No one plans to voluntarily fall into dependent relationships. It is unlikely that you have wanted to buy on some of your childhood, refusing all our interests, suffer and wait for everything. But life manages otherwise.

Love for a married man was always shameful, believed society, a taboo was imposed on the relationship with someone's husband. So they were brought up. If you fell in love with a married one - you're a rainbits, destructive to the cell of society. But it happened: you are a mistress.

Clear yourself, look at modern realities who are not customary to discuss with colleagues at lunch, so as not to cause the next portion of condemnation.

The overwhelming majority of young families are formed at the following scenario: in 20 years met, six months later got married, in 22 they gave birth to a child, at 23 they did not cope with the adult life and played out. Feelings and love pass, but the family remains due to the habit, fears and obligations. A man starts his mistress, his wife either tolerate, going into experiences, or also makes new relationships - on the side. This may be delayed by year.

Relationship with a married man doomed or is there a chance?

You loved married. The main thing is to stop blaming yourself and put the cross on further happy life. If a married man is in love with you, is there any guilty in this? Try to figure out why he appeared in your life. It is possible that his appearance is not accidental.

Ask ourselves 4 questions

Why did I find yourself in this regard?

You know that being a mistress is bad, but every day firmly link yourself with a married man. What drives you? Are you ready to "fight for him" and build a joint future or want to live a moment? Answer, immersingly looking at things.

What do I get in this relationship, and what gives the partner?

You are free personalities who are good together or relationships are built on unknown to you both depending on, passion may have material interest or other benefits.

Did I consciously chose this type of relationship?

You scared the presence of a spouse for a future man or would it be easier for you to associate yourself with married, so as not to be responsible for a serious relationship?

Can relationship with a married man make me happy in the future?

How do you see the development of these relationships, do they have a future, or do you understand that when the passion subsides, will it hard for you to take his life into two families?

About connection with a married man is funny joke only in jokes. In fact, to be a mistress is to constantly lead an inner struggle and think that the beloved man has a wife that relations are initially doomed, and still go to secret dates with him, coming to their own self-esteem.

From a psychological point of view, women, from time to choosing relationships with a married man, have internal problems. At a minimum, because to communicate with a married partner - means to recognize your "second role", to be ready that you will hide and ask not to write, do not call, do not use perfume.

Depending on the relationship with a married man, you begin to justify it, look for him the solutions for him, believe that for you, he will leave the family. But why should it, if the only suffering side here is - you, not he?

To be a mistress of a married man - it means to take on the role of a strong, not burdened with the problems of a woman.

You can lift a self-esteem to awareness that you are better than: "After all, he runs to me, and she sits at home and does not know anything, it means that I am worthy". But the paradox is that after each meeting, a man is in a hurry to go home to the one that is waiting for the house. And when he leaves, the feeling of self-relief instantly fades. Does it really suits you?

Are married men divorced for mistress? Stop fool yourself. Live someone else's life or be a detail in other people's relationships - means wasting your own time. Is self-sufficient, self-respecting woman agrees to the role of a second plan, will be ready to hide and not appear in those moments when her married partner with his wife? Listen to yourself as you?

Relationship with a married man: Comment Psychologist

Starting to meet with a married man, the first time you feel ease, feel high attention and treasure self-esteem by the fact that he prefers you to his wife, he has fun and deceiving it with you, and not you. But it takes time, and you get harder to share it with a legitimate wife, from which he is still not going to leave.

Then love risks to grow into dependence, movable jealousy, egoism, the desire to achieve its own, the desire to prove that you are better than your wife. Immersing the relationship from a relationship with a married man, you will inevitably fall into the script of refusal from yourself, focusing all interests only on a partner, searching for meetings with it in any way.

When hardening ties with a married man manifests themselves:

• reduced self-esteem: all the forces go to try to meet, call, see, "enter" him in its space. We are considering as a "spare option".
• inner dissonance: oscillation between "love" and "hate." Quarrels are rapidly due to the fact that he leaves the family.
• strong jealousy. If the partner changes his wife, then who knows, does he not deceive you and you?
• loss of interest in life, work, meetings with friends, the internal destruction of the person.
• excuse yourself.

Even if you went to the novel with a married man voluntarily, knowing that he would not leave the family, then gradually still begin to claim the place number 1 in his life.

