Sometimes it happens that we, being in a relationship for a long time, cannot understand what we actually feel for our soulmate: true, sincere love or just affection for a person. These two feelings are actually very similar, because in neither case do we want to lose our soulmate. However, there is one significant difference that is difficult to notice at first glance. Love is a feeling that can unite people despite everything, while affection over the years develops into irritation and even hatred towards each other. That is why it is very important to identify your own feelings in advance, in order to avoid emotional wounds in the future. This can be done in three ways:

• visit an experienced psychologist;
• try to figure it out through dialogue with your significant other;
• take a test online to determine whether you have love or affection in a relationship.

Take the test to tell the difference between love and affection

At first glance, all three methods are pretty good, but let's take a closer look. A visit to a psychologist is a fairly effective procedure, but at the same time it costs a lot of money. The second method may cause confusion among your significant other, so it is only suitable for those who are confident in their partner’s adequate reaction to such conversations. Well, the third option is to take an online test for girls to determine love or affection. This method is quite fast, does not require costs and is also effective. Online tests are created by experienced psychologists, which guarantees a reliable answer to your request. Thanks to such tests, you will no longer suffer from guesswork and solve all your problems as soon as possible. We wish you good luck and sincere love!

Human psychology is complex and multifaceted. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Nobody teaches the concepts of love and affection. Therefore, sometimes it is not so easy to distinguish them. Of course, a person has a general understanding of these terms. However, in practice it often turns out to be useless. Only by delving into the key features of both phenomena in detail can one draw conclusions about the sincerity of one’s own feelings.

It is difficult to talk about love as a scientific phenomenon. But without this, it is sometimes impossible to understand your feelings. First, it’s worth deciding on the terminology. It is clear that each person has his own idea of ​​love. Moreover, it has 3 characteristic features common to each individual case.

First of all, this feeling is determined by the degree of frankness. A trusting relationship between two people is a complex psychological process determined by a commonality of views and feelings. Love eliminates the fear of demonstrating one's own “I”. On the contrary, it motivates and inspires self-expression and the expression of the deepest thoughts.

The second significant factor is physical attraction. The partner becomes attractive, regardless of external data. This form of communication is typical exclusively for romantic relationships. This is a kind of fuel for feelings that stimulates the development of mutual sympathy.

The last characteristic is loyalty. A sincere desire to share all your time with your partner is an important aspect of a love relationship. At the same time, the couple is not stopped by difficulties and obstacles. And other people are not perceived as potential objects of desire.

Signs of true love

Based on the definition of love, we can talk about its key features. It is not necessary that all of them appear at the same time. However, most of them are still clearly visible in relationships:

• frequent thoughts about a loved one;
• the desire to give your significant other positive emotions;
• periodic analysis of the partner’s words, thoughts and actions;
• presence of inspiration, desire for self-development;
• unchanging attitude towards a person, regardless of his shortcomings;
• deep respect for your loved one.

When these signs appear regularly and do not recede, we can talk about a serious feeling. Another question arises. If everything is so simple, why do people often confuse love with affection? Does she really look the same? This is worth thinking about separately.

What is attachment?

If you try to define affection, the concept of sympathy immediately arises. This is a rather serious feeling that is associated with long-term adaptation. This sensation can manifest itself to different people and even inanimate objects. Many people are attached to their habits, the type of coffee or their slippers. Pleasant sensations from “favorite things” bring joy.

However, when it comes to relationships with a person, attachment often becomes unhealthy. People are simply afraid of loneliness or suffering, so they cannot let each other go. At the same time, both partners understand perfectly well that they do not feel happiness from this union. But imaginary attraction makes you feel a kind of love, which plays a cruel joke on the couple.

Signs of affection

To better understand the very definition of attachment, it is worth determining the signs of this phenomenon. Some of them are completely contrary to expressions of love. This clearly speaks to the polar nature of these feelings. Here are the key signs that clearly indicate attachment:

• there is too much selfishness in the relationship, both think only about their own benefit;
• everyone in the couple sees only the positive sides of the partner, not wanting to put up with the shortcomings;
• both expect changes for the better, but do nothing for it;
• quarrels turn into large-scale scandals and mutual grievances;
• Despite living together, everyone feels their own loneliness.

Is it worth staying in this relationship? The answer is quite simple. Attachment is a painful condition that is destructive. It is extremely rare that it develops into love. More often, people simply get tired of the tension and dissatisfaction, after which they break off such a connection or find a mistress (lover). Therefore, it is so important to determine the differences between love and affection as early as possible.

