No matter what morality, foundations and norms of behavior dictate to us, relationships outside of marriage have always existed. In harsh puritanical England and at the merry court of Louis XIV, women and men equally recklessly fell in love, without bothering to first check whether the subject of passion had a soul mate. And then they suffered, were jealous, tormented by doubts ... But in most cases the result was the same, and two people who met at the wrong time parted forever. And you were not spared by this bowl? Well, let's look for the least painful ways out of the impasse.

About why men have affairs on the side, psychologists have written masses of scientific treatises and will write as many more. Here and the desire to unwind from the family routine. And a midlife crisis, when a mistress is a means for a husband to prove to himself that he is "still hoo." And the pursuit of sensations is a slight “peppercorn”, the danger of being caught adds spice to the relationship, which has not been felt for a long time in insipid family life. And no one refuses sincere feelings to the stronger sex. Indeed, it happens: the old love is gone, the new one shone on the horizon ... And yet, a man rarely regards an affair as something serious with far-reaching consequences..

With women, it's the other way around. We leave aside the young “sharks”, aimed at picking up a wealthy sponsor and squeezing as much material wealth as possible out of him - from the first days of communication, they perfectly understand what they are getting into, and do not need the help of a psychologist. We are talking about ordinary, “average” women who are ready to remain in the status of a mistress for years, be content with humiliating secret dates and spend lonely evenings in front of the TV while a man returns home to his legal wife and children. Why are they going for it?

What is serious for a woman can be regarded by a man as an accidental affair.

• Love. Feelings are not in vain compared with strong wine: it hit the head, swirled, completely turned off logic along with the ability to reason coldly and sensibly ... And neither the wife nor the children seem to be an obstacle. How, you have “the very thing, the real one”! Who better than women to know what intoxication with feelings is?
• Fear of being alone. When time passes, and the long-awaited prince is hopelessly lost somewhere on the way to you, it begins to seem that it’s better to have some man nearby than no one at all. Maybe it will turn out...
• "His family has long been a fiction." And here the Don Juans themselves are already trying, painting in colors to the naive listener the woeful details of their life. And with a wife, they have long been like neighbors, and only children connect them, and in general a trip to the registry office for a divorce is just around the corner, that's just ... Well, then follows a set of reasons, which is determined by the wealth of imagination of each individual man - from “wait until the kids grow up” to the unknown illness of the wife, who is not a man to leave alone in such a situation.

Reasons to break up: pros and cons

Or maybe it's not necessary to break off the relationship? It happens that a man leaves the family, and two loving hearts finally begin to beat side by side with each other. Let it be rare, even in 10 cases out of a hundred! What if it is you and your loved one who are destined to get into the coveted top ten? ..

Of course, you can take risks. If you are ready:

• wait a certain number of years until a man gathers his courage;
• diligently adjust your life to the schedule and desires of the chosen one, not being able to demand the same for yourself - after all, he has “circumstances!”;
• for the rest of your life to bear the stigma of a homeowner,

- then the relationship can be continued indefinitely. True, you will have to come to terms with the fact that the long-awaited divorce may never happen, while your best years will be missed. And keep in mind the option in which a man, after living with you for a couple of years, will return to the abandoned family. (According to the same harsh statistics, 70% of husbands do just that - after all, everything there has long been known, familiar and worn-in, and you need to start building a life together from scratch) /

Seven out of ten husbands return to their wife

Psychologist's view

Relations with a married man are fraught with a number of problems.

First. They initially bear the stamp of something unlawful. Even if you profess the principle “in love, all means are good,” the realization that someone else’s family is collapsing because of you will poison thoughts at least on a subconscious level. The proverb about happiness, which is not built on other people's tears, does not exist in vain.

Second. An affair with a married man is doomed to failure in 90% of cases. And deep down, many young ladies give themselves to this report! Therefore, such a passion, in addition to external pleasant moments, brings a lot of disappointments, bitter night thoughts and spiritual wounds.

And finally, the status of a mistress greatly undermines the peace of mind of a woman. She does not go to corporate parties with her chosen one - a man goes there with his wife. Can't introduce him to friends and parents. She does not have clear plans for the future, limiting herself to a blurry “when we are together ...” At the same time, flirting, pleasant courtship from young people, dates - everything that raises women's self-esteem so much - the lady is deprived, as she feels "busy". As a result, it turns out that there is a man and, as it were, not. Relationships are present, but without real emotional return and warmth. There are big doubts about how everything will end ... What kind of female happiness is there?

Remember, in such a relationship, a woman positions herself as busy, and a man as free!

‘When there is so much behind everything, especially grief, don’t wait for someone’s support, get on the train, land by the sea’. Joseph Brodsky

Breaking a long-term bond with a man you truly love is never easy. Want to wait; give yourself and him some more time; believe that something is about to change and your loved one will be with you forever ... Do not deceive yourself. If a man is ready to leave his wife, he does it quickly, if he is not ready, never. Look around! Why did you decide that it was on this person that the white light converged like a wedge? A person who makes you smart, attractive and self-sufficient! to play such a humiliating role? Maybe you should value yourself a little more and look for someone who will not run on dates secretly from his wife, but will surround you with well-deserved care and love and give you a full-fledged family?