As you know, a husband, mother-in-law and father-in-law are acquired relatives who will have to get along with for the rest of their lives. This article just covers the sensitive topic "Husband, mother in law and me."

In the life of every person there are blood and acquired relatives. In the latter case, as it has already become clear, we are talking about the husband and his parents. Indeed, these are those unfamiliar people whom life is not enough to get to know better.

However, every modern woman must definitely find an approach not only to her legal spouse, but also to her mother-in-law and her mother-in-law. And here it is precisely that certain difficulties arise that can be described simply as “did not agree with the characters”. Oddly enough, but the friction in family life arises precisely between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and sometimes they come to hostilities. Why is this happening?

The fact is that all people are different, and mothers are very jealous of their sons, especially when they are growing up. A woman understands that soon in the life of a child another companion will appear, and her mother will fade into the background. Here it all depends on the female character: some ladies of Balzac age accept such life changes as fact and something inevitable, while others try to resist to such life circumstances to the last.

That's just the second type of mother-in-law and is the most dangerous, since the aggression of an adult woman can sometimes destroy a young family. The worst thing is that, it would seem, an adult woman deep down understands that she behaves like a spoiled and selfish girl, but hatred for her daughter-in-law and boundless love for her son are simply a veil to the eyes and female consciousness. In such cases, a young girl who is madly in love with her chosen one has to be very tight, but in the name of love she suffers all the dirty tricks and insidious attacks.

The situation with the father-in-law is much simpler, because he does not experience those zealous feelings for his son, which simply overwhelm his wife. That is why it is much easier for him to come to terms with a new family member, especially if the daughter-in-law takes care and happily makes contact. The worst thing is that such a family idyll gradually begins to annoy an aggressive and wayward mother-in-law, so it is possible that family conflicts will become global in the near future. And husband? The mother-in-law and her son will be able to process in such a way that he will not even have time to come to his senses, as the application for divorce will already be pending in court.

Is there really no way to find an approach to your new family? In this matter, the main thing is not to despair and not break down at new relatives, otherwise it will only be in the hands of the mother-in-law, and she will repeat to the right and left, they say, "they warmed the snake in the heart." The best weapon against an aggressive woman is calm and a smile, which will finish worse than a Kalashnikov assault rifle.

You can talk for hours on the topic “Husband, Mother-in-law and Me,” however, problems from these conversations will still not diminish. It is definitely necessary to act, and the sooner the better. Such activity and initiative can not only save the family, but also get along with an intolerable woman of Balzac age. Of course, in most cases, such an idyll is rather apparent, but the image of an impeccable daughter-in-law will be preserved.

So, what to do to get along with a capricious mother-in-law? At the first meeting with potential relatives it is best to keep quiet, while looking around and studying the situation. During the meeting it is important to learn as much information as possible about the new family: who is in charge, what are the relationships and traditions, family customs and attitudes, and most importantly - to feel the attitude towards you. This is a kind of "intelligence", which in the future will allow you to win the battle. Yes, relations with the mother-in-law sometimes resemble a battlefield, and if "you are not the enemy, then he is you." However, with a competent approach, the daughter-in-law of bloodshed and victims can still be avoided.

Forming friendships with new "relatives" is recommended even before marriage, otherwise family life, as soon as it begins, can turn into penal servitude. Intuition will help here, which will allow you to feel the nature of the potential mother-in-law, and from the knowledge gained, and draw a conclusion on how to behave in her society.

For example, fanatical cooks are best praised, and their culinary dishes are considered “aerobatics.” The girl should be constantly interested in how she managed to cook this or that culinary masterpiece, and periodically ask for a recipe. Such an interest will certainly flatter the mother-in-law, and she will become softer and more docile.

If the future relative is fixated on growing flowers, then this hobby can be used. But how? Always be interested in the life of her "pets", and on occasion to present a new unique instance. Even if such a purchase will cost a pretty penny, do not worry, because such waste will pay off with excellent relations with a potential mother-in-law. And there are many such examples, the main thing is to find the slack of a capricious woman.