Differences between love and affection

In addition to the general signs of both feelings, there are certain marks by which unhealthy attraction can be identified.

1. Love is a storm of emotions. She cannot be apathetic or passive. People who are attached to each other rarely experience true passion or happiness in a relationship. Rather, anxiety, sometimes even paranoia, manifests itself here.
2. Affection is always about yourself, love is about another person. When you want to do everything for your partner, and his feelings are more important than your own, you can be confident in the correctness of your choice. If you just need someone nearby, you should reconsider your need for this relationship.
3. Love gives energy, affection takes away.
4. Attachment binds, but love liberates. A sincere feeling gives a feeling of complete security. It becomes easy and calm to be around a person. Attached people are only burdened by the attention of their partner. Jealousy turns into a poisonous dagger that gradually destroys relationships.
5. Love gives new opportunities, affection makes you fight for power. True soul mates have a chance to experience true freedom. They are filled with energy and a thirst for life. Attachment makes you doubt, fight for control over the situation, and therefore terrorize your partner.

These are just some of the differences between these feelings. However, they clearly demonstrate how big the difference is and how easy it is to notice.

Love or affection (video)

Thanks to the video, you can understand even better the differences between these two senses.

Giving up attachment is the path to happiness

Having realized that attachment can be harmful, there is a need to abandon this feeling. However, everything is not so simple. Many people torment themselves for years with relationships going to a dead end, simply because they are afraid of change. There are several effective ways that will make it easier to get out of the state of attachment:

1. It is necessary to clearly identify all the shortcomings of the object of desire. It is advisable to revive in memory all quarrels and negative moments.
2. You need to understand how painful the relationship has become. Giving up them is like leaving a harmful addiction.
3. There is no need to enjoy your suffering. It's better to spend more time with friends and loved ones.
4. You should organize your day in such a way that there is no time left to think about the subject of painful attraction.

Sometimes it is useful to understand yourself and your own relationships. With effort, it is quite easy to distinguish love from affection. The result will allow you to avoid many unpleasant situations and give you a chance to find sincere feelings without wasting time on imaginary hopes.

Adalind Koss

What is true love? How to recognize it? What qualities are inherent in love? Writers, poets and ordinary people have been asking themselves these questions for many centuries in a row.

What is true love

These are feelings that have stood the test of time, overcome difficulties and doubts. The correct model of this feeling was developed by Robert Sternberg. According to this theory, true love has 3 main components:

frankness;
attraction;
loyalty.

Frankness is sincere feelings and relationships, complete trust, and a desire to help a partner. This is the ability to open your soul without fear. But this does not mean that you approve and encourage any actions and opinions of your other half. Rather, it is understanding and knowledge of a person, the reasons for his actions.

Attraction is sexual attractiveness. This component is not inherent in friendship or other love. It is the fuel that keeps the feelings burning.

Loyalty is the desire to share all life’s trials and joys with this particular person. This also refers to the decision to remain faithful despite the difficulties of the relationship.

How to distinguish love from infatuation

If you don't know how to distinguish love from falling in love, some comparative characteristics of these feelings will help you.

When a person is in love, he is concerned about physical qualities in his partner - beauty, figure. If this is love, then the person’s personality is more important. You like his character, actions, appearance, manners, etc. Also, if you're having a passing crush, the number of qualities you admire in your lover is limited. Yes, your legs will give way from some of its features, but such factors are limited only by gait, voice, smile, etc. True love is love for every scar and mole on the body, for every action and habit.

At the first stage of a relationship, falling in love is distinguished by an instant flash - from a touch, a glance. Reminds me of an obsession. Love comes gradually. It will take time to fully understand and accept another person. You cannot love someone about whom you know nothing. As for interest in a lover, when you fall in love, it either burns or subsides. Love will not subside for a while. Not a day will go by when you don't think about your soulmate.

If you are just in love, then quarrels happen more often over time. And the reason is that there is no basis for these feelings - a spiritual connection, basis, common themes and emotions. Love can't be hindered by disagreements. They will strengthen relationships. But, really, before the wedding, do some renovations together.

How to distinguish love from addiction

True love exists, but let's remember the painful state that is mistaken for this high feeling. How to distinguish love from addiction?

Love doesn't make life worse, it brings happiness. This is the main thing. You are happy both with your loved one and without him - he is on Earth, and this already makes you happy. Love is not an obstacle to human development in other areas, it is a muse. Dependence is the opposite state, lack of freedom. This is an increasing concentration on the partner.

