How often it happens that people live under the same roof, but remain strangers to each other.

Tips for Family Meetings

1. Hold meetings once a week , choosing a time that will ensure the presence of all family members. Do not change this time in the interests of one or another family member.

2. Turn off during this time telephone so that no one can interfere with you. This will help your children understand that these meetings are important events for the whole family.

3. Decisions should be made on the basis of family unanimity, and not the will of the majority. If after discussion you do not achieve general agreement, then the decision is postponed until the next meeting. Strive to make decisions that benefit everyone. Let everyone commit to supporting the decision made.

4. At every meeting choose a new leader and the secretary (in turn). All family members should support the leader in every possible way. The secretary's role is to keep a record of what was discussed and what decisions were made. This is necessary so that during the week there are no disagreements on the decisions made.

5. Start the meeting with encouraging remarks to each family member. Use words like: “I really like that you...” or “I appreciate that you...” Teach children to respond with words of gratitude to praise addressed to them.

6. Family routines and meeting “agendas” are best posted in a visible place to remind everyone of what they have to do.

7. Teach children that their complaints are accompanied by options for solving the problem they are facing.

Remember that the person who is not involved in solving the problem becomes part of the problem.

8. At the meeting, review the schedule for each day of the coming week, providing for joint activities of all family members.

9. To make meetings more productive, hold them in a common room, removing unnecessary objects from the table and arranging chairs so that those sitting face facing each other . Under no circumstances should meetings be held over food.

10. Always end meetings on a cheerful and pleasant note . The “ending” is left to the host to choose. You can offer a light and unusual snack, some sweet dish for evening tea, exciting game or something else interesting for everyone.

11. If your children have no desire to attend such meetings, monitor your actions, which may discourage children from participating in them.

1.2. If someone does miss a meeting, they must still abide by the decisions made at the meeting.

13. Make sure everyone leaves the meeting feeling satisfied.

I am sure that even after several meetings you will feel that a period of harmony and mutual understanding is beginning in the family.

Family- the most important value, without which no modern society can exist. Some scientists believe that it was she who determined the general direction of evolution for centuries.

A real strong family, for some it is a dream, for others it is a reality, but achieved with some effort. Agree, it’s great when several generations gather at one table at once.

If you want to unite people close to you and strengthen your own social unit, use our advice.

1. Photo album

Yes, we are accustomed to digital media and viewing photos on a computer or phone, but do not prematurely write off family photo albums with real “live” photographs. They are material, tangible, you can touch them, look through them, look at them...

In such an album you can store not only photos, but also “physical evidence” of memorable events, tickets to the theater, plane or train, notes, you can make notes and drawings.

And over time, children really enjoy reading with their mother the diary that she kept when she was pregnant. They are very interested in how things were when they didn’t exist yet.

2. Family pedigree

Everyone wants to lift the veil of the past a little and find out family history. Today this is quite possible. You can restore your roots, find out the stories of your ancestors. To do this, you need to ask older family members, rummage through the archives, or use special Internet resources.

Knowing your roots will strengthen the family, and will teach kids to appreciate family values, respect elders, and perhaps spur interest in studying history in general.

Those who are especially creative can even try to compose the melody of the anthem and draw their own coat of arms.

3. Family meals

Family dinner is a nice, but now forgotten event. Remember the movie "For Family Reasons"? In one of the episodes main character meets an old man on the stairs, they start talking about family values, and he asks her: “Is it really bad when the whole family gathers around the big table in the evening? Do you have a big table?

Do you have a large table? Favorite family recipe? Significant day? In general, the reason is unimportant. The most important thing is to bring the whole family together and establish communication.

4. Joint free time

Family members spend a lot of time together, but, as a rule, this is a daily routine. And you will set aside a special day when you will get together and walk, play sports, attend events, cinema, exhibitions. This is an additional opportunity for rapprochement and recognition.

5. Cooperative games

Another type of holding joint leisure. Today there are a lot of interesting board (and other) games that the whole family can play, regardless of age.

6. Joint shopping

It's not only exciting, but also useful. Firstly, you will buy everything you need, secondly, you will communicate, learn more about each other’s tastes, and thirdly, you will actually teach your child financial basics and responsibility. Make lists together, calculate expenses, plan.

7. Seasonal weekends

They also need to be spent with family. Children love adventures and a change of place, so give them all this. And not in a year, but on the next weekend. You can find something to do at any time of the year, you just have to use your imagination.

8. Create your own family date

A family holiday (if there is none) can be invented. Kids will love the idea of a “Naughty Day” or “Self-Rule Day,” where kids and adults switch places.

It could be Son's or Daughter's Day. In general, why only a day? Maybe a Night of Discovery or Stories... Approach the issue with creativity, and everyone will like the innovation.

