Another crazy idea, unfortunately associated with psychologists, sounds like this: If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it" Allegedly, psychologists say so and, moreover, greatly help everyone to do this.

This is exactly the opposite true! And that's why.

The fact is that psychologists don’t need to do this, the clients themselves have already done it for them, in fact, that’s why they had to turn to a psychologist, that’s why they suffer and suffer and experience what is called neurosis.

Let's look at an example. A person is going through a difficult life situation - divorce, dismissal, conflict with a loved one. Normal reactions to such situations may be sadness, anger, sadness, melancholy, pain, loneliness, etc.

But a person fails to live through these feelings. Maybe because they are too strong and heavy and there is no one who could support him in living them, maybe because a person was forbidden to feel them in childhood (“don’t be angry,” “shame on you for being upset,” look at ... it’s a thousand times worse for him”).

And then the person does exactly what psychologists supposedly advise - not being able to change the situation, he changes his attitude towards it. For example, he begins to suppress his anger or convince himself that he has completely forgotten about a close friend or... further in the same spirit.

In reality, of course, the attitude does not change, it is only masked, hidden, suppressed, and the real experience, real pain goes deep and turns into a disease - psychological, sometimes psychosomatic.

The second part of the Marlezon ballet - “ you can't change the situation..." There are a lot of situations in life that cannot be changed. This is true! Sometimes it’s hard to accept, but there’s nothing you can do about it...

But often, when you ask a person what kind of situation he means when he says the secret “you can’t change the situation...”, the answer is surprising. " I have to change my attitude towards the boss who yells at me”, “I have to tolerate this woman because she is my wife”, “I can’t answer her anything - she is my mother!” etc.

It turns out that for this person his boss, wife and mother are on a par with such irreversible and unshakable givens as death or the change of seasons. In this case, so-called introjects work, that is, certain social and/or family stereotypes that are not realized by a person, but greatly influence the area of ​​what he can afford to change.

These introjects can be, for example, like this - “mother is sacred”, “women cannot be offended”, “money must be obtained through hard work (preferably with blood and sweat)” etc.

Whatever the life line appears, from time to time every person experiences situations that can cause strong negative emotions. Against this background, it becomes quite difficult for a person to switch to his usual way of life, since thoughts about a negative situation cover up all others. How to change your attitude towards the situation? How to cope with your own emotions and continue to lead your usual lifestyle?

It is worth understanding one simple thing: any event that occurs has neither a positive nor a negative side. Only we ourselves are capable of giving it one side or another. But how to change your attitude to the situation, what to do to benefit yourself? This is exactly what will be discussed further in the article.

Whatever situation arises in life, it is worth approaching it from a philosophical position. There is no need to rush out of the fire into the next inferno. A negative situation has occurred, sit down and cool down. At the same time, it is advisable to get away from everyone and retire; only alone with yourself can you draw independent conclusions.

If after solitude you cannot calm down and come to a state of balance, then try turning on calm, relaxing music, take a cool shower, water, by the way, very well helps to wash away all the negativity that has arisen. Try to think about something positive. Try to sleep, if possible, of course.

After you manage to achieve relative calm, your emotions subside, you need to remember everything that happened, but at the same time you need to put yourself in the role of an observer.

It’s as if you are watching a movie or listening to someone’s story, without your participation. It’s not for nothing that they say that you know better from the outside. By putting yourself in this position, you will be able to judiciously draw the necessary conclusions.

Next, to change your attitude towards the situation, write down the positives in any stressful situation that happened earlier, indicate what lessons you learned then, what were its consequences and how they differed from initial expectations. Then describe your current situation. Consider what unexpected bonuses or lessons it might bring.

It is worth choosing one important position for yourself and sticking to it throughout your life. The position is this: everything that is not done is aimed at making us stronger.

Regardless of the current situation, you should not look for those to blame, or even worse, blame yourself; you should approach the situation from the other side and find positive aspects.

By constantly looking for negative aspects in any situation, you yourself, without knowing it, attract negativity to yourself. So, be reasonable and approach any situation with a philosophical attitude.

