The question becomes especially acute if the mistress becomes pregnant and demands a final decision: is she the wife? The topic is very spicy, not everyone can share it with friends or loved ones, not to mention their spouse. After all, a person by chance falls into his own trap. In this situation, even a psychologically stable person can break down. After all, there is nothing worse than uncertainty.

We will try to consider different points of view on this situation and give some advice on how to decide on your desires and decisions.

So, what do some representatives of the fair sex think about a child from a mistress? How do they see the future of a person who finds himself in such a delicate position?

Let's take the most standard example: a married couple has been living with each other for many years. Suddenly the spouse realizes that routine and everyday life have become boring, and there are no bright colors in his personal life. And so the faithful gets himself a girlfriend on the side. Of course, he has no thoughts of leaving his wife, he just decided to cheer up. But one day, the beloved tells the “good” news - she is pregnant. At the same time, she declares that she will not have an abortion (or it is already too late), and in general, she has long wanted a child.

Well, the position is quite justified, because a dear friend has already promised several times that he will leave his missus, and now there is an excellent reason for this. Passion is confident that now they will have a real family, and the beloved will immediately forget about his old and boring wife. But this is just her personal point of view.

But the partner thinks completely differently. Or rather, he may be deeply attached to his new girlfriend and even sometimes thought about divorcing his wife and marrying his beloved, but thoughts are one thing, and action is another.

Of course, it is not excluded that divorce and marriage can take place, but most often this option is erroneous. Because after leaving the family for a pregnant lover, a man experiences the following:

• Tossing from one family to another. Visiting children from your first marriage, going for walks with them, spending time in your former home is not easy. The man will be visited by doubts: did he do the right thing, or maybe he should have stayed here and not left? And although the child from his mistress occupies no less place in his soul, the thought of his action will constantly spin in his head.
• Persistent feeling of guilt. Before the ex, before the children from his first marriage, before the new chosen one (for spending time with the offspring and, willy-nilly, dating his wife).
• Trying to make amends to two women, to be good both here and there. And, as you know, you won’t be good to everyone. A man may be hit with a barrage of accusations or silent reproaches from both sides. And he will not be able to cope with this.

So, a person faces an endless run in a circle until, ultimately, some kind of heart attack overcomes him.

Spouse: male gaze

The very first thing - do not execute either yourself or your pregnant companion. Understand once and for all that the unborn baby is the only one who is absolutely innocent here. The same, by the way, as the children from the first marriage. Therefore, women’s advice is this: save the family, this is your duty to your spouse and to your existing children (especially!).

But on the other hand, this does not mean at all that you need to say the following: pregnancy is a mistake, it was not me who initiated it, so I don’t care. Think about how you will look in front of your wife, not to mention your abandoned loved one.

So, a woman’s view of the situation is to save the family, but take on some of the troubles about the future baby. Both are your responsibility. You must choose the days that you will devote to your offspring - picking them up from kindergarten, going for walks, etc. In addition, financial assistance is also on your conscience. It is very difficult to provide for a child alone.

But what about the throwing, and what about the feeling of guilt - you ask. Yes, there will certainly be difficulties, but if the unfaithful husband already has offspring, then the choice in favor of his wife will be the right one. After all, they have already become attached to their father, are accustomed to living with two parents, and the departure of their father will become stressful for them. And a baby who has not yet had time to experience feelings of attachment is not in danger of stress or psychological trauma. After he grows up, it will be easier for him to explain the situation than for today's children now.

Now let’s find out what the representatives of the stronger sex themselves think about this when their mistress is pregnant. So, according to some men, this situation has two ways of developing events:

1. Presence of young children in marriage.
2. Presence of adult offspring.

Based on the first scenario, our experts recommend remaining legally married without any doubt. That's what they would have done themselves. However, the second passion should not be offended and forced to have an abortion. After all, abortion is not only a psychological threat, but also a physical one. Despite the fact that medical technology is at a high level today, there is still a risk of complications or infertility. In addition, getting rid of human life is completely inhumane; no one has the right to take a person’s life. The best option, men say, is to stay with the family, raise and help the newborn.

