This is a signal that adults have let the process go by itself. Violence at school has reached appalling proportions - what should parents do if their child is called names? Thoughtfully help him find his place in the circle of other children. But as?
Until puberty (about 16 years old), children develop, their properties are only being developed. They try to use them, but it doesn't work out very well at first. The children's team is wild animals ready to gnaw each other for the sake of preserving themselves.
Adults are called upon to make them "not wild". Without us, they can only organize themselves according to the principle of the primitive pack, uniting against the victim. It is our job to show them how good relationships are built between people. And what are we showing?
- We must be able to give change! Hit in the nose, so the enemy will immediately lose control of the situation! Call back, find the most obvious flaw of the offender, so that your classmates pick up and switch attention from you to the fat bespectacled man!
We teach children to defend themselves by attack from the "wolf" environment, and then we complain that insensitive egoists have grown up.
Mom, why do they call me names at school? Causes of the problem
In the children's team, no one wants to stand out. As weaker animals hide from predators, merging color with the environment, so the child seeks to be invisible. Standing out - "ate". The child is called names because he is different.
If a child is offended at school, the reason may be:
- Gentle boy
All normal boys run, fight, push. Only one - "squishy" with tremendous eyes - can't even raise his hand to a bug. A sensitive, tearful boy with a visual-cutaneous ligament of vectors is often the victim of name-calling at school.
- White crow
A child with a sound vector is quiet, he rarely accumulates the dislike of the children's collective, but can become a victim of an oral clown.
- Face control
External differences from the average child: fullness, thinness, height, health problems. Because of the non-standard appearance, classmates mercilessly call the child fat, bespectacled, and big. Sometimes the teacher himself does not call names directly, but with a sarcastic comment like: "Did you forget your head at home ?!" - hangs on the child the stigma of "stupid". Children instantly pick up such a message.
On the other hand, if a child fits into the team and has a sufficient emotional connection with others, then he feels good, if there is no contact, he suffers. I.e baby will not call names and offend, despite his external or internal differences from other children, if psychologically he is part of the team.
So how to make the child the right link in the chain of child interaction and prepare him for further successful socialization?
The child is called names at school - what to do?
What can a mother do when a child is being called names and tortured at school?
1. Provide the child with a sense of safety and security
A child is born helpless, his mother is the guarantor of his survival. Life resources from mom are not limited to feeding. The psychological state of the child is almost 100% dependent on the mother.
Until puberty, the mother is the soil on which the child's flower is grown. What she feeds him - that is why a flower grows, and so she feels other people in the garden. Mom is anxious, depressed - this is transmitted to the child and leads to a loss of a sense of security, negatively affecting his behavior and ability to adapt in the external environment. This makes the child a weak link and instantly recognized in the team.
If the child receives from the mother a basic feeling of being needed, important, protected, external winds and weeds will not care for him.
This means that when the state of the mother comes to balance, the state, the behavior of the child, and the attitude of those around him change.
“It is very difficult to notice changes in yourself sometimes. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong bond with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not so notorious as me. And what I just did not do (visits to a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “took off” everything from me.
And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter, she seemed to have matured (mentally), relations with classmates improved, she is no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone calls names. Naturally, she began to go to school and open up with great pleasure.) And then I realized that I was not the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel - this is just the beginning !!! "
Galina D.,educational psychologist
It is necessary to talk with the child not only about lessons and dinners, but also about his feelings, thoughts, dreams, doubts, questions, aspirations.
The first advice to mom, if a child is called names at school, is to talk to him, or rather, listen. Slowly, without being distracted by the phone, work, girlfriends, soup. Let your child feel that he is your everything.
Has the child already closed in a protective shell from you? Try to gradually open up to him yourself. He will instantly recognize the fake tinsel and move further away. Share with him your real feelings and experiences, memories of school and classmates. This will gradually restore your emotional connection. Try to keep your composure.
By trusting his mother, the child learns to trust the world. And he goes out into society with an unconscious attitude not to defend himself, but to interact.
2. To develop a child according to his natural properties
A cactus is good in the desert, and an orchid is good in tropical rainforests. So each child needs his own conditions for development, depending on his vector set, that is, the characteristics of the psyche. These conditions are created or not created by the parents at home. If he himself feels uncomfortable and insecure, then he may well find himself in the situation of the victim, who is called names at school.