In general, the idea is clear: you need to find common ground and common interests with a potential mother-in-law, because, as you know, such hobbies noticeably bring people together, making them kinder to each other. It will be more difficult if the only point of contact is the immeasurable love for the son and groom, who, unfortunately, are one person. It will be more difficult to get along here, because it’s one thing to talk about colors and recipes, and it’s quite another to share the love of one man.

However, there is a way out in this situation: in no case should you compete with your mother-in-law, proving your importance and superiority in the life of your beloved man. It is best to behave in the family circle with restraint, while trying to devote more time to the mother-in-law, not forgetting to attach a common man to the dialogues.

A smart girl should remind her lover that his mother will soon have a birthday, anniversary or other holiday; Help choose a valuable gift and buy her favorite flowers. The adult woman will realize that the man could not show such accuracy, therefore, without the help of his second half, this case clearly could not have done. Such care will certainly touch her, even somewhere somewhere deep down, and she will soften for a while.

You can also find contact with the mother-in-law with the help of the mother-in-law, who, as a rule, turns out to be a "cool guy" with a vixen wife. Communication with him will provide support from the rear, and also provide information about all the habits, taste and preferences of the stubborn mother of her lover. So even “father-in-law henpecked” will help to establish relations in the new family and smooth tangible tension. In general, the girl’s task is to find contact with the future “mother” before the wedding, as it will be even more difficult to do this after marriage.

The family life of lovers and their relationship also depends on where the newlyweds live. If the house is mother-in-law, then things are bad; but separate housing is a great way to get along with new relatives at all times. Let's start with "utopia": living with a mother-in-law means living according to her rules. This is very difficult, because, as you know, "two housewives in the same kitchen do not get along."

Loving trifles, up to the unwashed plugs, can lead to conflict. So do not intersect with the "new mother" in the same kitchen, otherwise the conflict can not be avoided. In such cases, it is better to put up and adhere to the rules of a strict hostess of the family, while thinking about moving out of the house as soon as possible.

Separate life is a paradise, because at a distance you can love even the latest vixen. Here you just need to call her regularly, find out about business and well-being, and also periodically visit her, they say, miss you. Of course, go to all family events, and upon request provide overwhelming help. So for the sake of the “beloved” mother-in-law, family subbotniks can be tolerated, but the daughter-in-law for the new relatives will be the best and the most working.

It is also important to get along with other relatives, because in any conflicts, the mother-in-law willy-nilly will take the side of her blood relatives. So such stalemate situations are best avoided, and indeed take the position of "shy" and do not take the initiative again. In any case, these are relatives of the husband, so let him deal with them. Otherwise, problems in communicating with the mother-in-law should not arise.

So, if you wish, you can establish relationships even with the most unbearable mother-in-law. The main thing is to set out to get closer to a new relative, but, as you know, they do not choose relatives.

The Russian people have a lot of relatives. And each relative has a strange name that requires decryption.

"Father-in-law" is the husband's father for his daughter-in-law (derived from "mother-in-law").

“Mother-in-law,” used to sound like “all blood,” “brought blood,” the head of the clan that unites all blood relatives. Another version is “your own home” (previously in Russia the bride was brought to her husband’s house, so the father-in-law’s house became a family home).

“Door” comes from the word “trust”.

Who else but this man the young wife could entrust with what she considered the most intimate. According to another theory, a relative was called a brother-in-law not for the reason that they trusted, but because, unlike others, they often pointed to the door (you don’t need you here with your advice, don’t build smart). Alternatively, the brother-in-law was pointed at the door after being trusted too much.

"Sister" - comes from the word "evil", therefore, in some regions of Russia it was pronounced as "evil."

