As many people say, if you didn’t give it, then suffer alone. Why are so many families falling apart today? The answer is simple: there is no mutual understanding, there is no mutual desire. You just got bored or the bustle of life (being) took away all the beauty and romance. Well, where to go from this existence, what to do to actually become a happy person. Most likely you need to look deep into yourself. Change something inside yourself and then everything will go uphill and everything will work out. And romance and passion and great desire... Everything will come back, you just need the right priorities, they need to be valued and respected, you can’t play with feelings. And then you won't sit alone like a fool.

Let's talk about one question - why does the Wife deny her husband sex?

How often do you hear from men “My wife won’t let me, I don’t understand the reason, I don’t know what to do”... Is it possible to reason with her?

To begin with, I would like to give you one parable. From the life of animals. From the sex life of gorillas.
Biologists observed them - one male and five females - for several years. And they noticed: some representatives of the weaker monkey sex often and persistently offer sex to the male, feigning an extreme degree of readiness. At the same time, the one who is already pregnant is the most active - she clings to her “husband,” the father of her unborn child. Why, one might ask, if the goal has already been achieved and continuation of the family line is ensured? And then, it turns out, so that the male is not distracted by other females. According to scientists, this behavior became a harbinger of monogamy in humans.
The point of the parable: even monkeys understand that a male needs sex, that it strengthens the family. But some human people don’t understand this.

“I’m tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep”
Sexless - psychologists use this term to describe a disgusting phenomenon that has affected both Western and Russian society. Namely, the lack of regular sexual intercourse between spouses. It happens, of course, that husbands deprive their wives of intimate attention. But more often than not, women refuse intimacy. And men, tormented by their libido, hear: “I’m tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep.” Or a completely offensive one: “Where did you go?”

Psychologists have found the answer. But you won't believe how simple and straightforward it is.
The author of one song sings the following words: “You refused me three times, that’s how you are…”
An amazing experiment was conducted by sex therapist from Australia Bettina Arndt. She asked 98 men and women (spouses) to keep anonymous diaries of their intimate lives for a year. And tell them the pure truth. Having received what she wanted, the researcher wrote an entire book
"Why Women Quit Sex and Other Battles in the Bedroom."
Bettina did not make the shocking discovery that there were many reasons. And they are usually different for everyone. But I still came across a few common ones.
First: for some reason, most wives believe that sex should only happen when, where and how they want. But at the same time they do not communicate their thoughts to their husbands. And they simply refuse. Like, you have to understand it yourself. But he, the goat, doesn’t understand. And he climbs. And he gets offended even later.
In other words, wives make their husbands guilty of untimely advances. And they themselves are offended by them - such is women’s logic. And this resentment, in turn, becomes a reason for refusal...
Second: the wife holds some kind of grudge against her husband, even if it’s a very small one: for example, he didn’t take out the trash, didn’t ask how she was doing at work, said nasty things to his mother-in-law. And, sulking, he “punishes” with deprivation of intimacy. But again, it doesn't tell the reason for the sex strike. They are silent as a log.
But even when they say the same notorious “I’m tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep,” many women omit the details. Or maybe they really had a hard day at work. And they are so preoccupied with her that there is no room for thoughts about sex in their heads.
But dear readers, what is the conclusion: the bedroom is not a battlefield for psychics, and husbands are not clever telepaths. They need to explain it in detail. And don’t let things get to the point of deep grievances.

No need for romance, better go straight to bed.
“I love my wife,” someone says, essentially confirming the conclusion of the Australian researcher. - I want a wife all the time, although we have been together for 20 years. But she doesn’t care about me. And all the conversations on this topic yield nothing. He doesn’t go to the doctor: “I’m not sick!” I’m physically healthy - porn turns me on, but knowing this, it doesn’t allow me to turn it on. And nothing helps: we go on vacation, and go to restaurants, and to dances - there are more than enough romances..."
Bettina explains that passion, or even basic lust, which pushes newlyweds into each other's arms, cannot last forever. Moreover, it manifests itself equally in both spouses. Yes, even after many years. The production of sexual hormones responsible for it - passion - fades away in about 18 months.
The researcher has found the most primitive production enhancer - sex. But how can you be “treated” by sex if it doesn’t exist?! Very simple, says Bettina. I can’t through it. Through “I’m tired - my head hurts - I want to sleep.”
A woman must realize the harmfulness of sexless, understand how painful it is for a loving husband and destructive for the family. And do not refuse, always agree when your husband asks. Unless, of course, she was overcome by an attack of appendicitis.

