Today, it is especially difficult to bring to life the words of St. John Chrysostom, who taught: “Make your home a Church.” And the families of not only non-believers, but also churchgoers are breaking up. Why does this happen? How to save a family, how to make it truly a Church? How to resolve emerging conflicts and discord? And how to raise children to be pious and believers? We are talking about this with Hieromonk Job (Gumerov).
Modern marriages are very fragile. It is not difficult to understand why families of unbelieving spouses who are far from spiritual life fall apart. However, family well-being is not always observed among Orthodox Christians. What are the reasons here?
Most young spouses do not know that mutual sympathy, love, the need for communication - in a word, everything that determined their mutual choice and desire to get married is not enough for lasting and full-fledged family happiness. From the day they became husband and wife, special and difficult work must begin to create a family as a spiritual and moral organism. For those who want to have happiness and constant joy, the family is a real school for acquiring the most important gospel virtues: love, humility, a peaceful spirit, the gift of reasoning. Everything should be imbued with love. It is precisely that love which, in the words of the Holy Apostle Paul, “is long-suffering, merciful, does not envy, does not become conceited, is not proud, does not act rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor. 13: 4-7). If a husband and wife from the very beginning of their marriage remember this commandment given to all Christians, then they themselves will be happy and their children will be taught true piety.
Most often, a family is destroyed as a result of quarrels that are born from pride and pride. These passions blind a person. After several minutes of scandal, bitterness remains in the soul for many hours.
Even just good character and wisdom are enough to prevent family life from being poisoned by scandals. did not know the revealed truth, but was able to get along with his wife Xanthippe, who had a difficult, extremely grumpy character. One day she got angry and then poured a vessel of slop on her husband’s head. What about Socrates? Divorced? Did you drive your wife away? Beaten? No. He joked good-naturedly: “After a storm like that, it was bound to rain.” His student Alcibiades was very worried about his beloved teacher and asked why he did not drive her away. “Because,” said Socrates, “having it, I practice patience and meekness, with which I then endure insolence and insults from others. A good husband must correct or tolerate his wife's shortcomings. If he corrects them, he will create a nice girlfriend for himself. If he endures them, he works to improve himself.”
Notice the thoughts flowing into your soul
It is necessary to carefully examine your spiritual life and try to see the reason for the loss of love. Most often, it lies in the fact that selfishness has crowded out the ability to love from our hearts. Love can be reborn, but this requires intense prayer and considerable spiritual work.
Do you need to monitor your thoughts about your spouse and, say, stop all negative ones? How much can this help? Or should we deal with the cause and not the effect?
You should always monitor your thoughts, and not only those related to your spouse. The holy righteous John of Kronstadt advises: “People who try to lead a spiritual life experience the most subtle and most difficult war through thoughts : every moment to be a bright eye to everyone, in order to notice the thoughts flowing into the soul from the evil one and reflect them; Such people should always have their hearts burning with faith, humility, and love. Otherwise, the wickedness of the devil will easily take up residence in him, behind the wickedness - lack of faith and unbelief, and then all kinds of evil, which you cannot quickly wash away with tears. Therefore, do not allow your heart to be cold, especially during prayer, avoid cold indifference in every possible way" ( John of Kronstadt, holy righteous. My life in Christ. 1:20).
If one of the spouses is an unbeliever
The most common mistake is accusations of unbelief. There is no better sermon than personal example
The most common mistake is accusations of unbelief. There is no better sermon than personal example. The wife must see the fruits of her husband’s spiritual life: the everlasting good mood, joy, caring for loved ones. You need to take on special daily prayer work for your husband/wife. You can read an akathist to the Savior or the Mother of God.
- The Church blesses you to live with an unbelieving spouse. Why? What is the meaning of such a marriage?
This blessing is based on the First Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Corinthians: “If a brother has an unbelieving wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her; and a wife who has an unbelieving husband, and he agrees to live with her, should not leave him” (1 Cor. 7: 12-13). The meaning of such a marriage is explained by the holy apostle as follows: “An unbelieving husband is sanctified by a believing wife, and an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband. Otherwise your children would have been unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Cor. 7:14).
We are talking about marriages that arose when both spouses were not Christians. If one of them turned to Christ, then he should not divorce his unbelieving spouse. The Supreme Apostle hopes that the fruits of his spiritual life will lead his husband or wife to the true faith.
Family or Church?
Running away from problems in relationships, a person can go into church life, into books about spiritual life, into services. It would seem that this is good. But the problem remains. How important is it for a married person to solve problems in his family?
If you do not arrange your family on the basis of peace and mutual understanding, then there will be no success in spiritual life
This most often happens to those who have recently joined the church. According to the words of St. Basil the Great, every thing is decorated with measure. If such a person does not arrange his family on the basis of peace and mutual understanding, then he will not succeed in spiritual life. We must be able to lovingly be able to tolerate the spiritual weaknesses of the people around us, but never follow their lead. You only need to please God. Certain evidence that we are building our lives correctly is inner satisfaction, joyful mood, and peace of mind. The focus of our lives should be the fulfillment of the gospel commandments.
You can often hear the following marriage formula: Christian marriage is a husband, a wife, and Christ between them. What does it mean?
The Savior said: “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). This gospel thought is revealed by St. John Chrysostom: “Where are the husband, wife and children united by the bonds of virtue , harmony and love, there is Christ among them.”
Churching is not a panacea: marriages of believers fall apart, and non-believers live together to a ripe old age. Is there some secret that is known not only to Christians?
- “Preservation of the correct order in the human race family life and family happiness,” says the wonderful preacher Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharyov; 1820-1901), “is the subject of God’s special care and providence... The best thinkers have always considered families to be the basis of human societies and states, seedbeds of talents and good inclinations in young generations, the beginning of human well-being , a consolation for the working people, a refuge for the orphaned and lonely, a shelter where the quiet and serene happiness of the human heart lives and is kept.” Throughout the long history of mankind, the strength of the family was maintained by traditions and customs, which are destroyed by modern civilization, driven by the spirit of consumerism and hedonism.
When there is discord in the family
What to do if your spouse does not want to discuss life together and does not agree to talk? How important is the ability to talk in family life?
A family is a unity of the closest people. Openness, complete mutual trust and the desire to coordinate everything with each other are a sign of the spiritual and moral health of the family. “We have lived,” Tertullian writes to his wife, “enough long life, helping each other with reasonable advice" ( Tertullian. To my wife. I. 1). The spouse’s reluctance to discuss life together indicates that trouble has arisen. The reasons can be different: deep, serious or temporary and surmountable.
- In what cases is it necessary to find an “arbitrator”, and in what cases should we figure it out ourselves?
No “arbitration court” can help. Restoring peace in the family requires special spiritual work from spouses. I would even say: a feat.
- Is it generally acceptable to “wash dirty linen in public” - ask the advice of friends, girlfriends, complain to your confessor?
You should not talk to anyone about the sorrows and temptations that befell the family. It is not ethical to talk about the infirmities of a loved one. But this is even more unacceptable for spiritual reasons. Most often, the spouse discusses the painful problems that have arisen with their parents. They are looking for support and consolation, but do not realize how much harm this brings to the family. Parents, as a rule, develop a strong dislike for their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Even when the crisis is overcome, the distrust and dislike of parents remains. But even with friends or co-workers, family troubles cannot be discussed. Random and useless advice does not go unnoticed, but has a detrimental effect on the family.
Only a conversation with an experienced priest can be beneficial. But his advice does not free spouses from sacrifice and humble labor for the sake of family happiness.
Many people advise starting with yourself in conflicts. How can a person start with himself if he feels that he is disadvantaged in some way by his “other half”?
If there is a painful misunderstanding and disagreement between the spouses, then we must strictly pray. When praying, it is important to take all the blame upon yourself. Then God's all-powerful help will come.
I will give an example that does not relate to the family, but clearly shows the beneficial effect of humility. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk once came to visit a landowner he knew. He had a freethinking nobleman as his guest. A dispute arose about faith. The guest lost his temper and hit Saint Tikhon. He immediately fell to his knees and began to ask for forgiveness: “Forgive me for God’s sake that I brought you into such a frenzy.” This was not just the meekness of the saint, but a feat of humility. A miracle happened. The arguing guest himself fell to his knees and begged with tears to forgive him. Grace touched his heart. He changed his life and became a believer.
In addition to meekness and humility, a wife needs to take a close look at herself and the life of her family in order to see and correct omissions. A husband should do the same if he sees his wife’s reluctance to jointly resolve family issues.
- How to deal with the accumulated over the years life together grievances, claims?
