Unrequited love can overtake anyone. Nobody is immune from this feeling. How many troubles it brought, how many people killed. The lack of reciprocity can move mountains, in order to achieve love from the object of adoration, or it can turn a person into a psychologically dependent person, in whose thoughts there is nothing but despair. What to do in this situation, we will analyze in detail in this article.

According to psychologists, unrequited love is not a real elevated feeling. It is difficult to say whether this is so, but many agree on one thing: the lack of reciprocity indicates the emergence of a strong dependence. True love needs constant nourishment - meetings, hugs, care and other manifestations of tenderness. Without all this, the feelings fade and gradually pass. I described in detail what love is in an article about 7 stages of love.

Unrequited love is harder. How does she live if feelings are not warmed up? She is fed only by thoughts constantly spinning in the girl’s head. Real love this won't last long. So it turns out that there is nothing but addiction. It can occur for several reasons:

• self-doubt - the lack of reciprocity from the object of adoration, as it were, confirms the girl's low self-esteem;
• the position of the victim - the desire to sacrifice oneself for the sake of mythical love - a very convenient state, because nothing needs to be done except to suffer sweetly;
• need for feelings energy vampire, a person can be charged from emotional experiences;
• loneliness - boredom and a rich imagination can give rise to anything.

You can insist for a long time that the feeling is real. Excuses and all sorts of coincidences of situations are very convenient in order to simply refuse to work on yourself and your feelings.

Can unrequited love become mutual?

Unrequited love is not always a sentence. After all, there can be several options for events:

The young man is unaware of the feelings of a lover

In this situation, unrequited love can become mutual, and the chance is very good. There are two options for the development of events: either confess your love to him with the hope of mutual sympathy, or fight your feelings (in case the chosen one is not free).

If your lover does not know about your feelings and he is free, then I advise you not to confess to him directly about your feelings, but simply start communicating with him more often as friends. This way you will immediately know if he is interested in you. A man who likes a girl always takes action to get close to her. He will try to spend as much time with you as possible. If there is no action on his part, then it means that he does not like you. Then you need to make every effort to get rid of the unrequited feeling, otherwise you can wallow in continuous suffering.

The girl dated the guy, but he left her

The most destructive and humiliating thing in this situation is to wait for the feelings to return and do crazy things in the hope of “fixing everything”. Obsessive calls, attempts to attract attention, pressure, blackmail will only lead to greater hostility on the part of the man.

Hysteria is a bad helper, so it's better to calm down and leave everything as it is. The chance to return a loved one is negligible, so do not waste time and effort on this.

The couple was together, but the girl herself left her beloved

The already established couple had to part. This happens and there are several reasons for this:

• heavy character of the chosen one;
• bad habits (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling);
• cruel treatment;
• dangerous lifestyle;
• problems with law.

It's about the man. If the girl has already left him, having made a choice herself, then why suffer? Returning is easy, but is it necessary? People change, but this happens extremely rarely, and then under the pressure of any circumstances. Therefore, it is worth deciding: if there is a desire to endure further difficult relationships, then go ahead to your beloved! But maybe you should think about the fact that there are healthy feelings and they are somewhere ahead.

The chances of building a relationship with someone who has already been disrespectful once are almost zero. Do not waste your life on someone who could not appreciate you. He is not focused on your happiness, so you will not build a normal relationship with him. Here you have to choose either to be with your lover, or to be happy. It is wise to choose the latter. Over time, attachment to him will pass, and you will be able to meet a man with whom you will be truly happy. And an unworthy man can easily chew your life and spit it into the trash. Therefore, you do not need to contact him.

Pros of the situation

Unrequited love is not the end of the world. On the contrary, it gives chances to open new horizons. Therefore, you should put aside blues and depression (they have no place in life!) And stand on the springboard, which makes it possible to make a serious jump into a happy future.