9. An adventurous vacation

Most the best option– active. You need to spend your vacation with your children and make it as educational and interesting as possible. Make a route in advance, plan activities. For children this will be at the same time a lesson, an excursion, a master class, and practical exercises. Don't forget about the photo shoot. You will have something to remember.

10. The tradition of preparing gifts

Children should know that it is cool not only to receive gifts, but also to give them. Teach them to choose gifts and wrap them together.

Better yet, make a souvenir to a loved one or to a friend with your own hands. For example, dad and son are making a surprise for mom. And mother, grandmother and granddaughter are baking something for grandfather’s anniversary.

Perhaps some of our suggestions have been successfully practiced in your family for a long time, and some were new to you. Take them into service, try them out, maybe they will successfully take root!

Cohesion is an integrative parameter of the family system, describing the structure of the family in terms of the ability to respond to external and internal influences [Karabanova O. A., 2001]: family cohesion determines the ability to withstand natural stress factors when passing through various stages of the life cycle, as well as the adequacy of the family’s reactions to vertical stressors. The cohesion mechanism includes, to a greater or lesser extent, all the family parameters described above, reflecting the degree of functionality/dysfunctionality of the family system.

The mechanisms of cohesion were initially described along the lines of social psychology, and then assimilated into the understanding of the family in family psychology[Andreeva G.M., 2002; Karabanova O.A., 2001].

Cohesion as an interpersonal attraction, described by A. Lott and B. Lott, is derived from the number and strength of mutual positive attitudes towards family members. In this understanding, increased cohesion is facilitated by the democratic style of family leadership, which provides optimal conditions for interpersonal interaction.
Cohesion as a result of adequate motivation for group membership (D. Cartwright). As stated above, the motivation for getting married and maintaining intra-family relations is a strong integrating or disintegrating factor. The most appropriate motive for a family is the emotional closeness of its members (love). But options with inadequate motivation are also possible, but subject to their mutual complementarity among different family members and/or the degree of mutual agreement.
The concept of cohesion as a value-orientation unity is developed by A. V. Petrovsky. This approach bases cohesion on emotional identification with the family, which presupposes a high degree of development of empathy, the ability to understand, empathize, as well as a commonality of goals and values, when a person connects his life plans, well-being and opportunities for personal self-development with the family. An important condition the development of family cohesion is the harmony of the combination of the image of “We” (family) and the image of “I”.

Theoretical ideas about cohesion are reflected in one of the structural models of the family - Olson's circular model, which, in addition to cohesion, includes the flexibility parameter, as well as the communication parameter. (The model is described by a number of authors [Karabanova O. A., 2001; Systemic family therapy, 2002; Chernikov A. V., 2001; Eidemiller E. G., 1999].)

The model represents a space defined by two orthogonal axes - cohesion and flexibility, which determine the type of family structure, and an additional parameter - communication - which is not graphically included in the model.

Family cohesion - this is the degree of emotional connection between family members: at maximum they are emotionally interdependent, at minimum they are autonomous and distanced from each other. This takes into account the nature of intra-family boundaries, the peculiarities of decision-making, the nature of extra-family ties of family members, etc. [Systemic family theory Piya, 2002].

Family flexibility - a characteristic of how flexible or, conversely, rigidly the family system is able to adapt and change when exposed to stressors. (This refers to the number of changes in family leadership, family roles and rules governing relationships [Systemic family therapy, 2002; Chernikov A.V., 2001].)

Olson's model distinguishes four levels of cohesion: 1) extremely low - separated type of family; 2) divided - low to moderate; 3) connected - moderate to high; 4) linked - excessively high level. On the flexibility scale, D. Olson also distinguishes four levels: from rigid - very low, structured - low to moderate, flexible - moderate, to very high - chaotic type of family system (Fig. 1) [Chernikov A.V., 2001, p. . 32].

There are moderate, or balanced, and extreme, or extreme, levels of family cohesion and flexibility.

Balanced levels - an indicator of the success of the system - ensure optimal family functioning. For family cohesion these levels are divided and connected, for family flexibility - structured and flexible.

Extreme Levels are usually viewed as problematic, leading to disruptions in the functioning of the family system [Systemic family therapy, 2002; Chernikov A.V., 2001].

If the level of cohesion is very high - linked , - then there are too many centripetal forces in the family, extremes in the demand for emotional intimacy, individual family members cannot act independently of each other; there is too much agreement in the family, differences in points of view are not actively are encouraged.

Rice. 1. Circular model by D. Olson Types of systems: light gray squares - balanced, white - moderately balanced, dark gray - unbalanced

Relationships between family members are characterized by a low degree of differentiation. The family as a system has rigid external boundaries with the environment and weak internal boundaries between subsystems and individuals. People's energy is focused mainly within the family or a separate subsystem of it, and there are few friends and interests that are not shared with others.