We must remember that our spiritual life is complete only when we fulfill the gospel commandments. We are all like the unmerciful debtor from the Gospel parable. The Lord forgives us the countless sins (ten thousand talents) that we commit every day, but we remember the offenses of our neighbors and cannot forgive a debt of 100 fines. “Mercy and condescension towards neighbors and forgiveness of their shortcomings is the shortest path to salvation ", reminded the Monk Ambrose of Optina.
Once again about the wedding
Many spouses, even after joining the church, put it off, citing unpreparedness, the fact that there is no such closeness between them. How true is this? Can a wedding help solve family problems, or should you solve problems first and then get married?
When churchgoers, having formalized their marriage, postpone the wedding indefinitely, they are not confident in the strength of their family. There is a very precise concept in the Holy Scriptures - loyalty . A Christian must be faithful, first of all, to God. “Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life” (Rev. 2:10). It follows from this that fidelity must be an immutable principle of life for us: fidelity to the Church, fidelity to our saving teaching, fidelity to the marital vow. “He who is faithful in a little is also faithful in much, and he who is unfaithful in a little is also unfaithful in much” (Luke 16:10).
We need to get married. It is necessary, leaving doubts and indecision, to build a family and follow the patristic instructions: “Make your home Church “You are responsible for the salvation of both children and household members” ( John Chrysostom, saint. Eight words on the book of Genesis. Word 6. 2).
Pitfalls of family life
- They often say: “The family boat crashed into everyday life.” Why is life so scary? And how not to break on it?
This is nothing more than a phraseology with which ex-spouses justify the failed experience of building a morally healthy happy family.
Everyday life is an integral part of family life. No matter how humble or even poor he may be, he cannot influence the happiness of the family. The experience of generations over the course of many centuries has been expressed in the following proverbs: “Agreement and harmony are a treasure in a family”, “In a family there is love and advice, there is no need”, “Any family that agrees does not take grief.”
What everyday life cannot destroy morally healthy family, I know well from my childhood. When dad was appointed head of the radio communication service at the Ufa airport, we came from Samara to Ufa in 1948. Our family (father, mother, brother and I) was given a small room of 12 square meters in wooden house, where the radio center was located. The accommodation was so cramped that I had to sleep on the floor under the table. Life was without the slightest convenience. O d at She or the bathroom was hard to even think about. There was no water supply. Every day, in any weather, we had to carry 30-40 liters of water from the pump 2.5 blocks away. Our room warmed up in winter thanks to the stove, which cooled down by the middle of the night. On frosty days, frost appeared in the corners by morning. We lived in this room for 11 years. It was extraordinary happy years. I wouldn’t trade that tiny room for any palace. The reason for our childhood happiness was the inexhaustible love for us that my mother had.
The family boat most often breaks on the sharp stones of selfishness, not everyday life
The family boat most often breaks on the sharp rocks of selfishness, selfishness, the destructive passion of drunkenness, idleness and adultery.
So that children grow up as Christians
We live in a society of mass unbelief. The media promotes lack of spirituality. Temptations are multiplying. How to protect children from this danger and raise them to be pious Orthodox Christians?
According to the words of the holy Apostle John the Theologian, “the whole world lies in evil” (1 John 5:19). Already the first Christians were concerned about preserving themselves as immaculate and pure children of God “in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation” (Phil. 2:15). He who lives according to the gospel commandments must adhere to “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, whatever is excellent or praiseworthy” (Phil. 4:8).
The modern world is experiencing spiritual and moral decay. However, this rapid onslaught of evil should not for a moment plunge us into cowardice. It is in such difficult times that God and the Mother of God show special care for the world and for each of us. Our weak hands cannot change modern life. But if, in the conditions in which the Lord has placed us, we selflessly work with faith and hope for the salvation of ourselves and our children, then help from the Lord will certainly come.
The Word of God teaches us to refrain from despondency and despair. In any era, a person is born with free will and is not fatally dependent on the vices of his sick society. The image of God in him and conscience, like a heavenly voice in the soul, give him enough freedom to refrain from the sin that has spread around him.
A Christian's home should become a spiritual fortress. Special work lies ahead for those with small children. Parents must instill in them a spiritual immunity that will keep them in the faith when they come into contact with this world. Only those parents for whom faith is the main nerve of life can teach their children piety. Children sense sincerity and truth well.
We must ensure that there is constant love between parents and children. She fills their souls with peace and joy. It is warm, even and constant parental love that gradually teaches children to comprehend the love of the Heavenly Parent for them. Everything in the family should be imbued with love. Then the child not only feels, but also realizes that in this huge, cold world, father and mother are the closest and most reliable people for him.
Father and mother should strive to have Christian sacrifice and resolutely abandon everything that prevents children from being spiritually healthy: secular newspapers and magazines, which contain a lot of vulgar and sometimes obscene; from radio and television, which bring a lot of dirt and spiritual poison into the house, and from other attributes modern society living soullessly.
The greatest treasure in the house is a peaceful life
Parents must clearly understand that the greatest treasure in the home is peace. Its preservation is the first priority. Throughout all the sacred biblical books the thought of peace runs through as a great and desirable good that God gives to those who live according to His commandments: “Great peace have those who love Your law, and there is no stumbling block for them” (Ps. 119: 165). Discord, like acid, corrodes the authority of father and mother in the eyes of children, and if there is no authority of parents, then spiritual and moral education becomes unattainable. Children are easily captivated by the world around them, in which there is an abyss of temptations. Only the authority of parents, their warmth, wisdom and sacrificial work can overcome the temptations of this world.
There is one more thing parents must show sacrifice. They should give up the habit of having empty conversations at home on political and mercantile topics. Children become infected with this worldly spirit. He is alien to the bright and joyful world of faith. Feat is required from parents, for we are participants in a great spiritual battle.
The entire centuries-old experience of Christianity has long ago convinced us that the fruits of faith can only be had when a person perceives the good news of the Kingdom of Heaven with his whole being. “A spiritual person must have one salvation in mind, and what leads to it is of high value, and what does not lead must be despised as worthless,” teaches St. Gregory the Theologian.
Church, we have a great responsibility. We must show this world a model of relationships, how to build them. We ourselves must realize God's will for ourselves. We must teach our children. By God's definition, we are the light of the world. The light performs a simple function - to make it clear where to go, so that there are no unpleasant surprises.
Sermon by Yuri Shmulyar. Church "New Generation" Kyiv.
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Church, we have a great responsibility. By God's definition, we are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. The light performs a simple function - to make it clear where to go, so that there are no unpleasant surprises. It's better to turn on the light and not meet the forgotten one open door. God is light, when God comes everything becomes clear and there is no need to think or guess anything. This is now, living on earth, in separation from God and not being in physical presence with Him. It was in Eden, God loved to come to the Garden of Eden to communicate with Adam. After that - only through intermediaries. Through Jesus we can now hear this voice in our hearts. The world seeks knowledge and wisdom to know how to live, to live happily.
We had different subjects at school, but none taught how to live happily. Mathematics spoke about one thing, physics about another. But there was no mentor who would say that there is accumulated knowledge on how to live happily. The world is searching and the church must be the answer. We must show the light and show how it is needed.
We are the salt. Why do they put salt in canned food? To prevent it from spoiling, to stop the decomposition processes, and to preserve it in the form in which the product is suitable for consumption. If the decay should stop with anyone, it should be with us. The devil must break his teeth on us.
What is our confidence based on that the devil cannot overcome us? We have no chance one on one. He's been here for thousands of years. The devil is more cunning and experienced. What makes us more experienced and wiser? God's word. David says: “I love Your word, it is a lamp to my path, it makes me wiser than the nations.” As Alexey Ledyaev says, sometimes wisdom comes with age, and sometimes age comes alone.
Today I want to talk about family and family relationships . We must show this world a model of relationships, how to build them. We ourselves must realize God's will for ourselves. So that, while saving yourself, you don’t die, you don’t remain unworthy. Church, just because we got here geographically did not free us from the responsibility to delve into ourselves and the teaching. We must work out our own salvation. We have a great responsibility. Every time we invite children to pray for them. We must teach our children. The Bible says that the seed of the righteous shall endure forever. Our seed must learn righteousness. We must teach our children. No matter what you say or what you tell, there are exceptions, but very often children copy their parents. This is neither good nor bad. This is how the Lord created us. This ability is to absorb what they see and be able to reproduce. It is our responsibility when they reproduce us to keep them happy. So that they live better than us, so that they use the wisdom that we have acquired, so that they adopt the correct model of what a family should be. Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts. Give an answer to everyone who asks you for hope with meekness and reverence. If we have accepted His sacrifice into our lives, we have a responsibility to give an account of the hope we have. We must be able to argue our point of view, justify why we act this way and not otherwise. Get rid of intellectual laziness, a person who does not think. You are the master of circumstances. The Lord gave you this power. You are no longer backed into a corner. This is the victory that has conquered the world - our faith. If you believe in your victory, you will win. let's talk about family.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord,
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body.