Less than a year ago, I left my husband, with whom I lived for almost 10 years, but I was never able to build happiness with him; I have no children. Around the same time, I met a man whom I fell in love with. Moreover, he fell in love at first sight, began to court me, call, and surrounded me on all sides with his attention and tenderness. But he’s been married for 20 years, has two school-age children, doesn’t play around, he just “messed up the devil” with me. Out of foolishness, and maybe out of fatigue after a failed family life, I agreed to a relationship with him. We have been dating for almost a year, we feel very good together, every month his affection grows stronger, calls more and more often during the day, constantly raising the topic of my future motherhood and children. Although he has no plans to leave the family, there is a strong rear there, everything is “packed”. We didn’t discuss this, but I won’t stop him, and if he hasn’t made up his mind in a year, he won’t make up his mind. How can a 40-year-old man suddenly fall in love with another woman and calmly continue to live with his wife? Does his wife really not see anything? It’s high time to save the family! And what should I do, give me advice.

Svetlana, Rostov-on-Don, 32 years old / 05.16.14

Our experts' opinions

• Alyona

  Svetlana, let's not move from a sore head to a healthy one, shall we? What “the wife doesn’t see”? If the husband is good at lying and covering his tracks, then the wife, who is accustomed to trusting him, can remain blissfully unaware of his adventures for a long time. Do you think this is a disadvantage for the wife and that she doesn’t fuss and doesn’t save the family? No, Sveta, this is a minus for your boyfriend, who knows how to lie perfectly. Indeed, you have to be a complete cynic to have an affair with a divorced, childless woman, blow into her ears about “children,” and then return home, kiss his wife (and not only kiss, you yourself understand that their beds are not in different rooms), smile at the children... Can you imagine what a skillful double life your lover lives? And, most importantly, if he is now so cleverly deceiving his wife, then why did you decide that he was only telling you the truth? About the fact that he is “not a walker” and that only a woman like you could lead him astray? He could have had women before you. Why do most mistresses suddenly believe so sacredly that men who deceive their wives tell them only the truth and nothing but the truth? Where is the logic? Your lover is not just a cynic, he is also a scoundrel. He is perfectly “packed” - he has a family, he has a wife, he has children, and now he also has a mistress. What do you have besides someone else’s husband? And what is your fate if you become pregnant by him? He is clearly in no hurry to leave his family. But just believe me, every tenth letter here is about this; when you are heavily pregnant, his interest in you will greatly diminish. It is now that he is interested in you - while you are free, without obligations and tails. And you will be in the seventh or eighth month, what will he do with you? Most likely, it will end first with promises of material assistance, and then he will slowly disappear from your life altogether. And you will have a new topic for writing: is it worth filing for alimony, telling his wife and generally seeking justice, since he is so and so. Even if he is ready to live with two families, quietly, just imagine what it will be like when your child will have all the holidays without his dad, because dad will be with his official family. Even on New Year's Day. And what will you tell the child? And most importantly, for how long? In general, Sveta, don’t romanticize your relationship with a lover who simply “has” you and keeps you hooked with the words you want to hear. He understands perfectly well that at 32 it’s time for you to want “children,” so he starts these conversations. But it’s not at all a fact that he says this because he wants to help you become a mother. It may very well be that he is just testing the waters and hopes that you will say that children are not of interest to you and are not in your plans yet (after all, you lived 10 years of marriage without children). Maybe this is just the ideal option for him? A childless lover is so wonderful. Until she gets old. And there you can hit the young “meat”. Who said that the “devil in the rib” only hits once? In general, did you want some advice? I give: leave your lover to his family, which you don’t seem to want to break up. This relationship has already eaten up a year of your life. If you continue to fool yourself, you will wake up at the age of forty without a family and without children. Or you will wake up earlier - in the role of a single mother and with greatly diminished prospects for improving your personal life.

• Sergey

  Svetlana, personally, I think that your friend is behaving meanly. And to say that he loves you madly is not true. No, it’s clear that you want it to be like this. But desires and reality quite often do not coincide. Your lover is simply using you for personal pleasure, but nothing more. If only because a man who truly loves a woman will be with her, no matter what stands in the way. And children are not a hindrance here. Your uncle openly says that he is not going to get a divorce because he has everything “packed” already. That is, they openly tell you that you cannot count on anything more than the role of a mistress. This alone is actually an insult because it shows clear disrespect. However, as I understand, you are not one of the squeamish people and fully accept such an attitude towards yourself. Well, everyone is different. But the fact is that those who are not respected will not be loved either. It just won't work. But fucking your wife on the sly is welcome. Well, so that you don’t get too indignant, they periodically give you a sweetener in the form of conversations about children. And you believe. Well, apparently, indeed, hunting is worse than captivity. However, I strongly advise you to think about two points. First, try to put yourself in the shoes of a woman with two children and answer honestly, would you like your husband to suddenly have a mistress? What would you think about her? And if you are not going to beat off a man, then why are you doing such meanness to a woman who is not guilty of anything before you? Couldn’t refuse a married man who started flirting? Lies. You didn't want to. And now you are looking for options on how to take him away from the family. Well, how do you look in all this? And can you build happiness on such grief of another woman and her children? Personally, I think it's very unlikely. Yes, you understand this yourself. And if this is so, then, secondly, continuing this relationship is just getting on the nerves of both yourself and those around you, and even wasting precious time. Well, why do you need this? You are already 32 years old. This is not old age, of course, but also not seventeen years, when it is quite possible to spend a dozen years on entertainment. Your clock is ticking, and the longer you waste your time on a hopeless relationship, the more bitter you will be when it ends. Although, of course, everyone is free to ruin their life in their own way.

