The older baby begins to feel jealous of the younger child almost from the first day of his appearance after discharge from the hospital. And this despite the fact that during pregnancy, children most often look forward to the appearance of a brother or sister.
Childhood jealousy is not unnatural, it is caused by the fear of losing the love of mom and dad. Therefore, an older child can openly demonstrate a negative attitude towards the baby.
It is important for parents to choose the right behavior strategy so that the first-born does not feel lonely. We suggest using the recommendations that will help in a particular problem situation.
Children's jealousy depends on the gender of the child. Girls have a subconscious need to care for their younger ones. Therefore, it is easier for them to be carried away by requests for caring for the baby and to smooth out jealous feelings. In boys, jealousy is more pronounced, and they are not always ready to help in caring for the child.
Situation number 1: the older child refuses to give up his crib to the newborn
It is best to transfer the baby to another crib a couple of months before the baby is born. If time is lost and the migration of the firstborn coincides with the discharge of the newborn from the hospital, explain to the older child that he is already an adult and can now sleep in a crib not for babies. The comparison “you will sleep in an“ adult ”crib, like dad and mom” will help motivate the young “owner” to do the right thing.
Situation number 2: an older child asks to feed him with breast milk
If the first-born has already passed the breastfeeding age, you should not categorically refuse him. This will provoke a childish tantrum. It would be more correct to tell that if the mother feeds the elder, the younger will not have enough milk and he will remain hungry. In compensation, offer something tasty to distract the child's thoughts in a different direction.
Situation number 3: the older child asks to return the newborn to the hospital
In this situation, parents should not scold their first child. Try to explain that a brother or sister is good, because when the younger is older, the children can play together. And if the elder waited with interest during pregnancy for the birth of a child, you can tell him that the baby knows about this and is glad to meet you.
Situation number 4: an older child interferes with the younger child's sleep
In such a situation, parents cannot strictly insist on maintaining silence. It is more correct to invite the older child to speak in a whisper. The firstborn will join this game with pleasure. Memories on the topic "when you were little" will help. In this situation, the mother can tell the older child that during his sleep everyone also spoke in a whisper and did not make noise.
Situation 5: The older child feels abandoned
By delegating some of the responsibilities of caring for the baby to family members, the young mother will be able to set aside time for games and communication with the older child. For example, dad or grandmother goes for a walk with a child in a stroller. This time, about 1.5-2 hours, is enough for the older child to feel again the fullness of mother's care and love.
Situation 6: an older child hurts a younger child
In such situations, punishment can provoke backlash. Therefore, if there is a risk of causing physical pain to a younger child, children should not be left alone without the presence of their parents.
Situation 7: an older child takes away a toy from a younger child
This is not done because the older child wants to play with them. Thus, he expresses his negative attitude. The situation can be corrected in the following ways:
- having interested the firstborn in new toys;
- explaining that he is already an adult to play with rattles;
- inviting the older child to choose toys for the baby in the children's store, not forgetting to buy something interesting for him.
Situation # 8: An older child gets tired of the new responsibilities of caring for an infant
The older child wants to play, and not, for example, roll a stroller for a walk. When walking outdoors, leave your baby to sleep in the stroller and take time for your firstborn. Do not force him to play with the younger one, otherwise it may become a cause of aggression. Involve the eldest first child in the general play with the baby in a way that makes him interesting.
Situation 9: An older child shows sadness
Not having the attention of the mother as much as before, older children begin to experience depression. At the first signs of sadness, parents need to praise the older child more often, play with him when the baby is asleep, hug, pick up and kiss more often. The tactile sensation is very important. An older child should not feel a lack of parental affection and warmth from mother's hands.
Situation number 10: the older child "falls" into childhood
First-borns often begin to openly demand the same attention to themselves, which is shown to the youngest child: they are asked to take them in their arms, feed them, dress them, wear them. It is impossible to ignore these requests, but it is also wrong to fully satisfy them. Look for the "golden" mean: if possible, sit the child on your knees, lift them up the stairs in your arms, laying them down, tell a story. After a while, the older child will understand that his mother loves him, as before.
If a woman cannot recover from childbirth for a long time, it will be more difficult for the firstborn to cope with jealousy. He may feel negative about the baby because the mother feels bad precisely because of the newborn.
Patience and affection - "medicine" for childhood jealousy
Parents need to be patient to wait out the first six months after the birth of their youngest child. During this period, the jealousy of older children is especially pronounced. And, of course, you cannot deprive them of affection. The results of the diplomatic behavior of parents will appear later, when the children grow up and a good and sincere relationship is established between them. Therefore, do not scold the elders for jealousy of the younger ones, do not cause bitterness in them.
It is believed that the most jealous of the younger are those children, the difference between which is 3-5 years. This is especially pronounced between same-sex children. Older children are more likely to experience the appearance of a baby, since they may already have other interests, including outside the family.