24 But just as the church submits to Christ, so do wives to their husbands in everything.
(Eph.5:22-25)
Many sisters tensed up. But this is only until they read the duties of their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her,
26 to sanctify it, cleansing it with the washing of water by the word;
27 That he might present it to himself as a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and without blemish.
28 So husbands should love their wives as their own bodies: he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and warms it, just as the Lord does the Church,
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 Therefore a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
32 This mystery is great; I speak in relation to Christ and the Church.
33 So let each of you love his wife as himself; and let the wife be afraid of her husband.
(Eph.5:25-33)
Over time, society's idea of family changes. When there was a primitive system, somehow they lived there. Because of the tribal system. The Bible talks about polygamy. This was common in the world. This was considered normal. Then some people figured out why take a wife and then feed her? It's better to quit. The Jews asked Jesus about the letters of divorce under Moses. Jesus replied that this was not originally correct. There used to be parish registers in churches. Information about birth and death and marriage was stored there. For a time, marriage was the preserve of the church. Then people came up with civil marriage - when you are husband and wife, but the priest did not marry you, but you were registered in a civil institution. Then people came up with the idea that a civil marriage - not even a marriage at all - the devil destroys any form of responsibility and destroys the concept of marriage as a covenant. Until today, when they want it to be beautiful, they say a marriage vow to each other. About what? What will I love before my first paycheck? No. Will I be faithful to you until retirement? No, until death. Beautiful words are still spoken. But they have no idea what it is real family. Families obtained according to false schemes. They saw and saw with a file, but the helicopter does not work and does not work. Fates are broken. The world is unhappy, but they are trying to build a marriage according to obviously false schemes. The prince of this world, Satan is not interested in happiness. He wants to destroy property, health, marriage, and, in eternity, souls.
Some would say that most of the marriage is behind us. Is it too late to study? It's never too late to learn. If you haven’t lived the way you should have from the beginning, then you should start from today the way you should. If you can’t teach people how to do it, at least protect them from how not to do it. It is our calling to teach. A city that sits on top of a mountain cannot be hidden. This is how we must understand our purpose. We are in sight. We dive into the topic of happy marriage to guide our children to be an example. Someone will say: “wow, well, you have a life, and you teach.” So, we can say that there is no need to live like this.
All excellent students who read Anna Karenina: “all happy families are alike, but unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.” Because happy families have the same pattern. The devil has many tricks and he poisons everyone as best he can. Let's agree to live as a happy family so that the restoration begins with us. We must be carriers of how it should be.
According to God's word, the man is the head. He is the head to conquer the whole world and lay all conquests at her feet. The sisters love it. According to Scripture, the wife is the main helper, in fact the neck. But the neck should not quarrel with the head. We don't teach men that a woman should obey her husband. This is not inequality. Because many “men” have a wife as a servant. A wife must obey her husband, follow him and submit to him. Just as the church submits to Christ in everything, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Wives, obey your husbands.
Wives should love their husbands and children. And husbands must obey Christ. In turn, Christ obeys God. If you want your authority to be built, obey Christ. Clever man listens to information around him. Very often the woman is right. Not because she is always right, but because we look at the world differently and her point of view may be more accurate. Not only does the wife obey her husband, but the husband can listen to his wife with wisdom. Abraham listened to Sarah and begat Ishmael, then he listened to his wife and sent Ishmael away. In Heaven we will be sexless beings. Not what we are used to on this earth. Scripture commands husbands to love their wives and submit in the fear of God. When you understand within yourself that your decision is more correct than what your wife says, in any case, listen to the Lord, what the Scripture says.
Each party in a marriage has different needs. And because we are different, we have different needs. We are different not only externally, but also internally. The Lord did it this way. At first there was only one man. He was so sad that he was screwed. And pets and flowers in pots. Sad and crappy. Something had to be done. The Lord put Adam to sleep. And when I woke up, I saw. The Lord brought Eve to Adam. Men don't run after women and public transport. There must be an element of God's providence in your marriage. You must see the hand of God over your family. This is so that when you quarrel, and you will quarrel, when trials come, so as not to follow the first thought: they don’t get along. Most of it is true. But there is a part of marriages where people could build a happy family, but they did not do this because they were not initially confident. To be sure, this element must be there.
Adam reproached God that it was He who brought her. You need to accept a wife from God. Because inheritance comes from parents, and a wise wife comes from God.
Each party has needs and they need to be met. Unfulfilled needs will make us unhappy. They will become stumbling blocks. Husbands and wives have many needs. Replenishing one will not cancel the others. Just because you had a good breakfast doesn't mean you can't breathe. You need food, air, drink, and warmth. Moreover, not only in this, but also in a dream. When you've had enough sleep, you behave differently than when you haven't had enough sleep. People need all these things. And they need it constantly. You can’t get enough sleep as a child and for the rest of your life. We still need rest. All needs must be met regularly and simultaneously. Unmet need is the most in demand.
Women need communication. It's them. This is their personality. They are very social. They need to talk. Women need to say 8,000 words. Men - 4000. Therefore, thank the Lord for mobile phone and for mom. And we, men, can already withstand the remaining thousand words. You could stay at home with your wife, but after a couple of weeks she will ask where the money is. You won't talk her enough that she doesn't need to eat. And you won't stand it either. With age, these needs shift. While you're young, sex comes first. Then he lets go.
Men need sexual satisfaction, just as a woman cannot without affection.
And so they met and decided that they would be happy. Only their concept of happiness is different. What does it take for them to reach the same goal? They must agree. We must learn to understand each other. At least go one way. A woman needs more attention and tenderness. Tell me, women, who needs harsh industrial reality? Without lisps and tenderness. There really was such a woman. All her life she led men at a defense missile company. All her life she was in command. Whatever she didn’t have at home, she made up for at work. And that allowed her to retire. But basically she needs to be a princess. She wants a fairy tale. My Pasha loves cartoons about robots and threshing machines. But Anya, when she chooses cartoons: Snow White, Rapunzel, who didn’t cut her hair. They are also boys and girls, but to what extent? different world. A woman needs coziness and comfort around her.
Some tips.
Husbands, if you want to be happy in your marriage and meet your needs. For a woman to be ready, it is important not only that you want it, but that everything is fine in general. So that you wake up well in the morning, talk, so that during the day you remember about her, so that there is beautiful evening. Why do I say this to men, because everything is fast for them. For a woman, everything is not like that, everything should start in advance and be internally prepared.
For a man to be ready, you don’t need anything at all. The woman you love is nearby and it doesn’t matter anymore, with or without underwear. A man as a pioneer is always ready. His morning started badly, he was bullied at work, they didn’t give him money, but in the evening he still wants it.
You are the head of the family. The Lord has given you primacy and leadership so that you will be the first in everything, the first in compliments. If you want to please your wife, that’s all for her, as for yourself, and for her first. Before you get yourself a suit, give her a dress.
It is very important for a woman that she sees loyalty and romance on the part of a man, shown in actions, gifts and words. She's not enough to have him next to her in bed. It is important for her to see that he is with her mentally. It must be, there must be an understanding of each other's needs. Otherwise, we will be a bunch of egoists united in pairs. But we must love. Christ loved the church. He put everything, his whole life, into protecting, preserving, saving his church, and only after that he sat down in Heaven.
For me it’s wild, stupid and ridiculous when men joke about the stupidity and narrow-mindedness of their wives. If your wife is a fool, then you are at least a fool. What does this world live on? Idle talk and ridicule. If a husband starts making fun of his wife, he will soon need to cry. If the world is concerned with this, then the church must protect the sanctity of marriage and protect the sacred union.
Accept your wives as from the Lord, live for their sake and do not think about divorce.
Various people come to church, including those who have already gotten married. Some of them are in church, and some are not. Some churches teach that you need to get a divorce quickly. That's bullshit. We are people. We have taken steps and are responsible for it. The Bible teaches no divorce. How do you know if someone will be saved through you? Scripture says that we, the church, are not the type to divorce. We preserve the sanctity of marriage and protect the resulting union from God.
Husbands must recognize their wife's needs not at the level of their wife, but above.
Wives have such power over their husbands that it is not out of wisdom that they say that this is how he is. Really, knowing what he needs, can’t you fill the need and ask?