So, to bring up a brutal beast from a skin-visual boy, to teach to stand up for oneself with a fist means to doom him to an unhappy life. Such a boy must first of all develop sensuality:
- allow crying;
- develop compassion for others: first through reading correct fairy tales, then - by real actions; (For example, Alexey Kortnev, while helping abandoned children, teaches his children to volunteer. Children grow up with the understanding that someone needs their empathy and help.)
- to teach to play the guitar and sing - this skill will help the skin-visual child to reduce self-hostility and to occupy his natural niche in the team; ( Little Dima Bilan earned his respect from early childhood, giving all his best at school concerts, and in fact he could become a whipping boy, do not be near the wise mother and teachers.)
- the drama club will help to show sensuality, remaining a boy, a little man, and not a "crybaby like a girl."
Helpful tips about parenting can be found in the article - Our children and their future: how to raise a lucky one .
3. Help your child socialize
When a child develops according to his natural properties, he experiences inner comfort and is much easier to integrate into the children's team, such a child will no longer be bullied at school. By understanding the characteristics and aspirations of your child, you will be able to direct him into activities where he can feel in his place and will be accepted. This can be a school theater group or participation in olympiads, creating a wall newspaper, a report or a performance. Help him get involved in the life of the school, give him the opportunity to realize himself, if not in the classroom, then in another school collective, and he will feel more confident, and the attitude of other children towards him will change for the better.
How can you help your child be needed?
Teach the child with irritation to fence off all "enemies" or stimulate him to solve the problem together? Doom your son and daughter to unhappy loneliness from childhood or push them to look for ways out in interaction? Parents set the development trajectory.
Sometimes adults themselves first need to work on their skills to build bonds with other people. Many problems of children disappear when parents undergo training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Contact
Getting a sense of safety and security and the right guidelines at home, the baby goes into the team not as a lump of tension, but as an interested person in other people. Such an inner core gives the child the strength to realize his innate properties, to interact. This fits the growing person into the team most naturally.
Someone was teased by classmates, but someone himself harshly ridiculed the unwanted. Growing up, everyone realizes the meaninglessness of such "childish pranks" and, of course, wants to protect their child from bullying.
Why do children tease their peers
Any children's collective, for all the ugliness of such a comparison, most of all resembles a flock. Little people far from tolerance respect the strongest, and they try to expel the weak from their circle. Most often, it is the leader who starts the bullying, the choice of the victim also belongs to him. Moreover, the reason for ridicule can be an unusual name, appearance, wardrobe, hobby, level of knowledge, nationality or manner of speaking. There is practically no way to raise a "universal child" who would be liked by everyone and was protected from attacks by peers, so it would be more correct to teach the student in advance to rebuff offenders in a variety of situations.
How to prepare your child for a meeting with a new team
Roles within the school team are distributed in the first 6-9 months of schooling with primary school students, and then undergo some changes during the transitional age, which falls on the 7-9th grade. Therefore, it is necessary to teach the child the simple principles of psychological self-defense even before entering the first grade. By the way, children who went to kindergarten are more socialized and able to stand up for themselves than those who were brought up at home.
Even if your child is an extrovert who easily joins any team, a month before September 1, choose a time and talk to him, and then repeat the conversation a couple of days before the start of training. The main point that you should try to convey to the child is that although he will find many new interesting friends at school, there may be guys among his classmates who will not like him. This does not mean that he is bad or "not like", nor does it mean that other children are bad.
In addition, the child should be sure that he can always tell you about any school incident, and you will not send him to figure it out on his own, but delve into the problem and find a way out of the situation. Explain to the kid that in the new team he will have to observe a lot of rules and show maximum friendliness, because the people he will meet will accompany him for many years.
How to deal with aggressors
If, in spite of everything, classmates nevertheless began to tease the child, do not delay solving this problem, because it seriously poisons the student's life. Trying to eliminate it on his own, he can, at least, start skipping lessons. Talk to your sibling, find out who is teasing him and why, and then try to eliminate the cause.
If they are teased for ridiculous glasses, order a stylish frame for them or ask an optometrist to choose the optimal lenses. If you are overweight or thin, take care of the child's physical form and update his wardrobe. If for excellent knowledge - advise to brag less and give more often to cheat. It is also important to consider who exactly teases the child - the whole class or several people. Indeed, in the second case, radical measures are not required: it will be enough for the student to calmly talk with the offender, to demonstrate to him his indifference to attacks.