Yes, conflict situations and quarrels cannot be ruled out here either. And sometimes a person is so busy with work that he barely has enough time for one house. What about the second?

The recommendations are: take all your kids and spend the weekend with them. And yes, it is better to introduce them right away and teach them that they are brothers and sisters, regardless of which woman gave birth to them. Prepare for misunderstandings with mothers, but you must defend this point of view. At first it will be difficult, but over time women will get used to it, and spending time together will be taken for granted.

When personal relationships with your legal chosen one have reached a dead end and common topics of conversation come down to only mutual reproaches, you should think about getting a divorce and building a new life. But this should not affect the children; they need to behave in the same way as in the first case.

As for the second scenario - adult offspring - often only affection remains between spouses after so many years. If your lover is pregnant and you have strong feelings for her, why not try your luck in a new marriage - this is the male opinion. Teenagers should already understand that there are difficulties in life. And if not, then try to explain competently: there is simply no other way out, it will be better not only for mom and dad, but also for you - you won’t have to listen to endless quarrels and suffer from the fact that your parents feel bad together. In addition, in addition to teenagers, you have another unborn baby who needs more education and attention from his father.

Why does a married man need another child?

Here's another point of view - a sobering one. She reveals the essence of what a married partner actually experiences when his girlfriend gets pregnant. An example is taken as a basis when the spouse does not know about what happened.

So why? No need. Even if a loved one sincerely claims the opposite and asks not to have an abortion, he has no need for a child. Just as the following complications are not needed:

• From a girlfriend with whom it was easy and sweet, a woman turns into... a second wife.
• The connection is not easy to hide anyway, and if a child appears, then even more so. You won't last long on tricks and lies. In the end, you will have to admit everything.
• Confession entails the subsequent disclosure of the secret to relatives and friends, which is completely unnecessary for a decent married man.
• Time is always short, and finances sometimes sing romances, so the appearance of another child is completely inappropriate.

In fact, an affair starts only as a distraction from everyday troubles and boring routine. The purpose of a girlfriend is to please and give joy, which the faithful does not receive from his legal companion.

And here it’s worth stopping and asking - why do many unfaithful husbands tend to tell their illegitimate halves: I want a child from you? After all, in this way they seduce their passions and give reason to think that a child together will make them a strong couple? There are examples when partners even persuade them to give birth to a son or daughter. Why? After all, in fact, they are completely unaware that the desire to become a father is completely absent. This behavior can only be explained by natural instinct - procreation. The desire to have a little person arises in every stable couple who experiences genuine feelings. Therefore, attention: when a married man declares his “dream” out loud, a woman needs to mean something different: I would like you to give birth, but I believe that you are smart and will not get pregnant, because I can’t, I’m married.

Here are some more examples of what a married partner thinks:

• Of course, I agree, but it is unlikely that this will happen, because you have not been able to get pregnant for several years. There is nothing to worry about, requests can be satisfied.
• Give birth to me, you will be happy, and I will find someone else - anyway, our relationship is already losing its meaning.
• At the moment when I said what I wanted, I really wanted it, but now it turns out I didn’t.
• All my former and present ones give birth to me. Come on, you too! I like to feel like a male.

It turns out that male desire is purely abstract. In a sensual impulse, he does not even imagine what consequences await him (and not only) when a little man is born. All a man's guess is enough for is that sex will be less frequent. As for help and the split into two sides, reason is silent.

The desired little child is just a kind of poetic symbol with the help of which people in love want to consolidate the union. Therefore, when a passion gives in to persuasion or independently makes a decision about pregnancy, she needs to know that most of these “romantics” immediately run away after birth. Those who have more stamina can still be around during pregnancy, but after that you shouldn’t count on spending time together: caring for a baby is tantamount to a nightmare for a man.

