This happens especially often in a new, still emerging school collective - first or fifth grade: some children begin to tease others, call names. What to do if a child is bullied at school? Is it possible to teach him to respond correctly to teasing and offensive name-calling? When should you seek help from a teacher? Where is the line between the "teasing" and "school bullying" situations?

I’ll tell you the main thing right away: when they laugh at you, it’s unpleasant, and sometimes very offensive. Someone somewhere said a bad joke at you, and the rest - ha ha ha, how funny! And you stand in confusion and annoyance, but you don't know what to do. Either get angry, or cry, or climb on the offenders with fists.

Let's imagine the following situation. So you want to sit on a chair, you seem to be squatting, suddenly you are distracted by something and - bang! - you miss the seat and land on the floor. And all around like let's laugh, they already grabbed their bellies. But are they laughing at you? It's hard to believe, but most likely not!

They laugh at the situation.

Remember, in various comedy films there are scenes when the characters run and suddenly fall awkwardly. Either they are imprinted into a tree, or they cannot climb over the fence. Is it funny for us, the audience? Very funny, of course! In life, everything is exactly the same: we have fun when someone gets into a comic situation. But we don't want to offend anyone with our laughter, right?

So the guys who liked your hitting the chair so much are most likely laughing kindly. But even if one of them is actually very happy about your fall and not only laughs, but also says hurtful words for you, then, believe me, this just means that such a person is poorly educated and weak. After all, he can attract attention to himself only at the expense of others, taking advantage of the awkwardness of your position.

What to do in this case?

First, of course, do not take laughter personally and do not be offended. I understand that this is quite difficult, but it's worth a try. Remember at this moment that, as you and I spoke, they are not laughing at you, but at the situation.

And secondly, to laugh loudly and loudly with everyone. You can not only play amicably, but also laugh - this will remove the awkwardness that has arisen, and only positive emotions will remain in your memory.

Sometimes children joke and make fun of each other because they are just bored. Do nothing. And they can think of nothing else interesting and clever, except to gag. "Oh, your pants are inside out, ha ha ha!"

But some children laugh at those who are somehow different from themselves - who have big ears or who always stumble and hurt corners, who have a funny last name or who stutters slightly. And here it would even be more correct to say: they do not laugh, but ridicule. Because they do it on purpose, intentionally, and many times.

Let's think: why do they do this? Is it because you yourself are strong, courageous and self-confident? Do you think so? Not at all!

A truly self-satisfied and confident person will never make fun of others. He just doesn't want the people around him to feel awkward and confused.

But an insecure person sees himself as a small and unsightly tree. But he really wants to be big and strong. And to feel like that, what does he do? He begins to belittle others in order to elevate himself.

When one person makes fun of another, he tries to make him lower and himself higher. By this he seems to be saying: "This is how important and significant I am, I do not have the same shortcomings that you have. I am better, and you are worse."

Or maybe he is afraid that people around will see his own flaws and laugh at him. And in order to prevent this, he himself is the first to tease.

Do you think this is correct? Is this the way to behave - to make fun of others in order to give yourself importance or to escape from your own fears?

I'm sure your answer is no. This is wrong, dishonest and very stupid. You can't behave like that! No person has the right to make fun of another just because he is somehow different from others - wears glasses, talks slowly, or does not know how to ride a bicycle.

However, unfortunately, there are children who want to be cooler than others. Or maybe they themselves are offended by someone? Therefore, they try to recoup and shift their insecurity to someone who seems weaker to them. And they begin to make fun of him.

What to do in such cases? How to react?

What to do if they call you names

What you definitely shouldn't do is show that teasers hurt you and upset you.

After all, what are the offenders seeking? They want to embarrass you, turn you into a timid and helpless little lump with eyes. And if you let them know that their arrows hit the target, they got their way. We saw your despair. We understood that this is how you need to be treated. And they will continue to tease, do not hesitate.

• make excuses ("I'm not like that at all!")
• punching offenders
• look away (and become that timid lump)
• call back
• run away and cry

Don't play their game, don't follow their rules! Give back to those who shoot you their arrows. How to do it?

