideal. Which “I” do you believe in then? Not the true “I”, but an idealized one, imposed by other people. According to them, if we don't do as they say, we will suffer. But the problem is that we are already suffering - from trying to become the perfect, flawless and perfect version. This is what we might call “infantile omnipotence”—the immature belief that we must be all-powerful and omnipotent in order to deserve love, respect, and security.

Thus, the external approach to self-belief (depending on goals and achievements, as well as seeking external approval) does not work. Its by-products are despair, sadness, alienation and immaturity. When we strive to appear ideal, omnipotent, we put on a show, don't we? Self-confidence based on an external approach is always false. Striving to be a perfect person and living such a lie is painful. We will never become perfect, but because of our desire for this, relationships suffer, we become unhappy, and we lose meaning and purpose in life.

What happened? We stopped believing in our true selves and, instead, began to believe in a fictitious idea. Believing in your true self is the key to living a fulfilling life. So what do we need to do?

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Let's start with the weaknesses. Be aware and acknowledge them. Do you know yourself well? For example, for a long time I was incredibly weak - almost every word hurt me. Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. Perhaps you get upset when people disappoint you. Perhaps, out of fear of rejection, you push people away from you. Perhaps you consider yourself stupid, soft and boring - and for this very reason you never show up.

This age despises weakness. But that is why he is so unhappy and angry. Weakness is the soil of life, because our weaknesses are the only soil in which all that is good, beautiful, strong and real that is in us grows. A person who fears intimacy is most likely capable of cultivating passion, connection, and empathy. Someone who gets upset when people disappoint him wants the best for people. Someone who is afraid of being rejected is able to let people close and be soft and gentle. The person who considers himself stupid, soft and boring is the one who most values ​​the richness of life and the opportunity to develop. Weaknesses: fear, severity, anger, contempt. Strengths: empathy, compassion, courage, intimacy, nobility.

So when we truly believe in ourselves, we start with our weaknesses. Let's analyze them. "Who am I really?" Answer: my weaknesses. I'm afraid. I am angry. I push people away. But your weaknesses also contain your strengths. "Who am I really?" Answer: by what will grow from the “broken” soil inside you (if, of course, you allow this to happen). I somehow manage to deeply feel what other people feel. I seem to only want the best for people. I need to inspire and keep people close. These are beautiful things that I saw in their true light.

Now you understand a little about who you are. Let go of what is imposed - the ideal, the hero, the villain, the loser, the winner, the monster, the savior. There is no point in beating yourself up for your shortcomings. Perhaps your fragility, which you have so long despised, is the breeding ground for all the good that is within you.

Even in the most successful society, many people need help. These include children from the orphanage, beggars on the street, veterans, and those who need blood transfusions.

Try to make someone's day a little better. Solving other people's problems will make you more confident and increase your self-esteem.

2. Make a list of victories

Surely you have had difficult situations in your life from which you emerged victorious, or achievements that you can be proud of. Remember them. This will help you believe in yourself.

3. Surround yourself with people who believe in you

Try to communicate as little as possible with those who constantly humiliate you. Instead, find people with similar values ​​who will support you and enjoy your progress.

4. Accept yourself

Love yourself completely, with all your strengths and weaknesses. It is impossible to become confident if you reject your own qualities.

5. Change your perspective

Stop focusing on the difficulties and injustices in your life. Focus on the good and interesting things around you, look for positive moments in difficult situations and be grateful to fate.

6. Solve problems gradually

It is completely impossible to start believing in yourself if you constantly fail in your endeavors. Perhaps life really does present you with too difficult tasks. Or maybe you don't assess your strengths well enough.

Determine a goal that is obviously achievable for yourself and do small things towards it. This will teach you how to properly calculate your resources.

7. Educate yourself

Francis Bacon said that knowledge is power. And he was right. If you can't cope with a problem, then you learn everything that can help solve it. If you can't control yourself, you should study yourself first.

Motivational literature and personal growth seminars can make it easier to find support in your life. Explore how the world works and the psychology of other people to better understand yourself.

8. Live your goals

Assess your goals for a year, five years, and your entire life. Be honest with yourself. Are these really your aspirations or just pictures from a fashion magazine stuck in your mind? Do you really want this or is this goal imposed by your spouse, your boss, or your environment? Maybe, instead of traveling to tropical islands, deep down in your heart you dream of locking yourself in your office and writing a program or a novel? Or, on the contrary, is it time to give up everything and exchange the corporate tie for a bungalow overlooking the ocean?

