People who have experienced betrayal at least once in their lives will be able to perfectly understand the feelings of the heroine of this material. The act of her husband radically changed the life of a woman and her children.

"Thank you, Jennifer,

… For the bite marks you left on my husband's chest.

No, really, I'm saying THANK YOU! You have no idea what a nightmare you saved me and my children from.

To thank you for your service, I suggest that you take my husband away forever. If you choose to accept this award, please note the following rules.

1. You will have to financially support him. I mean, we have two children (as you already know), which means that he will give the lion's share of his income to us as alimony. Children should get what they deserve. I also ask you to pay attention to the fact that I was a housewife for 11 years (at the insistence of my husband), so he will also have to pay alimony to me. So forget about his money honey...because it's mine!
2. You will have to buy him new clothes . You know, when today he came out of our (and now mine) soul and I saw these bites, something incredible happened in our house! A black hole formed and swallowed all of his clothes! Therefore, he will come to you almost naked (you will be lucky!). But this situation has an advantage. You can dress him up in whatever clothes you like. You could at least buy him a dog leash or a nice little dress.
3. You can forget about him on the weekend. This time he will spend with the children. Since he openly stated (several people witnessed this) that you are just a "stupid drunken bastard", then my children will not be allowed to see you. For their safety.
4. You won't give it back to me. And I won't take it back. Point of no return passed when he touched you! I was a good wife to him, and he was very lucky to have me. Don't be surprised that you can't be better than me (and you definitely can't), and when he realizes that, you'll be miserable.
5. He will blame you for all this. With tears in his eyes, he told me that you were laughing at him: "I hope the wife sees these bites." I don't know if what you said is true. I don't care, to be honest. But, if anything, your wish came true. I saw those bites. He was so angry that you made that comment that when I punched him in the eye, he immediately asked for my forgiveness! In general, I am against violence and have never beaten anyone before. But I'm not at all sorry that I hit him. If this moment were rewound, I would aim much lower.
6. Well, this is more likely not a rule, but a friendly warning.. I will try to say nasty things as often as possible to piss you off. It will become my hobby to offend my husband and you in the same way that you offended me and my children. Remember that he will listen to me for many, many years. I was with him for 12 years, I know him better. And yes, I'm sure I'm doing the right thing. Well, just in case you were wondering.

Thank you Jennifer! Thanks to the one who left bite marks on my husband's chest that showed me that 11 years of marriage and two children can't coexist with you! I applaud you for winning your husband so cunningly.

"He's all yours!"

Remember what our grandmothers taught us? There are women for the home, and there are for sexual relaxation, and the latter are not taken as wives. That's just, as a psychologist, communicating with numerous clients, I was faced with a different reality. The most worthy wives, who survived the betrayal of their husbands, and mistresses exhausted by expectations, who were tired of loneliness, turned to me for help. Both, in fact, turned out to be unhappy, unaware that a deep internal conflict in their role model was to blame.

In order to trace the origins of the division of women into two hypostases - fatal seductresses and keepers of the hearth, I propose to plunge into history, raising the myths about the devoted Eve and the naughty Lilith.

Legends about the creation of a woman ... between Eve and Lilith.

In the oldest apocrypha of Christianity, one can read a chapter about the creation of a man and a woman from the dust of the earth. Only the first woman there was not Eve, but the sexy Lilith, who did not want to obey the man and went against him, talking about equality and freedom. It was then that God gave her husband a second chance and created another woman from his rib - Eve, who began to serve Adam faithfully. By the way, the new Bible began to promote just such an image of a woman - faithful, weak, docile and dependent on a man who was a convenient application, but not a person.

It was from the Book of Genesis that the legend of the existence of Lilith originated, which a man would like to possess, but could not. In her image, the qualities of an ideal lover were embodied - emotional, sexual, strong and rebellious. Whereas Eve in the minds of the majority received the status of an ideal mother - caring, gentle and forgiving. Alas, the existence of two such different archetypes has formed an erroneous idea that a woman is not able to combine all the qualities in herself at once. This is how the division into “fatal beauties” and “born mothers” appeared, which gave rise to the stronger sex to look for what was missing on the side.