If, after eliminating one reason, a new one is immediately found, then the child needs to change his style of behavior. For this:
· Enroll him in the sports section or club, which he has long dreamed of. New acquaintances, areas of interest and accomplishments will distract him and make school problems less significant. By the way, attending a martial arts school very often helps both boys and girls gain confidence.
· Go to a child psychologist with your child to teach the student to control their emotions and respond to ridicule with indifference or humor.
· Advise your child about films and books in which classmates did not like the main character, which did not prevent him from becoming successful and famous.
· Tell us about world stars who were also ridiculed by their peers. Perhaps children will not be so offended when they find out that the silent Victoria Beckham was called Sticky Vicky, the charismatic George Clooney was teased with Frankenstein because of partial facial paralysis, Angelina Jolie was called a rabbit for her prominent front teeth, and everyone's beloved Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) was known to his classmates as "Mr. Stinky".
Finally, tell your child that school is only one of the stages of his development, and most of the people whose opinion now seems important, in ten years he will not even be able to remember by last name, leafing through the school photo album.
It doesn't matter what was the reason for teasing your child at school or in kindergarten: a dissonant surname, external data or his character - offensive nicknames, ridicule can greatly traumatize his psyche and disrupt his state of mind.
Therefore, we, adults, just need to help at this age to fight back the offenders. If you are unsure of what to do if a child is being teased at school, check out our article on the women's site "Beautiful and Successful." Together we will be able to build tactics of dealing with offenders to solve this problem.
The child is teased at school: what not to do?
It is important for parents to help cope with the abuser, especially if your baby is naturally unable to stand up for himself. Otherwise, the child will begin to perceive the collective as a place where he can be called names, mocked. In the future, this will affect his self-esteem, his relationships with other children, his mood, and one day he will refuse to go to school or kindergarten.
Having learned that the baby is being offended, you immediately want to adopt radical methods, but some things should not be done. What exactly?
Go to showdowns
The first thing you want to do when you learn that a child is being teased at school is to go to a showdown, arrange such a thing for “this Petrov” that he will not find it enough! But this is not what needs to be done yet. Even if your child is naturally shy, parents need to go to showdowns last. Why?
- First, it will not cause bullies to see or relate to your child differently. On the contrary, children will understand that they hurt him with teasers, if he complained to an adult, offended him, and this was what they needed.
- Secondly, the nickname "" will stick to your son or daughter, the children will not accept him into their company, because he will tell mom and dad everything.
"Take action immediately!"
It has been proven that 90% of how children treat your child in elementary school or kindergarten depends on how the teacher or caregiver treats your son or daughter. The teacher, of course, needs to tell that the child is being teased and offended in kindergarten or school. But we do not advise you to demand to stop bullying immediately. The educator must find effective methods to stop bullying.
But so that your child does not fall into the group of outcasts, he does not begin to be ignored in the team, the teacher needs to choose the right tactics.
A competent teacher, having learned about the situation in the team, will find a way to unobtrusively resolve the situation.
He can entrust the children with some general assignment (to be on duty together, fill out the "Nature Calendar", etc.), give them an interesting task - in a word, find a way to "make them friends." During the assignment, the teacher will praise the one who has been offended, lift him up, and will also definitely find a reason to talk about teasers in order to stop them.
In kindergarten and elementary grades, this method is effective, but, we repeat, a lot depends on the teacher. Your task is to notify the educator or teacher about the situation, ask for influence, otherwise you will act differently, because your child is being teased at school, and you will not tolerate this.
Change school (kindergarten)
There is even nothing to say. Where is the guarantee that the new team will not have the same "Petya-Vasya" who will tease the child "fat, thin, oblique", laugh at him? Therefore, this method is effective only if the situation in a class or group is tense to the limit, and the teacher cannot resolve the situation.
By the way, if your kid is called names because of his appearance, try talking to him about it. Give examples from life, which of your family members were well-fed in childhood, wore glasses or were red, and what they achieved in life. Tell your children about celebrities who were losers at school and achieved a lot in life: Zac Efron, Naya Rivera, Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, Eminem, Angelina Jolie, etc.