So Women's Psychology works so

First you prove yourself that everything suits you: "I don't need a wedding, I just want to be near and love you," then gently and unobtrusively voiced by the desired, as a result - tears begin, depressed and demand to leave his wife.

And if you manage to convince a man to get away from my wife, will you be satisfied? There is no place for new suspicions ( "Changed with me - change me"), distrust ( "Meets secretly or wants to return to the former wife"), past insults ( "So long was with her and did not divorce immediately.")? So, from the desire for romantic love and a full-fledged family, you drive yourself dependent on the experiences, reducing the relationship to "no".

Of course, it happens otherwise. Being in a relationship with a married man, paying his time, you follow your own choice. And if you really want to continue, bother to make 2 things:

1. remove pink glasses.

   "He's ready for me for everything," just now can not leave the family, "" He has a difficult situation, I am ready to wait, because we love each other ";

2. detach the time to yourself.

   Its development, expanding the sphere of interest, awareness of itself as individuals, and not as an application to the partner. Do not immerse yourself in his interests, do not live in life and, moreover, do not try to solve his problems.

Decided to lead a married man from the family?

Why is a married man leaves family for the sake of mistress? Because he created for the ideal model of life: he retained the family than fited himself from the attacks of society and the loss of a loved one, escaped material difficulties and while maintaining parallel life, where it gets care and warmth, fresh emotions and the implementation of its own goals.

At the same time, he may experience emotions to the mistress at times stronger than to his wife. Driven by passion and love, he promises her (sometimes even sincerely) that love is huge, "a little later" he will leave the family for her, but "those golden mountains are in the distance - yours."

What happens in reality?

Most often - nothing. Everything closes at the level of promises, the relationship is charged on this phase and, without obtaining development (and the relationship without development is doomed), they are moving to the phase of deceived expectations and accusations and later - cease.

If you are firmly intend to become a legitimate wife and lead your husband from the present wife, you have a chance. But not in the case when you voluntarily agreed to the role of the "second plan" and suddenly decided to become the main thing in his life. No matter how well he treated you, as far as pleasant your meetings, it is comfortable with you in the role of mistress, and changing life is fundamentally for you for you. The psychology of the relationship of a married man with his mistress is based on his stability, and it contradicts it.

If you still dare to hover a man from the family

The chances of leading a married man from the family is, even if they are small. Often the mistress appears in men, whose family life has long been happy for a long time. And love on the side is a way to get pleasant emotions, without stopping the relationship with his wife, since the cardinal changes are too frighten.

Acting carefully and slowly, you can affect a man, proving him that a joint life will save him from the existing problems, and will not add new ones.

Direct requirements, quarrels and reminders of his promises will not lead to divorce, but they will show that relations with you in the future are problems, scandals and nerves.

How to behave with a married man so that you have a future? The psychology of relations with it is not very different from the manner of behavior with a free partner if in your plans - the construction of strong trusting relationships.

Respect his decisions, let him a choice and the right to act as he considers it necessary, do not press him and do not impose his opinion - it is useless.

How to become a wife from the mistress: a comment of a psychologist

Put the goal - do not impose yourself, but to make him want to be with you. Focus on yourself, and not on it, his family or your relationship. We are talking about expanding the personal space, on our own plans, about the development in directions that are not concerning your relationship. By doing something for "buildup" of his personality, working on the psychological restoration of the right attitude towards herself, upbringing healthy egoism, you restore the balance between personal space and relationships. A free internally person is always attractive to the one who closes all interests on one one, especially limiting it and affecting his life negatively.

Do not condemn his wife

Even if he speaks about it negatively. She is his choice. Showing that appreciate the opinion of the partner, you are affected by the subconscious, it feels a recognized leader, and this is fundamentally affecting further solutions.

Just ask the question whether you are ready to build further relationships on such a scenario, adjust and drown even your own feelings for it? Move a man from the family is possible. But are you really ready to compete with another girl, spend the forces on the destruction of the family? Psychologically, it will be easy for you to accept it and prevent the thoughts that he will find his mistress, already be your husband? Get the goal is a normal desire. But how much is this goal you put?

Pregnancy from a married man

Some girls do not want to really look at the situation, and pretty "getting riser" in a dependent relationship with a married man, decide that the best way to lure him to your side and get to get away from the family - get pregnant. There are different tricks, right up to deception.