Tatiana Volkova, family psychologist:“The older child is most often jealous of the younger when he feels superfluous. To prevent this from happening, it is very important to constantly emphasize that the older child is very important, needed and loved.
It will be great if you manage to gently “include” the first-born in caring for the newborn and constantly focus on the fact that he is already very big and does very important and necessary work, helping mom and dad. A sense of their own importance will help the first-born to feel more calmly that the attention of mom and dad no longer belongs only to him, and to be more loyal to the baby.
At the same time, it is important that with the appearance of a new family member, the first-born, like the “big one,” has not only new responsibilities, but also new rights. Think about what from “not allowed, you are still small” can be transferred to the category “you are already big - so now you can” - this will affect the self-perception of the first child and allow him not to regress into infancy, which often happens with older children after birth into the light of the younger ones. "
Expert:Galina Yaroshuk, Doctor of Biological Sciences, Clinical Psychologist
Elena Nersesyan-Brytkova
In this article:
If the fontanelle has sunk in the baby, then the most likely cause is dehydration. But there are other factors that lead to the retraction of the parietal membrane. The newborn should be shown to the pediatrician.
The fontanelle is a non-ossified area on the head of every baby that grows over time. It is an indicator of the child's well-being. If the fontanel has fallen into the baby, then you need to show it to the pediatrician. Such a pathology may indicate serious health problems of the baby.
To understand that something is wrong with the fontanel, you need to know how it looks normally and what are the features of its structure. Then you can independently recognize the presence of deviations and seek medical help in a timely manner.
The normal condition of the fontanelle
The fontanelle in newborns is a soft part of the skull. It is necessary so that during childbirth the shape of the head can change, and the baby does not receive life-threatening injuries.
In total, a newborn has 6 fontanelles, but in the first days of life, 4 of them close. Remains non-ossified areas on the back of the head and crown. The first is overgrown with bone tissue by 2-3 months, but the last hardens only by 1-2 years and it is by its condition that the development of the crumbs is judged.
In boys, the fontanelle overgrows faster than in girls.
Normally, it is a diamond-shaped pulsating area on the crown of the head. Its dimensions are from 0.5x0.5 cm to 3x3 cm. The size of this area depends on genetics and the amount of calcium in the body of the baby.
The fontanelle is elastic to the touch. The soft parietal membrane is flush with the bones of the skull. Its surface does not have to be flat, there may be a slight protrusion or sinking.
Signs of fontanelle pathology:
- severe sinking or protrusion;
- too fast (under the age of 3 months) or slow (over the age of 2 years) overgrowth;
- swelling.
Any significant change in the appearance of the membrane is a reason for seeking medical attention.
Reasons for sinking
You should not be alarmed with a slight depression, but a strongly sunken fontanel is cause for concern.
Why does the fontanelle sink? The reasons are as follows:
- Dehydration. This is the main reason. The fontanelle may fall due to a lack of fluid in the body. When breastfeeding and artificial feeding, especially if it is hot in the room, the baby needs to be supplemented.
- Infectious diseases or indigestion. Such problems also cause dehydration.
- Genetic predisposition.
- Nervous diseases.
There are other reasons that do not indicate pathology. For example, in post-term babies, a sunken fontanel is the norm. Over time, it takes on a normal shape.
During crying and violent crying, when the newborn is under stress, the fontanelle can sink and bulge. In a state of rest, this should not happen.
Signs of sinking
A sunken fontanelle in a baby can be recognized by the following signs:
- a depressed area in the parietal region of the head is visually noticeable;
- pronounced pulsation of the fontanel, which exceeds normal values \u200b\u200b- normally the pulse should be no more than 130 beats per minute;
- at rest, the fontanelle pulsates strongly, it collapses, and then protrudes.
Concomitant signs that indicate the retraction of the membrane is a change in the color of urine, it darkens and smells unpleasant. This is due to the small amount of urination. The newborn should urinate at least 10 times a day. You can count the number of times you urinate using wet diapers.
With a lack of fluid, the child becomes lethargic, drowsy. He is constantly capricious, there are no tears during crying, since the mucous membranes are dry. The eyes become cloudy. The skin is dry and reddened, it is hot, as the blood vessels dilate. If you press the skin, then it slowly regains color and returns to its previous state.
It is urgent to provide the baby with help. This condition threatens the life of the baby.
What doctor should I contact if a child has a fontanelle?
If the fontanelle has sunk badly in the baby, then you need to contact the pediatrician. He will examine the child. If a newborn's membrane really leaks, then the pediatrician will give a referral to an endocrinologist or neurologist. In some cases, the help of an orthopedist is required.
If genetic pathologies are the cause of the sinking, then a consultation with a geneticist will be required.
What to do with a sunken fontanelle?
You need to take any action only after visiting a doctor. If the reason for the sunken fontanelle is dehydration, then you need to fill the fluid deficit.
It is imperative to supplement the babies in the following cases:
- high room temperature;
- overheating of the baby;
- dry air in the room;
- hot weather;
- crumbs fever;
- artificial feeding.