Go to a showdown with the offender's parents
As practice shows, the reaction of the offender's parents is not always adequate. Most often they will tell you (say, this is putting it mildly, read “shouting”) that their child is also called names and teased at school, but “they don’t go to showdowns,” “these are children - let them figure it out themselves!”, “ you do not yet know what your doing and what words you use! "
Do not want to get a bucket of negativity on your heads and on your child's head - teach him to stand up for himself on his own. Below we will tell you what to do if your child is being teased.
How to talk to your child?
It is very important for parents to help their child if they are teased. Here is a sample dialogue you can have with your son or daughter.
- Daughter, you told me that Katya teases you, and other girls support her. This is unpleasant, I know. As a child, I myself was in such a situation, I wanted to cry from. Did you cry too? Did the girls see they upset you? Did they stop teasing you after that?
- No, they continue to do it.
- Let's think about what to do? I can come and talk to them, but I don't want to. Because my mom went to school, but after that I got even worse. She left, and I was left alone again. Let's try to do it differently. When they call you names, try not to pay attention. Or laugh back with them. Of course it is not easy. But remember, they're trying to make you upset. Don't give them that chance. They spend time and energy to upset you, and you laugh in return. Do you know how this will piss them off? Let's try? They will understand that their words simply make you laugh, and not offend, and they will stop calling you names over time.
It is good if your daughter or son makes contact with you, they trust you. You will be able to help the child who is being teased, unlike those families where children do not trust adults, trying to cope with the situation when they are called names.
Teasing at school: choosing the right tactics
The intervention of adults deprives children of self-confidence and if at a younger age it can still help your child, then for older children your intervention will only worsen his position in the team. But the situation cannot be left aside. Children are very upset when they become objects of bullying, they often do not know how to react to it. Therefore, be sure to discuss what to do if your child is teased, and how to deal with your bully.
Ignore the offender
Tell your son or daughter that the main task of the abuser who calls names is to hurt, hurt, and attract attention. You need to learn not to show that peer ridicule hurts you. Therefore, try to hide that he offended you, do not show your condition. Bully do not know what to do if they see that they are being ignored. How can I do that?
- The preschooler can be advised to imagine himself as some kind of big creature, and the offender - small and unhappy.
- Teach you not to notice offenders, not to pay attention to them: "I am not interested in what you say about me." After that, you need to turn around and leave without even looking in their direction.
Talk to the abuser
Agree, learning to ignore a bully is not so easy. Even adults cannot always cope with their emotions, and it is much more difficult for a child who is teased and offended to do this. Therefore, at home, try to play the answers that can be given to phrases of bully.
- Question
According to Ann Bishop, a violence prevention teacher and author of books on the psychology of communication, an interrogative sentence can stop the abuser. If your child was called, let him ask in response: "Why do you call me that?", "Why did you say that I am stupid?" etc. As a rule, the abuser will answer a couple of such questions with a sneer, and then his ardor will cool down, and he will step aside and will no longer tease the child.
- Answer
If the child is teased and called names, teach him to parry with phrases:
"Fool" - "Nice to meet you, Oleg"
"How sorry I am for you, how much time do you spend to invent nicknames for me"
“And you can come up with something new. I'm tired of listening to the same thing "
- I want…
For offensive phrases you need loud and hard say: "I want you to stop calling me names!"
- Don't tease back
Another psychologist, Fred Frankel, advises never to tease the offender in return. Rehearse the phrases that can be given in response: “Thank you for enlightening”, “What are you doing? And I didn’t know! ”,“ So what next? ”
Teach your son or daughter to say this confidently, but not cry.
The advice of psychologists, of course, is good and well-founded, but there is still popular opinion on how to help if the child is teased and offended. It often differs from the "tactics" of psychologists. Do you know how those who were called names and bullied in childhood acted? They gave physical rebuff to the offenders. And many say that until the enemy was properly repulsed, nothing helped.
- Neither parents nor teachers will help a teenager cope with abusers. This is said by a man who has been bullied and teased at school for 3 years. It all stopped after I beat my opponent very hard. After that, everyone avoided me, and some even began to be friends. I advise you to hit hard and in front of everyone. Beat until the offender breaks free and runs away. I teach my daughter to do the same. Uneducated? But effective! Alesya.