And the situation itself goes beyond the initially planned relationship. A love affair on the side loses all meaning, and the mistress turns into a burden.

Now let’s ask what psychologists advise to do.

The first thing is to decide on the marital relationship, find out what is between you - love or just a habit? Evaluate your official companion with a sober look. Perhaps someone else's pregnancy will be a reason to be convinced of the importance of your wife and the relationship that you have created for many years.

Secondly, if your mistress gets knocked up, this is not a reason to convince yourself that you need to go to her. Dating and living together are two opposite poles. When leaving, think about whether you will eventually get yourself another person for pleasure? After all, routine will overtake you there too.

Third, you should tell everything to your wife. If she is wise and truly loves you, she will not only understand, but will also help you figure it out. Naturally, the conversation should be careful and delicate. Shock cannot be avoided, but it is possible that over time, thanks to betrayal and such a joint solution to a sensitive issue, the marriage will reach a new, more stable level.

If your pregnant lover is more important to you, if she is desired and loved, and your old marriage has long become a heavy burden, then leave. And don’t think that your wife will feel bad without you, that she won’t cope. It will be even worse for her with you. Especially after what happened. Also, forget to think about what people will say. Often it is those around him who stop a person and do not allow him to make the right decision. The rumor that a scoundrel broke up with such a wonderful woman and exchanged him for another, stray woman, often blocks access to real happiness.

But if there is no love, and the betrayal was a grave mistake, then there is no point in changing anything.

Tell your spouse about what happened, repent and ask not to “wash dirty linen in public.”

Otherwise, even here, gossip cannot be avoided: he decided to break up with his pregnant mistress, “he fucked him up and left him,” where his wife was looking, etc. Discussions and sidelong glances must be endured. It’s better not to pay attention and take care of the question of what to do with the little one. It is up to the expectant mother to decide whether to give birth or terminate the pregnancy. You just have to try to take it where it's due. If she wants to give birth, knowing that you will not be together, do not think that responsibility has been lifted from your shoulders. Understand that from now on you have another child who needs care and guardianship. And this is for life.

And for that matter, you have a responsibility, more than ever. By deciding your fate, you decide several more destinies (including all offspring). Make the right choice. And to keep inevitable suffering to a minimum, start from sober reason and truthful arguments.

A man sometimes cannot resist the temptation to have a mistress. After all, there are so many beautiful women around with whom you want to chat, flirt, and show your masculine strength in bed. Of course, a man can start a serious relationship with one woman, even marry her. However, this does not negate the fact that other beauties will periodically pass by and visit you. A man cannot take his eyes anywhere, so sometimes he is tempted to have an affair with his mistress. And the result of such a relationship may be pregnancy. What to do if your mistress suddenly becomes pregnant?

Pregnancy is usually a topic for a female audience. They bear children, give birth, and then raise babies in the early years. However, men also become participants in the process, albeit a little indirectly. After all, a woman begins to demand that the future father of her child continue the relationship with her, look after and take care of her, pay money for all expenses, etc. This behavior of a woman is justified, because:

1. Who needs her while she's pregnant? Imagine that for about 6-7 months, while a woman is already walking around with a bulging belly, she will not be able to meet a new man and seduce him. And after giving birth, a woman will also not have time to start a relationship with someone.
2. Who needs it with a child? Many men are not yet ready to raise other people's children.

The woman trusted the man, surrendered to him, and now expects responsible behavior on his part when he learns about the emerging life after their sexual intercourse. But a man may have his own life circumstances that a woman does not take into account. Let's try to give advice to men who find themselves in a situation where their mistresses are pregnant.

A man is married and expecting a child from his mistress

Mistresses often arise when a man is already seriously building a relationship with someone or is even married. Often, mistresses arise during periods when wives are pregnant, and it is not yet possible to sleep with them for certain reasons. But here the difficulties are compounded by the fact that the mistress also becomes pregnant. What should a man do?