The archetypes of "wife" and "mistress" - the splitting of the female role model

The images of Eve and Lilith divided the female hypostasis into two unequal parts. The first became the soul of the family, the embodiment of comfort and maternal warmth. A woman-wife who is not afraid to bend under her husband, who respects and loves, and therefore should serve as an example. The image of Eve in a patriarchal society was considered socially acceptable and convenient, in contrast to the freedom-loving Lilith, whose behavior was deliberately condemned and denied. Agree, who needs an active and independent woman who knows how to use her sexuality, knowing the price her personality and not afraid to speak out against the word of a man? This brought chaos to the world order, forced weak men afraid.

Why did the "love triangle" appear?

What frightens with its inaccessibility often seems attractive. A woman who knows how to seduce, who does not depend on a man, is automatically perceived by many husbands as much more interesting than the familiar and predictable mistress of the hearth. Lilith beckons with the promise of extraterrestrial passion, while her woman seems like a long-read book. Due to their own immaturity, modern Adams do not understand that a wife can combine two hypostases at once - tenderness and passion. Brought up on social stereotypes, they continue to divide women into categories, one of which they take as a wife, and on the other they get pleasure. Naturally, Eve in their understanding is always better: they are submissive, reliable, able to put up with shortcomings, give a sense of security. But I also want passion! Because it is so drawn to betrayal, I want to compensate for the lack of eroticism on the side ...

The conflict of freedom and dependence

If men agree to mistresses due to psychological immaturity, then why do women allow themselves to be divided into some roles? Why do some dutifully endure betrayal, ignoring their own sexuality, agreeing to be a convenient application for the home that will endure everything? And others unconsciously deprive themselves of the happiness of marriage, just to be able to be independent? Why is this sacrifice needed at all, which does not allow a woman to feel the full happiness of a woman?

It's all about the eternal conflict of freedom and dependence. Many women are also psychologically immature, because they ignore part of their self in favor of social standards. It is hard for them to realize that the inner cannot be split, they cannot simply eliminate their sexuality or maternal instinct. Integrating with some one role that seems more acceptable, a woman herself deprives herself of the opportunity to become integral and harmonious.

There is only one way out of the eternal cycle of betrayals - to accept all parts of your “I”, let a little Lilith into your life if you are an exemplary wife, or try to make friends with the good-natured Eve if you play independence. Only by knowing inner harmony, you can count on full happiness.

There are families that live practically without conflicts, where the husband is always or almost always satisfied with his wife, and the wife with her husband. Spouses who have achieved such an idyll on the basis of mutual understanding, trust, mutual respect and great love are truly happy people. But such families are very rare. It often happens that peace in the family is achieved with the help of a simple female secret. The wife lies to her husband, telling him only what he wants to hear, and what causes him invariably positive emotions. And since in life it doesn’t happen that it’s only “on the wool”, then she has to lie a lot.

She encourages her friends to follow her example. “It was necessary to lie beautifully, it would be all right now. And you climbed with your truth, now don't complain. He made a scandal, quarreled ... Yes, if I told my own at least half the truth, he would have killed me a long time ago. I don’t know what truth was discussed, but this conversation was real, I heard it on the bus. One can only hope that the girl will not take the advice of her friend, otherwise the family where the wife is lying will be in jeopardy.

Why, when a wife lies to her husband, a family can collapse

The thing is, lies are the biggest enemy. intimate relationships. True harmony and happiness can only be created on the basis of mutual sincerity and frankness. And happiness and peace, built on a lie, will also be false and short-lived. Because they were achieved not by yours, but by your ability to hide the truth and replace it with a lie pleasing to him. And when the truth comes out, and it will definitely happen, your illusory world and peace will turn into a nightmare. And this nightmare will be the most real.