- Not every child will be able to beat off the enemy. Teach him to fight! Give to the section, to single combats - teach to stand up for yourself. Learn to take the first step. My son went to, but at school he could not defend himself. Until the dad at home played up the situation, the son could not even give back. Lena.
For the sake of fairness, we note that such tactics often lead to positive results. Even the very participation in a fight significantly increases the authority of the student and helps to assert himself. But tell your child not to get involved in fights.
Children suffer a lot if they are teased: they withdraw into themselves, become uncommunicative, aggressive. Therefore, it is impossible to ignore the situation if the child is teased. It is imperative to help the child in this case.
It is rare to see a child who has not been teased in school or kindergarten. It's just that some children are resistant to these "teasers", while others react to them painfully. And there comes a moment when parents are asked: “Mom, how can I be? I'm offended! " What should be answered in order, on the one hand, to protect your child, and on the other, not to go beyond the pedagogical process, Elena Makarova, a clinical psychologist at the St. Luka Center for Health and Development, told the portal NNmama.ru.
Social phenomenon
Teasers are a social phenomenon. They arise only in a team, in a situation where the child has to take a certain place in relationships with peers, to defend his role and "place in the sun." And since the life situations of all children are different, it is completely unpredictable when one of them wants to change their status, try to take a different role and start calling names and teasing. Thus, absolutely everyone goes through teasers.
Once in a team, a child is forced to take into account the opinions and behavior of others, to be able to understand relationships. But not all children have learned this yet.
“Kids learn to communicate in the sandbox. Everyone has a desire to take away a shoulder blade from a neighbor in order to have a new one. You can, of course, take and take away, but this will lead to a fight. It is better to agree and ask, but it takes a long time, and an adult should suggest this option, - says Elena Makarova, - Only a close person can teach how to behave with other children: mother, grandmother. Then the child will have a variety of options for solving everyday conflict situations by school.
When a child is small, in a conflict situation he is more likely to hit. The manifestations will be physical. Growing up, the baby begins to understand that you can "hit with a word." Sometimes it will be even more effective. The word can be said quietly, and for it there will be no such condemnation as for a fight.
“Therefore, the transition to the level of“ verbal aggression ”is a big step in development, it speaks of a good mental development of the child. If your child calls names himself or understands that name-calling should be offended, this shows a certain level of development of emotional intelligence. And you can be glad for that, ”Makarova is sure.
Tips for parents: what to do if a child complains about "name-calling"
1. Talk, listen, support. But don't give any specific advice!
First of all, understand that we will never take into account all the nuances of the situation in which the child is called names. Therefore, we can hardly give the only correct advice. Yes, it is not necessary. We, parents, need first of all to support the child, to listen to him, to “pull out” from him the negative experiences that prevent him from living in peace.
2. Do not take actions that elevate the "name-calling" to the category of important events, calm down, not support the conflict.
Team situations are fleeting and very changeable. What someone said today may not matter tomorrow. To focus attention on a certain word means to aggravate the situation, to raise it to the rank of very significant for the child. You don't need to do this. Tomorrow the situation at school will change, albeit not much, but it will definitely be different.
It is especially important not to sort things out with the parents of the abuser. Indeed, for the one who first said the offensive word, confirmation that it worked, that he was able to win this dispute, is necessary. As soon as we give the child such confirmation, complain to his parents, start discussing the situation in the parent forum, the offender gets a huge benefit. He realizes that his word can cause an increase in his social status in the group, and reinforces such a style of behavior and position that he needs to be called more and more by different words. It adds strength and dramatically increases status in the peer group!
3. Treat this situation as an opportunity for the accumulation of life experience, for the personal and emotional development of the child.
You can learn to cope with "name-calling" only when the child meets with them in a team, when they call him names. And this is a normal stage of development. The child has several options:
- answer with a word,
- bump,
- ignore.
It is important to realize that teasing is most often associated with ridiculing negative character traits - cowardice, laziness, greed, arrogance, although there are also unreasonable teasers. But trying to think about the quality that led to the teaser can be very helpful. After all, a child in a team can manifest himself differently than at home.
4. If "name-calling" becomes bullying, see a psychologist.
If "name-calling" leads to a pronounced negative effect on the child, lasts more than six months and causes you fear, then perhaps this is already bullying. Then you need to contact a psychologist who can analyze the relationship in the children's team and establish the reasons for the development of this negative situation. But this issue can only be resolved individually.