At the first stage, a feeling of joy appears; it may not disappear even with the evasiveness and coldness of the partner. A person easily finds excuses for bad actions. Then the need for the presence of the beloved grows, he becomes a drug. Life is divided into black and white. Only in the presence of the object does a feeling of happiness arise, and without it - melancholy and depression. This behavior is reminiscent of the hangover syndrome experienced by alcoholics.

A dependent person wants to have complete control over the life of his love object, often becoming obsessive, cruel and picky.

How to distinguish love from affection

Psychological studies have proven the validity of the opinion that passionate love takes 3 years. But this does not mean that after this the feelings end. Relationships become a great feeling, love matures, goes through difficulties and trials, but does not die. Love sometimes begins with passion, turns into care and tenderness, then comes the trials of everyday life, but adversity only strengthens the feeling. It becomes big, regardless of circumstances.

Do not be afraid of devoted feelings for a long-time loved one - this is a normal phenomenon. But if it is so important for you to understand how to distinguish love from affection without love, then a simple test will help.

First, ask yourself what attracts you most to your significant other. Fleeting affection is characterized only by physical feelings, like falling in love. You like his way of speaking, dressing, driving. For love, external qualities do not play a key role.

Think back to the beginning of the relationship, the first few months. A fleeting feeling is characterized by the transience of events, as if you are “diving” into a pool. True love is formed gradually.

Another way to distinguish between the concepts of ephemeral and true love is to test for strength. If people love each other and have serious feelings, then a long separation is not easy for them. But sometimes it heals the soul; the emptiness of attachment is soon replaced by new emotions and feelings. Love only grows stronger from obstacles and difficulties. It will help you survive separation, will not fade away, but will warm your heart.

December 31, 2013, 11:40

It is impossible to say with certainty when exactly the concept of love was formed. Ancient philosophers and thinkers thought about it. It is difficult to imagine the modern world without him. There are many shades and types of this feeling. They are difficult to define and explain. And yet we will try, with the help of qualified people, how to distinguish love from affection.

Evolution of love

At first glance, it seems that every story of human relationships is unique and inimitable. This is not entirely true. Love or infatuation always begins with sympathy. A person singles out from the surrounding crowd one person who seems to him the most interesting and attractive. At the very beginning of communication, the object of sympathy seems to us more and more attractive every day. Sometimes even a few days after meeting you, you become confident that this is your soulmate. Such feelings are nothing more than falling in love. With complete reciprocity and regular communication, a loving relationship begins. Gradually, lovers take off and begin to discover their partner’s shortcomings. A significant part of the romanticism and passion from the relationship also disappears. Comparing the beginning of the novel and its middle, it is difficult not to be disappointed. How to distinguish love from affection and understand whether it is worth trying to maintain a relationship?

Express test for love and habit

In your free time, when you are alone, ask yourself a couple of questions and try to answer them honestly. You can even write down all your thoughts. Many practicing psychologists advise this exercise to their clients. Question one: what do you like about your partner? Listing some features of appearance, social status or individual character traits is a direct hint that you are experiencing affection. A person who truly loves will answer that he values ​​his partner’s personality, realizing all its strengths and weaknesses. Try to evaluate how this relationship has affected your life. If you are not interested in anything except your partner, and all other people have been “abandoned” by you, we are most likely talking about attachment. Love is a feeling that preserves and develops personality. People who love each other maintain their own interests. Such a union is full-fledged, each of its participants can have their own friends and hobbies. Now you know how to distinguish love from affection. The test above can be simplified a little. Think about how you most often talk about yourself and your partner. “We”, “our”, “us” - these are words of true love. “I” and “he” are a clear sign of habit or attachment.

Five signs of true love

Still wondering how to distinguish love from attachment to a person? Remember the five main signs that characterize deep feeling. The first of them is constant thoughts about a loved one. When we are in love or attached, we also often think about who we feel for. Most often these are dreams of a future together and memories of moments spent together. Love is characterized by thoughts of a slightly different nature. A person who loves never forgets that he is not alone. We warn our loved ones if we are delayed; We worry when they are late, we miss them when they are apart. A good way to distinguish love from affection is to analyze the quality of communication with your loved one. Even if it’s deep, you can talk with each other for hours and on any topic. Popular wisdom says that love is the desire to make a loved one happy. And indeed, without this emotion it is difficult to imagine this feeling. inspires. For the sake of a joint future and the happiness of your lover, you want to be better and achieve success. A loving person soberly evaluates his chosen one. The secret of love lies in the fact that, knowing all the shortcomings, we continue to love and accept our partner for who he is.