However, before considering the latest ways to lead a man from the family, calm down, weigh everything that actually happens in your situation: his relationship with family, with children, with you, really look at your collaborative life. You are his mistress, and hardly the pregnancy of the mistress will be a significant reason for leaving the family (especially if he already has children).

Pregnancy from a married man in most cases will only bring problems. Moreover, and to him.

What do you want to prove to yourself, him or his wife, premensenev? How will your self-esteem grow if you are ready for such cardinal measures? Think about a child who will initially be a tool for tied partner. And about his children, from which you think he will leave.

If the pregnancy is unplanned

He promised the Golden Mountains, you happily lived a year or two and three and were satisfied with meetings, sometimes he said that he would definitely leave the family to you, but everything was not suitable. He said that he loves you, as before, and ... gave money to an abortion. How to cope with the situation, when a pregnancy from a married man turns around in turn?

You do not want it, consider the child the fruit of your happiness, and you can not believe that he was so treacherously entered. Trying to analyze and come to the fact that "yes, now it's really not time, besides, he loves me and speaks about it right."

Understand, decide on the fate of the child to you. When did you start to meet, everything satisfied you? Pull out exactly from this. He will not leave his wife, will not be your legitimate husband, and at best, will support you materially. Are you ready for such a lifetime? Agree to raise a child in an incomplete family?

Just stop to grow yourself with the hope that with the advent of the child everything will change. Change - yes, but will not be easier - that's for sure. In the end, many women grow children without men.

If a child is valuable to you, then it is only to be happy that he is from his beloved man, even if this love is different from its standard understanding.

Do not allow an error thinking that your child is significantly for a man than the existing children. Do not think that, giving birth, you can manipulate them. The mistress of a married man is good because it is easy to relax from family problems, distracting and after - return home. If it creates difficulties (and a pregnant mistress for a married man is a great difficulty), then the meaning of relationship with her is lost.

Do you want this child?

Ready to give birth to yourself, without connecting birth with your married partner? If yes - do not doubt, you will hold out, survive this difficult period of torment and make conclusions. It is possible that your priorities will change, goals, and perhaps a man.

Lie from a married man: a comment of the psychologist

It is important to clearly realize that the child is not a way to bind a man to himself that his decent paternity in a legitimate family does not mean that he will also tremble your child. Lie away from a married man - only your choice, it is impossible to hide behind the partner's justifications and the thirst for mythical happiness. Hanging a man, remaining his mistress - a psychologically difficult task. If you perceived a partner as a patron, afraid of own responsibility, now you will have to grow up and be responsible not only for your life, but also for the life of another person.

Do not draw a picture in your head, where only you, he and your child. When you realize that in this picture of the world there is another family, you can take the right decision and avoid emotional disruptions, depression and neurosis.

How to stop relations with a married lover

If a:

• It is psychologically hard for you to continue relations with a person who does not plan to leave the family, despite all the assurances.
• Or you finally realized that relations with a man emotionally ended for a long time, but you narrow them for some reason.
• It is not enough to break the dependent relationships, you are ready to be content with the illusion that you are loved, just to stay alone.
• You understand that the relationship is unpromising, but tosses to the partner more and more, clinging for rare moments when everything is fine.

It's time to part!

The main problem of girls who decided to end relations with a man is that they want to prove something to their departure: "Let it feel that it can not without me", "I will leave, he cares and returns me," "I will understand that it is better to be with me, and leave the family". Understand your care should be directed not to a partner, but on you. If you accepted a conscious weighted decision to leave, they did it, because the current move of things stopped to arrange. By returning a partner after parting, you will only extend this nervous period.

Understanding what you get and lose your relationship, it will be easier for you to make a decision. "They give me emotions, love and care," this is not the answer that you must give, he will only keep you inside the dependent relationship.

Time questions to yourself

The feeling that you need someone is, is not a reason to continue the relationship. Rate all the minutes without justifying yourself and not trying to prove to yourself that everything suits you.

• You are satisfied with what you hide you?
• It suits that your future is foggy or not at all?
• What will you ever go together on vacation and do not plan a joint weekend without taking into account the third person?
• What is your favorite man consists in a serious relationship with another woman, even if he says he does not love her?

He is a married man, his established life consists of a framework and rules, and change it, even if she does not fully satisfy him, he will not. It is easier for him to make a new mistress without complaints.

If you decide to part with your beloved man, then you are tired of justifying yourself and it does not get anything in return.