5. "Answer excuses" act as a spell against the negative effects of the "tease".
In conclusion, I would like to give examples of how children themselves find a way out of this situation. These are rhymes from children's folklore, collected when our children could practice interpersonal relationships in the yard in a lot and varied manner.
Who calls names
He himself is called that!
Call names, call names!
I will give you the change!
Who will call you how
To that and will return!
Call names, even hoarse
Nothing sticks to me!
Call me, I will answer -
Around the corner with a truncheon meet!
The experience of moms: what to do if the child is called names?
At the forum of the portal NNmama.ru a discussion was unfolded on the topic: how should a child react to insults and "teasing"?
veranik: “I would recommend that you first feel what the child is feeling and show that you see his feelings and understand them. When a child realizes that he is not alone in his feelings, then it becomes easier for him. When we simply recommend not to pay attention to the child, he still remains alone in the water, and we kind of give advice from the shore .... In any case, I see it this way. "
Is the child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should also not sprinkle ashes on your head. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone anywhere.
By reviewing your own state, you can radically change the fate of the child.
School bell! Like a starter pistol shot. It gives rise to a big race for a place in the children's team. Someone will win, someone will take an honorable second, fifth, tenth place. And someone, hearing for the first time in his address, "Fat went out!" or "Hey, bespectacled, come here!", and will not be able to get rid of the insulting attacks of classmates. How can I help him? If your child gets called names at school, this is a reason to seriously think about the reasons.
School yard, primary school. Three boys are playing shooters. A real hurricane with pistols in hand, irrepressible energy in his eyes! At this time, several girls sit on a bench in the yard. One of them is noticeably larger than the rest. The boys see her: "Oily urine!" - without saying a word, they rush into the attack. A push, another push.
The girl was dumbfounded for a second, then looked into their eyes and smiled. The boys did not understand the reaction, they slowed down slightly. And she: “I get it, you want to play with me! Come on quickly catch up with me! " - and ran. The boys were at first confused, and then ran after her with delight.
Lisa immediately took control of the game into her own hands. Twenty minutes later the game became more complicated - headquarters appeared, crossings with overcoming obstacles. Looking at them, the rest of the children joined the game. Coalitions began, plans for capture.
The girl got tired of running and sat down on the bench. While she was sitting, she plucked grass blades and taught the girls to weave bracelets. The girls lined up for bracelets from Lisa, and the former offenders nagged nearby: “Well, Liza, don't play with them, play with us. No, we can't live without you! "
Lisa was no longer called fat at school.
What do you think, how would your child act in such a situation? And where to get a psychological bulletproof vest for a child, if it is?
The child is called names at school - what to do?
Mothers sometimes just want to go and punish the offenders. And then you understand, you can't always fight with other people's children. What else to do? Complaining to teachers? Send your child to combat sambo? Saying "Never mind"? Transfer to another school?
If your child is being bullied at school, none of these tips will work. Why? Because very often the cause of the problem is not outside.
It is clear that the boys from the back of the school are from dysfunctional families, the hooligans are waiting around the corner of the school, and Vasya P. has been selling spice since the second grade. It is clear that we do not place the child in ideal conditions. More frequent media reports of schoolchildren's brutality confirm this.
And yet, if only one child or several are called names in a team, this means that other children somehow managed to adapt - to arouse interest, respect, prevent them from being humiliated or called names at school. What factors does it depend on? The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan responds - from the inner feeling of the child's security and safety.
Mom I'm safe
In fact, the feeling of safety and security of children depends on two components: the psychological state of the mother and the development of the innate properties of the child. Let's take a closer look.
Remember the moments when you looked at the world, and it felt open, benevolent, and any obstacles surmountable. This feeling of inner comfort is a feeling of security and safety. It is important for everyone, but for children it is a necessary component of their development. It is transmitted, for example, from man to woman, from mother to child.
It is the mother who influences the child's condition more than others. Until the age of three, her connection with the child is absolute, until six it is significant, until puberty is still strong. The child reacts to any stress in the mother's state: her resentments, fears, dissatisfaction. The child may not even know what is happening, he just feels - the mom is bad - and loses a sense of security and safety.