You can only believe in yourself if you live your life. You can’t waste your time fulfilling other people’s desires and respect yourself at the same time.

9. Stop comparing yourself to others

Everyone has their own path, goals and achievements. Don't waste your time, emotions and energy running a race with other people. Otherwise, your whole life will pass in the skin of a racehorse, driven by the whip of vanity and the spurs of ambition.

A couple of stories and thoughts from the book “100 ways to change your life. Part two,” which will allow you to look at your talent from a different perspective.

Talent or disease?

“I once asked Gillian Lin how she started dancing? Gillian is a choreographer. She directed the musicals Cats and The Phantom of the Opera. She is gorgeous. Jillian said she was considered hopeless at school. It was in the 1930s, her parents received a letter from the school that the girl had problems with her studies. She couldn't concentrate and was always fidgeting. Now they would say that she has attention deficit disorder. But in the 1930s, this syndrome had not yet been invented.

Gillian came with her mother to the doctor. She was put in a chair, where she sat for a full twenty minutes while the doctor talked about her problems at school. Finally, the doctor sat down next to Gillian and told her that he now had to talk to his mother one-on-one.

He asked to wait a little and left the room with his mother. Before leaving, he turned on the radio on the table. As soon as the adults left, the doctor asked Gillian's mother to take a look at what her daughter was doing. She immediately jumped to her feet and moved to the beat of the music. They looked at this for a couple of minutes, then the doctor turned and said, “Mrs. Lin, Gillian is not sick. She is a dancer. Send her to a choreography school.”

I asked what happened next. She said: “Mum took his advice and it was wonderful. We entered a room where there were people similar to me - no one could sit quietly. People who had to move in order to think.” They studied ballet, tap, jazz, modern and contemporary dance. Over time, she was accepted into the Royal Ballet School, became a soloist, and had a brilliant career with the Royal Ballet.

She eventually graduated from the Royal Ballet School, founded the Gillian Lean Dance Company, and met Andrew Lloyd Weber. Gillian has produced some of the most famous musical productions in history, brought joy to millions of people and become a multi-millionaire. But another doctor could have put her on pills and made her calm down,” this is an excerpt from Ken Robinson’s brilliant TED talk.

Yesterday I rewatched it for the umpteenth time and hung on every word. One of the most popular TED talks of all time. Ken says that the modern education system is hopelessly outdated and that it places an emphasis on the left hemisphere - sciences such as mathematics and geometry.

And if a child is interested in music or poetry, they tell him: “Don’t waste time on this, you won’t make money on this in the adult world.” And when the child grows up, he does not see his uniqueness, because at school his favorite subjects were considered “sucky” and no one took these subjects seriously.

Ken asks the question: “Why do we teach math every day but not dance? Why not teach them every day? After all, all children love to dance.” Good question. It’s not a fact that it should be like this, but WHY NOT?

Exhausted by the system

Recently an 18-year-old girl wrote to me. Already exhausted for her age. She writes poetry, but understands that “it’s not serious and you can’t make money from it.” At the end of the letter, she formulated her request as follows: “I ask you to give me permission to do what I love!”

People often write me such messages (because I wrote about “internal resolution” in the first part of my book). Can you imagine how much we are limited in our uniqueness from childhood, that even as we grow up, our inner child cannot start having fun and doing what he loves, without the consent of an “adult”?

I think that many dancers, artists, writers, speakers, directors sometimes experience such a thing as... shame. Shame that they produce something...not very useful, at first glance. Well, like “we don’t produce bread, medicine or trains.” We don't create anything that you can "touch".

And such thinking is a consequence of our educational system, in which a dancer is lower in the hierarchy of “coolness” than a scientist, in which it is “not serious” to be a dancer or a poet.

If we allowed people not to feel "flawed" by their real desires, it would be a different world. If we allowed people to dance, write, talk, draw, and not try to create “scientists” out of everyone, it would be a different world.

All people are different. Some people like to create bread, medicine and trains. Some people use technology. And others - dancers, artists, writers, philosophers, speakers, musicians - love to create emotions, feelings, new meanings or motivation. And each of these activities is important, honorable and necessary. And that's why.

