Three words for which you can climb on the roof and not be afraid to fall off it

Call Grandma. Please, this will take two minutes. Call your grandmother, - I asked my son Vasily. He's fourteen, and I'm still lucky that he answers his parents' excited text messages. Left for a friend's birthday, four hours later I delicately ask: "Are you all right?" An hour later, the answer comes: "Yes". "When you get back?" - I specify. "Soon".

Grandma will be pleased to hear from you. Just ask how she feels, I moan.

You talked to her. So, everything is fine, - the son is surprised.

She is bored. It is important for her that we all call her, - I explain the common truths.

Yes, our grandmother does not live too far from Moscow. She drives a car with us, leads an active social life and knows everyone in the neighborhood to the last dog. That is, in principle, you don't have to worry about it. And in order to talk to us, she needs to climb the stepladder under the roof of the house - only there is a good connection. Every time I am afraid that she will be overtaken by this top because of my call.

Mom, why don't you answer? - I shouted into the phone when I tried unsuccessfully to call her for two days. I was about to go, I was standing on the threshold.

Now I answer, - my mother is surprised. It turns out that she forgot her phone in her bag, left her bag in the beauty salon, but decided not to return, because the phone was still discharged, and charging at home, and tomorrow she would still go to the store, but she was too lazy, so only today she took the bag .. ...

But I was with a passport, - my mother answers, - if something happened, they would call you.

She has always been like this. With black humor. "Without lyrics," as she says to herself.

When I was not yet married, without children and called my mother, she asked: "What, have you nothing to do? What's useless to talk?" Later, when I got married, gave birth to a son and a daughter, the first mother's question that I heard on the phone was: "What happened?"

She doesn't like talking on the phone at all. And no good news. Although we all try to please her. We save up a lot of achievements at once in order to inform grandmother - the granddaughter now sculpts from clay, the grandson won the Olympiad, I bought a new wardrobe, and so on. But Mom still jerks when the phone rings. Once she confessed to me: "I can't stand it. My heart will stop. If something happens to you ... My mother, your grandmother was so afraid to receive letters and telegrams. She was scared by the postman - the sweetest woman. And I am afraid of calls. There were too many bad calls. "

When I am sick or the children catch a cold, we do not call grandma. Or we call, after blowing our nose and clearing our throat, so that she does not suspect anything. When I was scared or hurt, or needed help, I never called my mother. I didn't want to, I didn't have the right to answer her question: "What happened?"

I called, - Vasily reported.

And what did grandma say?

She asked if I had lost at cards and if I was going to get married.

He said I was just calling, but she didn’t believe it. And when you were young, you called your grandmother only if you played cards and were going to get married? - clarified the son, not without interest.

No, it's our grandmother who jokes like that.

In fact, my mother taught me to call only on business. And when I started talking about the weather and nature, I would cut off: "In short." I talked about my little troubles or the remnants of a big trouble, problems that have already been resolved, but backfired. She spoke sparingly and meaningfully. And my mother just as sparingly offered to call in for money.

Mom, I have money! - I shouted, because I needed advice, or support, or simply - to hear my own voice. But she believed that all problems can be solved financially. Bad mood? Go get a new blouse. Problems at work? Find a new one. Whatever one may say, she was right - it all came down to a banal decision.

Mom, tell me that everything will be fine, that everything will work out for me, that you are proud of me, - I begged.

Stop whining into my phone, calling on all sorts of trifles, and then I will be proud of you, - my mother answered.

When did everything change? I don’t know, I don’t remember this moment. I call my mother and ask if she needs money for medicine, whether to buy a new jacket, or to bring food.

Can you just call? Talk to me about the weather? - Mom takes offense. She doesn't need my help, she just needs to hear my voice. She still feels up to the point where I said hello. And I can feel in her voice that she woke up at four in the morning and could not sleep - she was thinking about us, worried, worried. And I really wanted to call - my heart was restless. But no, she's proud. The first one will never dial the number.

Mom, why? Call at six in the morning! I plead.

What for? You will be scared and you will come right away.

It's true. When my mother calls, which is very rare, my heart stops.

I am almost forty, my mother is almost seventy, but we never learned to talk on the phone.