Unconscious relationships are unmistakable. Peers feel each other's condition. A child who has lost a sense of security may begin to call names and humiliate at school because of his appearance and other differences. Or, on the contrary, he may start calling his children names himself. Oddly enough, in all angles it has the same reasons. In addition, school violence is a sign when, without the correct influence of adults, children seek a victim, unlike others or a weak child, and unite on the principle of "all against one". So, in a primitive way, huddled in a flock, they are ranked, dumping hostility on the one who is weaker.
These monsters are poisoning my child!
Often we, parents, pass on our own attitude towards the world to our children. At the same time, we do not check, but how effective it is for building relationships. Let's return, for example, to the story with the girl Lisa.
There was another girl in the company. The prettiest, well dressed. Very sweet, until one of the boys grazed her as he ran past. Immediately they sent threats to call my mother, who will now “come and ask everyone to remember”. The mother's attitude to those around her was evident through the words of the child.
The girl was persistent, demanded an apology. And this did not leave herself a chance. The boys paid close attention to her. And the more she threatened them, the more negative their attitude against her became.
The bewilderment of the anal-visual mother is understandable when her daughter comes home and asks why they call me names at school? Of course, mom will go to swear. She does not know that her own grievances, bad experiences, fears make her perceive the whole world as hostile and affect her daughter.
The child does not yet have his own view of the world. He simply takes from our shoulders on his childish shoulders all our unresolved problems, hidden grievances, pain, fears. Is the child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should also not sprinkle ashes on your head. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone anywhere.
By reviewing your own state, you can radically change the fate of the child. Confirmed whose parents changed their attitude towards life:
“It is very difficult to notice changes in yourself sometimes. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong bond with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not as notorious as me. And what I just didn’t do (visiting a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “took off” everything from me ...
And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter - she seemed to have matured (mentally), relations with classmates improved, she is no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone calls names. Naturally, she began to go to school with great pleasure and to open up. And then I realized that I am not the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel - this is just the beginning !!! "
The child is called names - how to help? Develop
The development of a child's properties is the second component of his ability to fit into a team. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan shows that the inclinations, talents, desires of a child are innate, you just need to recognize and support them.
The difficulty is that the desires and properties of the child do not always coincide with the desires and properties of the mother and father. The parent may not understand this. He's my flesh and blood! If a parent tries to remake the innate qualities of the child, child development will be inhibited. And then the fact that they call him names at school will be just the tip of the iceberg.
For example, a child is called a “brake”. This happens with children who are possessed. Driven at home by a skin mother, he is in constant stress, the consequences of which are stupor and an innate fear of dishonor for the anal vector. Such a child is probably afraid to go out to the blackboard, it is difficult for him to quickly answer the teacher's questions - that is why he falls under the “gun” of his classmates. The more a child is called for slowness, the more his teachers and parents rush him, the more difficult it is to learn this potential child, who is given all the qualities by nature to become a better student.
Or the kid is called “bespectacled” at school not so much because of glasses, but because he is not like others, fear flashes in his eyes. The root of his states is that there are no conditions for the development of properties. Because of this, it is difficult for a child to create emotional bonds with other children, he is afraid of everything. And as a result, it becomes a "victim" for peers.
In fact, if you notice these first bells in time, understand the reasons, then a difficult situation can be corrected exactly the opposite.
One step from minus to plus
There are no bad vectors, there are undeveloped and unrealized ones. In order to allow the innate properties of the child to develop, to favorably influence his adaptation at school, parents first need to know about them.
The child cries from every little thing, at school he is called a "crybaby" - how do parents know what this says about his enormous emotional potential. That he can become the best in a vocal or theater studio and thereby win the respect of his peers?
A child with an anal vector is potentially the best friend of a lifetime. And a small owner is able to become an ideological inspirer for the school, to raise its authority with his achievements in studies, to put together the most fashionable musical band, in the end. Parents should know all this in order to help their child succeed.
Systems Vector Psychology helps parents understand how to recognize and develop their strengths. It helps to understand and in their own state, to feel confident in the future. After all, we, parents, are the window through which the child looks into the adult world. And may this window never be obscured by our bad conditions. Let it be wide open for our children, for a happy life!
If your child gets called names at school, start with Yuri Burlan's free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology. ...
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»