Here are the benefits for you:

• Self improvement. Girls are gorgeous not only because of mutual feelings. Unrequited love is the strongest push to reboot. You can change the image, pay attention to physical or spiritual self-development. Climb the career ladder? Not a problem, because there is plenty of time for this! Study new books? Right! Cognitive literature has not interfered with anyone in life. A gym, a swimming pool - all this will strengthen not only the strength of mind and relieve sad thoughts, but also help to gain beautiful body. Heavy character? No problem! It's time to take care of yourself and eradicate all the bad things in order to become new and interesting. These changes will help to find inner harmony and happiness in future relationships.
• New life. Unrequited love is not a reason for closing the heart. A free and independent girl is always in the spotlight and attracts men. The main thing is not to dwell on unsuccessful relationships, but to open up to the world, and then everything around will play in a new way. It is important not to get carried away with suffering, otherwise you can get serious illnesses. And the exhausted, tear-stained look has not given charm to any lady.
• Creation. Strong emotions help to unleash creative skills in a person. There is no need to restrain yourself, maybe somewhere inside the luminary of world art or poetry is dormant. After all, a large number of famous masterpieces were created under the influence of feelings of unrequited love.
• Liberty. The absence of a partner gives a chance for a free life. You can safely go to any place, spend time with friends, attend events without adjusting to a man.
• New acquaintances. Failure with one man should not negate relationships with others. After all, there are so many of them! Meetings, dating, flirting bring a lot positive emotions for woman. Now you can choose the right one among new fans (or old friends), the one who will find the key to his heart.

Unrequited love is a chance to discover new knowledge in yourself. You should not close yourself off from the world, because the lack of reciprocity is not yet a sentence, and there are many interesting things ahead. The main thing is not to sit still, but to start moving towards a happy life.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

Recognition and acceptance of the situation

It's the most important. It is impossible to get rid of feelings until the realization comes that there is no reciprocity and will not be. Never. And it's not about your beauty, character or figure, but simply there is no love.

Symbolic disconnection also helps a lot. To do this, write down on paper about all the experiences. Put the pain and bitterness of unhappy love on a piece of paper, and why burn it. The flame that engulfed the paper will purify thoughts and soul. You can also tear the sheet into small pieces, imagining that this is how an unrequited feeling crumbles, and then scatter the pieces in the wind, relieving your thoughts of a heavy burden.

The most important thing to remember: the problem of unrequited love is as old as the world. She's not special at all. Millions of people experience this all the time. Any person at least once in his life, but love hopes collapsed. It is important to understand that there are many men, and if one disappeared, then he made room for another, more reliable, attentive and responsible.

Awareness of the reasons

It is very important to understand why the relationship did not work out. If the reason for everything is misunderstanding, then you should be glad that nothing happened, because it is not known what this would lead to in the future. If unrequited love is a consequence of existing serious shortcomings, then you should think about getting rid of them.

Remove from life

It is impossible to get rid of the feeling if you are in constant contact with the object of adoration or his things. For a successful victory over unrequited love, you should break off all relations with your sweetheart (sex for one night, friendship, conversations, etc.). Delete contacts, get rid of things that remind you of him, ignore places and meetings of mutual acquaintances where you can see this man.

If a loved one is a colleague, then if possible, it is better to quit in order to quickly cope with the current situation. Otherwise, you should not behave inappropriately, shying away or fundamentally not saying hello. Minimize communication, trying to resolve only business issues. The same applies to the case if the object of adoration is a neighbor. The fewer reminders of him, the faster the tormenting feelings will pass.

Expectation

And then it remains only to wait. How long this will last no one knows. Sometimes feelings will return, embracing with renewed vigor and recalling past experiences. It is important not to stray from the intended goal and not to give up. Gradually, everything will get better, life will open in a new color, and periods of sadness and suffering will go away forever.

Quite often, young girls find it hard to get rid of attachment, and they begin to live in hope or simply put up with the situation, hopelessly burying their future in a pile of suffering and pain. But this destroys a person, deprives him of the chance to gain a new, real and mutual feeling. Coping with emotions is not easy, but it is quite possible, the main thing is to want.

There is not a single person who at one time did not experience the oppressive feeling of unrequited love. This is the stage of growing up in youth, the path to awareness or the way to wake up in adulthood.

This state can hardly be called pleasant, and if a person gets stuck in it for a long time, it has a detrimental effect on his psyche and health. It is necessary to get out of feelings that are not mutual as soon as possible, but it is easy only in words. If unrequited love “covered” you, what to do and where to run?

How to deal with unrequited love

First of all, understand that you don't have to be loved by everyone. Even the object of your sigh.

If you are not loved, you must first understand the reasons, not starting to raise the object of your adoration on a pedestal, but trampling yourself on the floor, as unworthy and not deserving of the great happiness of mutual love. Maybe everything is not as critical as you “drew” to yourself.