One day he will know:

• About how you had your period while pretending to be virgin to him.
• That you were not pregnant when you married him, you managed to get pregnant only a month after the wedding.
• The fact that the child was born prematurely is the only reason why the dates coincided.
• About the fact that it’s not a company car that takes you home, but the boss himself personally, and that golden ring for the New Year, this is his gift, not mom and dad.

And, of course, he will know for what merits your boss is so supportive of you.

• The fact that you get not ten thousand a month, but twenty, and save money for yourself.
• That you couldn't have sex with him, not because you were treating inflammation of the appendages, but because you had an abortion. He wants a second one, but you have a lot of one.

But in order not to upset him, you pretended that you were trying to get pregnant, while you yourself quietly swallowed pills. You somehow managed to get pregnant, but you quickly "fixed" it.

• About the fact that no one robbed you, you just hid the money at your mother’s house, and cut the bag yourself, and this justified the loss of money, got a reason to buy yourself a new bag, and he regretted for a long time and consoled you morally and financially.
• About the fact that you didn’t visit any sick grandmother in the village of Komarovo, but had a great rest with a friend in Sochi on “stolen” money and that your tan was sea, not garden ...

He will know everything, and even if not everything, but only “something”, your every lie is worthy of him hating you.

Wife lies to her husband: what awaits her

The consequences of women's lies are very serious, sometimes even a man is pushed to commit a crime. And all for what? To create an illusion of peace and harmony for a while? And then what? In my opinion, this game is not worth the candle.

It's not even about whether you're lying in a big way or are fond of small things. Everyday lies, even petty ones, also do not lead to anything good. Usually the husband will find out the truth after some time anyway. He is annoyed by yours, he completely stops believing in you, constantly reproaches you (and not without reason) that your children are the same deceivers as you are. You, by the way, it also infuriates in children. But didn't you teach them that?

A person who is repeatedly caught in a lie, not only loses trust, but also loses respect. And respect for each other's spouses is one of the necessary conditions for a normal marriage. Having lost the respect of your spouse, consider that you have lost your spouse. Even if he lives with you, he will stop taking you seriously.

Being engaged in "concealment" and "deception" in order to avoid discontent, claims from the husband, quarrels and insults, you can lose much more than telling the truth. It may happen that trying to avoid problems by resorting to lies, you will get yourself even more serious problems. And by telling the truth, on the contrary, you can avoid them:

• If you know that you must tell the truth, you will be much stricter about your actions, and you yourself will feel more worthy.
• Your truth is real, which means he will understand you better.
• Even if there are conflict situations you will have to solve them. With each successfully resolved conflict, your relationship will rise to a higher level of development.
• Speaking the truth, even if sometimes unpleasant, you will earn respect if only for being frank.
• And finally, your relationship will be bad, good, but real. And a true relationship, even if not cloudless, is better than outwardly ideal, but artificially created with the help of lies.

Even if, after all that has been said, you think: “Who needs it, really? From her there are only problems! ”, I will answer: we need our truth. And your truth is necessary first of all to you in order for your life to be real. And so that there are no problems from the truth, behave in such a way that there is no need to hide your actions.

29/01/2017 from

The topic has been chewed a million times, I understand. But, since I was on both sides of the barricades, that is, both the deceived wife and mistress of a married man, I think I have the right to contribute my "five kopecks." Moreover, I haven’t pushed anything abstruse for a long time)

I must say right away that neither one nor the other position is enviable in its essence, but still, if I had to choose again whether to be a deceived wife or mistress married man I would choose the second one.

The position of a deceived wife is bad, if only because a woman is being deceived. It's not very pleasant to suddenly find out that you have grown horns. I do not take cases of single betrayals a la "put it in, took it out." I'm talking about situations where a permanent mistress appears. It is clear as daylight that the likelihood that a man will whistle to his new "love" tends to zero, because a man is lazy by nature, moreover, he understands that he has spoiled and still feels guilty. The feeling of guilt is generally a terrible thing, you can play it indefinitely, knocking out all sorts of goodies for yourself, but why the hell is it necessary?