Encourage yourself

The most effective way would be to stimulate the nervous system with bonuses. For example, if you promise yourself after a difficult conversation with your boss not to get upset, not to waste your nerve cells and simply perceive the situation as it is, this will be your first victory.

There must be a prize for winning any activity. This means you should treat yourself to your favorite dessert in a cafe, buy yourself a new blouse that will ideally meet all the strict requirements of the dress code, or simply allow yourself to rest in the morning a little longer than usual.

Solve problems

If your worries are related to family and personal problems, try to solve them in order. To change your attitude towards the situation, make your own list in which you write the essence of the problem and its solutions. Then, through analysis, choose the best of all possible options and bring it to life.

If it is difficult to resolve the issue in one approach, describe in detail the time frame and stages of the solution. So, for example, if you are worried about repayments on a loan that your family took out, then for your peace of mind you should write down a detailed repayment schedule.

Plan all scenarios

Clear planning of critical situations and increased stressful moments will help you not only feel more confident, but also not waste a lot of time on completely useless worries. There is a problem - we write down possible solutions to it and do everything to bring one of these options to life.

Autotraining

Another effective way to change your attitude towards life is the auto-training technique. According to it, you talk through all the fears and dangerous moments of the current situation in advance and give yourself the attitude not to be afraid. This technique allows you to increase your self-esteem, since every fear you conquer is another step towards personal growth.

Don’t be afraid to set far-reaching goals for yourself, because they will become for you a kind of beacon that will guide you through life. There is nothing wrong with starting to change your attitude towards a life situation from the smallest thing - forming a new dream.

Dreams, as we know, inspire us and allow us to move on, to achieve even greater results in a short period of time. But the dream must have a real interest rate for its implementation.

For example, you dream of a car and save from every salary for your dream. You can also dream of a dacha in Sochi, but if your salary does not allow you to buy a dacha there and the period of fulfillment of your dacha dream exceeds a hundred years, then you should change your dream of a dacha in Sochi to a more nearby region.

Unfortunately, strong disappointments happen in people's lives, which can lead to depression or even cause complete apathy towards everything that happens.

In such situations, it is very important to be able not to lose interest in life, to be able to change your attitude towards the situation. How to change your outlook on life when there is no motivation for life? You only need to take a few serious steps towards change, and you will be able to notice how a smile began to appear on your face again and you began to enjoy simple human joys.

What can change a person's outlook on life?

If necessary, try to change your social circle. It is very important to be surrounded by people who radiate positive energy. Try to communicate less and, if possible, avoid people with a pessimistic type of thinking.

Take a trip if possible. Changing your place of residence will help you get new emotions and sensations, which are a necessary component for any person, especially those who are depressed.

Close people can help you change your outlook on life and the surrounding reality. Usually your closest family and friends can provide important support. Try to spend more time with people you like.

As you know, all life is a game, so each of us is one of the actors. Try to learn to play by the rules that life around you sets. Be more flexible in different situations - this can significantly help in overcoming various obstacles.

Always try to look good - this will help people pay attention to you. In this way, you can raise your self-esteem and regain self-love.

Do you want to change your attitude towards the situation? Then don't forget to eat well. No matter what happens, you need strength for a quality life, this should never be forgotten. Eating balanced food will allow you to feel good, which is important for establishing your life principles.

Try to do more of the things you love to change your outlook on life. If you have a craving for sports, then start going to training. If you have a penchant for attending cultural events, then you should start regularly visiting various art places. The main thing is that any activity brings pleasant emotions, which are a necessary condition for a quality life.

Remember that in order to regain interest in life, first of all, you yourself must understand the reasons for the occurrence of such a situation in which the excitement of life was lost. Try to approach life situations more simply. Don't forget that life is a game, and the main thing in it is participation!

Life change is usually the result of very specific actions that ultimately lead to life reorganization. It is generally accepted that if something cannot be changed, then you need to change your attitude towards it. And in my practice, I periodically come across the request - “is it possible to make me feel differently about all this - I wouldn’t want to change anything, but I want to feel more satisfaction.”

But there is a difficulty here, since one of the functions of emotions, as the classic of Russian psychology A.N. Leontiev, is an assessment of external circumstances in accordance with how they relate to the most important needs of the individual.