To understand how to survive unrequited love, analyze the possible REASONS

1. Self underestimation.

   If a person considers himself ugly, unstylish, uninteresting, unable to keep up a conversation, then it is hard to imagine that for such a set of “pluses” someone can fall in love with him. No wonder they say that first you need to love yourself so that other people can experience the same for you. Look around: thousands of short, fat, with sparse hair bespectacled have a soul mate and are even happy with her. And why? Because they accept themselves as they are and know their own worth, so why are you, who are superior to them in many ways, not worthy of this? To start loving yourself, start by respecting yourself. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself, look for what you want to do in life, direct your efforts inward, and not in the outside world. Get rid of thoughts. It is not true.

2. victim of circumstance.

   Maybe you like to console yourself with your worthlessness and hope for evil fate. If you constantly feel sorry for yourself and behave like a victim, over time this feeling will develop into contempt, not only for yourself, but also for those around you. What kind of mutual love then can we talk about?

3. Loneliness.

   If you are not a very sociable person, and, apart from work, you don’t go anywhere, you communicate with few people, the first representative of the opposite sex who pays attention to you can cause a feeling of love. Maybe he just decided to exchange a couple of phrases with you, and you have already set up plans for a happy life with each other until old age. Such unrequited love occurs in emotionally unstable people who are deeply immersed in routine life.

   The reverse side of this coin is the subconscious. Are you really ready to sacrifice your freedom, habits, way of life, start experiencing inconvenience for the sake of another person?

The first thing that a person experiences when he realizes that he has fallen out of love or has never been loved is the desire to return the lost hope. In a disheveled state, he is capable of stupid things: constant phone calls, hard drinking, blackmail, tearful tantrums.

All this is not something that will not return love, but will drive you into the farthest corner, from which you will definitely not get out on your own. The only thing that can be achieved by such behavior is the growing hatred and irritation towards you from the object of adoration. And you will understand this if you don’t “smack the fever” and sort out the thoughts in your head.

How to get rid of unrequited love

It is necessary to treat unrequited love on the advice of a psychologist radically, especially if it does not allow to exist normally, poisons life for a long time.

Delete his number from the phone so that there is no temptation to congratulate him on the holiday, etc. Hide away, or collect all the things that remind of him and throw them away. Do not think that you are special, and no one around understands your feelings. Everyone went through this, so everyone has their own experience of dealing with depression from non-reciprocal love, and it will not hurt you. Be more among people, even if you have no desire to see anyone.

Important!

Love is psychological dependence, the same as narcotic and alcoholic, and it is not always easy to get rid of it, especially when it goes into obsessive states. She brought a certain share positive emotions, positive energy, and now you have lost it. Forgetting about it is not easy, but real. How? Stop idealizing the person who doesn't love you. He does not consist of merit alone, like any other person. Think about his shortcomings or habits that annoyed you or that you did not understand. Even a bouquet of the smallest flaws can turn into the image of a completely ordinary man, a replacement for which can always be found without much effort.

How to get rid of unrequited love? The main thing is to really want it, and not look for excuses why it is impossible.

As well as finding ways to still achieve a loved one (s), instead of trying to forget, will also help little to change the situation. The first step should be the realization: they don’t want to be with you, and this is not so bad.

Symbolically, this can be done like this: write everything that is in your soul on paper, read aloud in order to understand, and then symbolically burn, tear, crumple. This traditional way get rid of negative emotions. At a wave magic wand you, of course, will not forget love, but it will become easier for you due to the fact that you have begun to work in your favor.

Unrequited love: what if the object of sighing does not know about you?

Inventing a certain ideal, filling it with non-existent qualities has been a favorite pastime of girls since ancient times. So, before they fell in love with the images of literary heroes of novels or with heroes. Or, ladies brought up in a highly moral society endowed the image of their future spouse with persistent moral qualities.

Needless to say, an image created out of thin air that is superimposed on another person will inevitably lead to disappointment?

If unrequited love has fallen, what to do? Act!

But to direct your energy not to confessions or ways to get him back. Give more attention awareness of what is happening, processes, situations in which you find yourself. Unrequited feelings make a person delve into himself, and this is not always a bad thing if you do it skillfully.

For example, this is an opportunity to improve yourself: to understand your true desires more, to discover previously unfamiliar traits of your personality, to become more open to people, to change in appearance, go on a diet, sign up for fitness or courses, do something crazy - jump with a parachute or go to concert of an unfamiliar group. This is a great opportunity to go beyond the boundaries you set yourself. Do not take unrequited love as the end of life. She is a great tool to change the path of life.