Why try to build marriages through ultimatums? We must talk on a full stomach. Talk to her when you feel like a princess. And you can’t talk to a man when he’s hungry, with unfulfilled needs. I'm not talking about manipulation, but about the wisdom described in the Bible. What prevents a man from achieving success - if he has a war at home. Don't be surprised why your husbands are idiots or losers if he has a war on two fronts.
Behind every great man there is at least great woman. If marriage is a blessed union, then the two of you are working towards mutual success.
Women, a doormat will not meet all your needs. Then you will see that the person loses the ability to make you happy. This is a serious partnership, this is a covenant.
Next week I’ll finish, and today I’ll tell you about one more thing.
Man is created differently from woman. Men are more frostbitten than women. If women are flowers, then men are cacti. Why is that? Because God created a man so that he would achieve success outside the home, so that he would be able to bear heavy loads. Many women are unhappy because they try to live according to men's rules. A woman wants to be a woman. If a man is driven under the baseboard, it’s a rare case that they come out. If a woman has tried herself as a rum-woman, it is difficult to change this.
Women, have you tried communicating with plumbers? Do you want a second time? Do you want to do the renovation a second time? But men are fine, they cope with it. And women often say: I’ll do it myself. If a man is lying on the sofa, he is unlikely to want anything else. He will be like a house cat. Look, turn it into a soft ottoman, and then you’ll hate it. The role of a woman, and it is important for her to understand, when she gets married, is to direct all her strength to be weak and allow her husband to be strong. This is a true thought. Pastor, where have you seen such men? Where can we get them, these strong ones, these Tarzans? I molded him from what was... God does this.
What to do if already, and he is not Tarzan. Do you have Magic wand: fasting and prayer. By this means the slavery of three million people was ended. God dealt with Pharaoh. He is not a loser, He knows how to solve problems. The woman thinks that if she takes it on, it will do some good. A woman in marriage must allow her husband to be a man. If he was normal before, but now he’s sitting... we must have the wisdom to go through such moments. It often happens when both husband and wife are strong at the same time. But it happens when someone gets weak. The husband must bear with her infirmities because she will rise. So are wives. You can’t always help, but be there and become his support. Be wise.
Men. You are called by God to be the head. This is not about education or personality characteristics, but about the role. A man's role is to be the head.
Dad went to work at a factory and men began to be raised by women and men became more feminine. The rod began to be missing. Then time passed, the union fell apart and not only dad, but also mom left home. And other people's aunts began to raise them. The devil does everything to erase men as individuals, so that they become like women. And there are more and more strong and determined women, and fewer and fewer men. You have no other chance than to be a real man. The Lord will protect you. Everyone has different periods in their life. Who started with a rented apartment? Who has changed their status now? Everything changes. Life is getting better, opportunities are opening up. I am called by God to be the head, to be strong, brave and courageous, I will build my house, raise children and bring blessings from heaven
I am called to be a helpmate and I believe God will bless me with a strong, courageous and determined husband. I want to be happy.
When women take on a masculine role, I don't judge it. Often forced, but I want you to be happy.
When men relieve themselves of responsibility, it becomes easier for them, but they can never be happy.
A man needs a woman who will say you are my prince, you will slay the dragon and we will live happily ever after.
A portrait of marriage paints this world. Our parents paint a portrait of marriage. And we have to figure out what example to follow? According to destroyed and unsuccessful models, or according to God's plan? We must all walk in everything and know what we are building. If two people have their own idea of happiness, they will go down different paths. But if they take the drawings from God, then they will be happy. What's the secret? God's will. He created us and he knows what we need. We accumulate knowledge so that fathers pass it on to their children.
In this crazy world, where women marry or men create couples, they do things that are devoid of logic, they try to be happy and cannot. But we will not settle for the lentil soup of this world. We will not be satisfied with prison gruel. But we need real happiness, where the house is built under the blessing of God. A happy God can only give us happiness. The unfortunate devil can only give misfortune. We will receive the instruction of God's word abundantly into our lives. I will continue to talk about this because we are moving towards growth and blessing. You need to be prepared for growth. Many people will come with crippled destinies, and we must become an answer for them, not a riddle. This is how we resolve our conflicts, this is how we overcome circumstances, this is how we raise children. This is how we live.
Anyone who wants to get married, please come forward. I want to pray for you. This is a holy moment. Pray from a pure heart.
Lord, we come to You and understand that the key to blessing is the fulfillment of Your will. We ask you to open the sky above us. We pray to You to release Your wisdom into our lives. Let your seed be sown in our hearts. Do not let us be deceived by people, by our desires, and we will not pass by the person whom he prepared for us. Open our eyes so that we can see. Let it be something more than human sympathy. Give us a sign from above. God grant us husbands and wives from you. Bless us to accept from You the partner whom You have prepared for us. We pray that the fullness of Your spirit will be accomplished in our lives, that order will come. We ask that wisdom from above enlighten our path. In the Name of Jesus, bless us to accept your will for our lives. Let Your hand be over us, let us live according to Your will. We receive power from heaven. Freed up ability to see and hear. Build your house so that it can stand. Receives anointing from heaven. We accept the ability to build a house that will not collapse.
A woman is happy when she is a woman, a man is happy when he is a man. The devil does everything to distort these portraits, to depersonalize them, to force them to live in roles unusual for them. This makes the world unhappy. But today we accept the power from God to build families that will be blessed. When things don't work out, we know the power of divine intervention. We will celebrate the victory as the happiest people on this earth.
Cleaning Up Popular Views of Marriage (Paul Washer)
In the book of Romans chapter 8, verses 29-30, the Bible says: “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.”
I know that the whole church is here, and when a word is spoken, it concerns the whole congregation. But most of all, I will try to address this message to two people who are very dear to me, who are about to make one of the most important decisions of their lives. Sometimes when we preach the Gospel, we want to say: who really knows about all this? And while I am here, I ask myself the same question - who is really knowledgeable enough to tell you about one of the greatest intentions of a man to take a woman as his wife? I have learned throughout my life that simply becoming a missionary is enough. Simply following the call of the Gospel is enough, relatively speaking. Simply being spiritual is enough for even the most remote group of people. But the hardest challenge I've ever faced is being the man I'm supposed to be with the woman who's supposed to mean more to me than all the things in this world, including ministry and preaching. I remember several years ago a young man came to me and said, “I want to be a missionary in China.” I asked: “Why?”, and he replied: “I love the Chinese, I just think about the Chinese all the time.” I looked at him and asked: “Do you know why you love the Chinese so much?” He replied: “No, why?” I said, “because you don't know any Chinese.” And I said this not because the Chinese are not the nicest people on the planet, but simply because it is so easy to love someone who is so far away. And it's so hard to love someone, even the person closest to you, because they are so close. Sometimes we hear that we desperately need God in our ministry and preaching, and this is truly, truly true. But I didn't need God in ministry as much as I needed Him in my marriage. In fact, I even missed my turn and didn't come out when I was supposed to, and I asked one person to find me and say, "Brother Paul, it's time to go to the altar," just because I spent the last few moments trying to pour more and more truth into the mind of this young man. Because only the power of God, the grace of God, the sovereignty of God and the truth of God will enable you to become what you are supposed to be for this woman, and until you become what you are supposed to be for this woman, there is no point in talking about anything else. You will meet a lot of great preachers, missionaries who do amazing feats, but a man who can truly love the daughter of God reaches a very high position in the Kingdom of God. As I looked through the biographies of men whom others applauded and aspired to be like, I was amazed at how many of them, even most of them, failed in their task regarding their wives. And I believe that it is generally not worth writing biographies about such people. Because the only thing that really matters is becoming a man of God for the person who knows you better than anyone and who is the most precious to God in your life. Just a few weeks after my wedding, I discovered that I was not as spiritual as I thought I was when I was single. Not as altruistic, not as kind, and many other things not as I thought I was, because it was marriage that appreciated the value of my character, and I discovered how much I craved and needed grace like never before. And to this day (in a couple of days my wife and I will celebrate our wedding anniversary), to this day I need more grace than then, I’ve just become wiser about this need.
The scripture I have chosen is most likely one of those scriptures that I call foundational scriptures in my life. And I believe this is one of the most important verses in the Bible regarding marriage. I have never heard it referred to in a book, read it in any book, or heard it in any sermon, but to me it is the most important. As you've probably noticed, I'm mostly talking to this couple, and for good reason: ten years from now, the quality of your marriage will be determined by you, not your wife. And when the Lord examines your marriage and if someone has to, as we say, be “called out on the carpet” to God, then that person will be you, son! She will remain silent. She will be silent. Who will she become thanks to you?