Remain calm and calm. You have every right not to put up with offensive nicknames and firmly, looking into your eyes, say that you don't like being called that.

If your protest only provokes other guys, and they continue to call names with even greater ecstasy, change your tactics. Show everyone who laughs that their bad jokes don't move you at all. They beat the target.

Turn around and shrug your shoulders calmly leave - from this place or from this company. Only those people who really respect you and do not want to hurt you can communicate with you.

Don't be afraid to be alone. After a while, only the same harm will remain with your offender, like he himself. And next to you there will be real friends who will never laugh at you.

Show that you are not only not offended, but also funny or surprising to hear what they say about you.

"You have such a funny hat, ha ha ha!" - (without batting an eye) "This is the coolest hat ever!"

"Fat, fat, passenger train!" - "There should be a lot of good people."

And in some cases, just phrases-excuses will help: "Call names, call names, stay without girlfriends", "Who calls names, he is called that."

My advice to you: live with your head up, treat yourself with. And those around you will surely notice it and think ten times more whether it makes sense to hurt you.

But! You can find yourself in situations more difficult and more serious than the laughter of your comrades. I'm talking about those cases when the children with whom you communicate show the most real cruelty - for example, all together are up in arms against one person. They begin to tease him, throw him away, hide and spoil things, push him hard, even beat him.

You need to know that this is violence. And you cannot expose a person to violence! Violence destroys people, both those who attack and those who become victims. Nobody has the right to humiliate and mock others. And crowding on one is just despicable.

If it happened that they attack you, do not be silent and do not tolerate bullying! Feel free to seek help from adult teachers and parents. Do not be afraid that you will be known as a sneak. In such situations, you cannot cope without the help of adults! Your parents have a duty to protect you! They will find a way to influence the offenders - they will go to the director, speak at the parents' meeting. And the teacher will make sure that all children behave honestly towards each other.

Discussion

How much nonsense they write on this topic.

ABOUT! I read this book with an elder. Great book. To the previous comment - the book was written specifically for reading by children, therefore they give advice to children.
My son at least thought about many of the things written.

Comment on the article "What to do if a child is offended, called names, teased"

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Any child can be teased and called names in kindergarten or school. The reasons for such aggressive behavior of classmates are very different: they do not like growth, some kind of habits, character traits, defects in appearance, and so on.

But in any case, name-calling deeply traumatizes the child's psyche, leads to self-doubt, isolation and even aversion to the children's team. Children are very vulnerable - it is difficult for them to be “individual farmers”, to have their own opinion, to be able to defend their interests in any situation and under any circumstances. Let's take a closer look at what parents should do and how to behave as a child, if for some reason they started calling him names and teasing at school, and how to help him overcome a stressful situation.

Parents should provide all possible support in such an unpleasant situation so that it does not affect the academic performance and state of mind of the son or daughter.

What not to do

Psychologists advise not to intervene openly in school conflicts. After all, such an intervention will only increase the negative. The classmates will consider the victim of ridicule as a person who is not able to stand up for himself and is completely dependent on the will of his parents. His authority will drop even more!

This situation is fraught with complete isolation among peers. And the offended schoolchild will make the wrong conclusion and lose faith in both himself and his parents - they did not help when he asked for help, and only worsened his situation.

How to help

Most parents advise to openly ask the offender what is the matter. This usually ends in a fight or a noisy showdown in class. Unfortunately, the right person does not always win. But the very fact of participating in a fight sometimes puts a child in a winning position. They begin to look at him from a different angle, as at a person who was not afraid to defend himself.

You should not abuse such pressure tactics! Because such conflict resolution teaches children that everything in life can be achieved with shouts and fists. A well-bred member of society will not grow out of such an aggressive kid.

At home, they should talk to the offended person in a friendly atmosphere and explain that it is not him who is the matter, but the shortcomings of other children. They should be the unhappy ones, because they acted wrong and stupidly. And the most effective way to show that you are happy and satisfied with everything is to ignore the offenders and in every possible way ignore their behavior and words.