When Victor Ediger answers questions during group analytical conversations, you immediately pay attention to his ability to quickly diagnose a person's deep problem. Sometimes it is clear on the basis of what words of the interlocutor the psychologist made this or that conclusion. Sometimes it is a mystery, but the conclusion later turns out to be true anyway. Once, seeing that I could not trace his logical chain in any way, Victor remarked: "Analysis cannot be based only on logic, this is where intuition comes into play". Such a combination of analyticity and intuition helping each other is probably a sign of any good psychologist. It's just that Victor has them in some happy proportions.

However, this brilliance would not, in my opinion, be of particular value if it were not for another quality of a psychologist, which is most felt not at the stage of diagnosis, but at the stage when Ediger gives a task to the person who turned to him. That quality is respect. Respect, the degree and level of which are not immediately revealed. For Victor, his interlocutor is not a creature distorted by a problem that needs to be cleansed of, like a scab, but a unique creature that is very necessary for something in this world. The problem in this view turns out to be useful for the development of a person, precious for revealing his potential. Victor suggests how to handle this gift so as not to walk around with it, unpacked and aggravating, vicious circle. And it often gives a difficult, but always feasible task.

In order to be able to take such a metaposition, to contemplate the outlines of a person's spiritual path in such a way, a psychoanalyst must periodically feel in himself at least a particle of the deity, who, as you know, knows all paths. I think the divine is in everyone, but not everyone is capable of right moment address that part of your personality. Victor is one of those people who can do it.

- You once said that there is no non-reciprocal love. Why? After all, each of life experience can give an example of an unrequited feeling. What did you mean?

I have deeply researched this issue in my time. Interest in a person is always mutual, just not everyone can afford to reciprocate - according to different reasons: someone is held back by obligations, someone by prejudices, someone is afraid to take responsibility for the consequences of a relationship, and someone is encapsulated in such a way that he cannot even admit to himself in a reciprocal feeling. In the latter case, one has only to dig a little deeper - and this feeling is revealed.

For example, a man leaves a woman, confused by some settings of the society around him (for example, because she has grown fat and does not meet model standards), but in reality it turns out that the relationship has not been exhausted, and he needs this woman. After all, it is with her that some important aspects of him are revealed next to him. Love is always mutual, it's just that people's ways to each other are different, and not always equally clear and open.

- If one person loves another, someone who seems indifferent to him, or is already in some kind of relationship, then you need to admit this feeling?

- Certainly. You can't know what's going on inside someone you like so much. Let him know about your sympathy, and then we'll see. Give him a choice.

- Once I loved a not free man and did not dare to admit it to him, because he adored his wife, and these relationships seemed to me so sacred that my feeling seemed to me treachery. For a long time I disappeared from the field of view of this person, everything burned out in me. And then I found out that a year after I saw the idyllic family life they broke up. And I thought, God knows what this person would do in a year if he knew what I was experiencing. Moreover, he clearly sympathized with me. Is this an appropriate illustration of what you are talking about?

- Yes, it is quite.

- I remember your reasoning about the speculative concept of "loyalty." You said: “If a person loves a partner and wants to be with him, then what does fidelity have to do with it? And if a person passionately wants someone outside of the current relationship, but does not allow himself to take a step “left”, then what is beautiful about called loyalty? Who would want such a "faithful" partner? My question is about betrayal. What is, from your point of view, betrayal in a relationship?

- The concept of "betrayal" exists only in interdependent (even if they are still mutually beneficial) relations of not free people. Not free to take responsibility and make their own choices. In this case, people call betrayal the actions of a person that do not meet the expectations of his partner.

In a mature relationship, a change in behavior, even without warning, is perceived as a subject for dialogue, finding out the reason (if there is a need or interest in this) and making a decision on further relationships. And in the interdependent relationship of a man and a woman, the termination of the expected monopoly on access to the partner's genitals is considered a betrayal.

— How do you understand development in a couple?

- Development, if you look at it, is always individual. The task of a person is to reveal some new possibilities, facets, worlds in himself in order to perceive life in a wider spectrum. He is not yet so self-sufficient as to do it on his own, without the help of other people. Society provokes the disclosure of human potential with its pluralism, variety of forms. Of course, he chooses from the world revealed in himself that which is closer to him in terms of psycho-physiological and spiritual features and continues his development, respectively developing these qualities in the relevant areas: culture, science, applied affairs, etc.. And the beloved (I'm already talking about paired relationships) most of all contributes to the fact that a person reveals in himself and accepts what he could not accept before. Favorite is a more subtle, individually selected instrument.