1. Determine the presence of pregnancy. This advice applies to anyone who is told they are pregnant. First, find out for sure that the woman is pregnant. In the first months of her “interesting” position, you will not be able to determine this, since her belly will not grow yet. Here you must make sure that pregnancy exists at all. To do this, you need to go with your lover for an examination to a gynecologist or for an ultrasound so that specialists can confirm the presence of a baby.

Do not believe any strange pregnancy tests (they can show a false result) or the papers you bring. You can print these documents yourself or borrow from other women. Your mistress should hear in front of you that she is pregnant or simply get advice from a gynecologist on how to continue her pregnancy.

1. Help the woman financially. If your mistress turns out to be pregnant, then it is better to help her financially. Of course, you can refuse this point and say that you will not participate in the pregnancy, but this will show you as a weak person. We're not saying that you have to give away all your money. We suggest you act humanely. Say that you will give your mistress some amounts of money, as best you can, so that the wife does not notice anything and does not find out about anything.

1. Do not register your child immediately after birth. If you are not divorcing your wife in order to build a family relationship with your mistress, then you must be absolutely sure that your mistress gave birth to a child from you. Understand that mistresses, in order to lure men away from their families, are not only willing to lie about their pregnancy (so you must confirm it together), but also become pregnant by other men and say that the children are yours. After the baby is born, take a DNA test. Only after this test confirms your paternity, agree to register yourself as a father or do not do so.

You may not be listed as the father on the child's birth certificate. However, you should at least understand whether this child is yours or someone else’s. As for financial assistance for the upbringing and development of the child, this is also a voluntary matter, until the mistress goes to court to obtain alimony from you. She can get them from you only if she presents a DNA test for your paternity. Otherwise, she won't succeed.

Should you tell your wife about your mistress’s baby? This question is purely individual. Each man must decide for himself what will suit his situation:

• You can tell your wife about your mistress and unborn child. She may be happy about the baby and even offer to take him in, if she herself does not have children, loves little ones and has always dreamed of a full-fledged family. She may offer to pay her mistress money so that she gives up the baby. Your wife may leave you if you have children, she will not be able to forgive your betrayal, she does not like children at all. Also, your wife can save your marriage, but not be interested in your child. This situation may arise if feelings between you have ceased or have never existed, and your marriage is a mutually beneficial union.
• You don't have to tell your wife anything. She will not know about anything unless other “kind” people, including the mistress herself, tell you about the presence of your son/daughter. You can calmly help your second family without infringing on the interests of the first family.

It’s good if a man has a high income, when he can freely help his child and continue to live for his own pleasure.

Do you need to divorce your wife in order to go to your mistress? Nobody obliges you to do this. If you want, you can continue to live with your wife, and just date your mistress and raise your common child. If your mistress threatens to leave, tell your wife everything, or forbid you to see your baby, then do not fall for her threats. The mistress must understand that you will act as you are comfortable, and not as she wants.

If you love your mistress, then you can think about divorcing your wife in order to build a new unit of society together with your baby.

The man is single and expecting a child from his mistress

Events unfold a little more simply if a man is free from any serious or marital relationships, when his mistress tells him about her pregnancy. What should a gentleman do? He is also recommended to first establish the fact of pregnancy, since women often resort to deception in order to force them to be close to them and even get married, and then wait until the child is born to find out whether you are his father, thanks to a DNA test.

It is not necessary to build a serious relationship with your mistress if you are indifferent to her and have never wanted to have a serious relationship. She may give birth to a child, which you, in principle, do not have to refuse. You can give her money for various procedures and raising the child, even see him yourself in order to participate in his development. At the same time, you can continue to remain a free person if a bachelor’s life is too dear to you.

However, if you want a family, then you can consider marrying a woman. We still recommend that all men establish their paternity through a DNA test, even if they married their mistresses who became pregnant from them. Otherwise, it may turn out that your mistress became pregnant by someone else, and ringed you.

Is an abortion necessary?