Every man feels like Tom Cruise at least once in his life. She left, but promised to return... While she’s gone, you need to do everything that you can’t do in the presence of your wife! Mission Possible!

1. When your wife doesn’t have Instagram

2. Flushing the radiator. Oh, I wish I didn’t find out!

3. Same situation. I would have gotten it in the neck!

4. There are still 3 left. We must hurry before my wife returns from work...

5. Even when you can’t see your spouse, you can only stare at such “beauties”

6. It may seem that this photo is about fish and beer, but no! It's all about the socks, which have been lying on the radiator for several days!

7. Men love extreme sports, so even ordinary cooking is not complete without adrenaline.

8. And sometimes I would still like to be under the careful supervision of my beloved

9. They always find something from their wife’s wardrobe that they definitely need to try on and then take a funny photo

Many people know me, but no one knows what kind of wife’s dress I wear while she’s not at home.

Boy's quote book (@loveborshch) April 3, 2017

10. What do you do when your spouse turns away?

11. “When my wife is not there….I go to the gym”

If a wife no longer loves her husband, there are usually many signs of a problem. From indifference to irritability, from a decrease in fire in bed to the loss of common interests - any man can notice growing problems. How does a woman behave in a relationship in the absence of love, and is it possible to fight this?

The first signs of wife's indifference

Women by nature find it difficult to hide their lack of feelings. The first problems in the family go side by side with changes in the lady’s appearance. A woman stops taking care of herself, rarely waxes, and does not buy new clothes. She no longer wants to interest her other half, which first affects her external state. However, gradually the problem affects her inner world. Thus, against the background of a lack of love, the following states of a girl arise:

One can tolerate a person's shortcomings only if there is love. However, when feelings pass, even the dignity of the spouse can inspire anger and aggression. That is why a wife whose feelings have faded turns into an aggressive fury. Literally anything can make her angry, including the positive actions of a man.

This state also has the opposite form: isolation mixed with silence. The woman refuses to make contact, does not listen to the man’s conversations, and does not try to establish a dialogue. Sometimes it seems that the lady simply tolerates the man without seeing any of his merits.

From love to hate or how to determine that your wife’s feelings have long faded away

Psychologists believe that signs that a wife does not love a man appear immediately as soon as the feeling fades away. However, some representatives of the stronger sex manage not to notice this. What signs speak eloquently about the complete extinction of the once burning love?

• a woman refuses to perform marital duties without explanation;
• she spends more time with friends outside the home than with her husband;
• a woman makes important decisions without consulting her lover;
• periodic and frequent infidelity may also indicate fading feelings.

At this stage, it is already difficult to save the relationship, because the girl has long come to terms with the fact that she has no love for her husband, and therefore she has begun to make changes in her daily life. Such a woman makes all decisions alone, neglects her husband in every possible way, and spends time with anyone other than him. At the same time, in words she can be the most faithful and loving wife.

The risk of betrayal at this stage increases markedly, because the woman is indifferent to her husband, and only marriage bonds keep her in this relationship. The performance of basic housekeeping duties is reduced to a minimum, and the number of quarrels grows exponentially.

Leave or stay: behavior options for men

Psychologists are confident that if a wife does not love her husband, and there are more and more signs of an impending divorce, the relationship is not worth fighting for. Cheating, indifference, wild lifestyle - all this kills relationships and does not allow people to be happy with each other. And if all happiness disappears from the family, marriage turns into a heavy duty with a lot of problems for both partners.

However, there are cases when a woman’s love can still be returned, and here are some of them:

• if the wife only periodically behaves aggressively or indifferently, this can be attributed to her character traits or to the early stage of the “disease” of love;
• if a woman’s behavior is associated with a man’s negative action, then it is necessary to fight for marriage, because love can still be alive;
• if the wife’s behavior is only a reaction to the same behavior of her husband, then the relationship can also be saved, but the chances of success are minimal.

Of course, if the husband’s feelings are strong, then it is necessary to fight for the marriage to the last. When a relationship brings more suffering than joy, it is better to let it go. Perhaps a man and a woman were simply not made for each other, and that is why their love eventually passed.

How can you save a relationship if the wife does not love her husband? Sometimes signs of problems with feelings disappear with intense care and the presence of romance in the life of a couple. In other words, by surrounding his beloved with maximum affection and attention, a man can revive her love. You can also try to add variety to family life, visit theaters and museums together, and travel.

You shouldn’t ignore going to a family psychologist, because qualified help sometimes saves even the most hopeless marriages. You will have to act quickly, because as soon as a woman is convinced that she does not love a man, she will leave, and nothing will stop her.

Anna, Moscow