So in this scripture Paul says: We know that God causes all circumstances to work for our good. Surprisingly, we are accustomed to talk about God's sovereignty only in relation to salvation and election and the like. But for me, the most important thing in matters of God's sovereignty is to realize that every aspect of my life is under His sovereign control. I know that for His especially beloved people, and in general they say that there is not a single lost molecule in the universe, and you both stand here today by God's will, by His calling and His election. You can say a lot of romantic, emotional and beautiful words about marriage, but I want you to understand that, despite the importance of sublime words and the beauty that poets wanted to write poems about, the foundation of marriage lies much deeper and it is more important and stronger than feelings. I was called by God to preach the Gospel. According to our theology, if I were to turn away from my calling to pursue something else, I would bring the wrath of God upon my head, because God's calling is irrevocable. What saved my marriage? Not the beauty of my wife or feelings, or our relationship to each other, but this: I was called by God, His sovereign choice and calling became for me to lay down my life for His daughter, a specific daughter. This is His sovereign calling. Young people often come up to me with the words: “I want to marry this girl,” to which I ask them “Why?” and the young man replies, “Well, I love being with her and when she’s around, we feel so good and she fills so many needs in my life, and when she’s around, my life overflows with love!” And in this case, I always ask the following question: “So you want to marry this girl because she fulfills your selfish and egocentric desires?” The young man usually responds, “No, that's not what I meant,” to which I usually respond, “But that's exactly what you said. You want to be close to her because she is beautiful. How will you behave when she stops being beautiful? What if someone more beautiful crosses your path? Or he says “We enjoy communication and that’s why we want to be together!” - what if you can no longer enjoy communicating with each other? “We feel so good together” - what will happen when these feelings leave you for a while? You see, marriage should be based on just one statement: “The Lord has called me to give my life for this woman.” If she is kind in response, thank God, if she is not soft in response, thank God! I am getting married not for myself, and in a sense not even for her sake, but for the sake of God. The world tells us that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. Several years ago, Christians came up with the idea that marriage is not a 50/50 relationship, but a 100%/100% relationship, but I don’t agree with any of the statements because marriage - this is a 100% to 0% relationship, when you give yourself one hundred percent to this woman, even when you receive nothing in return. Because you were called by God to lay down your life for her. On the other hand, sister, you were called to do the same. You are also capable of turning this man into something he is not now. You can make him tough, bitter, worn out and worn out, or you can make him into someone we all want him to be. But your tools are not a hammer and certainly not a tongue. Your instrument is a reflection of the beauty of Christ, the humble submission of Christ, which realizes that if you fight for yourself, God will not fight for you. But if you give yourself as an instrument into the hands of God and respond to your husband as God commanded, then God will fight for you and change this man. I would like to point out here a few very important points. Most people will ask, “What is the essence of marriage?” The world will answer: “Marriage is for her to meet my needs.” We know this is wrong. Then Christians will say: “Marriage is needed so that I meet her needs, and she meets my needs, and together we meet our common needs.” And, although there is a grain of truth in this statement, it is still an incomplete foundation or supporting column of marriage. Others will say, “Marriage is for the family to reflect the beauty of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church” - yes, that is true, but you will fail in that too. What is the true purpose of marriage? The true purpose of marriage is the same thing for which every thing under the sun exists. In reality, marriage is about both of you being transformed into the image of Jesus Christ. Everyone present at this wedding could have made mistakes more than once in their lives. Not once! And you want to know why - this is a prophecy, your marriage in miniature. Do you want to have a perfect marriage? It means you want something that God does not want for you. Everything that has happened in your relationship suggests that God does not want a perfect little wedding for you, He wants to test and test you so that you are transformed into the image of Jesus Christ.
When we talk about the image of Jesus Christ and the transformation into that image, what are we talking about? Do we talk about His righteousness even though He is righteous? No. Do we speak of His wrath, although He may be angry? No. When we sing the great hymns about Zion, what essential characteristics of God are discussed in them? This is mercy, grace and unconditional love. Have any of you noticed that when the name of Jesus appears in Scripture, people hear or read about him, the 3 qualities most often noticed in him are mercy, grace and unconditional love. These are the three qualities you sing about in hymns that are least reflected in your life. Because when He is unconditional, we are limited by conditions. We are conditioned and that is what God will be rooting out in both of you. Conditions. Conditions. God has chosen to give you a woman who is strong in all that she needs to be strong in, so that you will not be tempted beyond your strength. And for you, sister, God has given you a husband who is strong in what he should be strong in, so that you too will not be tempted beyond your strength. But God also gave you a woman and He personally provided for her weaknesses. And her weaknesses, more than anything else, will rub you against the grain. And He gave you a man in whose life weaknesses are mysteriously provided for and predetermined by Almighty God, weaknesses in those areas where you would like him to be strong more than anything else. In essence, God made it so that both of you together and each individually do not meet each other's standards and marriage is not meant to be blissful on earth, but so that your love becomes unconditional, so that you love her and take care of her when she does not meet the conditions. And you would love him and take care of him when he doesn't meet the conditions. And the reason for this is this: you did not get married for yourself, nor for each other, you get married for the glory of God and to become everything that He wants you to be. And he could have given you a simpler wife. Sister, believe me, He could have given you a simpler man. He didn't give you someone perfectly compatible with you because He loves you too much! And because He is so much better than you, His gifts are greater than those you would choose for yourself. You want easy life and perfect compatibility, but He will never give it to you because it does not produce Divine piety or transformation into the image of Jesus Christ. I don't need to be a prophet or the son of a prophet to tell you that there will be wonderful moments and challenging moments in your life. And I don't need to be a prophet or the son of a prophet to tell you that if you live and endure and when you're old enough, you'll look back on your life and bless God for the times of tightness more than the times of compatibility, because you'll see that through this you were transformed into the image of Christ and gained for yourself more eternal glory.
I know that you are so committed to being who God sees you to be in ministry. If I lost my ministry tomorrow, I don’t know how many tears I would shed over it. But if I lost my wife, my life would end. If you ever exalt your service above her, then I will tell you that it was not your piety that prompted you to do this, but your idolatry, your desire to be someone among people. Even the desire to be someone before God is nothing more than selfish idolatry. My wife recently read me a story about a woman who spent a lot of time on the mission field and had to suffer a lot to learn that although God's plans for our lives are much larger than ours, they often seem smaller than our plans. We want to conquer the world, but He wants to transform us into the image of the Son. If you both become the greatest missionaries the world has ever seen, but your marriage does not reflect what the Bible says it should reflect, you will know that it is an abject failure. Realize that you NOW have solid rock to stand on. And this is what happens next. You will say - this is a holy moment of marriage. Holiness will begin when the ritual ends. At least life lessons will begin. Understand that you now have a solid foundation, a rock that the world has no idea about. What do they know? They get married without even knowing what they are getting into! And then, when reality replaces their illusions, they begin to doubt: “I probably married the wrong person! What have I done! Everything is not like this, it was planned differently... We need to tear everything up and start again.” But a Christian looks at this and says: all this is from God.
You can take her as your wife and think that together you will be like Batman and Robin on the mission field. She may become seriously ill, and you may say that she has become an anchor around your neck that is keeping me from the ministry that you want to do, while not realizing that the anchor has been cast by God. Because He has much bigger plans for you than just planting churches. He wants to make you like His Son, indifferent to all circumstances.
Now I want to quickly, if possible, tell everything I wanted. Ephesians 5:22 “You wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord” in what is not contrary common sense and that on the verge of extremes. Then you will fight side by side. Your desires regarding this man will be satisfied. Not through manipulation, sawing, not with a sharp tongue, not by trying to lead him so that he learns to be a spiritual leader, but with a meek and humble spirit.
When I sometimes come home, I've had a hard day at the mission, and everything is against you and I come back to this barn that should be my home and my sons are hanging from the chandelier in the kitchen, nothing has been done and everything is in such chaos, I walk in and get my wife's attention without the slightest hint of what I went through that day. And I say: “Where is the food, why is the house a mess and what is going on?” If she responds sharply to me with an excuse, and it is written on her face that there will now be a quarrel... the gauntlet has already been thrown down, now the war will begin. But if she turns around, looks at me and says: “Sorry, husband, this happened today: there was a lot to do in the ministry, my sister needed me, or I had to do this and that, or the boys behaved badly today, and I just decided don't touch them." If she answers like that, in the meekness of Christ, I tell her, “Wait a minute,” and I go to the barn, where I have a big hickory pole and I beat myself up with that club. It is her kindness and Christ-likeness that pours these burning coals on my head.