Often the first reaction of men who were simply playing love games is the desire to force women to have an abortion. If you don’t go into the moral principles of society, then abortion also takes place. It becomes especially relevant if neither the man nor the woman wants a child.

You can talk about abortion, but it is better not to insist, since it is still up to the woman to decide whether she will undergo the procedure to terminate the pregnancy or not. Moreover, a woman may have a negative attitude towards a proposal from a man from whom she expected a different reaction. If your mistress is dear to you, you love her (despite the fact that you do not want to part with your wife), then it is better to gently suggest that she have an abortion. If your mistress does not agree, then accept her decision and come to terms with the fact that you will soon become a dad.

Remember that the child:

1. Doesn't oblige you to love your mistress!
2. Does not oblige you to marry your mistress!
3. Does not oblige you to divorce your wife!
4. Does not oblige you to do everything your mistress wants and demands!

The child is your blood. You are only obligated to provide him financially - this is the bare minimum. In the best case, the child will oblige you to simply allocate time for him when you walk with him, communicate, educate him and simply participate in his life.

An abortion is not always necessary, especially if you and your wife do not have children or you are already thinking about having a child while being single. You don't have to have a relationship with your lover. However, you will have to establish your paternity by taking a DNA test and adding you as the father on the child’s birth certificate if your mistress begins to resist this. Establishing you as the child's father will give you the opportunity to participate in his life as a full-time parent without the consent of his mother.

Bottom line

The pregnancy of a mistress is actually not always a tragedy, as men are usually used to reacting to such news. You are not obligated to divorce your wife and start a family with your mistress, no matter what anyone says. If you have fears about your wife who might find out about everything, then that's a different question. However, the child does not oblige you to anything unless you want it yourself. It is better to love your child; he is not to blame for anything, since all your conflicts arise with your mistress, and not with him personally.

Hello. After reading the article “I can’t be a mistress all my life,” it was as if I was looking in the mirror. But in my situation there is an important “but”! I'm pregnant, my boyfriend really wanted this child, when we started dating, there were a lot of conversations on this topic. Now he loudly declared that he was tired of our relationship (the fact is that he lives in another city and came to see me every evening after work, but this journey took him no more than 20 minutes), plus the costs have increased. He said that if I want, I can have an abortion, and that’s all over! I’m 4 months old, I’ve already seen my baby on an ultrasound, I can’t go to this, but I can’t do it without my loved one! For the sake of this man, I broke my contract with a company abroad, I broke my marriage with my former chosen one. He burst into my life and turned everything upside down within a year. It seems to me that he was simply afraid that I might demand his divorce, but there was never even a hint on my part. I understand that the situation is banal and as old as time, but maybe you will know better from the outside and you can at least somehow help me with advice.

Svetlana, Ukraine, Zhytomyr, 25 years old / 04/01/08

Our experts' opinions

• Alyona

  Another confirmation that for the sake of a married man who takes the wrong turn, cheating on his wife with you, you shouldn’t sacrifice anything that you might regret later. In general, of course, let me not believe that you did not have any long-term plans for this person. You refused to pursue a career, left your fiancé in order to periodically spend time with someone else’s husband? And she decided to give birth to a child from him solely out of great love? Then what is all this talk about abortion? Or was the child still an attempt to change the situation in his favor? And since the attempt failed, thoughts began to torment me: was it all in vain and is it worth getting rid of the pregnancy before it’s too late? You know, all this, of course, is sad. But I would recommend taking the positives from the current situation. First of all, you will become the mother of a wonderful baby. Secondly, now you see for yourself what kind of man your lover was - a cowardly, deceitful, selfish bastard who deceives women, takes advantage of them, singing to them what they want to hear, and then leaves them in a difficult situation. A man who offers his woman to have an abortion, to kill a child just because the pregnant woman has become inconvenient and uninteresting to him is not the kind of person for whom you should sacrifice even one day of your life. So consider yourself lucky to find out everything about your lover before he stole ten years of your life from you. After all, you could wake up not at 25, but at 35 - no friends, no reliable man nearby, no family, no children. Tell him thank you for his frankness and start building your life without him.