This term can be associated with the old rite, when after the wedding, the bride was strewed with ashes after the wedding (her husband’s sister also participated in this rite). This word is found in literary works written before the 18th century. The sister was always jealous of her brother to her young wife, and believed that she was doing everything wrong, unscrupulous, so basically the term has a negative meaning.

“Daughter-in-law” means “whoever is”.

This value is due to the fact that taking a girl from another family or other lands as a wife, the husband’s relatives did not know anything about her (her customs, character, skills), which means they don’t understand who they are taking to the house. The etymology of the word is associated with the patroness of the hearth - Vesta, who lived in Ancient Rome.

“Daughter-in-law” is a daughter-in-law, the wife of a son, a brother-in-law, or a wife with experience who already has children (“to be on demolition”, “to bear”).

The concept of “daughter-in-law” is not just a designation of kinship, but also a certain status. Another option - “daughter-in-law” comes from the word “son” - a son's wife. But where did the particle “ha” come from? Parents of the groom considered the daughters-in-law to be stupid, so they could both laugh at them and blame (teach). Therefore, the word "daughter-in-law" has a mocking character.

“Father-in-law” - comes from the words: “aunt”, “father”, “amuse”, “honor”, \u200b\u200bthe wife’s parent.

A person who must monitor compliance with all traditions, laws of honor in the family.

"Mother-in-law" - has Slavic roots and comes from the words "amuse", "console". After the wedding, the mother rarely sees her daughter, so be amused when she arrives. Another option - the mother-in-law comforts little children (grandchildren).

"Shurin" is the brother of his wife.

One of the points of view of the designation of the word "brother-in-law" is to chide (it turns out that they chided him all the time). Another version - the word comes from "SCHUR". To protect themselves from the evil eye in the old days, people squinted. Shurin is a young friend who knows a lot, so he slyly squinted. The verb "to rustle" was used when knitting brooms, weaving hedges and other products from branches. Therefore, the word "brother-in-law" means connected by kinship (we introduced you to ourselves, therefore we are in one kinship).

“Sister-in-law” - comes from the word “one's own” (one's relative is bloodless, but not a stranger either).

For a young husband often become a best friend.

"Father-in-law" - earlier in Russia they called those with whom it was a pleasure to spend time, especially a snack and a drink.

Later so began to call distant relatives who are not blood. In this case, such a person is neither a relative nor a stranger. Even with relatives sometimes there wasn’t such a warm relationship as with brothers-in-law (for example, a brother, for example, may turn out to be non-drinker).

“Son-in-law” is the main meaning of the word “take”.

Why to take? Because this is a man who married a girl (wife), and not money from the bride’s parents. Another version is “son-in-law” - a person who, after the wedding, becomes famous, familiar. Only the man who brought his wife to his house could be called a son-in-law.

Anyway, every girl who gets acquainted with the guy’s parents is very worried and worried. In order to make such an acquaintance as comfortable as possible, you need to know a few tricks that can really exalt a girl in the eyes of her boyfriend's parents. In order for the first acquaintance to pass qualitatively and seamlessly, you must first find out everything about the character and habits of the chosen one's parents. It is their behavior that will tell how they appreciated the girl, her appearance and character. Next, we will consider some recommendations on how to get to know the guy’s parents and how to please them.

Relatives of husband and wife: all about relationships

The husband’s relatives, especially his mother, as well as his wife’s mother, have long been the heroes of, if not jokes, then certainly funny stories, and sometimes even very difficult events. Attention is paid to the joyful events associated with newfound relatives, and the very sad negative relationship between the older generation and the bride or groom, which the children brought into an already existing family.

In such cases, you can even hear statements in the style of "I do not like my husband's relatives." To get rid of the negative in life, it is worth knowing how to love the husband’s relatives and establish contact with the wife’s parents.

Relations of a woman with a mother-in-law and a mother-in-law

Good relations with relatives are beneficial to both parties - parents with their children, the older generation with the younger. But often there are problems and conflicts in the relationship of the daughter-in-law with her husband's parents.