Development in a couple is, ideally, acceptance in oneself, or at least a search for ways to accept what does not suit a partner and results in claims against him.

- Now I have a feeling that the conversation is being conducted by you from too high positions. From a Buddha's point of view. But I am not a Buddha, and what should I do, say, with the feeling that I have been abandoned, betrayed, or with the feeling that I am betraying someone if I do what I want? I am not so developed and self-sufficient as to be out of it. How to be an ordinary person?

- I answered from two positions: as you put it, the Buddha and the person - also still dependent. More often I stay in the second position, and I receive the first as a gift. I am satisfied with such schizophrenia. The main thing in my answer is still "at leastsearchways of accepting what does not suit a partner and results in claims. "It is difficult to accept, this is a special process: the inertia of the protest does not let it go, love and sympathy help. The main thing is that the process should be at the expense of oneself, and not the partner. Say, it is impossible, from my point of view, to say: "What a scumbag he is, he is never in a hurry to go anywhere, how can he learn mobility in life ...", but better: "HowMedisplays his slowness and equanimity ... WhatTo meto understand what positive side can be hidden in these qualities?” Etc. This is what individual development is, albeit in pairs.

As for the "imperfect feelings" of an ordinary person ... It is important to begin to understand what thisyoursreaction to the actions of a partner. When understanding comes, or better, awareness, then in any case you will grow, become mature, and gradually a different attitude towards your reactions to insults appears, and the reactions themselves gradually change.

- From your point of view, is a pair upgrade possible? It is the plot of many "family" films: the relationship between husband and wife seems to have exhausted itself, their life is emasculated, but some event occurs - and in the finale a situation called "I looked at my husband with different eyes." And then the new happy life the same family composition.

- No, the reboot is also always individual and is experienced alone. And in these couples, after “I looked at my husband with different eyes”, then there remains so much hidden, “forgotten” pain, so much that is difficult to talk about, that is, so much unaccepted that there is no need to talk about mature relationships. I have encountered this many times. It is possible to resume relations if the couple broke up for at least two years, and then reunited. This has happened. But this will not be a renewal of the relationship of the old people - two new people will meet. And many of them will be different.

- Can you name the criteria that indicate: the relationship needs to be terminated, then there will only be attenuation - degradation?

- Relationships cannot be terminated as long as there is a strong indifferent reaction to a partner, even in his physical absence. Degradation or destruction occurs in the absence of work on one's reactions to the partner's actions, and the energy is directed to claims or attempts to change the partner. Therefore, I recommend stopping external relations after repeated (3-5) unsuccessful attempts to work on yourself.

- You said that after parting, in no case do you recommend looking for another partner on a sense of loss. I understand why: the use of another as an analgin is futile. But a person in such states is cunning and tries to convince himself that the pain of loss has passed. What markers can you indicate that would say that now you can already think about your personal life? And I would also like your recommendations on behavior during the loss of a partner (departure or death), especially in the first few weeks. How to deal with this pain in the most environmentally friendly way?

- After parting, when the relationship is really terminated, the person ceases to have claims against the former partner, moreover, he feels sincere gratitude to him. She is not afraid and does not seek to meet with him. If you have a lot of complaints, then the relationship, despite the absence of a partner, continues.

After the loss of a loved one, you need to consciously devote 10-20 percent of the time of the day to meditation of suffering, despondency, realizing that this is a normal reaction. That is, you need to consciously sit down and suffer, cry, sort through old photos, etc. Gradually, the accumulated pain will be washed out of the body (it will take from two weeks to six months), and you will be left with valuable experience for later life.

And to pretend that nothing happened is to drive suffering deeper. In addition, they will still break through, and then you will be stormed without your participation and much more severely.

If a person does not work on experiences after separation, then it is simply not recommended to seek or allow obviously dependent relationships for two years.

Does this mean that for two years not to look for any relationship at all? Well, it turns out, they will still be dependent, any.

— Allowed various forms relationships, but if you find love, you should protect your partner from yourself.

— To prevent painful "sticking"?

— Yes.

— I wonder what you personally still can not accept in yourself?

-It is still not easy for me to accept the rebel inside me, arguing with society. Therefore, he, poor fellow, jumps out at every step - where necessary and not necessary ..

— What small (or big) spiritual discovery have you recently made for yourself, what internally valuable conclusion have you come to?