• Sergey

  Let's think sensibly. I understand that this is not typical for you, but tense up. So. First of all, let's not pin all the blame on the guy. You broke the contract with the company. On their own initiative. As far as I have learned in my life, people never give up what they really want. So let's be honest - you didn't really want to go anywhere. And the man who turned up was at that moment only a reason not to do what I didn’t want. Otherwise, everything would have turned out differently, and now you would write something like: I’m here, he’s there, but I have an interesting job, tell me, why the hell do I need him. Actually, you broke up with your ex-boyfriend for the same reason. There was nothing there. I just needed to get married, my relatives, friends, and familiar ears were buzzing, so I got ready. And as soon as the opportunity presented itself, I dropped everything. As I understand it, there wasn’t much going on with my current comrade at first either. It was just a protest against everything. So I protested. In general, so far everything is correct. You don't have to do what you don't want to do. What is wrong is that you decided to consider a person who was just a tool to achieve a certain goal as “the one.” No, it is understandable, of course, that you had to somehow explain your actions, and great love explains everything, but still. You knew he was married. You knew he wasn't going to start a family with you. Well, tell me, what did you achieve by having sex without contraception? In my opinion, you just wanted him, having learned about the pregnancy, to give up everything, get married, and everyone around would say that yes, that’s right, that you didn’t go anywhere, there’s such love here. Then, of course, everything would fall apart, but, as they sang, that’s for later. That is, you wanted to solve your own problems. I decided. Well done. Now about what to do now. In my opinion, in order for a man to be discouraged from wandering left and right in the future, it is worth teaching him a lesson. The best way is financial. Calculate approximately how much you lost due to the fact that you did not go abroad, add the cost of maintaining a child under 18 years of age and tell your friend that you are ready not to annoy him in any way if you receive this amount. Otherwise, both his wife and everyone around him will find out about everything, since you are going to sue him to establish paternity and demand alimony... You have nothing to lose. He already left you. Therefore, no mental tossing and pity. In the end, you need to leave at least something as a keepsake, besides the child and a bunch of problems. In my opinion, Ukrainian bank notes of large denomination or euros are best suited for this purpose. You can, of course, use American dollars, but the exchange rate has been too unfavorable lately.

08.03.2014

So, a terrible trouble happened in your life, namely, you found out that mistress your his husband is pregnant. This is a double blow to pride. Not only that your husband is cheating on you. So you are also horrified by the fact that mistress is pregnant. What to do in such a situation? Let's try to figure out the current problem together.

Let's start with the main question. Did you know that your husband has a mistress? There are only two answer options, either yes or no. If you answer the question positively, then deep down you must have been aware of the fact that sooner or later, this could happen. If you answered in the negative, we conclude that your husband did not just cheat on you, he betrayed you. But the essence of our problem is what should we do with this pregnancy?

Pregnant lover She certainly must let you know about her situation, but you, in turn, don’t even think about dealing with her and waging war. After all, your showdowns can lead to a miscarriage. Leave scandals, swearing and your emotions to your husband, or better yet, approach this issue with a cool head.

First of all, you yourself need to decide whether you need your husband after this, whether you are ready to fight for him. Or you simply decide that you are breaking off relations with your husband and filing for divorce, even if you have children together. If you chose the second option, then let's get started. But, the most important rule, never make contact with your mistress. Don't ask her to leave your husband, don't offer to have an abortion. These decisions should definitely be made by just the two of them. For your part, challenge your husband to a frank dialogue and find out for yourself what he thinks about this and what he intends to do. The main thing for you is to understand whether he is going to go to her, whether he wants to have a child.