At the other extreme - disjointed system with low levels of cohesion there are too many centrifugal forces. Family members are emotionally extremely distant, experience almost no affection for each other, demonstrate inconsistent behavior: they rarely spend time together, they do not have common friends and interests, it is difficult for them to support each other and solve life problems together. Often behind such isolation from others and emphasized independence there is an inability to establish close relationships and an increase in anxiety when getting close to other people.

Members of balanced types of families combine their own independence and close ties in their family. Families with separate type relationships are characterized by some emotional separation, but it does not manifest itself in such extreme forms as in a disconnected system. Although time apart is more important for family members, they are able to come together, discuss problems, support each other and make joint decisions; interests and friends are usually different, but some may be shared by other family members.

Combined type family is characterized by emotional closeness; family members spend time together more often. However, the cohesion in such families does not reach the level of confusion when all differences are suppressed.

Families need not only a balance of closeness/separation, but also an optimal combination of changes within the family with the ability to keep their own characteristics stable. Systems that are unbalanced on the flexibility scale tend to be either rigid or chaotic.

The system becomes rigid when she stops responding to the life challenges that arise before the family as it moves through the stages of the life cycle. In a rigid system, roles are usually strictly distributed, and the rules of interaction remain unchanged. Such a family is characterized by excessive hierarchy. Too few changes in the system lead to high predictability and rigidity in the behavior of its members.

Chaotic system has unstable or limited leadership. Decisions are impulsive and ill-considered, roles are unclear and often shift from one family member to another. A large number of changes leads to unpredictability of what happens in the system.

Structured and flexible types are considered balanced. Systemsstructured typediffer in some features of democratic leadership - family members are able to discuss common problems and take into account the opinions of children. Roles and family rules are stable, but there is some possibility of discussion.

Flexible type of family system characterized by a democratic leadership style. Negotiations are conducted openly and actively include children. Roles are shared with other family members and changed when necessary. Sometimes a family may lack leadership, but this does not lead to a loss of controllability of the system.

Based on the circular model, D. Olson made a number of assumptions, which were subsequently confirmed in practice. Family structure undergoes changes as it moves through the stages of the life cycle. To successfully cope with life's challenges, families need to modify closeness and flexibility: families can move closer to the edges of change if necessary, but getting “stuck” in these positions leads to problems. Positive communication skills help maintain balance in the two selected dimensions, and extreme types are characterized by impoverished communication, which impedes movement towards balanced types and increases the likelihood of them being “stuck” in extreme positions. Thus, spouses and families of balanced types will generally function more adequately. However, when determining the degree of cohesion and flexibility of family systems, it should be taken into account that these indicators may vary among different ethnic groups.

Clinical testing of D. Olson’s circular model was carried out by foreign researchers [Chernikov A.V., 2001]. Data were also obtained on the presence of correlations between indicators of cohesion and flexibility in dyadic relationships [Antonov A.I., 1998]. There are very few domestic systemic studies that describe the structural and functional features of the family system, taking into account the ideas of all its members and aimed at studying the patterns of intrafamily ideas (which is most important in advisory practice for making an adequate family diagnosis).

Based on D. Olson’s circular model of family functioning, the FACES III methodology was developed, adapted and standardized in the conditions of Russian reality [Systemic family therapy, 2002] (for the text of the FACES III questionnaire, see: Chapter 5, paragraph 5.5).

Olga Nagornyuk

5 ways to bring your family together

Family is the people around whom you feel truly happy. It’s not always easy and simple with them, but without them it’s empty and lonely.

Why do family relationships deteriorate?

A friendly family is like a reliable rear, where they are always ready to listen and help with advice, support and lend a shoulder. Creation strong family- a whole science, accessible, alas, not to everyone.
Why do some people celebrate diamond weddings, but someone else's marriage breaks up in the first year of life? Why is there peace and understanding in some families, while in others there are constant squabbles and quarrels? There are many reasons for the breakdown of family relationships, but we will highlight the most common ones.

1. Gen. The candy-flower period, shrouded in a flair of romance, sooner or later inevitably comes to an end, and ordinary everyday life begins. Planning a budget, providing for the needs of the family, washing, cooking, cleaning, and annoying habits of a spouse become a serious test of the strength of a relationship.

Psychologically immature couples break up. Those who pass the test of routine with honor and maintain their feelings get a good chance to “live happily ever after.”

Romance in family relationships must always be present. Men, give your wives flowers, simply, for no reason, give them small gifts, let them feel desired and unique, and they will give you their hearts forever.

Dear ladies, you too can bring romance into your relationships. Prepare romantic dinner, visit the place you met with your husband, celebrate the anniversary of your first kiss. Men are not sentimental, but they are able to appreciate your desire to please them.