— Everything has its time.

— IN last years you are interested in photography. What does this hobby mean to you?

— Yes, I photograph me too. For me, this is another method of development, such phototherapy is meditation, where I learn to experiment. The formats and patterns of my psyche immediately appear there. In addition, you can track the reaction of others by changing photos in social networks, this helps to change opinions about yourself and accept it all.

— What are the processes (or trends) taking place in modern society, make you happy? What do you especially welcome?

- I welcome the manifestation and approval of completely different and even opposite concepts in everything: opinions, behavior, creativity, everyday life, relationships, science and near-science, politics ... After all, this is what leads to the acceptance of all aspects of life, and only after this acceptance does it become possible to find and realize myself.

Reading time: 3 min

Unrequited love is a form of deep affection and sympathy accompanied by emotional and physical attraction to a person without a reciprocal response at the same level of depth or intensity of feelings experienced. Unrequited love for a girl has contributed to many achievements and accomplishment of feats, since an unrealized feeling requires an outlet and manifestation, stimulates creative activity, as a mechanism of sublimation. It is unrequited love that is a private motive of the works, this is justified by the fact that, under a favorable set of circumstances, a person enjoys a partner and relationships, he does not have time for creativity.

Despite the romanticization of a noble feeling and the elevation of unrequited love to the level of the purest and most sincere, it is often the cause of the development of severe depressive states accompanied by somatic disorders, and also leads to or latent manifestation of the desire for thanatos in the form of life-destroying habits (alcoholism, unreasonably risky actions, defiant behavior, sleep and nutrition).

The reasons for the emergence of unrequited love are various and can include both manipulation by the object of adoration and the maintenance of false hope, and the unwillingness of a person to see the true picture of the discrepancy between his personality and the chosen one.

Unrequited love is most often a companion adolescence when hormones play, maximalism goes off scale, the feeling is the first and it seems that this is that second half and this is for life. At the same time, there is still no clear understanding of oneself, ideas about a partner and about desires in life together and correspondence to each other (how many in love with stars and teachers, boys from other cities and girls, objectively from another reality). But whatever may be behind the factors contributing to the development of this feeling, there is a need to resolve negative emotions and work through those moments associated with impossible relationships that cause suffering.

Unrequited love - what to do?

The feeling of falling in love inspires and gives a new world, a more subtle feeling and the ability to notice details. With mutual attraction, such specific changes give even more joy, a state, receiving energy literally from the air. But the situation is reversed when it turns out that the feelings of emotional attraction are not mutual. Then the emerging sensitivity makes a person more vulnerable, the desire for realization stumbles upon a wall of uselessness, suffers and the whole world takes on gloomy tones. And this is a normal reaction to dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations.

But before you fall into a pessimistic mood, claiming that you have an unrequited love for a guy, based on the fact that you already winked three times, and he did not come to you with a ring, turn on rationality - whether your feelings are really unrequited. Naturally, if he shows all kinds of attention to the other, gently hugs in front of everyone, then you are right. Men usually hide their feelings, so there are situations when, after the first step taken by a girl, it turned out that he had been sympathetic to her for a long time. If there is not enough courage for a direct confession, then find out his attitude towards you and other girls with the help of friends or a suggestive conversation with the guy himself. It is better to first make sure that your romance is hopeless than to put an end to the possibility of reciprocity in advance. The same applies to guys, because girls are all waiting for the first step from a man and may not show that you are attractive to her, or even not think about your role as a companion, because you did not give rise to such reasoning. If you were told about non-reciprocity directly and transparently, then you can safely proceed to the choice of variations on the topic “what to do with non-reciprocity”.

Unrequited love for a girl can turn on the excitement in guys and with a feeling of energy and unwillingness to give up, you can achieve it, despite the initial refusal. Compare behavior with principles and your capabilities, think about whether you will regret (for example, seeking married woman whether you can trust after she leaves the family for you).

Unrequited love for a guy can turn on hunting in a girl, but there should be a difference in achieving the goal. A girl who decides to seek a guy should do it unobtrusively, gently, in a feminine way, giving the guy opportunities for initiative and showing his strength, because with obvious perseverance, the effect will be the opposite and instead of gaining sympathy, you will get avoiding and tearing all contacts with you person.