Of course, the birth of a child is certainly a holiday for every person. But it happens that a child is not planned and not desired. And therefore, many parents, especially single mothers, decide to have an abortion. If your husband belongs to this category of people and wishes that mistress had an abortion, don’t dissuade him, but don’t agree either. Just listen to him why he decided this way and tell him that you will accept any of his decisions. If your husband agrees with the birth of the child and even plans to help him in the future, don’t judge either. Of course, this help will be not only physically and morally, but also, of course, financially. That is, money will go from your joint budget to another family. This is correct, because the responsibility for the child falls on both parents.

What to do if your husband does not leave you, and your mistress wants to quarrel between you in every possible way? Well, in this situation one can understand a mistress. Who wants to raise a child alone, even if there is help from the father. She wants her baby to grow up in a full-fledged family. But in this situation you have an advantage. Which? Yes, such that you are the official wife, that it was not you, but she who invaded your family, she tried to destroy your social unit. As they say, you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Therefore, do not see her. Tell your husband to let him, not you, resolve the issue with his mistress. Tell her not to call you or bother you anymore.

Don't forget the most important thing: confirm your pregnancy. After all, in life it also happens that a mistress, in order to take her husband away from the family, resorts to various tricks. She can easily invent a pregnancy, and when she achieves her goal, she will say that a miscarriage has allegedly occurred, or she will do everything possible to get pregnant in the near future. There is also another trick: she can get pregnant from a complete stranger, and tell your husband that the child is his. In this situation, if your husband doubts paternity, you can only do the DNA of the child and the alleged father, and judge by the result.

Remember, a man will never take a mistress if he is expected and loved at home, appreciated and respected, and treasured. He will never go to the left if he knows and understands that you are his only and real woman, who simply cannot be exchanged for another.

Question answer

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Unfortunately, we do not have children together. One day a girl came to our house and said that she was pregnant from my husband. IAt first she didn’t believe her and kicked her out. Then, after a long conversation, her words were confirmed by her husband. I didn’t start a scandal, but simply let him go to her, hegone. At the same time, he said that he was not leaving me, but going to the child, he wants the baby to grow up in a full-fledged family. Did I do the right thing by not becoming him?hold?

Lena

You acted very wisely in this situation. Whether you did the right thing, there is no clear answer here. Perhaps yes, a child really should grow up in a family, but perhaps not, because each person is the creator of his own happiness. In any case, if your love is strong, your husband will return to you.

After living with my husband for 4 years, I found out that he had a mistress and that she was pregnant. The husband completely denied his guilt, said that he did not cheat on me and that even more sothe child is not his. But I know for sure that the mistress and her pregnancy are reality. I kicked him out of the house and filed for divorce. Do you think notAm I in a hurry?

Nastya

Yes, you were in a hurry. Having lived with your husband for 4 years, it’s not like you didn’t have trust in each other. And are you sure that your spouse lied to you? You should have been 100% sure that there was cheating and that there was a pregnancy from your husband. And of course, wait for your spouse’s recognition.

The relationship between two people is not an easy thing. Unfortunately, betrayal often destroys strong families. Men take mistresses secretly from their wives, wanting: a) to have fun; b) feel new emotions; c) find understanding from another woman, etc. But often secret connections become obvious. Especially often, cheating husbands take off their masks if their mistress becomes pregnant. How should wives behave in this case? Break off the relationship or find a compromise? Should the man be allowed to see the child or should he insist on giving him up?

It can be really difficult for many women to believe the fact that their marital problems have gone so far that the man has (or will soon have) a child on his side. However, the fact is that in this case the problem often lies with the woman. A man will not have a child on the side if he cheated for fun or to seek new sensations. After all, men are breadwinners by definition; they are the support of any family. And each of them often understands that if a woman has a child from him, he will be obliged to help financially, devote time and show his fatherly qualities. Or he will be branded for life as a goat and a real scumbag.

Thus, if a child does appear on the side, the reason must be significant. Most likely, the man became uncomfortable in his own marriage. Any relationship requires work on it, especially for married people. They are simply obliged to maintain the emotional component of the relationship at a high level, so as not to get bogged down in the same type of life. And, unfortunately, the mission of working on marriage usually falls on women’s shoulders. When the wife can't handle it, the man finds a woman who can console/understand/caress/surprise the way he did months or years ago.