This method works more efficiently than others! But persuading to behave in this way is difficult enough. Similar stories from the lives of parents, famous people or stars will be appropriate here.

The main thing is that the offended student can demonstrate that he is a self-confident person on his own, without the help of adults (parents or teachers):

• do not react to insults;
• laugh at your shortcomings with everyone;
• pretend that he did not hear individual words, and they did not give him any discomfort.

Transfer to another school

The question of transferring to another educational institution is decided taking into account the specific situation and the wishes of the child himself. But in any case, the conflict must end here and now - the child is simply obliged to get out of an unpleasant situation.

If he does not overpower himself, the position of the victim will be formed and then another trouble in the new school cannot be avoided.

Humiliation and “fleeing from the battlefield” are never beneficial! If you do not try to stand up for yourself, uncertainty will again lead to another resentment and a desire to hide from them behind the back of a teacher, mom or dad.

Before a son or daughter goes to another school, it is necessary to analyze the current situation once again and find out its reasons. This will allow you to "get around sharp corners" in the future. Changing behavior and not repeating past mistakes often helps.

Of course, people don't change in a few days. This is a difficult daily work on yourself, on relationships with people around you. But this tactic always leads to the desired result. All "quiet" and "crybaby" should know about this.

Parents are obliged to explain to their children that everything in life depends only on themselves, including relationships with classmates. People are not robots, it is difficult for them to change. Even an adult has a hard time giving up old habits. But consistency and a desire to smooth over the conflict will necessarily be crowned with success.

Therefore, the main "weapon" of a self-confident and benevolent person is:

• and self-criticism;
• the ability to understand the shortcomings and weaknesses of other people;
• in any situation;
• careful attention to their own behavior and error analysis.

And withdrawal, insecurity, fear and tearfulness have not yet helped anyone to become a sociable and respected person.

Is the child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should also not sprinkle ashes on your head. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone anywhere.
By reviewing your own state, you can radically change the fate of the child.

School bell! Like a starter pistol shot. It gives rise to a big race for a place in the children's team. Someone will win, someone will take an honorable second, fifth, tenth place. And someone, hearing for the first time in his address, "Fat went out!" or “Hey, bespectacled, come here!”, and will not be able to get rid of the insulting attacks of classmates. How can I help him? If your child gets called names at school, this is a reason to seriously think about the reasons.

School yard, primary school. Three boys are playing shooting games. A real hurricane with pistols in hand, irrepressible energy in his eyes! At this time, several girls sit on a bench in the yard. One of them is noticeably larger than the rest. The boys see her: "Oily urine!" - without saying a word, they rush into the attack. A push, another push.

The girl was dumbfounded for a second, then looked into their eyes and smiled. The boys did not understand the reaction, they slowed down slightly. And she: “I get it, you want to play with me! Come on quickly catch up with me! " - and ran. The boys were at first confused, and then they ran after her with delight.

Lisa immediately took control of the game into her own hands. Twenty minutes later the game became more complicated - headquarters appeared, crossings with overcoming obstacles. Looking at them, the rest of the children joined the game. Coalitions began, plans for capture.

The girl got tired of running and sat down on the bench. While she was sitting, she plucked grass blades and taught the girls to weave bracelets. The girls lined up for bracelets from Lisa, and the former offenders nagged nearby: “Well, Liza, don't play with them, play with us. No, we can't live without you! "

Lisa was no longer called fat at school.

What do you think, how would your child act in such a situation? And where to get a psychological bulletproof vest for a child, if it is?

The child is called names at school - what to do?

Mothers sometimes just want to go and punish the offenders. And then you understand, you can't always fight other people's children. What else to do? Complaining to teachers? Send your child to combat sambo? Saying "Never mind"? Transfer to another school?

If your child is being bullied at school, none of these tips will work. Why? Because very often the cause of the problem is not outside.

It is clear that the boys from the back of the school are from dysfunctional families, the hooligans are waiting around the corner of the school, and Vasya P. has been selling spice since the second grade. It is clear that we do not place the child in ideal conditions. More frequent media reports of schoolchildren's brutality confirm this.