If you do not yet agree to fully recognize the futility of a shared future, then you can choose to wait. But not the expectation where you sit by the window with a sad look, but where you continue to be friends, communicate with the object of your feelings, while not pushing, but even developing your life. You need to wait actively, agreeing to all events, even if it is not your lover who calls, participating in all kinds of events and trips, taking care of your own appearance and image. Your task is to fill your life with the maximum amount of happiness, which does not depend in any way on the presence of the necessary person nearby. From this behavior, there are usually two ways of development, and both are positive - either something inside your beloved will switch and he will see you and fall in love, or you will be so captivated new life(and new people) that you simply won’t have to mental anguish about failed love (when you have ahead of you the defense of scientific work, river rafting, three parties and participation in the presentation of a new exhibition, and a new acquaintance dedicated a song to you and invited you to dacha, it becomes quite hard to suffer for an indifferent person).

Crisis situations of rejection are a very high-quality impetus on the way and. Look at your life - if everything revolves around the object of passion, if life without it is unthinkable and you are ready to do anything, if only you were promised that you will be together, then this is not love. Addiction, the desire to get the unattainable, the desire to prove, a way to get away from the real problems of your life, in a word, anything but love. Turn to what makes you stay in this story and start exploring your world. Literature about the place in life, as well as about relationships with people, trainings aimed at understanding your needs, values ​​and ability to interact, communicating with close friends who know you well, people who have been in a situation similar to yours, will help.

Unrequited love, what to do? You should not close yourself from the world, if they get to know you, then do not interfere with this. No one is forcing you to find a replacement and meet at least someone, but new people will help you move negative emotions, expand your views, give support and a much-needed sense of significance and need after rejection. Self-isolating yourself and sitting looking at a photograph of unrequited love is a direct path to a dead end.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

The feeling of unrequited love is hard enough, so people are looking for ways to forget unrequited love. The trap of wanting to forget quickly is that the more it tries to forcibly get out of your head, the stronger it sits there and more often reminds of itself. Trying to isolate yourself and throw out the feeling by force, you doom yourself to the fact that all the surrounding space will remind you of what you have experienced. On TV, all the films will be about your story, people in transport will be wearing the same shirt, and friends will only call you to places associated with the object of love.

It is possible to free yourself from the power of unrequited feelings, and the first step is to recognize and accept them. You can realize this alone, write it down on paper, or share it with trusted people, but the first step is to acknowledge the existence of such feelings. The next step is to accept the facts that did not work out this relationship (if you objectively do not find understanding, then be glad that nothing happened, and if your real shortcomings are the reason, then think about eradication).

Feelings have a property to pass and no pain lasts forever if it is not artificially prolonged. To quickly get rid of unrequited attachment, it makes sense to move away from the object, because many attachments are strong due to the large amount of time spent together. No need to shy away from a person and bypass him, fundamentally not saying hello, which will go beyond the scope of adequacy. Your task is to minimize contacts, if you work together, then choose another company for snacks and smoke breaks, but communicate on business issues, and if you are neighbors, then stop running for a screwdriver or salt in this particular apartment, buy your own already. Stop engaging in masochism that tears apart an emotional wound when you monitor your beloved’s page on social networks, tracking all the changes and likes, switch to your life. Distance will inevitably lead to a change in your social structure and circle of friends, because space and time will be freed up. You can fill the gaps with your own activities for which there was not enough time before or with new acquaintances that satisfy your interests and needs on this moment.

Keep yourself busy to avoid the temptation to design in your head various options your joint impossible future. Finish the project, clean the apartment, rearrange, alter old dresses, take care of your development, your appearance, sign up for courses.

Nobody knows how to forget unrequited love in one day, this process will take time and patience. Sometimes feelings will return with renewed vigor, memories will fly like a hurricane into an already settled life, and such relapses are considered the norm. Each time, periods of calm will become longer, and the number of tears will decrease, and the time will come when you remember your failed love only after someone asks you and nothing will falter inside, yes it was, yes it has passed. Most likely, over time, you will be able to adequately and without embellishment consider a person and understand that he does not suit you. Love, which blurs the eyes and intensifies in the absence of reciprocity, usually embellishes a person, completes the desired qualities for him and does not correlate well with reality.

Do not arrange provocations for yourself in the form of meetings in order to check the feelings have passed or something remains. Treat such a state as with any addiction (after all, in fact, a painful passion for a person who is indifferent to you is emotional dependence). Trying to communicate, stay alone, call at night is on the same level of risk as inviting a coded alcoholic to a bar. Of course, there is a chance that he will drink only milk, but why conduct such experiments?