Girls very often complain about the mother-in-law and sprinkle with statements like "my husband’s relatives do not accept me." Indeed, it is the mother-in-law that can cause some of the most serious problems for marriage. This can happen for several reasons at once:

1. The mother-in-law does not approve of the choice of her son, just as she does not, for example, approve of the low level of economic activity of the chosen one of her child, her pedigree, unwillingness to soon have a child, or any other characteristic of the girl.
2. The mother-in-law behaves too selfishly, constantly requires attention from the side of the son and takes offense at the absence thereof.
3. The husband’s mother can also be overly critical and picky in relation to her daughter-in-law, check and control her every step, which can certainly lead to quarrels, disputes and unpleasant disagreements.

In all such situations, you need to understand what to do if you do not like the husband’s relatives, and how to take some steps to improve family relations among all her relatives. For example, you should not react too aggressively to annoying criticism and it is better to pay more attention to your husband’s parents and visit them on your own initiative.

It is important to remember that constant complaints to her husband are unlikely to correct the situation - the man will certainly take the side of his mother, which certainly will not help getting rid of quarrels.

Of course, there are various other ways and solutions that suggest how to protect yourself from the husband’s spoken relatives. Among them are radical decisions such as moving to another city, or simpler and more banal methods, such as restrained and cold communication with a newfound family, which does not allow any of the relatives to hurt and offend them in their own words.

Negative mother-in-law image

In fact, the mother-in-law poses a danger to the relationship of a young couple much less threat than the selfish and critical mother-in-law. Perhaps the only reason the mother-in-law poses a threat is the self-conceit of the young man, since the wife’s mother very often likes to play a trick on her son-in-law and to poke fun at him.

Otherwise, the husband does not allow criticism of the husband, preferring, if even to discuss the problems of marriage with his mother, to do this completely unnoticed.

A father-in-law also usually does not interfere with his daughter’s relationship and reacts negatively to his son-in-law only if he really manages to offend his wife.

The chosen one of the girl may be suspicious of the parents of her spouse if the former relatives of the husband, in the case of the existence of previous marriages, became a negative example of the relationship between the two families.

In this case, the husband should discard the prejudices and try to establish contact with new relatives so as not to upset his beloved wife and not give his mother-in-law an extra reason to let go of causticity.

The importunity of the wife’s mother should not frighten her either — the annoyance of the husband’s mother is not inferior to her, and sometimes even “exceeds” her. However, the girl should not complain and tell negative stories about the husband’s relatives and himself to her parents — this may disturb them and raise suspicions about the choice of the chosen one for her daughter, which may cause deterioration of communication between them and, as a result, to quarrels inside couples.

Good relations between members of two families often depend not only on the behavior of the older generation, but also on the young themselves. They should also show firmness of character and stop the arrogance of their own parents if such actions are needed, but at the same time show enough attention to relatives on both sides.

Relatives of a husband or family of a wife can become real family people if they find a common language with everyone and try to create and maintain a good atmosphere.