And yet, if only one child or several are called names in a team, this means that other children somehow managed to adapt - to arouse interest, respect, not allow them to be humiliated or called names at school. What factors does it depend on? The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan responds - from the inner feeling of the child's security and safety.

Mom I'm safe

In fact, the feeling of safety and security of children depends on two components: the psychological state of the mother and the development of the innate properties of the child. Let's take a closer look.

Remember the moments when you looked at the world, and it felt open, benevolent, and any obstacles surmountable. This feeling of inner comfort is the feeling of being protected and safe. It is important for everyone, but for children it is a necessary component of their development. It is transmitted, for example, from man to woman, from mother to child.

It is the mother who influences the child's condition more than others. Until the age of three, her connection with the child is absolute, until six it is significant, until puberty is still strong. The child reacts to any stress in the mother's state: her resentments, fears, dissatisfaction. The child may not even know what is happening, he just feels - the mother is bad - and loses a sense of security and safety.

Unconscious relationships are unmistakable. Peers feel each other's condition. A child who has lost a sense of security may begin to call names and humiliate at school because of his appearance and other differences. Or, on the contrary, he may start calling his children names himself. Oddly enough, in all angles it has the same reasons. In addition, school violence is a sign when, without the correct influence of adults, children seek out a victim, different from others or a weak child, and unite on the principle of "all against one." So, in a primitive way, huddled in a flock, they are ranked, dumping hostility on the one who is weaker.

These monsters are poisoning my child!

Often we, parents, pass on our own attitude to the world to our children. At the same time, we do not check, but how effective it is for building relationships. Let's return, for example, to the story with the girl Lisa.

There was another girl in the company. The prettiest, well-dressed. Very cute, until one of the boys grazed her as he ran past. Immediately they sent threats to call my mother, who will now “come and ask everyone to remember”. The mother's attitude towards others was evident through the words of the child.

The girl was persistent, demanded an apology. And this did not leave herself a chance. The boys paid close attention to her. And the more she threatened them, the more negative their attitude against her became.

The bewilderment of the anal-visual mother is understandable when her daughter comes home and asks why they call me names at school? Of course, mom will go to swear. She does not know that her own grievances, bad experiences, fears make her perceive the whole world as hostile and affect her daughter.

The child does not yet have his own view of the world. He simply takes from our shoulders on his childish shoulders all our unresolved problems, hidden grievances, pain, fears. Is the child being teased at school? You should not justify yourself and blame others, but you should also not sprinkle ashes on your head. Everything is fixable, because your connection with the child has not gone anywhere.

By reviewing your own state, you can radically change the fate of the child. Confirmed whose parents changed their attitude towards life:

“It is very difficult to notice changes in yourself sometimes. But children are our mirrors. And I have a very strong bond with my daughter. I was worried about this, I really wanted her to grow up not so notorious as me. And what I just didn’t do (visiting a psychologist, books, etc., etc.), but my daughter “took” everything from me ...

And then, during my training, I began to notice changes in my daughter - she seemed to have matured (mentally), relations with classmates improved, she is no longer an outcast in the class, whom everyone calls names. Naturally, she began to go to school with great pleasure and to open up. And then I realized that I am not the same as I was a couple of months ago! And I feel - this is just the beginning !!! "

The child is called names - how to help? Develop

The development of a child's properties is the second component of his ability to fit into a team. The training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan shows that the inclinations, talents, desires of a child are innate, you just need to recognize and support them.

The difficulty is that the desires and properties of the child do not always coincide with the desires and properties of the mother and father. The parent may not understand this. He's my flesh and blood! If a parent tries to remake the innate qualities of the child, child development will be inhibited. And then the fact that he is called names at school will be just the tip of the iceberg.