I understand those men who, having cheated on their wife and not being sent by her to all four sides on a free flight, claim that a woman who has saved her family is worthy of respect. I don't know about respect, but admiration for sure. For to continue to provide the previous level of comfort, including sexual, to a person who did not even bother to hide from you "darling, you have horns", this is an undoubted and absolute feat.

Naive are those men who think that if, after the discovery of the fact of infidelity and the subsequent act of "sprinkling the guilty head with ashes", the woman did not throw him out with all the junk, then everything is forgotten. Don't forget! Betrayal is not forgotten, they just learn to live with it. If a woman is smart, she will not remind her of a "jamb", and if she is a fool, she will endlessly gouge with this, cultivating a sense of guilt in a man for what she has done or causing him to become furious, threatening to eventually lead to a divorce or another new "love". ".

I understand that the reasons to tolerate a cheater can be different. Especially when there is a child in the family. But how can you live with the knowledge that the person you trusted and with whom you decided to connect your life fell in love with another woman? I could not.

The second position, the mistress of a married man, is good only for those women who do not seek to create a "cell of society." Not all women are imprisoned "under the family", and an unmarried man will sooner or later try to "stake out a clearing". Moreover, the more actively a woman resists this idea, the more stubbornly a man will achieve it. Well, if a woman cannot imagine her life without the existence of a man in it on an ongoing basis, then the role of a married man's mistress is definitely not for her.

I am touched by ladies who seriously believe that from a mistress they can easily and naturally be converted into a wife, because it is enough just to make some effort and "the golden key is in our pocket." It is an ungrateful and tedious business to beat off a man from his missus.

In addition, who can guarantee that, having received the coveted prize in the form of wife status, after some time the woman will not turn out to be the same horned deceived as the previous wife was? It is possible that if a man himself decided to divorce, without making efforts to instill this "brilliant" idea on the part of his mistress, a miracle will happen, but I am a burnt cynic and do not believe in miracles)

The status of a married man's mistress is much more advantageous, provided that the woman soberly assesses the situation and does not build "castles in the air."

In no way am I condoning cheating. But, whatever one may say, if a “third extra” appears, there are problems in the family. And big ones. And BOTH are to blame for these problems, and not someone alone.

Don't blame your mistress for everything. She is not to blame for what happened, but the woman who brought the situation to the point that the man began to look for an outlet on the side. A man is not a bull that can be led away on a string, therefore, the accusations of some deceived wives "it's her, the bitch, is to blame for everything! If it weren't for her, then mine would never be for nothing ...!", are at least ridiculous. Actually, it's pathetic.

Living with a man and remaining attractive and interesting to him throughout life is a work and a great art, not available to everyone. If this does not work out, then there are only two options left, either to "leave the game" or to endure the presence of a "third wheel".

The other day I was thinking about a question. If I found myself in the situation of a deceived wife who, for some reason, kept her family together and who, moreover, knows that her husband is cheating and will not stop cheating, what would be easier to survive - the presence of a constant mistress or one-time whores constantly replacing each other? Haven't found an answer yet.

Saved

After the fact of infidelity is revealed, it really doesn’t matter how it happened: whether the husband himself told, or you caught him. The main thing is that now you are aware and you need to do something further. Everything starts the same. Yesterday is yours family life was not overshadowed by anything - and now all the bright memories are crossed out by the betrayal of her husband.

Typical behavior of deceived women

You are bursting with resentment, rage, you are trying to understand why this happened and what you were to blame for. In such a situation, any deceived woman will lose the ability to think sensibly.

Those who have read women's magazines, we run to buy new expensive underwear, change the hairstyle, style of clothing, or urgently look for a lover so that the hubby immediately understands what he is refusing.