Give vent to your feelings - pain, sadness, annoyance. The faster these emotions burn out, the faster you will be freed from difficult experiences. Beware of the rapid emergence of new relationships, it is likely that you will transfer feelings to a new person that are not addressed to him, or he will simply be a plug for a hole formed in his chest. Spend time with people, flirt, establish easy relationships, but start building something serious when the pain inside has subsided, when the rapprochement is gradual and with someone you notice and who accepts you.

If you do not cope well on your own, then psychologists can tell you how to survive unrequited love. It’s better, of course, to choose personal therapy, then you don’t have to experiment on your own soul with all the advice from articles and forums, but as a variant of ideas that can prompt reflection and search for a way out, textual processing options may well come up.

The chances of experiencing unrequited love decrease with experience. Going through the stages of initiation, disappointment with youthful unrequited love, a person learns to hear and understand own desires find ways to implement them when you know what you want. Who you are and who is opposite you, it becomes clear what is possible between such people at once, and what can be achieved (the ways to achieve it also become clear). Therefore, the request for how to survive unrequited love is rarely heard in maturity, but there are exceptions. Usually such cases are associated with previous traumatization and unconscious unwillingness to build viable relationships, i.e. a person, as it were, deliberately, but subconsciously, chooses someone with whom reciprocity is impossible. This behavior is governed by trauma (abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, violence - the cases are individual) and a person is unlikely to be able to get out of such a situation on his own. And there are people who carry irresponsibility through the years, not paying attention to the real options to be happy, remaining true to that the only unattainable image.

Every problem has conducive factors and secondary psychological benefits. Of the moments that provide a tendency to unrequited feelings, one can single out the inability of a person to move from one stage of a relationship to another, which is the reason for getting stuck, and then rolling back instead of development. Accompanying unrequited uncertainty, low self-esteem and fear of the real world, its unpredictability and volatility. Children who do not see in the parent family examples of trusting long-term and loving relationship subconsciously repeat the model learned from childhood, and choose from all people the one who is not able to give them a full-fledged relationship. And just like teenagers, people with an infantile personality organization, a lack of understanding of their own inner life, an orientation towards society have difficulties in choosing an object of attachment, or rather, the guidelines for establishing quality relationships fail.

From such a suffering position, a person can receive indirect psychological benefits that justify suffering. For example, with non-reciprocal love, a partner can be completely idealized and you don’t have to interact with a real one (one who wears dirty socks, sniffs and places stresses incorrectly). It is much easier to love an ideal, albeit distant and fantasized, than a real person who is in close proximity. And this way you can not notice your own shortcomings, which usually acquire volume when interacting with people. And unrequited love gives the illusion of a full and emotionally rich life, although in reality everything happens only in the head of a lover.

To survive such a feeling will help change the perspective of perception from a feeling of torment and the end of life to finding a resource in what is happening. In addition to the fact that love makes you change for the better, non-reciprocal love also directs a person to a deep knowledge of himself and better changes. This is a chance to open up to the world, to gain new strength to overcome difficulties. Trying to live a full life and more contact with reality, without denying or denying the presence of feelings for any person, greatly expands your opportunities as a person.

Psychologists' advice on how to survive unrequited love aims to take care of your life. Love gives strength, even unhappy love motivates people to work. You can start by auditing and throwing out everything unnecessary and unpleasant (from paper wrappers in a bag to obsolete interests). Start tidying up areas of life that are not related to love. You can start from the physical level and equip your home, change the image - make the external manifestations consonant with your inner world. You can start with leisure time by enrolling in courses of interest and viewing the program of events. Look for something that will ignite and delight you, avoid grabbing the first one that comes across.

How to forget unrequited love? You will need to take care of your emotional sphere. If you have already felt that not everything is so simple in the reasons for your dependence on an indifferent person, then you can contact a specialist. And if the matter is only in the affected self-esteem, then arrange rehabilitation measures to restore it. Work on appearance and communication with people, visiting new places, possibly charity events (usually so much support and gratitude to those who take part) will do it as quickly and easily as possible.

Provide yourself with a constant influx of new emotions and impressions, positive and not related to the object of feelings, but avoid alcohol and drugs - a rollback after a temporary improvement can push you into depression. Go in for sports, because during physical activity our body processes negative emotions more easily and produces endorphins that are responsible for the level of happiness. In general, pay too much attention to health care. Good sleep, fresh air and a balanced diet will help your experiences much more than cake and midnight conversations with a bottle of wine.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"