In an era of thriving selfishness, people have become greatly divided. People have forgotten how to hear each other within the same family, not to mention work colleagues or strangers. In our basic settings, the sliders responsible for feeling, loving, compassion, and understanding others have gone wrong.

And the point of my message is not that the world does not need material things that “you can touch.” And the fact is that now more than ever he needs good books, dances, poems, paintings, films.

So if you can create some joy, love, meaning and motivation for people, then do it.

Dance. Write. Draw. Unite. Create!

And don't listen to anyone. There is enough space in the sun for everyone.

Based on the second part of the book 100 ways to change your life, which is already on sale.

In this part of the article, I will share with you practices that will help you learn to trust yourself.

And you will very soon notice that this is not only a useful activity, but also very exciting.

Will you stop be tormented by doubts, you will stop regretting the mistakes you have made or being afraid to make new ones.

Because the understanding comes that any of your decisions will lead you to the right path.

That a mistake is just pointer: “You are moving in the wrong direction, change course.”

And the sooner you see the error of your decision, the sooner you will turn in the direction you need.

It is important to understand that an error is no loss, the error is hint in the direction of travel.

Bonus for readers:

6. Let your Higher Power take care of you

It is not always possible to cope with the situation on your own, because there are many possible solutions. And to find the right one among this multitude, sometimes, restrictions hinder.

So when a question arises that you don't know how to solve, let go of the situation and transfer the decision to the Higher Powers.

Express your intention that everything will happen in the most favorable way for you.

We do not incarnate on Earth alone; each of us is accompanied by a huge support team of non-physical beings.

But don’t forget to contact them asking for help and support.

Your assistants are very interested in the positive outcome of the current circumstances, but they do not have the right to interfere and help without your permission.

Once you have escalated the issue to your support team, be vigilant and watch for signs and clues.

Live a normal life, go about your daily activities and at the same time stay aware and watch what events are happening around you, how the situation unfolds.

What thoughts come and what feelings does everything that happens cause?

What is consonant with you and what the Soul responds to. Believe that the solution to your situation already exists, you just need understand and see his.

All the best for us comes from above. And this is precisely the value of this method in solving complex situations.

The Universe itself makes adjustments and creates circumstances, moreover, for the better and safe for you. You only need trust to her.

7. Replace “mistakes” with “experience”

Remember a situation when you thought you made a mistake.

And after time, you realized that without this mistake, you would not be where you are now.

For example: You got a job, but the company went bankrupt and quickly closed. You, left without a livelihood, concluded that you mistakenly chose this company as successful.

But at this company you met a person with whom you opened your new business together, and now you are very successful.

You gained experience at your first company and implemented this experience at yours.

I am sure that there have been many such situations in your life. Remember them, analyze them, find important turning points leading to the realization of your desires.

So you learn concentrate attention not on mistakes, but from experience, which that situation gave you.

If there are situations in which you have not yet managed to find the pearl, know that at that moment, that version of you could not have done otherwise.

When making decisions, be prepared to perceive any result as an experience, and troubles as an opportunity for something more.

Learn to use any circumstances to your advantage.

Trust in life allows you to take risks where others retreat.

This is the advice that Alena shares with the participants of the accompanying webinar for clients of the “Keys of Mastery” training center.

“At a minimum, listen to your body’s signals. Paying attention to the signs around you is basic stuff.

That's what I remember. At one time I played games and made riddles, but I rather received answers to questions there.

When you have doubts, or rather, you don’t have information, and I’m one of those people for whom ignorance is much worse than knowing something bad.

I stood in line and made a wish.

You know, there are such children's fortune tellers: if you look out the window, a man will pass, that means; If a woman passes by, that means this. These are the things.”

Remember that your true advisor is within you.

Believe that a moment will come when you will no longer ask for advice or need confirmation.

When you stop giving advice to other people, and you will not need to convince anyone or anything.

You will learn to live your own life in trust and allow others to do the same.

Examples of trusting yourself

I want to show you a couple of examples of how everything goes well for our girls when they completely trust themselves and believe that everything will certainly happen for the good.

Perhaps you are already familiar with some practices, or perhaps you have your own exercises or interesting cases related to intuition and self-confidence.