Symptoms of attachment

Many people ask the question: “How to distinguish love from affection?” Relationship psychology gives the exact answer. Attachment differs from love in that it is pathologically dependent on the object of affection. In a relationship characterized by this feeling, there is always a side that “loves” and a second that “allows oneself to be loved.” Dependence manifests itself in the desire to spend as much time as possible with a loved one and the desire to possess him alone. Very often in such relationships a hypertrophied feeling of jealousy arises. At the same time, the dependent party can be very jealous of other people, including relatives, pets and even inanimate objects. Sometimes the attachment becomes so strong that in the absence of the “loved one,” not only a depressed moral state is observed, but also physical symptoms of malaise.

bad or good?

At first glance, it seems that it is love-dependence that can help build strong and long-term relationships. But in fact this is a big misconception. Attachment causes many problems for each of the partners. The addict is under constant psychological stress. He gets genuinely upset every time his partner isn't around. Most often, when experiencing affection, a person realizes how dependent he is on his soulmate. This gives rise to the fear that the partner may disappear from the life of the addict. The party that “allows itself to be loved” does not have an easier time in such a relationship. The main problem is too much attention from the partner. The addict will call every hour, demanding communication. Surely he will be offended if his loved one wants to spend the weekend without him.

Love is respect and care

Love is in many ways similar to affection and falling in love. And yet this feeling is special. It is not for nothing that he is called the highest and true. Love never brings negative emotions and is built on pure selflessness. If you appreciate and respect your partner because he treats you well, we are talking about love or affection. A loving person will take care of his soulmate. He really cares about how his partner’s day went, and he is always ready to have a heart-to-heart talk and help solve problems. When experiencing love, a person knows that his chosen one is not ideal. But, despite this, he respects him and will never allow himself to speak disrespectfully about him.

Love does not love?

Understanding yourself is not easy, but it is quite possible if you want. How can you distinguish love from affection in marriage and understand how your spouse feels towards you? You can get the answer to this question by analyzing the behavior of your significant other. The easiest way to recognize affection is from a partner. If your significant other literally suffocates you with their attention and wants to control your every move, most likely there is no love. A simple way to distinguish love from affection in men: try to understand how jealous he is. Unfortunately, constant scandals and groundless suspicions have nothing to do with love. High feelings allow partners to feel harmony. Loving people almost never fight and always treat each other with respect.

Is it possible to love your partner after years of marriage?

Having realized that in marriage you experience not love, but affection, it is difficult to resist disappointment. What to do in such a situation? Is it really necessary to urgently file for divorce? In fact, you can live for many years feeling nothing but affection for your partner. But there is an alternative option - try to love him. Try to give more freedom to your chosen one. Take care of yourself, find interests outside the home and spouse. It is not your significant other in your life that will decrease. Leading an active lifestyle will make you a more interesting person. Perhaps this will help you spend more productive and quality time with your loved one. We hope that our article on how to distinguish love from attachment helped you understand your own feelings and improve your life.

Love is an extremely subjective feeling and concept, but everyone who has fallen into its network can confidently say that there is nothing more beautiful and desirable in the world. However, how not to be mistaken in your feelings and recognize the first “symptoms” of love fever? It's no secret that infatuation, infatuation, passion and love have similar characteristics. And it is extremely difficult to see the difference, because the difference lies deep inside us. How to understand whether you still love a person or not? Let's answer a few important questions and understand what is hidden behind the irresistible craving for the chosen one.

First of all, you need to think about why this question arose in the first place. Where did this idea come from? It's quite simple. At the beginning of a relationship, when the candy-bouquet romance “blooms and smells,” the girl or guy does not doubt their own feelings at all - we are firmly convinced that we love this person!

However, after a few months (or weeks), the rose-colored glasses fall off, and the lover begins to wonder how much his chosen one corresponds to the ideal. Are emotions real? Maybe it's just sympathy? In this case, feelings fade into the background, and the calculating mind is in the center. He seeks to cool the fervor of our emotions, taking care, among other things, of a heart that may break. The voice of reason is a good phenomenon, indicating a healthy human psyche.

The concept of “love” is unique and individual, since everyone loves in their own way. However, common features are common to all people without exception: love is something good, warm, expensive, associated with a feeling of comfort when your chosen one is nearby.