When we talk about submission here, we must keep in mind that this is not how the pagans act. Our King is not Nero, not Caesar, and He does not rule Rome. He came to Jerusalem as our King, sitting on the back of a donkey. He is gentle, humble, meek. He does not reign like Caesar, He rules like Christ and His kingdom has nothing in common with the kingdoms we have seen on this earth. As gentle as He was with you, even as He corrected you, He left you with hope, knowing that you would love Him with all your heart. And for that matter, you are able to distinguish the Voice of God from the voice of Satan, because the devil, by convicting, leaves you without hope, and when the Lord highlights something wrong in you, He leaves you rejoicing in the opportunity to become what He wants you to be. see. Without heeding the teaching of 21st century fundamentalism that when we first see the face of Christ, we will be stunned by His frown of disappointment at our bad behavior. Despite this false teaching, the reality will be different. When the bride of Christ first sees the face of Christ, the only thing she will find in Him is overwhelming love. At the moment of your lowest fall, when your wife turns to you, she should not see your disappointment with her. Because love covers a multitude of sins. You rule, you are a leader for her sake. You live for her. No longer just friends, not just Good friends– she’s everything to you now. You love God when you love her. You will say that she is supposed to help you in your ministry, but she is not just a helper! Honestly, it determines how spiritual you will look when you stand before Him. And I am not afraid to say this: from now on, God does not need to look at you. From this day until the day you stand before the Lord, He will no longer have to study your life, He will no longer have to even look at you. He will only have to look at your wife, and by looking at your wife and her sanctification, He will be able to understand what kind of man you are.
Further it is written “a husband is the head of his wife”, this is true. Of course, he can, like many men, even like most of them, not be the head. He can throw away his courage and remain a boy for the rest of his life. But before God he is your head, and if you honor him, God will honor you. And if he must love you unconditionally, then you must honor him unconditionally. He will never deserve everything you have to give him. Just like you will never deserve what he has to give you, but that’s not the whole question, is it? So, the husband is the head of his wife. The chapter leads the way, but if I were to point out the biggest mistake I have made in my life, it would be studying the Scriptures for the sake of gaining strong faith, for the sake of preaching great truths to many people. But if I am the head, I am the head first of all for my wife. What does it mean? I must study the Scriptures and be established in the faith by which I will lead my wife and my home. Everything in my home should be determined by my study of Scripture, of course not without the assistance of my wife, but I must receive the determining “thus saith the Lord” for my home, because otherwise I have no right to say “but as for me, I and my house we will serve the Lord.” All this becomes nothing more than a meaningless cliché unless you serve the Lord according to the firm faith you gain through the study of the Scriptures. Your leadership position only has authority when you are a leader within the confines of Scripture. You don't have authority because of a special anointing, you don't have authority because of a special calling, you only have authority within the Scriptures.
He goes on to say, “After all, a husband is the head of his wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the Church of his body.” I often hear men talk about their headship, very rarely do I hear them talk about their role as a savior for their wives. You know that there is one God and one Mediator between God and man. But there is a grain of truth in your calling to be a savior for your wife. We know that salvation is not something that happened once and we are devoted to ourselves, but God has saved, is saving and will save us. In the same way, for you, it is a process of laying down your life, as Christ gave His life for the church - you give your life so that it can be sanctified, grow in the Lord, not through adherence to the letter of the law, not through Roman primacy in the Name of Christ, not through sawing, manipulation and scandals, but through the manifestation of the essence that you call upon to reveal it. You encourage her to move forward, and if she doesn't keep up with you, you don't shrug your shoulders and ask, “What has God done to me!” You turn to her in joy and thank Christ for the opportunity to move towards Him even more slowly, but side by side with your wife. You must be saviors.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her” - no other scripture commands me to give myself up for anything else. For her. Let me give you both an example. He is quite rude, but sensible. I love both my sons immensely. Having children is so amazing! But if my sons, my wife and I were on a boat together and the boat started to sink and I was the only one of the four of us able to swim, I would have to make a decision about who I would save. I would have saved my wife. And, by the way, most people, especially women, say “there is nothing stronger than a mother’s love.” This is not according to the Bible. The Bible says there is no greater love than a father's love, to begin with. Secondly, most important person You should have your wife in your life, even after your children are born. Often children receive love from a parent simply because the parent himself is hungry for the love of his spouse. When children are born, a woman does not show as much a need to be loved, because she mostly draws this love from the child, the same love that she should draw from you as a husband. And in general, your children will be the happiest children in the world if they know that you love this woman more than anyone else on this planet, because they will say: “Our daddy will never leave their side. Our family is strong as a rock! Look how dad loves mom!” You will tell me, Brother Paul, how can I achieve this? You need to ask a man about this. Because you, like myself, are in desperate need of grace.
It is written here: “Love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, in order to sanctify her, cleansing her with the washing of water through the word; to present it to Himself as a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that it might be holy and without blemish. This is how husbands should love their wives...” I want you to think about this: I hear men complaining about their wives and complaining and complaining and complaining, and they have no idea that those same complaints God will use against them on the day of judgment . Because Jesus Christ saved a bride who was unworthy of salvation. And He continues to work with a bride whose failures have exceeded her achievements, and yet He continues to work on her. And He who began a good work in you will complete it. And in the life of a true believer, we see God’s faithfulness in the fact that Christ accomplished what he came for and transformed him into His image. If you complain about your fiancée, then it’s your own fault. Because you had to pray, and fast, and love, and be a leader, so that she would become not like you, but like Christ, just as you become like Christ.
Marriage is so much more complicated than I imagined, that's the last thing I'll tell you. I will share my mistake with you. Many male ministers, marrying a woman, imagine, as I already said, that they are no longer just Batman, but Batman and Robin, a powerful duo, and that means we will run, serve, and do this, the fifth, the tenth... This - not a marriage. This is not a marriage. She is very different from you. She longs for something that seems unspiritual to you. I don’t know, but women love curtains, tablecloths, flowers, a home, a hearth. Probably to prevent us from becoming barbarians. And sometimes you will look at her and say - why is all this, this is so unspiritual... No! She completes you! As one elderly missionary told me in Peru: “Paul, you are passionate, you are dedicated, you live like a monk. But these Peruvians do not need the image of a monk, they need the image of a man living before God, a man who loves God, a man who loves children, and to see how a man takes care of the needs and gives to the family what he himself cannot understand.
I was once asked at a student conference to explain the scripture “There is no one who has left house, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or land, for My sake and the gospel’s sake, and will not receive now, amid persecution, a hundredfold…” - what does this mean, brother Paul? To which I replied: “I am the embodiment of this scripture.” Throughout my life, God has given me so many little things that had nothing to do with spirituality at all, he satisfied the desires of my heart that people would simply not notice. Not only missions are important to him, not only radical life for the sake of Jesus, not all this - she is important to him...
Another story. My wife and I returned from a mission trip. This is the first or second time as a family that we have returned home. And before we left, my wife said to me: “Before we fly to the States, can I buy some of those wood crafts?” I didn't understand what she was talking about. My wife explained: “These are ducks, cows, and all sorts of little things.” - Of course, I answered, depending on how much it costs. And we went to Gotlenburg and I realized that you could buy a decent pig at the price for which these crafts were offered. Well, she walked out of the store, didn't complain, didn't frown, just walked out, kind of smiling... The next week I was invited to preach in West Tennessee. The pastor of that church and his wife had a spare room full of boxes, a closet or something, and his wife said to my wife, “We recently remodeled our house. “Child, there are two large boxes with different things, we don’t need them anymore, if you like them, you can take them for yourself.” My wife sat on the edge of the bed looking sophisticated until the door of the room closed and we were alone, and as soon as the door closed she pounced on those boxes and tore them to pieces like a wild cat. And suddenly she began to cry. I thought “what’s in those boxes?” Both huge boxes were filled with wooden crafts.
Young man, let me tell you, you may only care about mission trips, suffering for Christ, and church planting, but the God you serve is far behind you because sometimes He is not as spiritual as you. He makes sure to give your wife crafts and curtains. And I, as a man who has been kicked in the face by God more than once, strongly recommend that you quickly learn to care about what God cares about. Because at the end of your life, it won't matter whether anyone writes a biography about you if God's testimony about you... if God's testimony about you is unenviable.
Let's pray. Father, I come to You and ask You to use this marriage, use it. Oh, God, You are so big and smart and wise! You know absolutely everything! Almost Himself, supporting this couple with His right hand. Change them, use them and most of all make them like You. May they prosper with your prosperity. How will they come out and how will they change if the Lord of Glory does not go with them? In Jesus' Name, I pray, amen. May God bless you!