This means exactly the following: if a person experiences negative emotions in relation to a situation, then this situation negatively affects the ability of this person to satisfy his most significant personal needs.

That is, it is impossible to change solely emotions, just as it is impossible to experience satisfaction without satisfying a need (it is impossible to feel thirst quenched until you find water, etc.)

Let's return to the phrase "if it is impossible to change something, then you need to change your attitude towards it." V. Frankl first used it in his book. He was in a concentration camp and there he wrote his famous work, which has become a classic in psychological literature, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” “The prisoner has only one thing left - “the last freedom of man,” the ability to “choose his attitude to the circumstances given to him.”

The important thing, in my opinion, is that This attitude towards external circumstances or situations does not simply change.

This is preceded by a change in personality as a whole. And personality changes occur rarely and slowly, while many (parents, educators, politicians, psychologists...) have been trying for thousands of years to understand the factors that contribute to them.

I am close to the point of view that personality changes are not controlled from the outside (even if we assume the absolute cognition of a person). A dispute about this took place between A.N. Leontyev, who argued that if it were possible to know all the laws of the psyche, it would be possible to completely control the formation of personality (the dream of any political regime) and S.L. Rubinstein. The latter took the position that any external circumstances always act through internal conditions, therefore, with exactly the same impact, we will always get many unique personalities.

In any case, theoretical psychologists and clinical psychotherapists agree that when working with a person’s personality, it is necessary to create conditions for potential changes.

So: what precedes specific actions and changes in life is a change in the dynamics of internal mental processes. Probably, to the greatest extent this is possible through real experience, the experience of interaction with another person, the world or oneself.

This article is devoted to one of the possible, and at the same time necessary, steps towards internal changes.

This step is giving up the feeling of security and invulnerability.

There are two fundamentally opposite states of consciousness - the state of learning and the state of unconditional knowledge. Children change very easily and adapt to external conditions. This is easily explained - otherwise they simply would not be able to adapt to society. They are constantly in a state of learning and absorb a lot of new things every day. This position implies some humiliation, In order to learn, you need to admit your failure in something.

Looking at yourself from the point of view of your weaknesses (thinking of yourself as a person “not knowing”, “learning”) presupposes a state of discomfort, uncertainty, uncertainty, dependence. It can even be avoided altogether in adulthood, since you can always rely on your strengths and use already proven means.

For example, you have been developing in your profession for many years and came to the next conference/meeting of colleagues. You can come there as a potential “learner,” which means seeing yourself primarily as someone who needs something that you don’t yet have. Or you can come in as an “expert”, not focus on your needs and think of yourself solely in terms of your strengths (you already know everything you need and are not ready for new quests).

In the latter case, you will not receive anything new and will be potentially closed to transformations of your personality and, accordingly, your life. With age, the temptation not to enter into a state of potential vulnerability and need for something external increases. Learning is no longer a necessity for survival in society and becomes entirely voluntary. Moreover, as life expectancy increases, we increasingly have to learn not from teachers of the older generation, but from our own peers, which is even more “humiliating.” Because it requires recognition of the great achievements of another in something and one’s own imperfections.

Many people at some point simply close themselves to potential changes in themselves, mainly relying on already accumulated experience and knowledge. But then personal development becomes impossible or greatly slows down, a person’s spontaneity and creativity decreases, and a state of depression appears, which can so often be seen on the faces of older people.

Thus, a state of potential vulnerability and openness to new perspectives and impressions is a necessary step towards the possible personal changes that are necessary to reorganize life. I am close to the point of view that changes, internal or external, are primarily possible where there is a way out of the comfort zone - the zone of what has already been explored, known, studied and safe.

If we move away from abstract theoretical reflections, it should be noted that people vary greatly in their ability to learn from their own experience. For example, in psychotherapeutic practice, I noticed that someone is able to discover something fundamentally new even in the simplest everyday unremarkable situations. Others, on the contrary, tend to perceive everything that happens as a matter of course and does not bring anything special. Another example that comes to mind: I took a multi-day foreign intensive course in psychology. It was noteworthy that some participants quite quickly began to feel gratitude towards teachers, lecturers and organizers. They shared about how much they had already managed to learn for themselves and their work. Other participants were less satisfied with the work of the same teachers-organizers-lecturers and were much less likely to note that they were able to get something valuable for themselves.