For example, a child is called a “brake”. This happens with children who are possessed. Driven at home by a skin mother, he is in constant stress, the consequences of which are stupor and an innate fear of dishonor for the anal vector. Such a child is probably afraid to go out to the blackboard, it is difficult for him to quickly answer the teacher's questions - that is why he falls under the “gun” of his classmates. The more a child is called for slowness, the more his teachers and parents rush him, the more difficult it is to learn this potential child, who is given all the qualities by nature to become a better student.

Or the kid is called “bespectacled” at school not so much because of glasses, but because he is not like others, fear flashes in his eyes. The root of his states is that there are no conditions for the development of properties. Because of this, it is difficult for a child to create emotional bonds with other children, he is afraid of everything. And as a result, it becomes a "victim" for peers.

In fact, if you notice these first bells in time, understand the reasons, then a difficult situation can be corrected exactly the opposite.

One step from minus to plus

There are no bad vectors, there are undeveloped and unrealized ones. In order to allow the innate properties of the child to develop, to favorably influence his adaptation at school, parents first need to know about them.

The child cries from every little thing, at school he is called a "crybaby" - how do parents know what this says about his enormous emotional potential. That he can become the best in a vocal or theater studio and thereby win the respect of his peers?

A child with an anal vector is potentially the best friend of a lifetime. And a small owner is able to become an ideological inspirer for the school, to raise its authority with his achievements in studies, to put together the most fashionable musical band, in the end. Parents should know all this in order to help their child succeed.

Systems Vector Psychology helps parents understand how to recognize and develop their strengths. It helps to understand and in their own state, to feel confident in the future. After all, we, parents, are the window through which the child looks into the adult world. And may this window never be obscured by our bad conditions. Let it be wide open for our children, for a happy life!

If your child gets called names at school, start with Yuri Burlan's free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology. ...

The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»

The child is teased by peers at school. Who is not familiar with this situation? Often it comes to the fact that a small person begins to perceive a kindergarten or school as a place where he is being bullied. This inevitably affects his self-esteem, academic performance and state of mind. How to act in this situation?

Children have their own code of conduct, and with the help of offensive words "pencil kids" they often try to "call to order" violators of unwritten laws. Poison-snag, greedy-beef, roar-cow - these teasers, passed from generation to generation, can bring any child to tears. As the child grows up, ridicule about him becomes more and more severe.

Already at school, some children begin to divide their classmates into the best, which they consider themselves to be, and the worst, which include the “target” chosen for bullying. This "class demarcation" can occur on different grounds. The most obvious is appearance: extra centimeters at the waist or, on the contrary, striking thinness, hair color, glasses, height, nose shape ...

Often the reason for ridicule at school is academic performance, and the "extreme" can be both a poor student and an excellent student. The latter, by the way, is even more vulnerable, since the successes of the "know-how" haunt the less assiduous students. After all, the "prodigy" is treated kindly by the attention of the teacher, which causes the envy of those in whose heads stinging jokes ripen very quickly.

The most merciless teaser for a parent's wallet is about clothing and toys. An unfashionable dress, an outdated mobile phone - all this and much more can become a reason for verbal abuse.

Why is a child teased at school? What to do?

If a child is teased at school and he perceives it painfully, parental intervention in solving this problem is imperative.

In kindergarten, they usually mock those who cannot fight back and every time "sheds a tear." Leaving it to chance - they say, the children will figure it out on their own - is impossible. As well as feeling sorry for the offended bully. First you need to listen to the child and explain to him what he is doing wrong. If he is greedy, imagines or constantly complains to the teacher about other children, then their reaction is quite understandable, as well as what should be advised to the baby.

Since it is still difficult for kindergarteners to control their behavior (when offended, they cry or use their fists), teach your child to resolve conflicts peacefully - for example, using excuses.

"Ricochet words" from their childhood will be remembered by every parent: "Whoever calls his name - he is called that!", "You speak to me - you translate to yourself!", "Well, what are you all about yourself, but about me the words!". For these excuses to work, they must be uttered with absolute calmness. After all, a violent reaction only fuels the excitement of the pursuers.

If a wave of bullying “covers” a child in elementary school and he himself cannot stop it, adults should understand the causes of the conflict by talking to the bullying teachers and parents.