The only thought that is in the head of a deceived wife is: you can’t give up your husband! We love him too much, we are too attached to him, even though he is a scoundrel and a traitor.

The usual reaction of a woman to the fact of infidelity is this: wives shed tons of tears, arrange grandiose scandals for their husbands, demand that they urgently break off all relations with the “other”. The wife lives in despair, constantly worries, doubts and suspects. That is, it turns into a hypochondriac suspicious little wife with constantly red eyes from tears and a hoarse voice from constant screams.

The first few weeks after infidelity are especially difficult. This is especially difficult to survive if the husband has not yet decided for sure whether he wants to stay with you or go to his mistress. Such a "suspended" state will unbalance any, the most calm and cold-blooded woman.

6 is impossible

Don't build yourselfsacrifice

Women are very fond of wearing the mask of a humiliated victim. Of course, this mask is not so seductive, but it is cozy and homely. But imagine a situation when a husband who has cheated on a woman comes home. He can no longer decide whether his mistress is worthy of a destroyed family and a rejection of an established family life. And then he is met by an angry woman in the mask of the victim. Pounds of accusations pour out on the poor husband right from the doorway, and all his excuses bounce off the mask, without affecting women's emotions in any way.

However, male guilt also cannot last forever. For a while he will bear the charges, but then he will get tired of it and he will go to a place where he is not accused of all mortal sins every single day.

Of course, you are actually a victim. A victim of infidelity, male polygamy, a victim of a society accustomed to male infidelity. But it is enough to think about it just once, feel sorry for yourself and not remember again.

Don't expose your husband

This is the most standard mistake of every deceived woman. Once having caught the faithful in treason, we strive to catch him again. But it doesn’t even occur to us to think, why do we need this?

We sneak up on my husband's phone at night, looking for compromising texts, outgoing calls. We do the same with our husband's entire wardrobe, purse, purse and everything where we can find at least some clue.

But think about it, why are you doing this? To once again make sure that your husband cheated on you? And what's next - to pounce on the faithful with the next accusations? There is no point in this. Yes, for some time the husband will make excuses, but very soon he will react aggressively to your constant suspicions.

So, you should not look for new evidence of your husband's vicious relationship with another woman. If this should happen, the evidence will catch your eye on its own. But it is completely pointless to deliberately breed resentment and bitterness from betrayal in yourself, moreover, it can lead to health problems.

Don't try to contact your mistress

Of course, that other one, also a woman, is also looking for happiness, but female solidarity won't help you here. You are the warring parties, fighting for the trophy, which is your missus. Even if she wants to talk to you, it’s still not worth it to “negotiate”.

It is completely pointless to think that conscience will play in the opponent and she will present herself in your place. Rather, everything will happen quite the opposite. She will pretend to be an innocent victim, and she will expose you in front of her husband as a hysterical and evil bitch.

After all, you understand who your husband will calm down in the first place. Therefore, it is better never to get in touch with another woman and not try to influence the relationship between them in any way. But to collect information about her on the sly, to try to analyze what she hooked your husband on - it may not be superfluous at all.

No ultimatums

Try to delay the moment when you have to say "it's either her or me" as long as possible. The fact is that the first time immediately after the betrayal, while the emotions have not subsided yet, it may well happen that she will calmly say to such an ultimatum: “OK, I choose her.” And he will leave. So, until the situation is completely cleared up, until you understand what you are dealing with, there is no need to rush with such ultimatums.

No jealousy

If you start trying to arouse jealousy in your husband, he, completely blinded by new feelings for his mistress, may perceive your behavior as consent to divorce, as your readiness to end this relationship and begin a new stage of a new life without a husband.

Don't ignore your flaws

It is quite logical to assume that you yourself are to some extent guilty of cheating on your husband. Something made him look for "consolation" on the side. Perhaps he lacked attention, perhaps you were too carried away by everyday problems and completely forgot about romance. In any case, you should not throw all the blame on the faithful, analyze your behavior better and try to correct your mistakes.