Such a woman will not be a one-night stand; most likely, the man will date her regularly. Children may not appear, but with constant sexual contact the probability increases significantly, and a pregnant mistress is a very likely outcome of events.

Can't hide

Men, paradoxically, are cowardly creatures. If it so happens that the mistress becomes pregnant and decides to give birth to a child, the husband may initially not tell his wife about this. However, it is unlikely that it will be possible to hide this fact. Firstly, the cheater may express a desire to participate in the life of the child, then for his wife his income and available time will be sharply reduced. Children are a responsible step! If a man refuses the child, it is possible that his mistress will insist on financial (at least!) support. In the end, probably, the baby himself, when he gets older, will want to find out who his real father is and find him. In any case, there are many factors that can reveal to the wife of a traitor the fact of having a child on the side.

What to do next?

Whenever the fact that the husband has a child from his mistress is revealed, the wife of such a womanizer will inevitably ask the question, “What to do next?” A woman will have to make a decision based on her feelings. She needs to decide: a) whether it is possible to save the marriage; b) is she ready for forgiveness; c) how she feels about the child from her husband’s mistress.

The first step is to think about these questions alone. It is necessary to understand whether the husband wants to save the family and whether you yourself want this, because it is possible that marriage has long been a burden for both of you, and there is no value in it. Or, on the contrary, the man is very dear to you, and you are sure that everyone makes mistakes. In addition, it is very important to honestly answer the question of whether you are ready to truly forgive your husband, not to blame him for cheating, and not to harbor anger within yourself. This is very difficult, however, if the answer is no, the marriage is still doomed to collapse.

Well, in the end you need to determine your attitude towards the child on the side. After all, it is not the baby’s fault that his real father is not a man of the highest moral principles. A child deserves to grow up in a certain amount of prosperity and has the right to some kind of help from his biological father. On the other hand, it is likely that in order to save your marriage, the most important condition for you will be the cessation of any contact between your husband and mistress, which means that communication with your child will simply become impossible. You need to figure all this out on your own, honestly choose the most favorable outcome of events for yourself, and then talk to your husband.

After a constructive dialogue (yes, yes, you shouldn’t make a scandal and break dishes, it will not benefit either you, your husband, or the universe) and some internal reflection, it’s time to make a decision. You should divorce your cheating husband if:

• you admit that marriage has no value and there is no point in maintaining it;
• he himself wants to break the marriage union;
• he wants to fully exist in two families;
• he does not agree with you on the condition of ceasing contact with his mistress or child;
• you are not ready to forgive the traitor.

• you have found mutual understanding with your husband and are ready to work on the relationship;
• the husband accepted your terms regarding the relationship with his mistress and child;
• you are ready to truly forgive your husband.

Thus, the marriage deserves to be saved only when you create the most comfortable conditions for yourself to cope with this blow, and your husband agrees with them.

If you have decided to save your marriage, then the first priority is to work on yourself and your own thoughts. First, try to find the place where the roots are growing. After all, to prevent such a situation from happening again, it is necessary to eradicate the cause of its occurrence. Get rid of what led a man to cheat, start serious work on the relationship, and then it will be easier for you to begin to feel some confidence in your marriage again. Secondly, accept the fact of having a child.

Psychologists advise to perceive him not as a child from his husband’s mistress, but as a child from his past relationships. Psychologically and emotionally, this fact will not affect you so much; you will maintain inner harmony (as much as possible). Well, thirdly, take care of yourself. You have been dealt a serious blow, your internal state has undergone some kind of negative shock, and now you need to return to normal. If you can’t cope with what happened on your own, contact a psychologist; constructive advice from experienced specialists has never harmed anyone. The last recommendation, by the way, is also suitable for those women who decide to divorce their traitorous husband. And she will be the only one. Just work on yourself and believe that you can and will definitely be happy.