And I don't know what we would have done if not for my little daughter Sima, the only granddaughter of our grandmother. Sime is five years old and her grandmother gave her a personal mobile phone. Small, red, with a funny pussy-keychain. And Sima calls her grandmother every day and tells about how she rode down the hill, how she went to draw, what her friend Anya said and how the boy Sasha fell into a puddle. And her grandmother tells her about the bunnies who took her hat - the hat disappeared, as if the rabbits had taken it. How a titmouse flew to her and brought a flower. Like a whole family of hedgehogs with hedgehogs started up in a mink. Sima calls her grandmother when she wants - at seven in the morning, barely waking up, at nine in the evening to hear a bedtime story. And he says goodbye to grandmother: "Kisses a hundred times." The grandmother, standing on a stepladder under the roof to catch the connection, is ready to balance on the crossbar as much as she wants for these "a whole hundred times".

After all, this is the most important thing that we want to hear on the phone.

“My grandmother and I are not close as relatives,- Once a friend complained to me, - and I have nothing to talk to her about. I seem to understand that I need to call her, and I call - but after answering "How are you, how are you?" the conversation crumples, fades, and quietly collapses. I guess I'm a bad granddaughter ... "

Honestly, this conversation impressed me to the core. How is it - there is nothing to talk about with your grandmother? Why? After all, so many topics for communication can be raised, so much interesting to be gleaned, so many happy memories can be resurrected - you just need to pull them, half-forgotten, from the dark corners of grandmother's memory, shake off the dust from them - and they will once again play with bright colors.

After all, old people love to remember the past, especially when adults are already grandchildren sitting side by side and, with their mouths open, like little ones, listen to every word spoken.

I haven't talked to my grandmother for 9 years. It's just ... because she's gone. And I still, in spite of the past years, yearn - and this pain does not go anywhere, and probably will not go away.

After all, you can no longer sneak up quietly behind, peck on your wrinkled cheek and exclaim cheerfully:“How are you, granny? And let's chat with you a little "... But, God knows, our conversations were the most interesting, the most entertaining, but simply - the most ...

Lovely girls! You really don't know what to talk to grandma about? Oh, I'll tell you. Moreover, I assure you that there are no more intimate conversations than those when two loved ones communicate. So…

Fashion.What else can two women talk about for hours? Of course, about fashion! It doesn't matter that one is still only twenty or thirty, and the second is already more than eighty.
My grandmother's and my notions of style, of course - as expected - diverged. Granny snorted that the concept of beauty is not the same now, and I foaming at my mouth defended the right to life of jeans with a low rise.
The most surprising thing is that later she nevertheless agreed with me - in the sense that they fit perfectly, but no, no, she pinned a flirty bow to the collar of my dress ... Love.The theme is always beautiful, for centuries. In whatever era we were born, no matter how many changes we experienced, the song of love will sound louder than others, for it is beautiful.
… And one of the evenings I learned the story of my grandmother's very first love. And I have never heard anything more touching. Sports, mind games, game shows(and no Malakhov). As an option, although not for everybody.
My grandmother was rooting for the German (for some reason) football team, was a fan of Kostya Tszyu and excitedly discussed all his boxing matches with me, as well as the next fight between the viewers and the favorite team of Alexander Druz in the intellectual casino “What? Where? When?".
And we also played cards at night. School, college, institute.Not all of the old people had the opportunity to study. But if someone is lucky, you can learn a lot of interesting things about the training system of the past years. And not only.
My grandmother was lucky: her father, my great-grandfather, half Czech, half Pole, attached great importance to her studies. And, having lost his wife early, he did everything so that his beloved daughter received an education.
He taught her German from the cradle (which saved both their lives during the German occupation). Well, over how my cowardly granny decided to enter the flight school and disgraced herself on the very first parachute jump, I laughed, without hesitation ... with her.
She went to medical. And for many years, even after reaching retirement age, she worked as a senior nurse in the surgical department of a small town hospital, where she and her grandfather settled after the war.
And her funny stories, seasoned with the specific humor of medical workers, this ... that's another story. War.Many people think that war is too hard for the memory of old people, but this is not so. Yes, she revives not the most pleasant memories. But the mere mention of its end makes the veterans' hearts beat faster and breathe deeper - with full breasts, flaring their nostrils, as if the sweet smell of the Great Victory is still in the air.

I know a lot about my grandmother. Almost everything, because we were close friends. And about my grandfather too, although I have not written a single line about him now. The main thing is memory in the heart: it will not go anywhere, and the rest does not matter.

Talk to your old people, people. Talk more often; even a short phone call can make the day brighter and the mood better. Speak with love: they gave you all your life, so give them in return at least half an hour a day - after all, this is so little. And if possible, hug more: maybe they have very little time left.

More than 2 years ago, I began to regularly travel to nursing homes and constantly communicate with my grandparents.

For myself, I regard this period as one in which the doors to the treasury of wisdom, knowledge and experience were opened for me.