Without a doubt, teachers or other figures are talented to a greater or lesser extent, but the idea of ​​this article is that the ability to receive largely depends on the person himself. Therefore, the possibility of changing oneself can be considered in the context of openness to the unknown and the desire to seek and take something new from the people around us and current events.

"Our life does not consist of events,
but from our attitude to events"
Skilef

In ancient times, someone carved an inscription on a rock in Tibet:

“Have you learned to enjoy difficulties?” .

Let's see how we can use this wise principle to our advantage.

Some people do not notice that they themselves are the source of their own problems.

Ideas of this kind dominate in their heads: “I won’t succeed”, “I can’t”, “this is impossible”, “I was probably born so insecure” and others.

Of course, such negative attitudes have a reason, but they do not have a reasonable basis, because, firstly, no one knows for sure what he will succeed and what he will not and where the limit of his capabilities is. Secondly, decadent thoughts create a defeatist attitude. A person with such an attitude will really not succeed, because... negative thinking suppresses its potential.

We are talking about positive thinking, which reveals our potential.

Anything in this world from different points of view can have both pros and cons. Even in the death of a person you can find advantages: you got rid of suffering, vacated your position, left an inheritance and saved a lot of oxygen for your descendants. The world already asks us many questions that need to be solved, and if we, in addition, fray our nerves, we will create additional problems for ourselves. It's better to be your own friend, not your enemy. To do this, you need to be able to look at the world positively.

There are no problems in the world, but events exist. Or issues that need to be addressed. Instead of seeing only negatives in events and giving in to your usual frustrations, it is more useful to treat them philosophically - to take them for granted. And also notice the advantages in them.

If the driver fails to take a turn and crashes the car, then usually he immediately gives the event the status of a problem - he concentrates on the negatives and thinks something like this: “how terrible everything is! "If you wrecked yours, you'll also have to pay for someone else's! My mother told me, a fool, that I need to insure my car and don't drive recklessly!" and so on. The person engages in self-flagellation.

Is this approach reasonable? It is clear that this approach is simply stupid, because... it does not solve the problem, but kills the nerves and spoils health (as they say, all diseases come from nerves). Nevertheless, this is exactly the kind of stupidity that people indulge in on a regular basis. Moreover, voluntarily. As my friend Mikhailo Lomonosov said, first they fill their heads with crap, and then they complain that their head is splitting.

In this situation, the smartest thing to do is the one who can overcome his natural tendency to be upset, look at the event from the other side and say to himself: “well, we need to solve the problem. But in general, can this situation be called a problem? Let me call it It’s better than a question that needs to be solved. It (i.e., the situation) makes me stronger. The loss of material wealth is actually nonsense. The main thing is that there were no casualties, no disabled people, and I myself was unharmed. I learned a useful lesson. Exactly Such lessons make me more experienced and insightful, and now I am protected from slippery turns."

You can notice other advantages in this situation, for example: you won’t have to fork out money for winter tires, there is now a reason to buy a new car, and at the same time replace sofa bedsores with muscle tone, because there is an incentive to move more actively, etc.

It is the ability to look at the world positively and act actively, instead of wasting energy in an exhausting swim through the swamp of one’s own sorrows, that distinguishes winners from outsiders.

Learn to look at the world positively. Although the world does not always stroke us, sometimes it spanks us, we can also notice a useful shake in the back of the head. At worst, a head massage. There are pluses in every minus. Divorce can be considered a gain of freedom or a necessary step towards new happiness (I assure you that there are many more worthy people in the world than your former other half). Even the most tedious conversation can be a productive conversation, and a crisis can be an opportunity.

If you get a bad mark on an exam, then this is a reason to gain knowledge, of which, as you know, there is never a lot (by the way, strict and principled teachers who force students to carefully study science, as a rule, make them more educated, unlike good-natured loyal teachers who indulge in sloppiness).