What helped you learn to trust yourself? And what remains to be done?

“Believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place. Believe in your own abilities, work hard - and nothing will be impossible for you,”- Brad Henry

It is a well known fact that if anyone wants to succeed in life, he must believe in himself. People easily lose faith when faced with obstacles, failures and fears. When you lack confidence, others see it and don't take you seriously. Not many people live the life they always wanted to live; they give up on their goals as soon as they encounter the first failure. One of the main reasons for this is that they do not believe in themselves. You must believe because your inner faith creates outer results.

The modern world we live in is extremely competitive and challenging, and people begin to doubt themselves and their abilities when they fail. But a few failures are not the end!

We offer 10 simple tips on how to regain faith in yourself.

1. Accept your current situation

The first thing you need to do if you want to start believing in yourself again is to accept your current life situation. You have to come to terms with what your life looks like at the moment and the things that led to this situation. If you suffer because of this, you will achieve nothing. Only when you realize that nothing can be taken back will you have enough energy to change our lives.

“First, embrace failure. Realize that without losing, the winnings are not so great."– Alyssa Milano

2. Think about your past successes

If you feel like you've hit rock bottom, use your past to give you enough motivation to get back up. You were once amazing. Take yourself back to that past and think about the amazing things you did. Now realize that you can do it again. It's easy to think about the times when someone hurt you, but it's just as easy to think about the times in your life when you were successful. Use the past not to revel in your failures, but to motivate yourself to achieve new goals.

“Every day is a new opportunity. You can reminisce about yesterday's success or leave your failures behind and start again. Life is like that, every day is a new game."– Bob Feller.

3. Trust yourself

This is one of the most important things that will help you regain confidence in yourself. All the energy, strength, courage and confidence is within you. Spend time with yourself to discover this, whether through meditation or activism.

“Everything in the Universe is within you. Ask everything from yourself."– Rumi

4. Talk to yourself

We ourselves determine who we want to become. What we tell ourselves and how we motivate ourselves plays a huge role. Ultimately, you don't need the approval of others, because in fact, you need your own self-affirmation. Therefore, support yourself with conversation and praise when you have no one else to get approval and good motivation from.

“The brain believes almost everything you say. And what you tell him about yourself, he will recreate. He has no choice."

“If you tell yourself you can’t do something, what will be the outcome?” – Shad Helmstetter.

5. Don't let fear stop you

Fear hides behind false evidence of what appears to be real. This is the main thing that holds you back from believing in yourself much more than anything else. Face your fears and don't let them stop you from achieving your goals.

"Always do what you are afraid to do"– Ralph Waldo Emerson

6. Be compassionate with yourself

You must forgive yourself for any failures or mistakes you have made in the past and move on. You must look to the future and stop living in past failures. Be more compassionate with yourself.

7. Positive attitude

Having a positive attitude towards everything is the fastest way to restore faith and self-confidence. Be grateful for who you are and what you have. Find only good things in the world around you, then positive people and positive events will fill your life.

8. Accept help from strangers

People around you see your life from the outside and are sometimes more objective advisors than you yourself. Your family and friends can help you recognize your abilities and skills, focus on your goals, and remember your past successes. When you are full of doubts, the people who love you will help you believe in yourself again.

9. Keep moving forward and never look back

“If you can't fly, run, if you can't run, walk, if you can't walk, crawl, but whatever you do, you must keep moving forward.”– Martin Luther King.

There will be countless times in life when you will feel like you have hit rock bottom. The voice in your head will tell you to stop and you will start doubting yourself, but never listen to that voice. Be strong and keep moving forward. If you keep walking, eventually you will reach your destination. And when you do, you will realize how much stronger you have become.

10. Let life guide you

Let your life take its natural course. When you learn to follow the flow of life, you will realize that it is a wonderful and wise advisor. If you allow life to guide you, it will shower you with its gifts and riches. To do this, you will have to come to terms with the life that is given to you and learn to relax. Let her guide you on the right path, and then you are guaranteed success.

“We all have different things that we go through in our daily lives. And it's really important to know, just at the end of the day, that we have overcome and overcome all of this. You must believe in yourself. You must believe in God and know that he will help you through difficulties."– Kelly Rowland.

Always believe in yourself and your uniqueness!