My dear grandparents have been gone for a long time, but I remember my period of life with them as sunny and filled with childish joy, because while your grandparents are there, you are grandchildren!

It's great to be a grandson! How many interesting things you can learn and learn! It is important to just ask and talk. Talk ...

About your family and parents... It is the grandparents who will tell you many interesting stories about your family. Who did what, where he lived, etc.

I'm sure it will be an entertaining story. For example, my grandmother told me in a whisper that we were from the Tereshchenko family.

She said that you need to remember this. She loved to remember how strict my great-grandfather was, about the book that described our family, everyday life and much more, which she had to burn in the oven because of the communists.

And I am so sorry that she was gone when I was still in 2nd grade and then I just listened to these stories like a fairy tale. Now it is difficult to restore something.

It is grandmothers who will be able to tell the most entertaining stories and facts about your parents, which you may not even suspect.

Talk to grandma about fashion... She will tell you about the styles of the time when they sewed dresses themselves, she will argue and scold the fashion of today - calling her shameless. But anyway, two women will always find a common language in this topic.

About love... On this topic, grandmothers are more outspoken than grandfathers. Don't talk about husbands! About grooms. Many grandmothers of their husbands did not wait from the war and remained widows for life.

And everyone had grooms, and every grandmother will happily remember them and keep secret about it with you.

Recipes and cuisine... It's a mystery to me - how can you know so many recipes? Our grandmothers did not have Google, the Internet and beautiful colorful books with step-by-step instructions, as we do, so each recipe was "worked out" for years, or even decades.

Write down and learn how to cook grandma's pancakes, dumplings, pies and cherry jam. You won't find that in any Michelin restaurant.

Study and education... Not all of our grandparents had the opportunity to study. But some still studied and they will remember their school years with pleasure.

And you will tell how it was or is with you. You can solve a crossword puzzle together, play checkers or chess.

Grandparents love to teach how to play chess. Buy and bring them a board game.

Important people... Grandfather and grandmother will gladly tell you about this. Almost everyone in their life has met a "very important person" and is proud of it.

Ask how and why? They will remember that moment of their life with joy and in all details.

War... This topic is complex. Many grandfathers suffered and were injured, and grandmothers became widows. But it is also relevant in our time, when military actions are taking place in the country in the Donbass.

Be careful, she revives not the most pleasant memories in your memory, but if you translate the conversation about its end, your grandfather's back immediately straightens and pride shines on his face. They love to talk about Victory Day.

There can be a lot of topics for conversation. Any questions about the past bring them back to their youth at the time of the conversation. Therefore, it is very important to devote time to such conversations and to give grandparents this feeling of "needed", "interesting" and joy.

There are some tips on how to talk to older people.

You must remember that at this age they may have health problems that make it difficult to talk and understand. For example, hearing loss. Therefore, you should speak a little louder so that everyone is comfortable.

Speak as clearly as possible and make eye contact.

Use clear and precise questions and suggestions.

Take your grandfather or grandmother by the hand - this contact is very important for them!

You are the closest and dearest person for them. You will see with what trepidation they will hold your hand, and your grandmother may still try to kiss her.

Do you know what else is important for older people?

To know that they have not lived their lives in vain and it is so important for them to hear from you "thank you" for their care, even if it was not as much as you would like. Do not judge, but love.

Communicating with a large number of grandparents in nursing homes, I can say with confidence that the answer to one question is important for everyone: "What have I done in my life and is there anything to respect, love and remember me for?"

Yes, this is the question that people most often ask themselves at the end of their lives.

Think about it. We still have time to live our lives so that the answer to this question is worthy.

Grandparents in nursing homes are pain. Often they do not have grandchildren and relatives, and no one will say "thank you" to them. They leave with a stone in their hearts and without much joy.

I understand very well that there is a drawback in our society that we all began to work on - this is our attitude towards the elderly.

We somehow missed this in education, in the formation of values \u200b\u200bin society. But it is never too late to realize this and start correcting the situation.

Right now - dial your grandparents and ask "How are you?" and listen carefully to the answer.

If they are no longer with you, as in my case, we went together to a nursing home. After all, this is not our past - this is our future! And it is important to think about it today.

Olga Bondarenko , gtin of the charity fund Let "s help, project" Good old age "

Title photo photography33 /

On October 28, our country celebrates Grandparents Day. Many children are unable to build relationships with older people because of different views on certain things. Today we will tell you how to find mutual understanding for children and elderly relatives.