Hello!
You have self-doubt and it was this that caused you to pull events into your life that strengthened it even more.
Believe for your children a happy mother is much more important for their development and well-being than the order in the house!
It is important to look at the situation without illusions. Parents of your chosen one or chosen one - they have their own motives in this situation. No matter how happy they were at first, you should not hope that your parents will become your friends. What happens in life? But in life it often happens like this, for example: a woman initially perceives her mother-in-law as her friend and colleague. The mother-in-law is primarily a rival. The danger of the situation lies in the fact that with insufficient self-confidence of a woman and the connivance of her chosen one, the mother-in-law can also win this rivalry. Similar processes occur when a man interacts with his mother-in-law. She shares the living space with the young and gives her care not at all disinterestedly. Your chosen one’s mother expects her gifts to be appreciated and returned to her in the form of material goods, gratitude, moral support from, first of all, the man of her daughter. Perhaps reading this now, you silently wave your hand with the words "yes, no problem." Alas, it now seems so easy for you, but in fact it is very difficult to satisfy the needs of your mother-in-law or mother-in-law. This complexity is explained by the fact that, in a good way, it is not for you to satisfy these needs. The situation may be aggravated by the absence (actual or psychological) of a man in his mother-in-law or mother-in-law. Then, for example, the mother-in-law begins to argue that "here came a parasite for everything prepared, and my son also stole from me." For single mothers, a son or daughter often becomes partly a substitute for her husband. And then it is impossible for her to prove that the "son" or "daughter" are already full-grown, adult individuals. Yes, and this thankless job is to negotiate with the parents of your chosen one. These negotiations can only be successfully conducted by a son or daughter with their parents. You can only explain to your soulmate your feelings and desires about the current situation, and already he / she can talk in order to improve the situation. It turns out that when you come to the living space of your beloved or beloved, where his parents already live, you are very dependent on your chosen one or chosen one. And it is with this that my main recommendation will be related to what to choose: rent an apartment or live with parents. I recommend a sober assessment of the behavior of your soul mate when you disagree with your parents. This is important because if you yourself agree, for example, with your mother-in-law, then she will perceive this as a violation of her personal borders and an invasion of her territory. And it will be absolutely sad if the daughter unites with her mother, and they harmoniously begin to remodel you. Be prepared for the fact that your half will not understand you, because she / he is already accustomed to the peculiarities of the behavior of her parents, it is much easier for you to experience conflicts with them than you. As you have already noticed, I do not touch on the topic of communication with my father-in-law or father-in-law and I do this because fathers, as a rule, more easily break the psycho-emotional connection with their child than the mother. And from this mother is almost always not happy with the choice of her child. For any mother, the absolute overvaluation of her child and the expectation of ideality from his chosen one / wanderer are taken for granted. And at the same time they lose sight of the fact that their treasure chooses a soul mate for themselves, and that one is good, the other is not very good. No matter how similar mother and child, they are still somewhat different. It is natural that the chosen one may not like the mother in some way, only she does not want to understand this. In conclusion, I want to recommend that you not engage in the hopeless business of remaking your parents or others, but look for those moments in life that you can completely change, for example, agree with your husband that his relatives again stay away from your family - as it was before .
Wisdom, happiness and health to your family and you!

Good day. I was interested in your answer "Hello! You have self-doubt and it was the reason that you pulled in St. ..." to the question http: // www .. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Discuss with an expert

I’ve been married for 7 years, a year ago I thought that I was very lucky with my mother-in-law and my husband’s big family. And he has about 14 closest relatives, to whom we went every Saturday. Drive 100 km one way.
His parents never much intervened, did not help, but they invited him to stay at their expense, gave tickets, and so on. And even for me and my sister, even a couple of times)) The father-in-law at work has the opportunity to make free tickets.

Everything changed a lot when I became pregnant (the first child in the family). Everyone began to say how much everyone would pamper the child.

My sister wanted to organize a baby shower for me (a small holiday where they congratulate the expectant mother and bring gifts to the child, such as the "dowry").
Immediately the mother-in-law with her sister (husband’s aunt) jumped in and said that she was organizing. I asked that my sister also participate in this, so that it would be possible for my mother to participate in this business via Skype (my sister and I live in another country). The mother-in-law ignored this moment, and when I asked again, she sent a message that she was canceling this holiday and it was impossible for any of her relatives to hold it, only in a restaurant. Between this case, there were many comments in SMS about what things we should put in the gift sheet for the shower, that we should definitely go to the shops and watch there, and not just over the Internet. And all with comments, they say, this is in the end your child. The sediment was not good, both at the husband and at me.
I worked 12-14 hours a day during pregnancy until the last day (and I spent the whole night in the hospital preparing for childbirth), that is, all this made me stressed, in addition to everything. The husband also worked at the same pace, because he had to finish all the projects.