But it is naive to count on indisputable parental authority when the child and his “tormentors” are already teenagers. Begin to scold or intimidate - only make the situation worse. First, your child will burn out of shame from such care, and you will be considered almost enemy number one. And secondly, the "uncivilized children" whom you undertook to instruct on the true path, most likely, will consider your child a weakling and begin to mock more than ever. What to do?

How to eliminate the reason for which a child is being teased at school?

You can help the offended by establishing the reason for the ridicule. For example, we advise an excellent student to brag less about his successes, and a young champion not to boast of his sports achievements.

If a child does not study well, it is pointless to scold him. It should be explained that there is nothing shameful in unsatisfactory grades, and therefore, when something is not clear, you need to try to understand the material - without hesitation, turn to the teacher with questions.

"Irregular shape" can be corrected by changing the diet and physical activity. Moreover, you need not only to tell the child what to eat and how to pump the abs, but also to help him in this. Maybe even keep him company.

Stylish frames will help the “bespectacled man” transform into a “handsome man”, and properly selected clothes will raise self-esteem and “status”. Of course, one should not follow the lead of a child who piteously moaning “I want, like Masha's” or “like Sasha's”. Moreover, it is almost impossible to keep up with fashion and constant updating of gadgets. It is better in this case to be guided not by the whims of the child, but by his preferences and his financial capabilities.

By the way, in this matter, an excursion into the life of successful people, ideally the child's idols, will be useful. After all, not all of them are built like models or tough guys from movie blockbusters. And if you delve into their past, it will probably turn out that some features of their appearance, now considered a highlight, were once the object of ridicule from their peers.

Often, however, having eliminated one cause of attacks, the child immediately receives a new portion of verbal poison. Yesterday they found fault with completeness, today - with glasses, tomorrow - with a knapsack or pencil case, and so on ad infinitum. In this case, it is obvious that the matter is not in any "flaws" of the personality.

They cling to a child only because it upsets him or drives him out of himself. Parents need to convey this idea to their children. Indeed, painfully reacting to verbal injections, the child gives a lot of pleasure to his offenders and incites in them the desire to continue the bullying. If he understands this and tries to keep his emotions in his hands, the situation will begin to improve.

However, you need to be prepared for the fact that at first the bully will intensify the flurry of insults, and then, realizing that the object has ceased to feel like a victim, they will lose interest in him.

A smart child (with an IQ above average) is much more adapted to life. And an excellent online service allows you to develop a child's intellect, which can help to gain authority in the classroom. The child will be able to prepare for school in a playful way, at home. Service link: _https: //iqsha.ru/? I \u003d 2658701

The reason for ridicule is often the name or surname of the child. This should be taken into account by those parents who choose unusual names for their children. With the light hand of just such creative mums and dads, babies with the names Prince, Cherry, Flower, Kit, Casper, etc. were born. Most often, exotic names are given to children in families where one of the parents is foreigner. However, Russians began to more often call their babies rare Slavic names. Today, in some kindergartens, Dobryn and Velimirov are more numerous than Sashak and Alyoshek, and there are no less girls with the names of Milan, Golub and Zlata than An and Svet.

It can be assumed that children with pretentious names will have a hard time because of the ridicule of their peers, but their parents, unfortunately, do not think about it. For example, it is assumed that the bearer of the Slavic name Svyatogor is a creative, sane, sociable person. However, it is obvious that at school such a boy will be called only the Traffic Light. Or take the old Slavic maiden name Vlasta (Lord). When pronouncing it, the first sound is often "lost", and as a result, people around hear Lasta instead of Vlast. Parents affectionately call the girl Swallow. Handsomely? Yes! But in school, expect a different comparison - with swimming equipment. And this is already insulting!

What if your child is teased at school?

Do you want your child to have no problems communicating with peers? Teach him to make friends, encourage them to visit your home, watch the children communicate. In general, teach him to be interesting in any campaign. Simply put, teach him to communicate. And may there be wise books and useful articles to help you. And I will try to make them that way.