In our country, grandparents play an important role in raising children. Their concern for their grandchildren should not be underestimated. In many families, parents pay much less attention to their children than older family members due to their constant employment. However, relations between children of different ages and grandmothers are not always successful. The elderly were brought up differently, so they try to instill in their grandchildren what their parents instilled in them in childhood. Modern children often do not understand what the older generation demands of them. Today we decided to sort out this problem and give advice to parents and grandmothers, whose children and grandchildren do not want to make contact with older relatives.

Excessive custody of grandchildren. This is the most common problem parents can face. Probably everyone is familiar with the situation when a grandmother goes for a walk with her grandson. First, he wraps him up in several sweaters and pants, and then on the street does not let go of himself, worried that the child will fall or get dirty. Naturally, not only big children, but also little ones will not like such excessive care. The grandmother needs to remember that she is only a grandmother, and the parents are responsible for the child. If you want your grandson to grow up as an independent person, give him more freedom. One bump is not grief: children stuff them themselves almost every day. Try to help your grandchild only if he really needs help. If you constantly monitor your child and force him to do only what you want, you will never be able to find a common language with him.

Do not indulge in children's whims. Many parents take the help of grandparents for granted and do not even try to find out what kind of relationship they have with their grandchildren. Meanwhile, the older generation may have difficulties in communicating with children. A misunderstanding leads to the fact that grandmothers begin to indulge the whims of their grandchildren only in order to please and please them. Then parents wonder why children demand too much. If mom and dad decide that a grandmother should look after their child, then they should discuss in advance the parenting method that they consider ideal. The family should get together and discuss all possible problems. When parents behave with children as they see fit, and grandmothers differently, this will certainly lead to conflict.

Don't give expensive gifts to children. Grandmothers should be able to refuse. If the grandson sees a thing he likes in their house and begs for it, but the grandmother is very dear to it, it is necessary to refuse. If you pamper your child every time, he will never take you seriously. Naturally, there will be no respect from him. Learn to explain your state of mind to children.

Do not try to impose on your child what was imposed on you as a child. Unfortunately, the modern generation of children often sees not the soul of people, but their appearance. For example, schoolchildren believe that a grandmother should be young and fashionable, so they never go for a walk with a woman who wears a scarf and slippers. In their opinion, a fashionable grandmother has good manners, you can joke with her, talk about different topics. If you are faced with just such a problem, it will be very difficult to convince the child that appearance is not the main thing. Try at least a little to match the image of the grandmother, which the grandson considers ideal. Ask the child what he enjoys, what is interesting to him. Be sure to study the information about this. For example, read articles about his favorite band, and then discuss with your grandson why he likes it so much. In fact, winning the favor of a child is not as difficult as it might seem at first glance. Take an interest in his affairs and try to understand how today's generation of children lives.

Be kind and don't say bad things about your grandchild's parents. Often, grandmothers are very fond of criticizing their parents in the presence of their grandchildren. They easily talk about how frivolous their daughter or son is: they put on the child not for the weather, fed him harmful sandwiches. The child remembers all this and begins to compare grandmother and mother. Of course, he can side with his grandmother, but this is rare. You should understand that parents have a lot of worries, and often they simply do not have time to keep track of their offspring. In this case, understanding must be shown. Even if mom does something wrong, do not tell your grandchild about it. Talk to the parents and solve the problem without involving the child. Better yet, show kindness and concern if your parents seem to be paying little attention to your child.

When there are children in the family, it's great. Then life takes on meaning and all its bright colors are revealed. We offer you to purchase

How to communicate with grandparents

Dan Zadra told Time magazine that the depth of questions a child can ask grandparents depends on their age. He advises parents to teach their offspring to correctly formulate these questions and to help the youngest members of the family understand the oldest, learn their stories and compare them with their own.

Primary school children can ask grandparents questions like: “What room did you have as a child?”, “What was your pet?”, “Where was your childhood?”. According to the writer, the child can receive exciting answers to these questions, which in turn will help strengthen the bond between generations.

High school students Zadra advises asking your grandparents more personal, emotional questions. For example: "Who was your first best friend?", "What was your first job?", "What would you like to do differently if you had the chance?" etc.

High school students however, according to the writer, they are suitable for the role of grateful listeners of family stories - as soon as they ask something that really interests them, a grandmother or grandfather will immediately recall a story from their youth. The task of matured children is not to interrupt or interrupt, but to memorize their words.

Universal advice for children of all ages Zadra considers the use of journalistic cunning when communicating with the older generation, whose representatives are often laconic. He advises asking more clarifying questions: "What do you mean?", "Give an example", "Explain why this is so?"

The author of the advice emphasizes that such an approach to communicating with grandparents will help to establish communication with them not only for children, but also for their parents, who may have forgotten some family stories, or perhaps did not know them at all.