Then the mother-in-law decided that she was uncomfortable with other relatives and “did a favor”, and returned the holiday 2 weeks before the appointed date, after she learned that the wives of 2 colleagues of her husband had cooperated with my sister and were organizing the holiday.
All this ruined my nerves.
It was a big disappointment at the holiday, all the distant relatives gave very good gifts, but the relatives with whom we constantly talked presented a complete city, and not from the sheet on which they themselves insisted. Moreover, a cheap city, although all are very wealthy. Frankly, I was very hurt in the light of statements about how they would "pamper my child." I also asked not to give anything pink, and of course my mother-in-law bought pink clothes.

We did not know when I would give birth, but we warned everyone not to come to my hospital (here visitors are allowed into the ward), I only wanted to see my husband. The birth was difficult for the baby and I had an urgent cesarean. She was born small. I could not breathe, as a result I was put on oxygen and my husband stood with me and woke me up all night so that I would not stop breathing. That was not easy. When the next day, the husband called his father to say that everything is fine. Father said that they say your mother flew there to meet you. Naturally, immediately upon arrival, she pressed herself into my room, and in outerwear, she had to remind to wash her hands. I fed the baby at that moment, it didn’t bother her, she stared into the room and stared at my chest. That I was not pleased. And she began to have small talk with her husband about what she ate for breakfast. After a nurse came to inspect my seam and other parts, my mother-in-law did not bother her, she did not even try to get out. It was very unpleasant, disgusting, because my honey was discussed. questions including how I cocoa (sorry). The last straw was that she took from the crib of the child and began to apply it, in fact, facing the outer clothing. I under the pretext that the child needs to sleep and asked me to put. I could not even look at her, it was so disgusting and unpleasant to me, and it was insulting that my requests were ignored. After that, her husband took her away, she kept him there for 2 hours, although I needed help with the child. After that, she repeated her arrival again, and I just could not sort out myself and did not even look at her. The husband noticed this and tried to find out what was the matter, I naturally (hormones) expressed everything. To which he sent her quickly to relatives and she did not appear anymore.

My parents gave us 7 thousand dollars for our birth, his parents gave us nothing but the organization of the holiday (the organization cost 200 dollars, I saw the bill). At all. Even when she pushed into my hospital, she gave nothing. Although they have more opportunities than my parents, who have fun in Russia, although they are already retired.
And all his rostrenniki know that I dig in 12-14 hours to make money, because my husband is now in the company of problems. That money would allow me to sit with the child and relax, and not rush to feed her, after running for the computer to work remotely and finish projects.

This all left a very large sediment. It’s very disgusting and disgusting for me to even think that in a week they will show up on the threshold and touch my child. If I could, I would have forbidden them to appear here at all.
I refused all visits to relatives, because I would not take a small child 100 km in one side, so that his relatives would be comfortable. His relatives did not understand this. Absolutely, well, how do they have to get up and do something, but it is unlikely that they will burden themselves like that. But the father-in-law will definitely draw.

The situation is complicated by the fact that my mother flies for a month and will live with us, that is, it turns out somehow not fair that my mother will receive this time with her granddaughter, and I deliberately trim the time for his parents. I love my husband and appreciate and do not want to hurt him with my attitude to his parents.

Questions:
1) what do you think from the situation, do I perceive everything too much? My husband has the same grievances, but maybe we are too hormonal now, and all this is "nonsense, everyday business"?
2) how honest will it be with respect to her husband that the parents how much we have sat? Based on the fact that my mother will live with us for a month?
3) What should I do if I am disgusted to look at them? How to overcome disgust, and how to prevent the baby from being pulled out of their hands when they decide to hold her. (I write and the thought itself tears me apart)
4) how to overcome the grudge against the material?
5) How not to offend or injure her husband?

Thank!

PS help with tags, free discussion is normal))