Signs of love

Finding out whether you really love a person is not always easy or simple. What to do? Take off your rose-colored glasses and try to look at your own relationships from the outside with maximum honesty. There is no need to listen to friends and “well-wishers”! So, the symptoms of true love:

1. Unselfishness. True love is a selfless feeling. If a man or woman is looking for benefits, constantly waiting for the chosen one to do something for him or, especially, help him financially, there is no need to talk about love. These are not emotions, but use.
2. Sexual attraction. Can true love exist without sex? It’s difficult to say, since everyone hears about so-called platonic love, which does not imply physical contact. However, many psychologists are confident that love is always combined with sexual attraction, which is completely natural. Along with the desire to possess, a person in love wants to see and hear the chosen one, to be nearby just like that, not because of the satisfaction of “animal” instincts.
3. Unconditional acceptance. To love is to accept a partner with all his advantages and disadvantages. A person in love does not seek to remake the chosen one to suit his patterns. Do you want to change something about your dear friend? Most likely, this is not love.
4. Confidence. The ability to trust a loved one is an important indicator of true love. If you are used to sharing your problems and joys with your partner, you are not afraid that you will not be understood or laughed at, this is SHE. Incomplete trust is one of the signs that you still do not love this person.
5. Consistency. True love differs from falling in love in that it is not influenced by any external circumstances. For example, if relatives and friends oppose the chosen one, a loving person will defend his opinion and feelings. In addition, real emotions do not change plus to minus, even if the partner turned out to be far from perfect.
6. Sacrifice. Love implies the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the sake of the one whom the heart considers the best person in the world. Sacrifice does not imply the desire to receive anything in return, the most important thing is moral satisfaction from the happiness of a loved one.

Several ways to understand if you are in love

Of course, we would need some kind of indicator that would allow us to determine whether it is love or not. However, wise scientists have not yet invented such a device, which is why we will “identify” interest, affection, sex, sympathy and love according to certain signs and parameters.

Method No. 1. Test

Can't understand your own experiences and feelings? Answer a few simple questions:

1. Do you think about him (her) before falling asleep, do you want to wish him pleasant dreams?
2. Are you trying to make him happy?
3. Do you feel good and calm next to your chosen one?
4. When you think about him, smile, blush and get excited?
5. Are you counting the hours until you meet him?
6. Do you consider him the best man (woman)
7. You know about all his shortcomings, but continue to accept him for who he is?
8. Does being separated from him for a long time worry you?

If you answered a confident “yes” to all the questions, congratulations, your feelings are sincere. If you feel unsure about the answers, it’s worth thinking about it. Remember that the test should be taken in your normal state, avoiding special joys and quarrels.

Method number 2. Pros and cons

A common psychological method is to divide a sheet of paper into two columns and write down the positive and negative qualities of your chosen one. This way you can get your real attitude towards him and a vision of his personality.

Analyze the number of pros and cons. What is your loved one made of? Advantages or disadvantages? The predominance of positive qualities is another joyful evidence of your love and good attitude towards your partner.

Method number 3. Meditation

It is more comfortable to sit in a soft chair, on a carpet that is pleasant to your body - you will have to spend half an hour on it. In addition, there should be no distractions or extraneous thoughts. It is easier to enter a “trance” by focusing on your own breathing.

Having calmed down and detached yourself from extraneous thoughts, imagine this person. Happened? How do you feel? Do you want to come up, kiss, hug, or run away? Decide on all your feelings (negative and positive) that arise when the image of your loved one appears.

Method number 4. “He is no more”

Quite a cruel, but effective technique. Try to imagine that your chosen one is no longer with you (no need to get hung up on this idea). Or perhaps you've never dated at all. What are you thinking about? Are such representations comfortable? Or perhaps they only bring you pain and discomfort? We understand the significance of a thing or person when we no longer possess it. The result of reflection will be an understanding of what feelings you have for your chosen one.

Love or affection?

Another common question: how can you understand whether you love a person or is it just affection? First of all, you need to understand that pure relationships and emotions are almost never found. Love, jealousy, sexual attraction, desire, affection - we experience all this at the same time, but only in different proportions.

As we said above, selfless care is considered an important sign of true love. Attachment is considered a kind of psychological dependence on a chosen one or partner.

The main feature of attachment is not selflessness and happiness, but dependence and sometimes the suffering that a dependent person experiences. If attachment is accompanied by special feelings that deprive a person of freedom, we can talk about psychological obsession.

So, understanding your true emotions and experiences is sometimes quite difficult. But if you are firmly convinced of the correctness of your own choice, you should not doubt your chosen one. Love is the most beautiful feeling that should be enjoyed, especially if it is mutual. Love and be loved!