Ephesians 5:22 to 6:1-9 topic: family.Today we will talk about where biblical truths are most difficult and challenging to apply. Where do you think? In the house, in your family! And it is not surprising that those who accepted Christ, the disciples of Jesus, are ready to go to another city to preach. Ready to go anywhere; to an orphanage, to a prison, to a hospital, to another church. (For example, my wife went to a leper colony in Karakalpakia, while there was no oppression of Christians in our country and the authorities did not prevent this from happening.) And they want to share their faith with other people, doing this joyfully and willingly. But the last place we want to show our Christian principles is in our home. (I don’t consider the phrase: “let the wife fear her husband.”) But the Apostle Paul teaches that our home is the first place where we should be Christians. Frankly, being a Christian in your own home is very difficult! Why is that? Yes, because at home we behave most naturally, we relax and stop controlling ourselves. And it is taught that one half of us belongs to the outside world, and the other to the family. When we come home and close the door behind us, we become ourselves. (And sometimes in church you see a sister who is neat and tidy, but at home she greets you with a disheveled look in a filthy robe.) It’s at home that we are the real ones! And it is at home that it becomes clear how Christian reality becomes our life. (And you watch how a pious preacher becomes a tyrant at home, a humble sister becomes a shrew.) We are real at home! And that is why the Apostle Paul talks so much about home in these chapters. This is a wonderful lesson about family. Paul gives wonderful, wonderful advice. He says: “Wives, submit to your husbands; obey them in everything.” Many sisters find this very difficult to accept and do not like to read this passage. For example, my wife likes to read: “Husbands love their wives...”. (True, one preacher from Germany read “love your wives... the brothers in the hall were rejoicing...”) This is a joke, of course, but in fact, some wives agree with what was written theoretically. But if, dear sisters, you delve into the meaning of what he writes, you will understand that Paul valued woman very highly. And the apostle spoke not only about that. That a wife must obey her husband. But also that husbands should love their wives. “Just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.” The Apostle says: “The husband is the head of the wife.” In fact, this means that the man is responsible! God gave the man responsibility for everything in the house. If something is wrong, something is bad in the house, then it is the man who will appear before God’s court, because it is on him that God has placed responsibility for everything. This is why God tells women: “Try to make your husband’s life easier” - because he has a huge responsibility. You don't need to be part of the problem, you need to be part of the solution! The husband should be the one for his wife. What Christ is to the Church, what a wife should be to her husband. What the Church is for Christ. Ideal family model; The role of the wife is the same as the role of the Church, where Christ is the Pastor and the church is the flock. Women, you are sheep. And your husbands are shepherds. So let your husband shepherd you, take care of you, let your husband become for you what Christ became for the Church... The purpose of a man is this: responsibility for everything that happens in the family. And the Bible says to men: Do you see how Christ loved the Church? Do you know that He died on the cross for her? And you love your wives the same way, give yourself all to your wife and family! (One pastor says that he is the father of five children: I come tired, like a wrung-out sponge, I want to lie down on the sofa with a newspaper and relax... But five little sponges run out to meet me - they need me, there is one big sponge in the kitchen, I belong to them.) This is a very difficult mission, but it is the key to any relationship. If a husband loves his wife, shows his affection and affection for her, loving her, enlightening her, seeking her satisfaction and happiness, forgiving her mistakes, giving her preference, even in comparison with parents and children, then her submission and obedience will turn out to be a joy for her. her. I think that the main problem in Christian marriage is not wives who do not know how to submit to their husbands. And the problem is husbands - who cannot love as Christ loved, give as He gave, be as He was, a perfect father. And then the woman has to do what her husband and father of the children cannot do. And it becomes clear who is boss in the house... (The pastor came to visit one family and upon entering the house, he sees the following: The wife is standing with a rolling pin in her hands, all belligerent. The husband is sitting under the table and looks out warily. Why is he there, the pastor asks? The wife humbly answers: he is the master of the house. Wherever he wants, he sits there...). Funny? When you begin to think deeply about what the Bible teaches about family, you begin to understand that husband and wife must become one. (God created man, man and woman - created in the image) 1+1 =1 Divine arithmetic. They must be connected by one spirit and one thought, and become one physically. But before husband and wife can become one with each other. They must become one with Christ. (if one of the spouses is an unbeliever, this model does not apply). Remember the illustration: an equilateral triangle? The top corner is God, the bottom two are husband and wife. The higher they rise up to God, the closer they will approach each other. This is the first link in the chain connecting them. The second link is communication. Some spouses say there is no communication between them! This is a lie, lack of communication is impossible! After all, we communicate with each other even when we are not talking. (One woman said about her husband: you need to listen to him very carefully when he is silent - in order to understand what he is saying.) This is what communication is, to hear even when the spouse is silent. Communication is a tool with which a unified whole is created. If there is communication between you, if you hear each other. Hear, and not just speak, as often happens. This means you can solve your problems. And if not, if you hear only yourself, then you are helpless. Another link is compatibility. Compatibility is everything related to the scale of values. Social, moral, material and of course spiritual. Appreciate and respect each other's values, learn from each other. (For example: a passerby stumbles and falls - the wife laughs, the husband sympathizes. This is not a compatible morality. Or she is modest and neat, there are napkins and cutlery at the table, and he slurps and wipes his mouth with his sleeve - this is a different social education.) We need to learn to be compatible, to take good things about your partner and be forgiving of your partner’s shortcomings. Compatibility at all levels is the basis of unity. Spiritual compatibility is especially important. If a wife reads the prophet Isaiah, and her husband begins to doze off. It is sad. But the central connecting link is love! The love that unites people into one is indestructible. Irresistible, selfless, unconditional. Described in the letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13. After all, the main reason why families break up is people’s selfishness. People want to be loved, but they themselves do not know how to love. They do not know how to subordinate their lives to Christ and other people. They consider any relationship only from the point of view of their personal benefit. (Most Christian wives and husbands know very well what is written in the Bible about the responsibilities of a spouse, but they don’t want to know their own. They wait for their spouse to begin to change, but they themselves don’t want to.) But, it’s a no brainer, if everyone only strives to receive and no one wants to give, then as a result no one will receive anything. Everyone will just stand with their hand outstretched. If we understand Christ's phrase: more blessed is he who gives than he who receives, then we will understand that love leads to the unity of people. The next link is understanding between husband and wife. A man needs to understand a woman; how she thinks, she feels, how she acts, according to her feminine logic. (And the phrase that women’s logic is the absence of any logic. This is not an excuse for us.) And a woman needs to try to understand the male mentality; how he thinks, how he expresses himself, how he relates to faith. Many women consider their husbands to be unspiritual because they worship God differently than their wives and vice versa. Understanding this is very important! And finally, physical intimacy is also important. But remember, for physical intimacy to bring true joy, it must be an expression of: compatibility, love, mutual understanding. And if all this is missing, then your intimacy will be empty. Like animals. Sex should be an expression of true spiritual unity. Scripture says a lot about what God wants a family to be. Family relationships are the most important relationships created by God. If in Church strong families, then the Church is strong and vice versa. In addition to the relationship between spouses, Paul also writes about parents and children, slaves and masters. Teachings in chapter 6 Verses 1-3 refer mainly to unmarried children living in their parents' home. Basically. Throughout our lives, we must love, honor, respect and care for our parents. In the meantime, you live in your parents' house. Submit to them as God's servants and representatives. Children are required to respect and sincere, voluntary submission. The words obey in the Lord mean that children are free from submission in evil and ungodly deeds. Honor your father and mother... covers many aspects such as love, submission, taking care of them in old age and being polite. Respectful reviews about them. Even in our thoughts we should be respectful to our parents. This is the first commandment accompanied by a promise. Verse 4 is about fathers. Fathers are the heads of the family and are often strict, while mothers, on the contrary, are often too soft. But they are equally responsible for the behavior and lifestyle of children. Unreasonable, short-sighted upbringing can cause children to move away from their parents, from God, and from the Church. I’m just a theorist, but I’m telling you, don’t do anything that will hurt you and your children in the future. I hear it often. As parents, I justify my children’s non-attendance to church by the fact that they have too much studying and don’t have time. Think about what is better: to be in hell with a higher education or with the Lord without a diploma? And, of course, we must remember that they are not adults, therefore, it is impossible to demand from them adult thinking, behavior, conversation... What was said about slaves. I think this applies to employers and employees today.
The family marriage union is comparable to the union of Christ and the Church! And God grant us to have a family. Our relationship was approaching this pattern.
about family.