The newborn should be given clean boiled water.
To avoid dehydration, feed your baby on demand, not on schedule.
The baby should receive the required amount of fluid per day. Standards in the table.
In case of infectious diseases, if the fontanel of the baby has fused against a background of high fever, vomiting, or, in addition to drinking plenty of fluids, the child needs drug therapy. Before consulting a pediatrician, it is necessary to give the newborn Regidron. It will help restore the water-salt balance. Every 15 min. you need to give 1 tsp.
In addition to establishing the correct drinking regimen, you need to provide the child with comfortable conditions:
- indoor air temperature 22-25˚С;
- high air humidity in the room, up to 60-70%;
- absence of dust and dirt, pets in the room where the child is.
You need to regularly wet clean and ventilate the room. At this time, transfer the newborn to a draft-free room.
To prevent overheating of the crumbs, you do not need to put on a hat indoors. Choose for him light clothes made of natural fabrics, do not wrap in hot weather. Do not place the stroller in the sun. Direct sunlight can trigger sunstroke. Better to walk outside before lunch and after 16:00.
Before making bad diagnoses yourself, determine the degree of recession of the fontanelle. If it is small, and the child feels good, he is active, he has a good appetite, then there are no deviations. Call your doctor if you experience dehydration symptoms.
Useful video about fontanelles in a child
Natalia Sidorova
What if a child gets hysterical?
Young children sometimes tend to go into hysterics... This show is not for the faint of heart. The child may fall to the floor, hitting the floor with your hands and feet, shouting shrilly and even pounding others. Child from a year or three, it can easily begin to behave this way. Most often this occurs in response to an adult's prohibition (you can't play in a puddle, don't buy your favorite toy)... Will suit child tantrum the next time depends on how you react to the first one. If the child understands, what hysteria-successful maneuver, then he will definitely return to him. It is only worth child understandthat he achieved his goal and you are provided with the following hysterics.
Sure tantrum is better to preventthan to extinguish. Don't wait for behavior child completely out of control. If you see, what the child is very upset, try to retire with him, pat the back, hug.
Sometimes, in a very short time, behavior child can grow into an erupting volcano and parents simply cannot prevent it. Parents should try to maintain a zero-tolerance policy towards tantrums! AND if hysteria began to respond to the prohibition or refusal of an adult, parents should not immediately cancel their decision. You need to firmly to tell: "not"., no need to pick it up from the floor and pick it up. He must know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Do not persuade don't scream babyDon't slap him or try to calm him down - none of these remedies work. Don't even look in his direction, don't react in any way, don't even answer.
If a it all happened in a public place, then you have to take child, at least in the car, so as not to cause suffering to other people.
The best remedy for tantrums this is to temporarily isolate child. If you are convincedthat the first wave of screams passed and the child is safe, take away child to an isolated place, it is better where there are no toys, other children, a working TV and tell him that he will be here until he calms down. The hardest part of all this is to remain the most calm. The calmer you are, the faster the baby will come to his senses.
It is important that this policy is supported by all adults who interact with child... Especially grandmothers often "Break" and the first to concede to kid... But if the child is less than two years old, he can enter the second phase of continuous sobbing. If mom sees, what child cannot stop himself, then she needs to hug and caress the baby.
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WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD HASTERIC?
Young children sometimes have fits of rage, during which they fall to the floor, hit the floor with their hands and feet, scream, and beat others.
Most often, this behavior occurs in response to the prohibition of adults (you cannot take any thing, you cannot play in a puddle), or a refusal to buy a toy, a chocolate bar.
Sometimes such an outbreak can be the result of conflict with peers. For example, if one of the children takes away a toy from a child, and he does not know what to do in this situation, how to attract the attention of adults, how to express his resentment.
Henry Parens recommends the following tactics in such cases. If the hysteria began in response to the refusal or prohibition of an adult, parents should not immediately cancel their decision, it is better to firmly say “no” (of course, if the prohibition is really necessary). G. Parens does not recommend picking up a child from the floor and forcibly picking him up in a moment of rage. But if the child himself asks for a hand, his request should be fulfilled. But any moralizing at this moment will be premature. It is undesirable to leave the child alone during a tantrum. It might not be safe. However, if the adult himself is in a state of extreme emotional arousal and cannot control his actions, it is better to move away from the child.
Very often, in a state of anger, parents either shout at the child or spank him (sometimes not measuring the force of the blow). Subsequently, they experience feelings of guilt and remorse.
At the moment of the greatest intensity of the attack, the child may not hear the persuasion of adults, but when the “emotional intensity” decreases, you can try to distract the child, switch his attention to some action or object.
SO:
WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD FALLS IN HYSTERIC:
- Don't undo your decisions immediately
- Do not take your child forcibly
- Don't try to lift your baby off the floor
- Don't leave your child alone
- Monitor your emotional state
- Switch the child's attention
On the subject: methodological developments, presentations and notes
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