Well, if you were fired from your job, then this is a clear sign that it is time for you to rise to a higher level of income - to organize your own business and give work to other people.

There is such a useful rule of life: If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. As Voltaire said, “solace can also be found in the Turkish galleys” (on which the oarsmen were exploited so mercilessly that they could not stand more than three months of hard labor and left this best of worlds).

If an undesirable event happened to us - an emergency, a flood, the ninth wave - then it would be stupid to engage in self-criticism, crushing our nervous system. After all, a bad mood is gluttonous. It, like a black hole, absorbs our strength. It turns out to be a vicious circle: an undesirable event causes grief, which sucks out vital energy, which causes even more grief, leading to a stomach ulcer, which, in turn, causes even more grief, etc.

To break this vicious cycle, you need to deal with your natural negative reaction at an early stage. To do this, you first need to relax - get some sleep, listen to Beethoven, or at least knock over the stopar - to whomever is closer. Then, when the emotions go away, you should turn to the mind. Reason will answer us that everything in this world is nothing compared to eternity. Then, instead of the usual hassle, we will be able to take the event for granted. And then there will be a reason to concentrate on the positive side of the event and draw useful conclusions.

Thus, even the worst events can seem funny to us. And if we learn to enjoy difficulties even a little, as the Tibetan inscription on a rock calls us to from time immemorial, then the black hole inside us will turn into a star, the energy of which will turn any problems into ashes.

Felix Kirsanov

Not all situations can be changed immediately. And not every one can be improved as much as we would like. And some simply seem like a lingering swamp from which it is impossible to get out. So what to do? Relax and drown? Fight with all your might? Suffer, waste your nerves, exhaust yourself?

No no and one more time no. First of all, we need to change our own attitude towards this situation. After all, as you can see, it depends on it how the state of things seems to us: hopeless darkness or a sea of ​​possibilities.

Often, it is by changing your attitude towards certain things that you can achieve significant changes in your life. For example, you can go to work like you’re going to hard labor, painfully waiting for the weekend to come. Or you can set goals for yourself and get up on weekdays with a thirst for the next step forward.

Changing your perception is not difficult. This can be done in just five steps:

1. Admit that this situation does not suit you

Find those moments that you don’t like, become aware of them. You cannot change absolutely everything. Especially you will not be able to influence anything if you do not clearly understand what exactly needs to be changed and how. Therefore, the first thing you should do is stop, think and evaluate the situation. Sometimes we don't notice what really irritates us. For example, it may seem to us that work is to blame for fatigue and dissatisfaction, but in fact the reason lies in problems in the family and the inability to rest properly in the evenings.

Before you change anything, you need to see the big picture.

2. Remember that a positive outlook on things depends on ourselves

You were not born with the mindset to think positively or negatively, all this was formed throughout life. And since this was not inherent in you from the beginning, then any attitude towards any situation can be changed. And is it worth saying that a positive outlook on events greatly simplifies and improves life?

3. Use positive language

You can say in the morning: “I’m so sick of this life,” and feel a constant invisible weight on your shoulders. Or you can repeat over and over again: “I love life, it’s beautiful,” and over time it will actually be so. Remember that everything that happens to you is based on your own thoughts. Whatever you think about, so it will be.

4. Spend more time with those who inspire you

With those who live and enjoy life, who set goals and achieve them, with those who delight you. Pay attention to the wording these people use, their attitude to life, their thoughts and aspirations. Adopt their attitude to certain events. Realize that the secret of happiness is simple: the more positive and lightness in yourself, the more of it in your life. And the happier you will live.

5. Create an affirmation for yourself.

Find or create a phrase or quote that is very meaningful to you. And say it out loud or to yourself every morning. For example, this could be the phrase: “Today I will have an amazing and successful day.” By pronouncing such an affirmation, you seem to tune in to the positive waves of the Universe. And you begin to receive unexpected but pleasant gifts.

You can argue a lot about the effectiveness of this method, but only after trying it (at least for a month) can you say with confidence: “Yes, it works.” Or: “No, this doesn’t suit me.”

If you follow all the above tips, you can change any (absolutely any!) situation for the better. And do this without any physical intervention.