Ephesians 5:22 to 6:1-9 topic: family.
But the last place we want to show our Christian principles is in our home. (I don’t consider the phrase: “let the wife fear her husband.”) But the Apostle Paul teaches that our home is the first place where we should be Christians. Frankly, being a Christian in your own home is very difficult! Why is that? Yes, because at home we behave most naturally, we relax and stop controlling. And it is taught that one half of us belongs to the outside world, and the other to the family. When we come home and close the door behind us, we become ourselves. (And sometimes in church you see a sister who is neat and tidy, but at home she greets you with a disheveled look in a filthy robe.) It’s at home that we are the real ones! And it is at home that it becomes clear how Christian reality becomes our life. (And you watch how a pious preacher becomes a tyrant at home, a humble sister a shrew.) We are real at home! And that is why the Apostle Paul talks so much about home in these chapters. This is a wonderful lesson about family. Paul gives a wonderful, wonderful Christian sermons about family. says: “Wives, submit to your husbands; obey them in everything.” Many sisters find this very difficult to accept and do not like to read this passage. My wife, for example, prefers to read. “Husbands love their wives...” (True, one preacher from Germany read “love your wives... the brothers in the hall rejoiced...”) This is a joke, of course, but in fact, some wives agree with what was written theoretically. But if, dear sisters, you delve into the meaning of what he writes, you will understand that Paul valued woman very highly. And the apostle spoke not only about that. That a wife must obey her husband. But also that husbands should love their wives. “Just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.” The Apostle says: “The husband is the head of the wife.” In fact, this means that the man is responsible! God gave the man responsibility for everything in the house. If something is wrong, something is bad in the house, then it is the man who will appear before God’s judgment, because it is on him that God has placed responsibility. That is why God tells women: “Try to make your husband’s life easier” - because he has a huge responsibility. You don't need to be part of the problem, you need to be part of the solution! A husband should be for his wife. What Christ is for the Church, and what a wife should be for her husband. What the Church is for Christ. Ideal family model; the role of the wife is the same as the role of the Church, where Christ is the Pastor and the church is the flock. Women, you are sheep. And your husbands are shepherds. So let your husband shepherd you, take care of you, let your husband become for you what Christ became for the Church... The purpose of a man is this: responsibility for everything that happens in the family. And the Bible says to men: Do you see how Christ loved the Church? Do you know that He died on the cross for her? And you love your wives the same way, give yourself all to your wife and family! (One pastor says that he is the father of five children: I come tired, like a wrung out sponge, I want to lie down on the sofa with a newspaper, relax... But five little sponges run out to meet me - they need me, there is one big sponge in the kitchen, I belong to them.) This is a very difficult mission, but it is the key to any relationship. If a husband loves his wife, shows his affection and affection for her, loving her, enlightening her, seeking her satisfaction and happiness, forgiving her mistakes, giving her preference, even with parents and children, then her submission and obedience will turn out to be a joy for her . I think that the main problem in Christian marriage is not wives who do not know how to submit to their husbands. And the problem is husbands - who cannot love as Christ loved, give as He gave, be as He was, a perfect father. And then the woman has to do what her husband and father of the children cannot do. And it becomes clear who is boss in the house... (The pastor came to visit one family and upon entering the house, he sees the following: The wife is standing with a rolling pin in her hands, all belligerent. The husband is sitting under the table and looks out warily. Why is he there, the pastor asks? The wife humbly answers: he is the master of the house. Wherever he wants, he sits there...). Funny? When you begin to think deeply about what the Bible teaches about family, you begin to understand that husband and wife must become one. (God created man, man and woman - created in the image) 1+1 =1 Divine arithmetic. They must be connected by one spirit and one thought, and become one physically. But before husband and wife can become one with each other. They must become one with Christ. (if one of the spouses is an unbeliever, this model does not apply). Remember the illustration: an equilateral triangle? The top corner is God, the bottom two are husband and wife. The higher they rise up to God, the closer they will approach each other. This is the first link in the chain connecting them. The second link is communication. Some spouses say there is no communication between them! This is a lie, lack of communication is impossible! After all, we communicate with each other even when we are not talking. (One woman said about her husband: you need to listen to him very carefully when he is silent - in order to understand what he is saying.) This is what communication is, to hear even when the spouse is silent. Communication is a tool with which a unified whole is created. If there is communication between you, if you hear each other. Hear, and not just speak, as often happens. This means you can solve your problems. And if not, if you hear only yourself, then you are helpless. Another link is compatibility. Compatibility is everything related to the scale of values. Social, moral, material and of course spiritual. Appreciate and respect each other's values, learn from each other. (For example: he stumbled, fell - the wife laughs, the husband sympathizes. This is not a compatible morality. Or she is modest and tidy, there are napkins and cutlery at the table, and he slurps and wipes his mouth with his sleeve - this is a different social education.) You need to learn to be compatible, take the good from a partner and be lenient towards shortcomings. Compatibility at all levels is the basis of unity. Spiritual compatibility is especially important. If a wife reads the prophet Isaiah, and her husband begins to doze off. It is sad. But the central connecting link is love! The love that unites people into one is indestructible. Irresistible, selfless, unconditional. Described in the letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13. After all, the main reason why families break up is people’s selfishness. People want to be loved, but they themselves do not know how to love. They do not know how to subordinate their lives to Christ and other people. They consider any relationship only from the point of view of their personal benefit. (Most Christian wives and husbands know very well what is written in the Bible about the responsibilities of a spouse, but they don’t want to know their own. They wait for their spouse to begin to change, but they themselves don’t want to.) But, it’s a no brainer, if everyone only strives to receive and no one wants to give, then as a result no one will receive anything. Everyone will just stand with their hand outstretched. If we understand Christ's phrase: more blessed is he who gives than he who receives, then we will understand that love leads to the unity of people. The next link is understanding between husband and wife. A man needs to understand a woman; how she thinks, she feels, how she acts, according to her feminine logic. (And the phrase that women’s logic is the absence of any logic. This is not an excuse for us.) And a woman needs to try to understand the male mentality; how he thinks, how he expresses himself, how he relates to faith. Many women consider their husbands to be unspiritual because they worship God differently than their wives and vice versa. Understanding this is very important! And finally, physical intimacy is also important. But remember, for physical intimacy to bring true joy, it must be an expression of: compatibility, love, mutual understanding. And if all this is missing, then your intimacy will be empty. Like animals. Sex should be an expression of true spiritual unity. Scripture says a lot about what God wants a family to be. Family relationships are the most important relationships created by God. If the Church has strong families, then the Church is strong and vice versa. In addition to the relationship between spouses, Paul also writes about parents and children, slaves and masters. Teachings in chapter 6 Verses 1-3 refer mainly to unmarried children living in their parents' home. Basically. Throughout our lives, we must love, honor, respect and care for our parents. In the meantime, you live in your parents' house. Submit to them as God's servants and representatives. Children are required to respect, sincere, voluntary submission. The words obey in the Lord mean that children are free from submission in evil and ungodly deeds. Honor your father and mother... covers many aspects such as love, submission, taking care of them in old age and being polite. Respectful reviews about. Even in our thoughts we should be respectful to our parents. This is the first commandment accompanied by a promise. Verse 4 is about fathers. Fathers are the heads of the family and are often strict, while mothers, on the contrary, are often too soft. But they are equally responsible for the behavior and lifestyle of children. Unreasonable, short-sighted upbringing can cause children to move away from their parents, from God, and from the Church. I’m just a theorist, but I’m telling you, don’t do anything that will hurt you and your children in the future. I hear it often. As parents, I justify my children’s non-attendance to church by the fact that they have too much studying and don’t have time. Think about what is better: to be in hell with a higher education or with the Lord without a diploma? And, of course, we must remember that they are not Christian sermons about family, therefore, it is impossible to demand from them adult thinking, behavior, conversation... What was said about slaves. I think this applies to employers and employees today.
29 I tell you, brethren, the time is short, so that those who have wives must be as if they had none;
30 And those who weep, as if they did not weep; and those who rejoice, as if they did not rejoice; and those who buy, as if they did not acquire;
31 And they that use this world, as if they use them not; for the image of this world passes away.
32 And I want you to be without worries. An unmarried man cares about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord;
33 But a married man cares about the things of this world, how to please his wife. There is a difference between a married woman and a girl:
34 The unmarried woman is concerned about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord, so that she may be holy in body, and the married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how to please her husband.
35 I say this for your own benefit, not to put bonds on you, but so that you serve the Lord decently and continually without distraction.