Being a mistress of a family man - a way to a dead end. Continue painful relationships are also the way to a dead end. It can be longer or shorter, but the lucky future will not lead you. In the end, you will come to questions: "Why did you need it all?" And "how to live next?".

Find out the married man is difficult because you are accustomed to emotional, mysterious dependence on it. But wake deeper. Remember your feelings when after the meetings he went into the family or when the wife called him. Did you feel better at that moment? If he had not treated her, would he hide you? Realizing the real emotions that you received in a relationship, you can configure yourself to end dependence on a married man.

Understand the fact that the connection with him can delay for years, but there will be no development. You will get used to the role of mistress, will perceive it as a given, but do you want to see your life? He will not leave the family for you, realize it. And even deciding to take it as much as you will be ready for such a model of life? Look at her from all sides: with his, with his, from friends and parents, from colleagues. Ready?

Title promises and reality

Healthy relations are built according to the scheme: "Personal interests of the first partner + personal interests of the second partner + common interests of the pair." What common interests will arise over time, what goals will you unite you if your dominant goal is to hide relationships and be tapering together?

To get out of relationship with a married man is difficult, as from any other dependent relationships, first of all, because of your own fears and doubts. You take an attempt to leave, but fall into a series of experiences, looking for ways to facilitate moral condition, but you see that only he will help you - the culprit of your problems. And it all starts in a new way, with a pile of old offensive and misunderstandings and new turns of problems.

Open your eyes

Relate with reality your dreams and hopes. You want to be with your loved one, getting care from him, you want to develop relationships and later - family. The partner promises that it will be so that a joint life with his wife is a temporary obstacle, he long does not love her and there is no sexual contact with her for a long time. You wait and believe, because rightly consider that we do not build a relationship without trust.

And now look at reality. You get, although gradually, what are you striving for? Does he strive for your life together? If you wondered how to part with a married man, apparently, reality and dreams will still differ.

How to part with a married man: Comment of the psychologist

Remember: No conflicts, external factors, other people will not pull you out of the protracted connection. Only internal attitude and work on their own goals and understanding their feasibility will help to get out of the dependent relationship with a married partner. Perhaps you are driven by fear or do not want to take responsibility, but only internal changes will be able to improve your life.

Spice parting with a married man for 3 stages:

1. Conversation

   The most honest conversation with direct questions about the future of your relationship will save from illusions. Recognize time, specific actions. The goal is not to hear once again that everything will work out, but to determine your personal attitude towards what has been said and really happening. If you see the opportunity to continue the relationship "in the new capacity", use this chance, but determine why you continue and what exactly is exactly what time it should come. If there is no possibility, and only the promise of the Golden Mountains remains - parting.

2. Understanding.

   Title heard with your vision of the future. Imagine yourself in this relationship after 5 years. Younger you do not become, you can not return the time ago, but you do not want to let him go. If you understand that everyone will be parted, why do you pull out this moment for the sake of rare soothing "now"? Remember the past relationships, problems: most of them you at one time were painfully released, and today you are easy to remember about them. Why do you consciously go to suffering and drag the cargo of the current unpromising relationship in the future?

3. Focus displacements with relationships.

   If you are hard to refuse partner overnight, use the "switching" techniques. Continue communicating with a married partner, without directing efforts to get rid of the role of mistress. But gradually look for new classes, interests, put personal goals outside the relationship, even if they go to the detriment of them. Especially if they go to the detriment! Extras completing his identity, you will inevitably go out of the relationship of relationships and become part of them, not partner, not partner, but an independent person.

   At this stage, it is important to take your feelings (love, selfishness, painful dependence - no matter), but it is consistently to start focusing on them (or how to get rid of them), but on something of a completely different plane. Over time, psychological stress arising from constant twisting situations in the head will weaken.

Be honest with you and with a partner. Your task is not to prove to him its strength, independence or superiority, but to achieve your own calm. When will be ready, talk to him, tell me that we complete this relationship is not in the enormous emotion, not because it is responsible. The reason is the lack of a joint future and your justified desire of stable happiness. Ask not to keep you because you want to build a full-fledged family in the future and consider that you are worthy.

"I understand everything, but ..."

If you (consciously or not) became the mistress of a married man, start with the answers to yourself why it happened. And then - decide why you want to come. If you feel that you need help, talk to a psychologist: working together with it will help you to understand the situation deeper and find a comfortable path of its permission.

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