2. The struggle for power. During the adaptation period, when the “grinding in” of characters occurs, many families go through this stage, but not all overcome it. In couples where one of the spouses is the unconditional leader, and the other is the follower, the stronger half often goes too far, suppressing the will and morally oppressing their partner. Such a marriage will either fall apart or be unhappy.

Marriage is a partnership that is built on love and mutual respect. If you are stronger, be wiser: let your loved one have his own opinion, learn to give in, only then will your union have a future.

Couples in which both partners are strong personalities and try to “pull the blanket over themselves,” psychologists advise looking for compromises. IN in this case concessions to the detriment of one’s self are not a sign of weakness, but a wise decision that allows one to preserve family relationships.

3. Career. Ambitiousness is a good quality if it does not go against the interests of the family. When your career forces you to spend days at work, forgetting about your spouse and children, family happiness comes to an end.

Always find time for your family. Organize your work schedule so that you can devote enough time to your family. When you promise to spend a Saturday evening or weekend with your family, keep your word. Remember: work brings income and self-satisfaction, but does not replace the warmth of the human heart.

4. The appearance of a child and the discrepancy between the parents’ views on his upbringing. The birth of a baby forces adults to completely rebuild their lives and reconsider old habits.

People who are accustomed to leading a certain way of life have to radically change it: switch to a different daily routine, give up their favorite ways of spending leisure time, learn to think first of all about the needs of the child, and then about their own desires.

Not everyone is ready for this. Before conceiving a baby, expectant mothers and fathers must realize that with the birth of a child, a huge responsibility will fall on their shoulders, which cannot be ignored. The husband should not shift all the worries of caring for the baby onto his wife, but the wife should not blame the dad, who returned tired after the night shift, for not wanting to play with the baby.

Often the cause of family quarrels is differences in the views of parents on methods of raising children. Dad swears and grabs the belt, and mom tries to avoid punishment and act by persuasion.

In such situations, you need to follow the path of finding compromises. Read literature on pedagogy, visit a psychologist and listen to advice from a specialist on building relationships between parents and children. A look from the outside will allow you to evaluate the correctness of your behavior and draw appropriate conclusions.

5. Unspoken and unresolved problems. Sometimes one of the spouses, wanting to avoid conflict, does not express dissatisfaction with her other half with her behavior, hiding and suppressing the associated negative emotions. This is fraught with serious problems and a breakdown in relationships.

Negativity, like a snowball, accumulates over time and leads to a serious conflict. Therefore, psychologists recommend being open in family relationships, not being afraid to communicate, learning to tactfully express your dissatisfaction and finding the reasons for mutual claims. The article “Do not harm the child!” will help you with this. Rules for quarreling parents."

6. Different views on life and lack of common interests. Opposites attract, so among married couples There are quite a few where spouses have radically different views on life. He prefers hiking with a backpack and singing by the fire, and she loves the theater and art galleries. They quarrel, not wanting to give in to each other, are less likely to be together, thereby passing judgment on family life.

Which exit? Go to concessions. Alternate outings into nature with visits to the theater. Find common hobbies and interests, find hobbies and activities that both would enjoy, become the founders of new family traditions that allow you to spend more time together.

Family involves self-sacrifice. If you are not ready for this, then you have not yet found the person with whom you would like to spend your whole life.

5 ways to bring your family together

What can bring a family together? There is no universal rule that allows you to reconcile conflicting members of a “unit of society”, help them understand each other and turn into a friendly family. However, there are several recommendations that will help solve the problem of generations and contribute to family unification:

create family traditions and rituals. Joint decoration of the New Year tree, trips with the whole family to the elder of the clan, regular joint shopping trips, Sunday dinners with the whole team at a festively set table - such traditions unite and give everyone the opportunity to feel their involvement in what is called the simple and capacious word “family”;

make important decisions together. Bring it up for discussion family council issues related to location summer holiday, carrying out repairs, organizing birthdays, buying a pet, etc. This is how trust is formed, which is the basis of partnerships and understanding between generations;
spend leisure time together. Travel with the whole family, visit theaters and cinemas, exhibitions, visit amusement parks and have dinners in cafes. You will have joint memories and topics for conversation that will help you become even closer;
give each other gifts. Don't think of it as just a man's prerogative. Believe me, representatives of the stronger half of humanity also enjoy receiving gifts;
Find a common hobby: sports, fishing, dancing, cooking. Doing something together - fun activity, bringing you together and making you forget about conflicts and troubles. Hobbies help relieve stress and reduce children's aggression, instill useful skills and remove the issue of leisure time from the agenda.

Each family has its own recipe for happiness and its own path, which helps to achieve mutual understanding and carry love and respect through the years. Nothing comes easy. Wisdom, patience, willingness to give in and forgive help maintain the trust and understanding of family and friends, without whom life loses its meaning.

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!

5 ways to bring your family together

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